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  • My parents were obsessed with celebrities and

  • so, hi, here I am.

  • Yeah, they really made it known

  • that celebrities were something and

  • I remember, Charlton Heston came to town and

  • I was four years old and

  • everybody was crowding around

  • trying to get a good look at Charlton Heston.

  • And my dad put me on his shoulders

  • to get a better look at him

  • cause you know how four-year-olds love Charlton Heston.

  • He was using me as bait

  • hoping that Charlton would go

  • Oh, cute little girl.”

  • And come over, you know.

  • Cause people do that to me.

  • If I'm out somewhere

  • and people have a baby

  • They'll hold it out towards me

  • like, for me to hold it

  • and I'm like, “This is cashmere, no.”

  • But you know, so then I grew up going

  • Oh, celebrities!”

  • I guess, everybody's like that but like

  • I mean, I was 16.

  • I was younger than that I think

  • and Michael Jackson was in New Orleans

  • and I was so… I heard where he was

  • that what street he was on

  • and so, I chased

  • I didn't chase.

  • I was walking

  • he was walking

  • he started running

  • I had to catch up.

  • And

  • So I was excited by celebrities.

  • I was really like, you know

  • and like I said

  • Do you wanna finish laughing?

  • I don't wanna stop you.

  • But I really

  • you know, as much as that was an imprint

  • that celebrities were special

  • and, you know, I knew that

  • I didn't think I was gonna be a celebrity.

  • I didn't have a talent

  • I didn't play an instrument

  • I didn't sing

  • I wasn't in drama class

  • I didn't act, I wasn't a class clown

  • I was just kind of a regular kid.

  • And I didn't know what I was gonna do.

  • I graduate high school

  • I'm still lost

  • I just was doing anything to pay rent and

  • I shucked oysters, and

  • I sold vacuum cleaners

  • and I worked for a landscaping company

  • I was a waiter, which by the way

  • I was a waiter, which by the way I think everyone should wait tables at least once in their life.

  • I think everyone should wait tables at least once in their life.

  • [crowd cheers]

  • Yep.

  • That, and coal mining

  • cause that seems hard, too.

  • But I didn't know what I was gonna do and

  • my life changed when I was 21 years old

  • and my girlfriend at the time

  • was killed in a car accident

  • And

  • I passed the accident

  • it had just happened.

  • I didn't know it was her cause

  • she was in a different car.

  • I almost stopped but then

  • sirens were right behind me and

  • showing up so I kept going and

  • I found out later it was her.

  • Andso

  • I had to move out of the

  • place we were living cause

  • I couldn't afford to live there anymore.

  • I had no job

  • I had no car, no money.

  • I moved into this tiny basement apartment

  • and you could hardly stand up in it.

  • It was two rooms and

  • I had a mattress on the floor

  • and the entire basement was

  • infested with fleas.

  • There were fleas everywhere.

  • And I was laying there and

  • I just couldn't believe

  • It was the first person I ever lost that I loved and

  • I was justhow is this possible?

  • This beautiful young girl is gone

  • and fleas are here.

  • I don't understand

  • what fleas do even.

  • I was so angry at fleas

  • and I was like

  • And I just thought they must do something

  • because I do truly believe

  • that everything in nature works together.

  • Even if we don't understand it,

  • it does something for something else.

  • And I wanted to understand this.

  • And I thought

  • I would like to talk to God,

  • not just pray but I would love

  • to be able to pick up the phone

  • and call up God and ask questions

  • and get the answers.

  • 'Cause I used to write all the time.

  • I journaled and I wrote poetry.

  • So I started writing what it would be like

  • to have a phone call with God

  • to find out why fleas are here.

  • and it wasn't meant to be funny.

  • I'd never done comedy before and

  • but I started thinking

  • well, it would ring for a long time it's a big place

  • and then

  • he'd put me on hold because he's a busy guy and

  • Onward Christian Soldiers would play

  • but it was live, not a tape and

  • I'm not gonna do the whole thing.

  • Go back and watch the special but

  • Anyway, I finished writing it.

  • I literally wrote without stopping.—

  • I finished writing it and I read it

  • and I said to myself

  • “I'm gonna do this on Johnny Carson"

  • "and I'll be the first woman in the history of the show"

  • "to be called over to"

  • "to sit down to talk to Johnny Carson.”

  • And

  • [crowd cheers]

  • I mean, I'm in a basement on a mattress

  • with fleas, never done comedy.

  • I make that statement

  • six years later, this happens.

  • Thank you very much!

  • [brass band playing]

  • -That's well done!

  • -Thank you, thank you.

  • -Yeah, that's very clever and very fresh, and-

  • Well, that's wonderful hearing that from you.

  • -No, I mean it, it's good material.

  • -Thank you.

  • -How long you've been doing it?

  • [crowd applauds]

My parents were obsessed with celebrities and

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Ellen DeGeneres Shares Why She Became a Comedian | Relatable | Netflix Is A Joke

  • 74 1
    294701639   に公開 2019 年 11 月 19 日
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