字幕表 動画を再生する 英語字幕をプリント (lively music) - I can't believe it's about to be the new year. - Oh, I know, this year flew by. You have any New Year resolutions? - I guess I got a couple, but I feel weird making those. - Yeah, I know what you mean. It's like there's stuff I wanna change, but I don't know, it's just hard, and I always give up. - Yeah, exactly, same. - How about you, ex-assassin Danny Blade (menacing music) - I resolve to eliminate all who have wronged me. Each one of these names played a part in kidnapping my beloved wife. My goal... To kill every single one of them, but I just haven't gotten around to doing any of it. - I know I mean the resolution that's the easy part right the hard part is actually doing it! I mean I have said I'm gonna lose weight for years. - Ugh every year I say I'm gonna spend less money, and every year I just spend more. - Exactly! Three years ago my dog was taken, the following my daughter was taken too, and now my wife has been taken. Three, But I still haven't gotten around to any of it. - Why do you think that is? - I don't know. I feel like I'm doing everything right. I've studied my enemy, I know their whereabouts, I know every single move that they'll make before they make it. I tell myself "Danny Blade tonight you're gonna butcher one hundred people." - That's a lot. - I know! That's why I get so overwhelmed, I get all in my head and I end up not killing anybody. - Ugh Danny Blade you are sing my life with your words right now. - Strumming my pain. - Its like why don't I just get my A** to the gym already? - I always say "I'm too busy", but last night instead of going to the warehouse to slaughter all of the cartel I ended up watching hours of YouTube videos on how to sharpen knives. - Oh my good - My knives are plenty sharp. I should be out there using them! - Well you know every journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. - Wow that is so powerful. - I saw it on a poster at Pep Boys. It might have been change you oil every three thousand miles I don't remember. - Still powerful. - Either way you know your right. We need to take it a day at a time, you know make simple achievable goals. - Instead of killing everyone in one night, maybe I should set a goal to kill one person a day. - Yeah. - There you go! - UGHH but that would take forever! (loud bang) - Change is hard. - I just wish there was a magical bullet that I could shoot at one person and it would just fly around and kill everyone. - Yeah like Wanted. - Yes I want it. - No like the movie wanted. - What? - It has the bullet that your talking about. It like get shot into a bunch of different peoples heads all at once, like. - I don't... - You know what I'm talking about? - Ummhmm - Wanted, Wanted! - I want it. - Look you know what I think would do you alot of good, changing you outlook. - Well I did start a bullet journal. - (both) Ohhhh! - Each bullet is meant for a different enemy. Seeing them labeled and organized really helps me make sense of it all. - That's great. - I think that's awesome. And you know what we should do? We should do like regular check-ins, you know for accountability. - Oh my god I love that idea! - Right! If you need to reach me, take this coin to the bar at the Hotel Estrella, ask for a man named Paolo. He'll know what to do. - I feel like I could just give you my cell phone number. - Too easy to track, trust the coin. - Hey I got 4 pizzas for the cast of College Humor. - Who ordered them? (dramatic music) - Uhhhhhhh (gunshot) (Gasp) - [Pizza Guy] Mamma mia... - Oh my god... That pizza would have ruined my diet. Thank you Danny Blade. - That one name off the list. This feels great. I earned a cheat day. - Cheat day finally, all right now we're talking! - Lets go to Vegas. (cheers) - Cheat day! - Hey it's Jess if you like College Humor, and to support us sign up for DROPOUT, for the low price of a quirky pair of socks that show off your fun side per month, you'll get videos like this a whole week sooner, To chat with us live on the DROPOUT Discord, And exclusive content like the latest episode of the erotic book club podcast. - There a scene where she eats a cantaloupe and it gets me! - Oh my god its hot its really hot! - Sign up for your free trail today. Trail that was a typo. I don't have any trials to give away, I wouldn't even know how to go about doing that, I'd buy a lot land I guess ugh god.