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  • (howling)

  • - [Narrator] I reckon you ain't too familiar

  • with these here parts,

  • but let me tell you,

  • monsters do exist.

  • I've seen fights that would turn men

  • into frightened little boys.

  • Mordeos fighting a Look-See.

  • A brute fighting a god darned tree.

  • Even a dead British schoolgirl taking on a hoard

  • of smiley-faced cult members

  • with nothing but a hockey stick.

  • Yup, these fights might be deemed epic to some,

  • but those some ain't never seen a fight as merciless

  • as the Food Fight at Baby Cheyenne's.

  • Most vicious of fights between two hard some-bitches

  • known as the Cakeman

  • and the Watermelon Baby.

  • Our story starts way out west at baby shower

  • just like any other.

  • They was celebrating the soon to be birthin'

  • of little old baby Cheyenne,

  • a celebration of life.

  • Now, ain't that ironic?

  • But what come next, well,

  • what come next ain't just like any other.

  • The missus was going through her pile of presents

  • when she come across one mighty peculiar box

  • festooned with ribbons.

  • I'll ask you as a listener

  • to suspend your disbeliefin' for a minute

  • and picture a man made of a white cake, confectioner,

  • and sportin' a waffle cone hat.

  • This cakeman lept out of the box like a bat outta hell.

  • (Cakeman laughs manically)

  • Now let me ask you as a listener,

  • what does one do when a dessert

  • that ain't supposed to be alive come alive?

  • Well, they panicked. (woman screams)

  • And boy did they panic as this cake shot up the place

  • like Billy the Kid shooting fish in a barrel.

  • Candles piercing frightened folks young and old.

  • He held the mommy to be dead to rights in the corner

  • when suddenly a shot rang out

  • and knocked the waffle cone straight off his head.

  • The Cakeman turned to see his shooter,

  • only to find the Watermelon Baby,

  • a two foot tall baby made entirely of watermelon.

  • That's right, watermelon. (baby chuckles)

  • That delicious fruit one enjoys on a summer day.

  • It was high noon when these two edible foes

  • laid eyes on each other.

  • It tweren't long before their hands clasped their shooters.

  • I've seen gun fights between man-made iron,

  • but never had I witnessed one between candle and seed.

  • Two seasoned gunslingers just shootin', dodgin',

  • reloadin', then rinsin' and repeat.

  • That is when a higher power,

  • if you believe in that sort of thing,

  • intervened and turned their gun fight

  • into a fist fight.

  • I'm a little fuzzy on who struck who first.

  • These old eyes couldn't keep up with the rapid speed

  • of their punching and kicking.

  • I'm told by some that the Cakeman studied under

  • a Shaolin grandmaster.

  • That would be enough to scare anybody.

  • But the Watermelon Baby countered with moves

  • only known to the creme de la creme

  • of the Israeli Special Forces.

  • Just when it looked like the sun was starting to set

  • on our frosted fella,

  • the water filled melon baby was upended.

  • (bell tolls)

  • The tables turned for our two combatants.

  • The baby shower was still as night

  • as Cakeman delivered the fatal blow to Watermelon Baby.

  • (baby splats)

  • Monsters among men.

  • I swear I've never seen a fight as incredible as that

  • of the food fight at Baby Cheyenne's.

  • Take what you will of this tale told by an old cowboy

  • such as I,

  • but I've never been one for imagination

  • and I swear on my spurs what you just heard

  • really did happen.

  • Cakeman may have won the fight,

  • but the seeds of war between cake and fruit

  • had been planted that day.

  • (seed laughing)

  • If you'll lend me your ears again

  • I'll tell you all about the second food fight

  • between the Cakeman and the Watermelon Baby.

  • Now, y'all come back now, ya hear?

  • I'll be rocking and forthin'

  • in this here rock and forth chair.

  • (subtle western music)

(howling)

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WATERMELON BABY VS CAKEMAN | " Food Fight" | Crypt TV Extended Universe | Creepypasta (WATERMELON BABY VS CAKEMAN | "Food Fight" | Crypt TV Extended Universe | Creepypasta)

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    Amy.Lin に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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