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  • - I was at home when my son busted in

  • and he said, "Dad, Dad, I need $250."

  • He's only 12 years old so I freaked out.

  • "What's going on nigger?

  • "Somebody trying to kill you?"

  • (audience laughing)

  • He said, "No, no.

  • "Kevin Hart's coming to town and I wanted to see his show."

  • I said, "Well, how much are the tickets?"

  • He said, "They're $125."

  • I said, "God damn, mine are only $80!"

  • (audience laughing)

  • I said, "Why do you need $250 then?"

  • He goes, "Because I want to go with you, Dad, please?"

  • And there it is.

  • So I took him to the show.

  • And we go sit right up front, the lights go down,

  • and one opening act after another goes on.

  • Then Kevin takes the stage, crowd goes fucking nuts.

  • Thousands of people!

  • I was furious.

  • (audience laughing)

  • The longer the show went on, the madder I got.

  • Because his show was fucking outstanding.

  • It was maddening.

  • These people fucking holding their stomachs,

  • my son was slapping his knee.

  • Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

  • Ugh, nigger, I do this too.

  • (audience laughing)

  • Kevin says good night, the crowd goes crazy,

  • and then everyone starts walking towards the door,

  • and the lights come on.

  • And then my son is just standing there

  • looking at an empty stage.

  • People are pushing past me and nobody's recognized me,

  • and I'm like, "Man, this place fucking sucks!"

  • (audience laughing)

  • I said, "Come on son, lets get out of here."

  • And then my son looks back at me and he says,

  • "Dad, please, please, I have to meet him."

  • I was like, "Oh my God."

  • So I took him back stage.

  • I've known Kevin for years,

  • but can you believe I was scared

  • to knock on his dressing room door?

  • I almost, "Son, I haven't seen him or a long time, but I,"

  • (knocking)

  • And one of Kevin's goons opens the door.

  • "Hey what's up Dave Chappelle, what are you doing, man?

  • "It's good to see ya brother,

  • "what are you doing in this area?

  • "This is a terrible area."

  • "Yeah, actually I live around here.

  • "Listen, um,

  • (audience laughing)

  • "is Kevin here?

  • "My son just wanted to meet him real quick."

  • "Well, I don't know, 'cause Kevin's about to eat dinner."

  • Just then, Kevin came around the corner to see who it was.

  • "Oh shit, what's up Dave?

  • "Come on back, I was just about to have dinner.

  • "I don't know if you guys ate,

  • "but you're welcome to join me if you'd like."

  • And then my son pushed past with some cold shit, he goes,

  • "Actually, Mr. Hart, we haven't eaten in several hours."

  • (audience laughing)

  • Man, Kevin took us into his back room,

  • this guy had a fucking spread, it was Tuesday night,

  • this mother fucker was having Sunday dinner!

  • It was steaks, chops, corn with butter all over it.

  • My son was eating all fast and embarrassing me,

  • I was like, "Slow down, son!"

  • (audience laughing)

  • Then I looked over in the corner, there was a box.

  • Custom made jerseys for the local team.

  • Each one was hand-stitched,

  • and on the back they stitched on them K Hart,

  • on all of them.

  • Kevin saw me staring at that box,

  • and he went over and grabbed one of them jerseys

  • and he walked right to my son and said,

  • "Hey little man, I want you to have this."

  • And my son was like, "Thanks, Mr. Hart."

  • This is when I got mad.

  • He goes, "If your father ever makes you mad, put that on."

  • And he walked off.

  • (audience applauding)

  • Oh, that was some cold shit.

  • And then I realized, looked up what Kevin made on Google,

  • I couldn't believe that shit.

  • Kevin is the first comedian

  • that a Drake song could be about.

  • Kevin could walk around the house and sing "All Me"

  • and the whole song would still be true.

  • Got everything, I got everything

  • ♪ I cannot complain, I cannot

  • ♪ I don't even know how much I really made

  • ♪ I forgot, it's a lot

  • Fuck that, never mind what I got

  • And his wife be like, "Kevin come to bed."

  • And he'd be like,

  • "Ho, shut the fuck up, I got way too much."

  • (audience laughing)

  • You know how much money you have to have

  • to tell a girl to shut the fuck up?

  • I have quite please money at best.

  • (audience laughing)

  • I have to take a loan out for shut the fuck up.

  • Shut the fuck up, that's Jay-Z money.

  • And Beyonce got no, you shut the fuck up.

- I was at home when my son busted in

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Dave Chappelle's Son Meets Kevin Hart | Netflix Is A Joke

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    林宜悉   に公開 2019 年 10 月 13 日
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