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  • The Addams family

  • You modernists are truly exciting.

  • Darling.

  • Such sweep, such power, such majesty!

  • You have a keen eye.

  • Well, the left one.

  • What are you gonna call it?

  • Spring Song.

  • Perfect.

  • Thank you, darling.

  • Now for the finishing touch.

  • (SIGHING)

  • You have such a delicate touch.

  • (DYNAMITE CAPS EXPLODING)

  • I just love to hear the sound of children at play.

  • (DYNAMITE CAPS EXPLODING)

  • They're really having a go at it today.

  • (DYNAMITE CAPS EXPLODING)

  • Those educational toys are marvelous.

  • They keep the children off the streets.

  • By the way, dear, Wednesday is celebrating the loss of her front tooth.

  • Oh, she looks much prettier without it.

  • I think so, too.

  • FESTER: I've had it!

  • Morticia, Gomez, this child has got to be whacked.

  • We do not go around whacking people in this house.

  • Certainly not without good reason.

  • I have a very good reason.

  • She's been shooting off all of my dynamite caps.

  • But, darling, you have dynamite caps of your own.

  • But they're not any fun. They just go "poop."

  • At your age, a little "poop" ought to be enough.

  • All right, I'm afraid you're gonna have to be punished.

  • And good. I'll put her over my knee.

  • No, no, no, now.

  • I prefer a punishment that will leave an impression on her mind.

  • Excellent thinking, my dear.

  • For the next two weeks,

  • you are forbidden, absolutely forbidden, to play with your pet spider.

  • Not play with Homer?

  • It may seem harsh, Wednesday,

  • but you'll be a better person for it.

  • You may go now.

  • (SCOFFS)

  • Softies.

  • You think it'll leave a scar?

  • Oh, nonsense.

  • In a few days, she'll be as bright and chipper as a little bat.

  • -You're really running away from home? -Yep.

  • Got any money?

  • 12 cents.

  • Good. I thought you were broke.

  • Hey, I know a place you can run away to for nothing.

  • Where?

  • My room.

  • You can hide there and just pretend you've run away from home.

  • Then I can run away and still be around to see them suffer.

  • Let's go.

  • Wait.

  • You can't run away without leaving a note.

  • Oh, what'll I say?

  • I'll think of something.

  • The question is where to hang it.

  • It would just light up the entire attic.

  • Darling, why didn't I think of that?

  • Mother, Father, Wednesday's flown the coop.

  • Talk sense, boy.

  • She's run away from home.

  • Really? Very adventurous spirit.

  • I didn't run away from home until I was eight.

  • That's ridiculous.

  • She even left a note. I helped her write it.

  • "Dear Mother and Father, I hate you.

  • "Love, Wednesday.

  • "P.S. Don't bother looking for me

  • "because I'm not anywhere. Goodbye, W."

  • Well, why would the child leave a nice homey place like this?

  • You're right. She's probably hiding somewhere.

  • Oh, no. She's not hiding anywhere.

  • We'll organize a search party.

  • Comb the entire house.

  • Mother, aren't you going to drag the rivers?

  • Tomorrow. Wednesday's a good swimmer.

  • Her note was right. She doesn't seem to be anywhere.

  • Unless she's here in Pugsley's room.

  • Oh, no. She's not in here.

  • If you knew she was running away, why didn't you stop her?

  • You know women.

  • Once they've made up their minds...

  • Oh, my little girl.

  • She's out there in the world, all alone.

  • Don't worry, querida mia, she'll be all right.

  • She comes of sound stock.

  • But, darling, even an Addams can be led into temptation.

  • Supposing she wanders on a playground, tries to teeter-totter.

  • She may even run away and join the Brownies.

  • Gomez, we've got to call the...

  • P-O-L-I-C-E.

  • You mean the fuzz?

  • What is the "fuzz"?

  • The bulls.

  • Thought you had him there, didn't you?

  • (RINGING)

  • Please, Mrs. Tunnel, don't scream at me, will you, please?

  • We, we brought the kid home.

  • It's up to you to keep him there.

  • Yeah, okay, okay.

  • I'll--I'll put out another dragnet.

  • But I'm warning you, no more helicopters.

  • You're costing the city a fortune.

  • (TELEPHONE RINGING) Yes, okay, thank you very much.

  • All right, I'm coming.

  • Sergeant Haley, Missing Persons.

  • Well, I have one.

  • A missing person, of course.

  • Look, lady. This is no time for jokes.

  • Now tell me who's missing, and give me your address, please.

  • My name is Mrs. Addams, and I want you to find my little girl, Wednesday.

  • Look, I'll find her Tuesday, if I can,

  • but don't give me no deadlines, will you, please?

  • Wednesday is her name.

  • Oh, and I suppose you're gonna tell me

  • her middle name is Thursday, huh?

  • Friday.

  • Now come on, lady.

  • Now, this is a place of business.

  • A-A-A-Are you serious?

  • Okay, okay, just tell me where you live

  • and I'll come right out there.

  • Uh-huh.

  • Right next to a...cemetery?

  • Yes, we have a lovely view of it.

  • Thank you.

  • What news, Tish?

  • The police are on their way over.

  • (GASPS) Good heavens.

  • The neighbors will think we've committed some crime.

  • Does make you feel like a fraud.

  • Uncle Fester, the police are on their way over.

  • They'll never take me alive.

  • Wait, Fester, they're coming over because of Wednesday.

  • Oh, that. I solved the Wednesday caper.

  • You mean you found her?

  • Found her? She was never lost.

  • She's hiding out up in Pugsley's room.

  • I got suspicious when I saw him sneaking food up to her.

  • I don't believe it.

  • Would you believe your own eyes?

  • That depends.

  • Uncle Fester, our children do not do sneaky things.

  • Unless it's absolutely necessary.

  • She's upstairs all right.

  • That's what you get for sparing the paddle.

  • Uncle Fester, please.

  • FESTER: My father knew how to raise children.

  • He used the paddle on me even when I was good.

  • And if my mother interfered, he'd use it on her.

  • Papa was strict but fair.

  • And you had to respect him.

  • If you didn't, whack.

  • Even now, when I toss and turn in bed, I think of him.

  • That's very touching, Uncle Fester.

  • But we have no time for maudlin sentiment.

  • Are you sure Wednesday is still upstairs?

  • Just follow old Sherlock.

  • You know, I wouldn't mind joining the police,

  • if it wasn't for those silly uniforms they wear.

  • Is she there?

  • (GIGGLING)

  • (WHISPERING) And as happy as a lark.

  • The tricky little minx.

  • I wonder which side of the family she got that from.

  • Both sides.

  • MORTICIA: Sergeant Haley?

  • I was when I left home this morning.

  • Okay, lady, what, uh, what about your kid?

  • Oh, she's fine.

  • Is that why you dragged me all the way out here?

  • Now, that would be silly, wouldn't it?

  • Well, where was she?

  • Right here.

  • Right here?

  • Clever, wasn't it? Running away from home with all the comforts of home.

  • Now look. If this is some kind of a gag...

  • My dear man,

  • our child has been safe at home all the time.

  • Aren't you delighted?

  • Oh, I'm tickled.

  • After all, what else have I got to do?

  • There are 683 missing persons on my file,

  • four of which have been found.

  • My phone rings 18 hours a day, three of them in my head.

  • Half the kids in this town are lost, the other half should be.

  • I am at the peak of a migraine headache, I haven't had my lunch,

  • and you clowns drag me all the way out here

  • and tell me your kid is fine!

  • Delighted?

  • Lady, I'm, I'm beside myself with joy!

  • Emotional, wasn't he?

  • (GATE RATTLING)

  • Civil servants of today.

  • The least little thing and they just fly apart.

  • Well, what's our next move?

  • We're going up and have a little talk with that girl.

  • Gomez, the time has passed for talking.

  • Fine, I'll get my old fraternity paddle. Whack!

  • No, I have a much better way.

  • Psychology.

  • Oh, that's no fun.

  • Uncle Fester, this is not a fun matter.

  • That child has got to be taught to play with her own explosives.

  • It's my turn to swing from the chandelier.

  • (FOOTSTEPS PATTERING)

  • Quick, under the bed.

  • (CLEARING THROAT)

  • Well, I guess Wednesday is really gone.

  • Someday, when she's slaving away in a tuna cannery,

  • she may remember the life of ease she had in this lovely home.

  • GOMEZ: Ragged, penniless, her little fingers bleeding from the tuna cans,

  • she may return and say she's sorry.

  • And when that happens, we'll take her back. If we have room.

  • If they have room?

  • Come, my dear. Let's go down and remove

  • her pictures from the family album.

  • They don't love me.

  • Oh, they're just using psychology.

  • What's that?

  • I don't know, but that's what they're using on you.

  • Guess they think that you don't have he nerve to leave home.

  • Well, I'll show them.

  • And I'm taking Homer with me.

  • (MUSIC PLAYING)

  • Oh, Gomez, I feel as though I were dancing with Nijinsky.

  • And I with Pavlova.

  • Must be the solving of the Wednesday crisis.

  • Oh, that's one situation you handled admirably.

  • There's a little girl who's home to stay.

  • Wednesday, write me as soon as you get to the tuna cannery.

  • Okay, bye.

  • (MUSIC STOPS PLAYING)

  • (BOX CREAKING)

  • (ROCK AND ROLL MUSIC PLAYING)

  • No, Mrs. Tunnel.

  • We haven't found your boy yet.

  • Do you realize this is the seventh time he's run away from home?

  • No, I'm not suggesting you keep him locked up in a broom closet.

  • But has it ever occurred to you

  • that maybe the reason he's running away from home

  • is on account of you?

  • (PHONE CLICKS)

  • Mrs. Tunnel? Mrs. Tunnel?

  • There you are, sweetheart.

  • Now, you go right over and see the nice sergeant, right there.

  • Well, here's another one.

  • Oh, that's all I need. Another missing kid.

  • I'm not missing.

  • I'm on my way to the tuna cannery.

  • Look, honey, I've had a very rough day. Now, what's your name?

  • Oh, it's gonna be one of those, huh?

  • Would, uh, the nice young lady like a nice big

  • strawberry ice cream cone?

  • No, sir.

  • Well, what would you like?

  • A dead fly.

  • Fly?

  • For my spider. He's hungry.