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  • But first I want to talk about Mother's Day which is Sunday.

  • [APPLAUSE]

  • Now, I am not a mother.

  • I don't have children.

  • I drink for other reasons.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • But if you do have children, I'm sure that you're expecting

  • something nice this weekend.

  • Some of you will get it, and some of you

  • will get IOUs for a macaroni and cheese dinner somewhere.

  • Before the show, we asked audience members

  • to tell us the worst Mother's Day gift they ever received.

  • And the worst gift that they've ever given.

  • And if it was a secret, I'm so sorry,

  • because I'm about to share it with other people in the world.

  • OK.

  • This name is interesting.

  • Calasetta.

  • Oh, hi, Calasetta.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • Hi, Ellen.

  • Oh, hi.

  • There's no need to lean down.

  • That mic will--

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • I'm used to it.

  • Little kids.

  • Yeah.

  • Yeah.

  • No, you don't need to.

  • Where do you live?

  • I'm currently living in Salt Lake City, Utah.

  • Wonderful.

  • OK.

  • You said, I'm a mother of eight, and one Mother's

  • Day my husband gave me an iron.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • And she put iron in all caps, so she's angry.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • And my Iron Man is here today.

  • [APPLAUSE]

  • Not to applaud for that item, though.

  • I know.

  • They're not applauding for him.

  • They're applauding--

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • Why are you applauding?

  • I don't know why.

  • So, why did you--

  • had you asked for an iron?

  • Did you not own an iron?

  • No, no, I mean I ironed his shirts every day for his work

  • with my eight children, so I guess

  • he decided I need more irons to keep up with the ironing.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • Sir.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • Stand up, sir.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • Yeah.

  • What's your name?

  • Don.

  • Don.

  • Hi, Don.

  • OK.

  • What made you think that that would

  • be a wonderful, romantic, rewarding gift

  • for the mother of your eight children

  • who irons your shirts every day?

  • Uh.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • I think she asked for an iron.

  • No.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • Yeah.

  • I think she-- maybe to hit you with or something.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • Now, have you made up for that since then?

  • Have you given her more--

  • how long ago was this?

  • We'll be married 30 years, so it was with it--

  • [APPLAUSE]

  • Yeah.

  • Wow.

  • You're hanging in there.

  • So when the children were younger.

  • I have to say that now he dry cleans all his shirts, so--

  • Yeah.

  • [APPLAUSE]

  • So now you don't have to iron anymore.

  • Good for you.

  • All right.

  • But you should make up for that.

  • You should give her something that she

  • likes, like whatever she wants.

  • I don't know.

  • What kind of thing do you want this year?

  • Ooh.

  • Yeah, he does owe me a cruise.

  • So he promised.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • OK.

  • I don't know if that's coming.

  • All right, a cruise, and anything else?

  • Because you should say it here so we keep tabs.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • Flowers and chocolates.

  • I'm happy with that, too.

  • All right.

  • Look at that, Don.

  • Flowers and chocolates.

  • That's easy enough.

  • That's easy enough.

  • All right, now sit down.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • [APPLAUSE]

  • Thank you, Don.

  • An iron, Don, come on.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • Brooke.

  • Where's Brooke Tucker?

  • Hi.

  • How are you?

  • [APPLAUSE]

  • Hi, Brooke!

  • Hi, Ellen.

  • Where do you live?

  • I'm from Birmingham, Alabama.

  • OK, and you said the worst present you gave to your mom

  • were cups that say "Too bad bitching doesn't

  • burn calories."

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • I know, I know.

  • Well, my mom's here today.

  • Oh, wow.

  • Did she appreciate-- it's funny, but does she bitch a lot?

  • Is that the thing?

  • Well, I mean.

  • I don't know.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • But I thought that she would either really laugh hard at it

  • or be really upset, and she laughed really hard,

  • so it turned out well.

  • And you like the cups?

  • Do you still have them?

  • Yes, I thought they were funny.

  • Yeah.

  • And if it was true, I'd be skinny, so.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • Right, right.

  • Yeah.

  • Well, all right.

  • That's not bad.

  • You still have them, and you didn't mind that,

  • and you thought it was funny.

  • No, I thought it was hilarious.

  • She was crying she thought it was so funny.

  • Oh, good.

  • Well, so that's not so bad.

  • All right, thank you, Brooke.

  • Emily.

  • Where's Emily?

  • Illibari.

  • [APPLAUSE]

  • Hi.

  • Illibarri.

  • Emily--

  • Amy Lee.

  • Amy Lee.

  • And what is the last name?

  • Eulibre.

  • That's right.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • All right.

  • You say, my ex-husband had my daughter give me

  • a pair of socks with a copy of Fifty Shades of Gray

  • stuffed inside.

  • And you say, "my ex-husband," so--

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • That would be why.

  • Yeah.

  • That's one of the reasons why?

  • One of them.

  • Yeah.

  • Yeah.

  • Do you still have the movie?

  • Yes.

  • Have you seen it?

  • Yes.

  • You like it?

  • Yes, I do.

  • OK.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • All right.

  • Thank you, Amy Lee.

  • All right.

  • [APPLAUSE]

  • Corey.

  • Hi.

  • Hi, Corey.

  • Where do you live?

  • I live in Irvine, California.

  • All right.

  • I wanted to give my mom something sentimental,

  • so I painted one of her favorite photos of me and my sisters.

  • She pretended to love it, but it was a huge fail.

  • And you sent us the pictures, so we'll show everybody--

  • how old were you when you--

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • Ellen, I'm sorry to say, I was like 20, 22.

  • Oh.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • I wasn't little.

  • I thought you'd be like 12 or something.

  • I know.

  • I promise I'm an artist, but this was a huge fail.

  • Oh, you are an artist?

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • Do they sell?

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • I do more characters, not portraits.

  • No more portraits.

  • All right, well, those are characters I think.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • And my mom was kind enough to keep it

  • up hanging in her house for 10 years.

  • Wow.

  • I know.

  • That's love.

  • That's nice, or it's the best thing you've ever done.

  • I don't know what it is.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • Which one are you?

  • In the middle?

  • I'm the one in the pink.

  • We're identical triplets, so.

  • OK.

  • All right.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • You're identical triplets?

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • Yeah.

  • This gets better and better.

  • It does.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • All right.

  • Well, I think it's fantastic, and I love

  • that she kept it for so long.

  • Thank you for sharing.

  • Thank you so much.

  • You and your moms deserve better,

  • so if I shared your story on TV, you're all getting an iron.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • [APPLAUSE]

  • Yep.

  • Yeah.

  • Yep.

  • Yeah.

But first I want to talk about Mother's Day which is Sunday.

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Audience Members Reveal Their Worst Mother's Day Gifts

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    林宜悉   に公開 2019 年 09 月 27 日
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