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Imagine that you've just received some negative information about me,
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just before this talk.
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Maybe he or she who's with you today has heard some rumors about me,
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some rumors about me being incompetent,
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being a liar, being a bragger,
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that I wear women's underwear.
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(Laughter)
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How much do you think that would affect your image of me right now?
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As a psychotherapist, working with occupational health,
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I've met countless employees and leaders,
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who are suffering from a toxic and unhealthy working environment.
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They are struggling because they're lacking knowledge,
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how to change the environment.
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They need outside help.
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I've tried to help them and failed, times and times again.
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I've tried conflict resolutions,
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group discussions, individual interviews,
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leadership coaching,
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failing time and time again to change this unhealthy working environment.
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So -
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Ten years ago, I started a little investigation of my own.
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I was trying to figure out why it is so hard to change,
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and I found out that a great number of employees and leaders
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were talking negatively about their colleagues
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when they were not present.
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Namely, backbiting.
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So, the definition of backbiting is talking negatively
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about a third person who's not present.
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I have a question for you all.
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Please raise your hand
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if you think backbiting takes place at your workplace or place of study.
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Please raise your hand.
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Wow! OK. Thank you very much.
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It's not exact, but I think about 90% of you raised your hand.
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In ancient Greece,
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the great philosopher Socrates met an acquaintance on the street,
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and the acquaintance said,
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"Hey, Socrates, have you heard the latest news about your friend?"
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And Socrates says, "No, but before you tell this news,
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I want you to pass a little test.
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It's called the triple-filter test."
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"The triple-filter test?", he said. "OK."
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"First question:
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what you're going to tell me about my friend, is it true?"
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"Oh, no. I just heard it. I don't know."
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"OK. You can still pass the test.
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The second question:
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is it anything good you're going to tell me about my friend?"
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"Oh, no. On the contrary," he said. "Nothing good."
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"OK. You may still pass the test.
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The third question:
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what you're going to tell me, is it useful?"
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"Oh, no. It's not useful."
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"OK," Socrates said.
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"First of all, you don't know if it's true.
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Second, it's nothing good.
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Third of all, it's nothing useful.
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Why bother tell me?"
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Do you know who, in our society today, that backbites?
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Yes. Women.
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(Laughter)
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It's women.
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(Laughter)
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It's another major group, as well.
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Namely, men.
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(Laughter)
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And why do we backbite?
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When I backbite,
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I've got this feeling of elevating myself, while talking other people down.
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In an additional bonus,
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I seem interesting because I've got some juicy information that you don't have.
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This is how we, as adults, are bullying each other.
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I have a second question for you.
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Please raise your hand if you want to work in a place
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where there is no backbiting going on.
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No gossip.
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OK. Thank you very much.
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It's interesting, right?
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How to get a permanent end to backbiting?
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I have done one genius thing in my life.
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(Laughter)
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I think this is it.
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I call it "Gossip 2016,"
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and this is how you can all apply it in your workplace, if you want to.
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First of all, you gather a group.
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Perhaps, not as many as you are.
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Second of all, you ask the first question:
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"Do you believe backbiting takes place here?",
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and they will raise their hand.
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Third, you need to define what backbiting is.
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Use this triple-filter test. It's good, right?
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Fourth, ask the second question:
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"Would you like to work in a workplace where there's no backbiting?",
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and they will raise their hand.
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Then, you get a good old-fashioned flipboard,
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and you capitalize "Gossip 2016,"
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and you ask your group if they want to join a project
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that will last for six months: "No Backbiting Takes Place Here."
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And they will sign. This is what obligates them.
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After they sign it, you [put] this sheet in a glass and frame,
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you put it on a wall where everybody can see it,
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and every week, for next six months,
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you ask the group, "How are we doing with Gossip 2016?"
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This may seem simple, maybe naive.
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Too good to be true, right?
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But it works! I know!
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And I have over -
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I don't have, but it's over 250 CEOs in different companies
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that could verify this.
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It works.
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They could also tell you that absenteeism, sick leave, goes down,
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and fractionation is minimized,
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and productivity is increasing.
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If you take this concept a bit further,
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you all heard about the discussions about how young people and children
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are being bullied at school and on social media.
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I think that I, as an adult, [have] the responsibility
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to be a good role model.
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I have to stop talking negatively about my uncle, about my neighbor,
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about my colleague, about my mother-in-law,
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around the dinner table at home,
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because, if I don't do that,
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I'm actually saying to my children it's OK to talk negatively
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about the third person that's not there.
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New consciousness commits.
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Thank you for your attention.