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  • Translator: Sara Palacios Reviewer: Theresa Ranft

    こんにちは 私はセシリア・マッガウです

  • Hello, my name is Cecilia McGough.

    ここペンシルベニア州立大学で 天文学と天文物理学を専攻しています

  • I'm an astronomy and astrophysics major here at Penn State,


  • and the founder and president


  • of the Penn State Pulsar Search Collaboratory.

    高校生の時 このパルサー探査共同研究所で パルサーを共同発見する―

  • In high school, I was lucky enough to have co-discovered a pulsar


  • through the Pulsar Search Collaboratory.

    パルサーとは 双極子の性質を持つ電磁波を放射する

  • A pulsar is a super dense neutron star


  • that emits dipole electromagnetic radiation.

    太陽よりもずっと大きな天体があり 外側の層が爆発で吹き飛び

  • Basically, think of a star much, much larger than our sun,

    中の高密度の核が残ったと 考えてください

  • blowing away its outer layers, leaving behind a dense core -

    その残った核が パルサーになることがあります

  • that core could be our pulsar.

    パルサーを発見したことで 機会が広がりました

  • This discovery opened some doors for me,


  • such as helping represent the United States

    International Space Olympicsで 米国チームに貢献できたし

  • in the International Space Olympics in Russia.

    バージニア州航空科学技術の 奨学生にも選ばれました

  • And also, being a Virginia aerospace science and technology scholar.


  • I know what you must be thinking:


  • "What a nerd!"


  • "Nerd alert!"

    実は このオタクの私は 長い間秘密を抱えていました

  • Well, for the longest time, this nerd had a secret.

    恐ろしくて 恥ずかしく 誰にも打ち明けられなかった秘密です

  • A secret that I was too scared and too embarrassed to tell anyone.


  • That secret is that I have schizophrenia.

    まず 統合失調症って何でしょう?

  • But what is schizophrenia?

    統合失調症は 包括的な診断名として 捉えることが大切です

  • It's important to think of schizophrenia as an umbrella-like diagnosis.

    全米精神障害者家族会連合会によると この病気の診断の対象となる症状には

  • NAMI shows these different symptoms as a way you could diagnose schizophrenia,

    妄想や幻覚などがあって この病気の特徴だとされます

  • such as delusions and hallucinations being the hallmark characteristics.

    ただし 統合失調症だからといって 必ずしも

  • But it is very important to know that a person could have schizophrenia

    妄想や幻覚の症状が あるわけではないんです

  • and not have delusions and not hallucinate.

    統合失調症の症状は 人によって千差万別です

  • Each person's story with schizophrenia is unique to their own.

    今日は 私自身の経験について お話ししたいと思います

  • Today I'm going to be talking about my story with schizophrenia.

    どうも生まれてからずっと 統合失調症だったようなんですが

  • It has been thought that I've had schizophrenia all my life.

    症状が顕著になったのは 高校の後半からです

  • But it became very prevalent in my junior year of high school,

    それから大学に入るまで 急激に悪化していきました

  • and then it just snowballed into college.

    2014年の2月 大学1年生の時に

  • February of 2014, my freshman year of college,


  • my life changed


  • when I tried to take my own life through suicide.


  • "Why?" you ask.

    悪夢の中を生きているような 毎日になってしまったからです

  • Because my life had become a waking nightmare.

    これからお見せする画像には ソフトを使って編集を加えてあります

  • The following images have been edited using Microsoft's artistic effects

    そのままでは 症状を誘発してしまうからです

  • because they are just too triggering for me.

    その頃から 幻覚を見るようになりました

  • At this time, I had started hallucinating.

    ないものが見えたり 聞こえたり 感じられたりするようになりました

  • I started seeing, hearing and feeling things that weren't there.

    スティーブン・キングの 小説が原作の映画―

  • Everywhere that I went, I was followed around by a clown

    『IT(イット)』に出てくるような ピエロがつきまとってきました

  • that looked very similar to the Stephen King's adaptation of "It".


  • Everywhere that I went,

    くすくす笑ったり 私を嘲ったり つついてきたり

  • he would be giggling, taunting me, poking me,


  • and sometimes even biting me.


  • I would also hallucinate spiders,


  • sometimes little spiders.


  • And these are actually the most obtrusive sometimes


  • because we see little spiders in real life.

    小さいクモに限っては それが現実なのか 幻覚なのかを

  • So, sometimes this is the only time I ever have difficulty


  • discerning whether it is a hallucination or real life.

    私は幻覚を見ていることを ちゃんと自覚できます

  • I'm very good at knowing when I'm hallucinating

    頭の中の化学物質のバランスが 崩れたせいだと知っていますし

  • and I know that it is a chemical imbalance inside my head.


  • I don't even give these hallucinations names.


  • I also hallucinate giant spiders though.


  • One spider, in particular, comes to mind.

    大きくて 皮革のような表皮に覆われていて 黄色い体に黒い足をしています

  • It was rather large, leathery skin, black legs and yellow body.

    口から声は出しませんが 足を動かすと

  • No voice ever came out of its mouth. However, when it moved its legs,

    小さい子供の笑い声のような キーキーと甲高い音を立てます

  • the creaking of the legs sounded like young children laughing.


  • It was very disturbing.

    どうにも耐え難くなったのは こんな女の子の幻覚を見るようになってからです

  • But it started becoming unbearable when I started hallucinating this girl.


  • She looked sort of like in the movie "The Ring".

    その子はぶつぶつと独り言を 続けるんですが

  • The thing with her was she was able to continue conversations with herself,

    私が最も嫌がることを 最悪なタイミングで言ってきて

  • and would know exactly what to say and when to say it


  • to chip away at my insecurities.

    そして最悪なのは ナイフを持ち歩いていて

  • But the worst was, she would also carry a knife around with her

    襲ってきたりすることです 顔を刺されることもあります

  • and she would stab me, sometimes in the face.

    この幻覚のせいで 大学のテストや 課題をするのが非常に困難になり

  • This made taking tests, quizzes, and doing homework in general


  • extremely difficult to impossible when I was in college.

    あまりにも幻覚がひどすぎて 目の前の試験用紙が

  • Sometimes I wouldn't even be able to see the paper in front of my face


  • because I was hallucinating too much.

    普段は自分の幻覚のことを むやみに人に話しません

  • I don't usually speak so openly about my hallucinations,

    話すと怖いものでも見るような目で 見られるからです

  • because people usually look at me in fear after I tell them what I see.

    でも 私は皆さんと そんなに違わないんですよ

  • But the thing is, I'm not much different than the rest of you.

    皆さんも 夢の中で 見たり 聞いたり 感じたりしますよね

  • We all see, hear, and feel things when we are dreaming.

    私の場合は目が覚めても 悪夢が終わらないというだけなんです

  • I'm just someone who cannot turn off my nightmares, even when I'm awake.

    幻覚を見るようになってから 4年も経ったので

  • I've been hallucinating now obtrusively for about over four years.


  • So, I have gotten very good

    見えないフリをしたり 無視したりするのが

  • at just pretending I'm not seeing what I'm seeing,


  • or ignoring them.

    それでも 幻覚を誘発するものはあります 私の場合 それは「赤い色」です

  • But I have triggers, such as seeing the color red is very triggering for me.


  • I don't know if you guys noticed this or not,


  • but they changed the carpet that I'm on.

    赤いのから黒いのに 変えてくださったんです

  • They changed it to a black carpet instead of red.

    あまりにも皮肉な事態に 喜劇じゃないかと思ったんですが

  • I sort of laugh at my life a bit like a dark comedy, because, of course,

    色の組み合わせで唯一ダメなのが 赤と白なんですね

  • the only color combination that I have issues with is red and white.


  • What are TED's colors?


  • (Laughter)


  • Really people!


  • But, I have issues with those colors

    それが幻覚に出てくる ピエロの色だからです

  • because those are the colors that the clown has:


  • red hair and white skin.

    ピエロを無視するには とにかく そちらを見ないようにするんですが

  • And how I'm able to ignore him is I just don't look at him,

    その鮮やかな白と赤のせいで 周辺視野の中の

  • but I'm able to know

    どこに幻覚がいるのかが いやでも分かってしまうんです

  • where that hallucination is in my peripheral vision,

    でも皆さんは 私が幻覚を見ていても 気づかないでしょう

  • because of the bright colors of red and white.

    実は今 観客席にピエロが見えますが

  • But you would never know that I'm hallucinating.


  • The clown is actually in the audience today

    明るい話をしましょう アカデミー賞を楽しみにしてる人は?

  • and you would never know.


  • On a lighter note, who is looking forward to the Oscars?


  • Hands up!

    もしも日常生活で「普通」を 演じる人への賞があるとすれば

  • I knew you guys would be interested!

    統合失調症の人も 間違いなく ノミネートされるでしょう

  • Well, if there were nominations for people just acting "normal" in everyday life,

    私が統合失調症だということを 初めて公にした時

  • people who have schizophrenia would definitely be nominated as well.

    最も親しい人たちでさえ 驚いてショックを受けました

  • When I first became open about having schizophrenia,


  • it was a shock to even the people closest to me.

    やっと必要な治療を受けることが できるようになるまで

  • It took me eight months,


  • eight months after my suicide attempt

    統合失調症の診断さえ まだ受けていませんでした

  • to finally get the treatment that I needed.


  • I didn't even have the diagnosis of schizophrenia.

    ずっと治療が受けられませんでした あったのはこんな会話です

  • And because of that,

    母に電話した時のことを 今でもはっきりと

  • what kept me from getting help were conversations like these.


  • I remember very distinctively within that time


  • on the phone with my mother.

    「ママ 私病気なの

  • I would tell my mum,


  • "Mom I'm sick,

    薬を飲まなきゃ お医者さんに診てもらわないと」

  • I'm seeing things that aren't there,


  • I need medicine, I need to talk to a doctor."


  • Her response?


  • "No, no, no, no.

    うちの家族にそんな病歴が あっちゃいけない

  • You can't tell anyone about this.


  • This can't be on our medical history.


  • Think of your sisters, think of your sisters' futures.


  • People are going to think that you're crazy,


  • they are going to think you're dangerous and you won't be able to get a job."

    「お医者さんの助けを求めるのを 邪魔する人がいても

  • What I say to that now


  • is "Don't let anyone convince you not to get medical help.

    決めるのはあなた自身で 治療を受ける権利があるんですから」

  • It's not worth it!

    医学の助けを求めたのは 最高の決断でした

  • It is your choice and it is also your right."


  • Getting medical help was the best decision that I have ever made.


  • And I am confident that I would not be here today

    そうやって初めて 入院することになりました

  • if I didn't get the proper medical help.

    ここ2年ほどで 精神科病棟に4回入院しました

  • This led into my first hospitalization.

    統合失調症だというのは まだ公にしていませんでしたが

  • I had been in the psych ward four times within the past two years.

    2回目の入院の時に明るみに出ました 警察が介入したからです

  • But I still was not open about having schizophrenia

    ある晩 私は 薬を変えてもらう必要があるので

  • until my second hospitalization, because the police were involved.

    病院を受診しなければいけないと 考えました

  • One evening I realized I needed to check myself back into hospital,


  • because I needed some changes in my medication.

    お医者さんと話をすると こう言われました

  • So I admitted myself into the emergency room.

    「分かった 薬を変えよう 今晩はここにいてもいいよ」

  • I talked to the doctors, they said,


  • "OK, let's fix the meds, you can stay here overnight."

    その後 病院に1泊だけしてから

  • It was all good.


  • After the brief one-night hospital stay,

    ルームメート達が すごく不安そうにしていました

  • I came back to my dorm room here at Penn State,


  • and to very concerned roommates,

    私だって同じ立場だったら きっと不安に思ったでしょう

  • which I understand why they were concerned -

    でも寮のスタッフと 地域の精神保健機関の人まで来たんです

  • if I was in their shoes, I would have been concerned as well -

    一緒に話し合って 精神科病棟にもう一度 入院した方がいいとことになりました

  • but also the RA and a CANHELP person.

    私は 異議を訴えたわけでも 拒否したわけでも 全くなく

  • We all talked and we decided that I needed another psych ward stay.


  • And I was OK on going, I wasn't at all refusing,

    それなのに 許せないことが 起こったんです

  • I was willing to go.

    呼ばれた警察官が 部屋の中にまで入ってきて

  • But what happened next was inexcusable.

    ルームメートの前で 私はボディーチェックされました

  • They brought police officers into my dorm room,

    手錠はかけないでと 訴えかけなければなりませんでした

  • in front of my roommates, they padded me down

    そして外に連れて行かれ 停めてあったパトカーに

  • and I had to convince them not to put handcuffs on me.


  • They then brought me, escorted me into a police car

    そこは寮の食堂に続く道で 通りがかった友達に

  • that was parked on the road

    パトカーに乗せられるのを 見られてしまいました

  • next to one of our dining commons: Redifer,

    退院して戻って来た時には 病気のことが知られてしまっていました

  • where friends were passing by and seeing me put into a police car.

    みんな何かあったと知っていたので きちんと話さざるをえなくなりました

  • By that time, when I came back, the cat was out of the bag.

    ブログで統合失調症のことを 告白したんですが

  • People knew something was up, so I had to set the story straight.


  • I opened up about my schizophrenia

    驚くほどたくさんのサポートが 寄せられました

  • through a blog,

    それに 私以外にも

  • but I posted all my blog posts on Facebook.

    同じ病気の人が たくさんいることが分かりました

  • And I was amazed by how much support there was out there.


  • And I also realized

    自分も統合失調症だと打ち明けてくれた 友達も何人かいたことです

  • that there are so many other people just like me.

    現在 私は精神衛生の 啓蒙活動に勤しんでいます

  • I was actually amazed!

    自分の病気について 自己憐憫に浸るのではなくて

  • A few of my friends opened up to me that they had schizophrenia.

    この病気が 他の統合失調症の人たちを

  • Now I am dedicated to being a mental health advocate.

    手助けする際の 共通項になればと思っています

  • I'm not going to wallow in self-pity about my diagnosis.

    私はずっと活動を続けていきます 世界中にいる統合失調症の人たち全員が

  • Instead, I want to use it as a common denominator,

    「私は統合失調症だ」と 堂々と言える日が来るまで

  • so I can help other people who have schizophrenia.

    統合失調症を患っていても 大丈夫なんだと伝えたいんです

  • And I'm not going to rest until anyone who has schizophrenia worldwide


  • is not afraid to say the words:

    世界中で18歳以上の人の1.1%が 何らかの形で

  • "I have schizophrenia."


  • Because it's OK to have schizophrenia,


  • it really is.

    アメリカだけでも240万人もの人が 統合失調症なんですから

  • Because 1.1% of the world's population over the age of 18


  • has some sort of schizophrenia.

    統合失調症患者の 10人に1人が

  • That is 51 million people worldwide


  • and 2.4 million people in the United States alone.

    さらに別の4人が 少なくとも1度は自殺未遂をしています

  • But there's a problem.


  • Because one out of ten people who have schizophrenia

    統合失調症を患う学生を 力づけることに特化した―

  • take their own life through suicide.

    非営利団体があっても おかしくないと思われるでしょう

  • Another four out of ten attempt suicide at least once.

    特に統合失調症を発症する ピークの年代が若年層で それこそまさに

  • I fall into that statistic.

    大学生の年齢だということを考えれば 当然ありそうなものです

  • You would think that there would already be a nonprofit

    ところが ないんです

  • focused on empowering college students who have schizophrenia,

    アメリカのどこにも 統合失調症の 学生のための非営利団体はありません

  • especially since the peak age to have a schizophrenic break is early adulthood -

    精神衛生全般のための 一般的な非営利団体では

  • the same age range as a typical college student.


  • But there isn't.


  • There is no nonprofit in the entire United States

    統合失調症は 疎んじられているからです

  • focused on that.

    統合失調症は みんなを 「居心地悪くさせる」からです

  • And a general nonprofit focused on mental health in general


  • is not enough.

    「Students With Schizophrenia」 を立ち上げることにしました

  • Because even in the mental health community,

    統合失調症の学生が 学業を続けて 成功できるように

  • schizophrenia is shied away from,

    必要な支援を提供して 力づける団体です

  • because it makes people feel "uncomfortable".

    だって統合失調症を抱えていても 成功することはできるんですから

  • That is why I have decided

    統合失調症の印象を 変えなければなりません

  • to found the nonprofit "Students With Schizophrenia",

    間違った見方を されてしまっていますから

  • where we will empower college students and get them the resources that they need,

    「精神疾患のある人は 精神が強いはずがない」

  • so they can stay in college and be successful.

    こんなことを言う人には 耳を貸さないでください

  • Because you could be successful and also have schizophrenia.

    あなたは 強くて勇敢な 戦士です

  • We need to change the face of schizophrenia,

    残念ながら ある人たちにとっては この会が出来るのが遅すぎました

  • because the representation currently is inaccurate.

    統合失調症であることを 告白してから

  • Don't let anyone tell you that you can't have a mental illness


  • and also not be mentally strong.


  • You are strong, you are brave, you are a warrior.


  • Unfortunately, this nonprofit is too late for some.

    中でも特に記憶に残っている クラスがあります

  • Since I've become open about having schizophrenia

    学期の初めの頃 ある学生が

  • I am asked to come into different classrooms

    自分が統合失調症であることを クラスの人たちに打ち明けました

  • here at Penn State,

    素晴らしい勇気の持ち主だと 敬意を表します

  • and talk to the class about my experience having schizophrenia.

    でも 私がそのクラスに 話をしに行く前に

  • One class stands out in particular.


  • Earlier in the semester one of the students


  • opened up to the class that she had schizophrenia.


  • I commend her for her bravery.

    当大学にいる私たちが 世界にお手本を 示さなければなりません

  • However, by the time that I came and talked to that class,


  • she had taken her own life through suicide.

    世界中で起こっている 問題だからです

  • We were too late for her.

    しかし 当大学で私たちは 学生のために

  • I was too late for her.


  • Here at Penn State, we have to make an example to the world,


  • because this is not just happening here at Penn State,

    恐れることなく 堂々と 統合失調症について語ります

  • it's happening globally.

    私の名前は セシリア・マッガウです

  • But here at Penn State, we have to show


  • that we are here for our students,


  • we are talking about mental health,


  • and we are not afraid to talk about schizophrenia.


  • My name is Cecilia McGough,


  • I have schizophrenia

  • and I am not a monster.

  • Thank you.

  • (Applause)