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  • With ten Democrats lined up and ready on the stage,

  • it was time to begin the third Democratic presidential debate.

  • And while most of the candidates used their opening statement

  • to pitch their version of America,

  • Kamala Harris decided to fast-forward straight

  • to her debate with Trump.

  • First, I have a few words for Donald Trump,

  • who we all know is watching.

  • So, President Trump,

  • you've spent the last two and a half years

  • full-time trying to sow hate and division among us as--

  • and that is why we've gotten nothing done.

  • And now, President Trump, you can go back

  • to watching Fox News.

  • (cheering and applause)

  • Ooh, Kamala, coming with the fire.

  • You hear the crowd? Hear how happy they were?

  • You know Trump is pissed off wherever he is right now, right?

  • Yeah, he's probably shouting at the TV.

  • "Joke's on you!

  • I got picture-in-picture!"

  • He was super furious. He's like, "You know what?

  • "Actually, you're fired again, Omarosa.

  • I'm done with you!"

  • So, Kamala Harris used her opening remarks

  • to go directly at Donald Trump.

  • But Andrew Yang... Andrew Yang went with a different approach.

  • He just went with cold, hard cash.

  • It's time to trust ourselves more than our politicians.

  • That's why I'm going to do something unprecedented tonight.

  • My campaign will now give a Freedom Dividend

  • of $1,000 a month for an entire year to ten American families,

  • someone watching this at home right now.

  • If you believe that you can solve your own problems better

  • than any politician, go to yang2020.com

  • and tell us how $1,000 a month will help you do just that.

  • This is how we will get our country working

  • for us again, the American people.

  • Oh, look at Asian Oprah over here!

  • Just giving everybody money?

  • Yeah. And clearly, Yang's not willing to wait

  • for the presidency to enact his policies.

  • He's just gonna do them now.

  • Uh, and I mean it was a cool moment, but I'm glad

  • none of the other candidates went with this approach.

  • Can you imagine if Bernie was like,

  • "And I... Okay, I will do my health care,

  • "free health care right now! Drop your pants!

  • "Everyone's getting a prostate exam!

  • "You getting an exam! You getting an exam!

  • Everyone's getting an exam!"

  • Speaking of free health care,

  • I hope Bernie has a voice doctor,

  • because something was definitely off with his throat.

  • (with a hoarse voice): This country is moving

  • into an oligarchic form of society

  • where a handful of billionaires control the economic

  • and political life of this country.

  • No! Bernie!

  • What happened to your voice?

  • Sounds all raspy and scratched up.

  • It sounded like someone gave Bernie a comb, and they're like,

  • "Sir, I think this could help," and then he swallowed it.

  • (laughter)

  • Yeah, I'm sorry, but I miss his voice.

  • Bernie with a diminished voice is just not the same, man.

  • It's like Luke Skywalker, but with a butter knife, you know?

  • Or O.J. with a butter knife.

  • (laughter)

  • And I'm not the only one who missed Bernie's voice.

  • I bet he did, too, because the most contentious topic

  • at tonight's debate was Bernie's Medicare for All plan,

  • specifically whether it's a good idea

  • to replace all private health insurance

  • with a government-run insurance plan.

  • When it comes to our health care

  • and when it comes to our premiums,

  • I go with the doctor's creed, which is, "Do no harm."

  • And while Bernie wrote the bill, I read the bill,

  • -and on page eight... -(audience clamoring)

  • On page of the bill, it says

  • that we will no longer have private insurance as we know it.

  • The problem, Senator Sanders,

  • with that damn bill that you wrote,

  • and that Senator Warren backs,

  • is that it doesn't trust the American people.

  • I trust the American people to make the right choice for them.

  • Why don't you?

  • Yeah, Bernie, why don't you trust the American people?

  • And Bernie's probably thinking, "I'll tell you why.

  • "Because one in five Americans believes in Bigfoot.

  • "That's why. You want those people deciding health care?

  • That shit is crazy!"

  • And while Buttigieg and Klobuchar were going

  • after Bernie's health care proposals,

  • Julián Castro decided that this was the perfect moment

  • to try and take down the king.

  • The option I'm proposing is a Medicare for All in...

  • Medicare for choice.

  • If you want Medicare...

  • If you lose the job from your insurance comp...

  • from your employer, you automatically can buy into this.

  • The difference between what I support

  • and what you support, Vice President Biden,

  • is that you require them to opt in.

  • And I would not require them to opt in.

  • They would automatically be enrolled.

  • They wouldn't have to buy in.

  • They do not have to buy in.

  • -You just said that. -No.

  • You just said that two minutes ago.

  • They do not have to buy in if they can't afford it.

  • You just said two minutes ago that they would have to buy in.

  • You said they would have to buy in.

  • Your grandmother would not have to buy in. If she qualifies

  • for Medicaid, she'd automatically be in for it.

  • Are you forgetting what you said two minutes ago?

  • -(audience groaning) -Are you forgetting already

  • what you said just two minutes ago?

  • Damn! Castro took it there!

  • No, because he knows Biden's battling the narrative

  • that he's a forgetful old man.

  • Yeah, so he jumped on this opportunity

  • to make Biden look old.

  • "Are you forgetting what you just said?

  • Are you forget...?"

  • And it didn't help that Biden seemed confused.

  • 'Cause he couldn't hear, right, so he couldn't come back.

  • So then Biden was like, "What did you just say to me?!

  • "No, really. What did you just say?

  • I forgot. What did you just say?"

  • So that was health care.

  • The next topic of the debate was criminal justice reform,

  • right, which was one part of the debate

  • that had all the Democrats pretty much on the same page.

  • Uh, they all agreed on reduced sentences,

  • uh, the need to fight racial bias

  • and that snitches should get stitches.

  • So, it wasn't the most exciting topic,

  • but things did get tense

  • when the moderator shanked Kamala in the yard.

  • Also a concern for people of color

  • is criminal justice reform.

  • Senator Harris, you released your plan for that

  • just this week, and it does contradict

  • some of your prior positions.

  • Among them, you used to oppose the legalization

  • of marijuana. Now you don't.

  • You used to oppose outside investigations

  • of police shootings. Now you don't.

  • You've said that you changed on these and other things

  • because you were, "Swimming against the current,

  • and thankfully, the currents have changed."

  • But when you had the power,

  • why didn't you try to affect change then?

  • (applause)

  • Ouch.

  • I didn't believe in black-on-black crime until now.

  • (laughter)

  • 'Cause that question was hard-core.

  • In fact, it was less of a question

  • and more of just, like, a public shaming.

  • And Kamala was clearly not impressed.

  • I mean, that's the face you make

  • when someone walks into the middle of a staff meeting

  • and just starts reading your browser history.

  • It's just like, "penispumps.com.

  • "hamsterporn.net,

  • Myspace..." You're like, "Take that back!

  • -I was never on Myspace!" -(laughter)

  • I mean, just look at Kamala's face.

  • You can see she was like, "I don't lock anyone up anymore,

  • but I'm willing to make an exception tonight."

  • And another topic, another topic that had Democrats, uh,

  • on the same page was the need for stronger gun control laws.

  • But one candidate stood out amongst the rest.

  • You said, "Americans who own AR-15s and AK-47s

  • will have to sell them to the government, all of them."

  • You know the critics call this confiscation.

  • Are you proposing taking away their guns,

  • and how would this work?

  • I am, if it's a weapon that was designed to kill people

  • -(cheering) -on a battlefield.

  • Hell yes, we're gonna take your AR-15, your AK-47.

  • -(cheering) -We're not gonna allow it to be used

  • against fellow Americans anymore.

  • That is a ballsy statement from Beto O'Rourke.

  • 'Cause I don't think any other candidate has said flat-out

  • they're gonna confiscate guns.

  • And he said it with such confidence as well,

  • which is not the way I would talk about taking away

  • assault rifles from people who like to shoot.

  • (laughter)

  • Yeah. If I was gonna take someone's AR-15,

  • I'd be a lot more sneaky about it.

  • Be like, "Trevor, are you here to take my rifle?"

  • I'd be like, "Oh, no, no. No, no, no.

  • "We're just here in the neighborhood, you know.

  • "Just hanging out. Just, like... Oh, what's that?

  • -Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!" -(laughter)

  • So, that was guns.

  • Next up came immigration.

  • All right? The candidates told the audience

  • how they planned to undo the policies enacted by Trump.

  • No more kids in cages. Increase legal immigration.

  • Uh, give everyone free ladders to climb over the wall.

  • But when it came to Joe Biden,

  • the moderator was more interested in hearing

  • his opinions on President Obama's policies.

  • You served as vice president in an administration

  • that deported three million people,

  • the most ever in U.S. history.

  • Are-are... are you prepared to say tonight

  • that you and President Obama

  • made a mistake about deportations?

  • Why should Latinos trust you?

  • This is a president who came along with the DACA program.

  • No one had ever done that before.

  • This is a president who sent legislation to the desk

  • saying he wants to find a pathway

  • for the 11 million undocumented in the United States of America.

  • Yeah, but you didn't answer the question.

  • Well, yeah, I did answer the question.

  • No, did you make a mistake with those deportations?

  • The president did the best thing that was able to be done

  • -at the time. -How about you?

  • I'm the vice president of the United States.

  • Oh. That was not a good look for Biden.

  • Because... This always happens, right?

  • When Obama is being praised,

  • Biden jumps into the picture with him

  • But then when Obama is being criticized,

  • Biden's like, "Look, man, I was the vice president.

  • "I didn't do shit. Vice president doesn't do shit.

  • "Yeah. They don't even give you the keys to the White House.

  • You have to wait for someone to come unlock it for you."

  • But, like, you can't take all the credit

  • and avoid all of the blame, right?

  • It would be like if people all of sudden came to Robin,

  • and they were like, "Batman is a deranged vigilante

  • "destroying Gotham with his rocket-launching cars.

  • He's a bad man!" And Robin's like,

  • "Hey, man, I'm just the sidekick.

  • "Like, do you see Robin signals in the sky? No, no.

  • "It's not the Robin-mobile. We don't have a Robin-cave.

  • Yeah, yeah. By the way, I'm underage."

  • This is actually creepy when you think about it.

  • But even though Biden was happy

  • to run away from Obama's record on deportations,

  • for the most part, the candidates on stage tonight

  • wanted to make one thing very clear.

  • They roll with Barack.

  • I want to give credit first to Barack Obama

  • for really bringing us this far.

  • We would not be here if he hadn't the courage.

  • We all owe a huge debt to President Obama.

  • What I favor is something that what Barack Obama wanted to do

  • from the very beginning.

  • Well, I'm for Barack.