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  • The Addams family

  • (THUNDER CRASHING)

  • (PLAYING HARPSICHORD)

  • It's unbelievable.

  • Our own son.

  • He was always such a good boy.

  • Keeping to the basement, playing with his octopus.

  • It's terrible.

  • You--You must do something about it.

  • After all, darling, the Addams family honor.

  • You're right. Family honor.

  • (THUNDER CRASHING)

  • Thank you, Thing.

  • (THUNDER CRASHES)

  • It's worse than I thought. He's wearing it.

  • (GASPS) I don't believe it.

  • I want to see it with my own eyes.

  • We've lost him.

  • Can I look, Mother?

  • Certainly not.

  • Grandmama, take her to her room.

  • I can't stand these weird things.

  • I'm gonna sit in my tree house and watch the lightning.

  • Our poor boy. Something's come over him.

  • What are we going to do?

  • Darling, I must have time to think.

  • After all, this isn't some boyish prank

  • like setting the house on fire.

  • You've spoiled the boy, that's what you've done.

  • How?

  • How?

  • Well, what other boy has a playroom like this?

  • I don't see any harm in a few simple toys.

  • You call this rack a simple toy?

  • Why, this is luxury, pure luxury.

  • And how about this battle-ax?

  • It was the boy's fifth birthday,

  • and he was so tired of his blowgun.

  • Oh, fine.

  • You know, my father wouldn't even let me

  • touch one of these until I was eight.

  • You know, I didn't become what I am by accident.

  • I had upbringing like no other.

  • Like no other.

  • Eight years old.

  • And how old was he when you gave him this little toy?

  • That's not Pugsley's, that's little Wednesday's.

  • Oh, Wednesday's. You're gonna spoil her, too, huh?

  • (SIGHING) Perhaps we have been pampering them too much.

  • Well, there's really nothing to worry about.

  • Oh, yes, there is.

  • A 10-year-old boy sneaking around in a Boy Scout uniform.

  • GOMEZ: Darling, there's something I was hoping I wouldn't have to tell you.

  • The other afternoon I saw Pugsley playing with a bat.

  • A bat? Oh, well, that's more like our boy.

  • A baseball bat.

  • It's a game played outdoors. In the sun.

  • Oh, no.

  • You know what I think?

  • The boy needs help.

  • No, tomorrow's another day.

  • We'll bide our time.

  • Maybe he'll come out of it.

  • Perhaps you're right.

  • We can only hope.

  • Let's go upstairs to bed.

  • Why, thank you, Thing.

  • Thank heaven Thing is still normal.

  • Come along, darling, I want to show you my new nightgown.

  • Do you like it?

  • Adore it.

  • Tish, let's go down to the cave.

  • Oh, that we save for special occasions, bubele.

  • You know what you do when you call me that.

  • Well, it just slipped out.

  • Now control yourself, Gomez.

  • I'll try.

  • Let me do that. You did mine last night.

  • Oh, that scent's beautiful.

  • Buy a barrel of it.

  • That's the only way it comes.

  • Darling, I'm sorry,

  • I just can't think of anything tonight except our poor Pugsley.

  • (SIGHS)

  • I understand.

  • Who'd ever thought we'd have a problem child?

  • I wonder if blondes do have more fun.

  • (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING)

  • Watch it, Tish. Watch it!

  • Wonderful.

  • For a minute there I thought I was going to miss.

  • I love to watch you play with these trains.

  • It brings out the real you.

  • It's not the same without little Pugsley.

  • He's a great train wrecker.

  • It's a shame to see natural talent go to waste.

  • Tish, would you like to see me blow up three trains?

  • Oh, darling, you know I would.

  • But I have to fix your lunch.

  • We're having your favorite, eye of newt.

  • Broiled.

  • Just a minute, Son. What's the hurry?

  • I've got things to do. I gotta go.

  • But you forgot to feed Aristotle.

  • Gomez,

  • have you noticed how Pugsley's been ignoring poor Aristotle lately?

  • Well, he does look a little pale around the tentacles.

  • Look at those sad eyes.

  • I wonder where he went in such a hurry.

  • Oh, I do hope he went to the mineshaft.

  • The dankness does things for him.

  • (GASPING) Gomez!

  • What is it?

  • He's out there playing with an it.

  • Maybe it's a baby armadillo.

  • Please, let's not pretend.

  • We all know what it is.

  • It's a P-U-P-P-Y.

  • Lurch.

  • (GONG RESOUNDING)

  • You rang?

  • Go get Pugsley and take him to his room.

  • I wanna have a talk with him.

  • He's out there playing with...

  • I know.

  • Well, maybe we could all learn to love the little P-U-P-P-Y.

  • Uncle Fester, go to your room.

  • Come with me.

  • I can't right now.

  • (WHIMPERING)

  • (KNOCKING ON DOOR)

  • GOMEZ: May I come in, Son?

  • Just a second.

  • I hope I'm not interrupting.

  • No, I wasn't doing anything special.

  • Good, I thought we'd have a chat.

  • (SIGHS)

  • May be a little difficult for you to realize, Pugsley,

  • but I was once a boy your age.

  • It is a little hard to think of you at 10.

  • Oh, I was a typical child.

  • Faced with all the typical temptations.

  • The important thing, Pugsley,

  • is for a boy not to take a wrong turn.

  • I'll never forget when I was a boy,

  • I stood in front of Bailey's department store,

  • admiring a display of gaudy uniforms, mess kits, pup tents,

  • those fat little knives.

  • I often wondered what would have happened

  • if I had tied that first knot.

  • Gosh, Dad, you might have ended up as a Scoutmaster.

  • Boy, you're sicker than I thought.

  • Don't you realize that all he's going to grow up to be is a dog?

  • Oh, it went that badly, dear?

  • Terrible.

  • He even called me "Dad."

  • Thank heaven he's never called me "Mom."

  • First serious talk I've had with the lad and I botched it.

  • Where did we fail, Gomez?

  • Who knows?

  • I have it. He's still a baby.

  • Tonight when I tuck him in,

  • I'll read him something nice and soothing.

  • "Once upon a midnight dreary

  • "While I pondered, weak and weary

  • "Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore

  • "While I nodded, nearly napping,

  • suddenly there came a tapping..."

  • Pugsley, darling, you're not listening.

  • The Raven was always one of your favorites.

  • You said it made you feel so nice and cozy.

  • I like it all right.

  • I've just got other things on my mind.

  • Mother knows.

  • She knows when her little boy is upset.

  • I'm not upset.

  • But you are, darling, you're all flushed.

  • Lost your lovely pallor.

  • Now, why don't you put all these strange thoughts out of your mind?

  • I'll get your alligator.

  • Oh.

  • Oh, you poor dear.

  • "Plumbers, proxy solicitors,

  • "psychologist, child."

  • Morticia, must we?

  • Darling, we need help. Dr. Black.

  • Black?

  • Well, at least he sounds friendly.

  • MORTICIA: 5432...

  • I can see she has a real problem.

  • It's not Mrs. Addams.

  • Oh.

  • It's his problem.

  • It's our Pugsley.

  • What is a Pugsley?

  • Pugsley is our son.

  • Oh, a child problem.

  • (LAUGHS) I've got one of my own.

  • No wonder you two look so...

  • You should see how my wife and I look some days.

  • I'll never forget...

  • Just what seems to be the trouble?

  • Well, in the first place,

  • it's those terrible clothes he's been wearing.

  • Uh-huh, beatnik.

  • That wouldn't be bad.

  • Really?

  • But on top of that he's suddenly attached himself

  • to the strangest creature.

  • A girl?

  • An animal.

  • The retreat-to-the-forest syndrome.

  • They all go through these things.

  • We never did.

  • Believe me, most parents have the same problem.

  • Weird clothes and strange pets,

  • all bidding for more attention.

  • Well, give him a little more.

  • Cater to his childish whims.

  • Cater to such outrageous behavior? Mmm-hmm.

  • And in a few days, you'll have your boy back again.

  • Well.

  • Thank you, Doctor.

  • You modern psychologists certainly have a way of

  • getting to the heart of things.

  • We do, don't we?

  • Yes. Oh, come here, darling.

  • You want to see me, Mom?

  • Yes, I always want to see you, darling.

  • What's closer in this world than a boy and his mother?

  • A boy and his octopus?

  • Maybe. Would you like to help me feed Cleopatra?

  • PUGSLEY: I can't, Mom. I have to go up and read.

  • Now, now, Cleopatra.

  • Mind your manners, darling.

  • What is it you're reading, darling?

  • "How to Become an Eagle Scout."

  • Oh, is that about an eagle who carries off a scout?

  • Don't think so.

  • Well, read what you please, dear.

  • Oh, I see you have on your lovely neckerchief.

  • May I try it on?

  • Sure.

  • Now I have to go up and read my manual.

  • Keep the neckerchief, Mother, I'll get another.

  • Oh, Cleopatra, there is real tragedy in this house.

  • (SLURPING)

  • Put them back, Lurch. Doctor's orders.

  • We must cater to his every whim until this phase passes.

  • Where did you find him?

  • He was out in front of the house in that uniform,

  • helping an old lady across the street.

  • Aren't you gonna punish him?

  • GOMEZ: For what?

  • The things kids get away with today.

  • Pugsley, that's certainly a smart-looking uniform.

  • Mind if I try on the hat?

  • Gosh, no, Dad.

  • How do I look?

  • Sharp.