Placeholder Image

字幕表 動画を再生する

  • yeah... please welcome back the very funny Bill Burr

  • Alright! Thank you. Thank you!. Thank you! Thank You! Alright.

  • OK, Alright.

  • Let's get into it here. I uh... I've been battling with my girlfriend a lot lately.

  • Um. She loves to watch The Oprah Winfrey Show and I love to watch her

  • watch The Oprah Show

  • and then I wait for Oprah to say something that I don't agree with

  • and then I take it out on my girlfriend because I'm a jerk!

  • So

  • Oprah brings out her first guest, right? She gives her this huge intro.

  • She's written a book, She been in a movie and she does the most difficult job on

  • the planet. She's a mother.

  • So imeditately I look at my girlfriend, and I'm like, "really"?

  • Being a mother is the most difficult job on the planet?

  • How many moms died on Ice Road Truckers last season? (A reality TV Show)

  • You know? Any moms get washed overboard on Deadliest Catch? ( TV show on dangerous boat activities)

  • I'm not trying to be disrespectful but which job would you rather have?

  • (Do) You wanna scoop crabs up off the bottom of the ocean...

  • ... hanging off some rusty tugboat?

  • (and) catching that trap to the back your head every couple weeks?

  • Or (do) you wanna hang out in the sunshine with a couple of "Rug-Rats"

  • You know. You can send them to bed anytime you want on some trumped-up charges (fake accusations)

  • yeah

  • trumped-up charges! Yeah 'cause you wanna have a drink and watch The Price is Right

  • (a game show)

  • I don't know, maybe I'm wrong.

  • Nah, maybe, maybe it IS the most difficult job. I mean I thought

  • roofing in the middle of july as a redhead (redheads get sun burned easily)

  • I thought that THAT was a difficult job

  • but evidently these mothers, they're bending over at the waist, putting DVD's

  • in the DVD players

  • I don't know how they do it.

  • How do they do it? The way they push that stroller with the round wheels...

  • yeah, and the baby IN there?

  • It's the most difficult job on the planet!

  • Going to war. Pinned down by a sniper (trapped by a gunman). What a joke!

  • A joke! Did you ever burp a baby and forget to put that towel up there?

  • There's another shirt you gotta wash! Right! Oh yeah!

  • Lift with your knees and put it in that machine that does it for you.

  • People, Any job you can do in your pajamas is not difficult!

  • Sure, it's draining, but c'mon man, being a stay at home mom, that's like my dream job.

  • No boss! No time card! No taxes!

  • You're off the grid!

  • Hangin out all day making grilled cheese sandwiches.

  • Giving a puppet show; you're dressed like a dragon. Then some other adult

  • Some other adult comes home and gives you money!

  • So, I got a dog recently. That's a big thing in my life. I went down to the pound

  • and I got a free dog.

  • That's how I say it. I don't say I rescued a dog. Alright? It's obnoxious and it's not true.

  • I'm sick of people doing that. She's a rescue.

  • Yeah, I rescued her.

  • Really? Did you pull her out of a burning building?

  • Did you jump in a river with your wing-tips still on? (shoes) With no concern for your own safety?

  • Or did you just go down to the pound and get a free dog?

  • Stop acting like you had to take out (kill) a couple of gaurds...

  • crawl in on your elbows, using hand signals

  • Dude! Didja ever go down to the pound? They're just giving the dogs away!

  • They don't even do a background check. They're just, like, you want 'em? Ahh, get out of here! Who's next?

  • So, My girlfriend actually, to be honest with you, got the dog while I was traveling.

  • I was in a different state and my girlfriend got us a dog. Right?

  • Classic female move! You know? It's just a 10 to 15 year commitment!

  • Why would you include me in that decision?

  • So we're Skyping, I'm, well let me see the dog. I thought she got a cute little Chihuahua

  • or something.

  • She pans around and i'm looking at like this "hell hound"!

  • Yeah! I'm like freaking out like it is that a pitbull? Please tell me you didn't get a pitbull!

  • It's not a pitbull! It's a...They said it was a mix!

  • Mixed with what? Another pitbull? Look at that thing!

  • It was brutal!

  • You should have seen it! It looked like it'd been doing pull-ups it's entire life.

  • Front paws were still taped up and shadow boxing.

  • Teardrop tattoo! It's a Pitbull!

  • Here's the funny thing. Actually I fell in love with the dog.

  • I know a lot of people don't like pitbulls 'cause they ate a couple of guys...

  • I get it! There's been some issues, but you owe it to yourself at some point in your life to

  • walk down the street with a pitbull.

  • I'm telling you, people just get outta the way

  • It's awesome! 3 or 4 blocks away, they see me coming, they just start crossing the street

  • I love it my whole life I've looked like Ron Howard (a famous red head-not strong)

  • Okay? I've been mugged,

  • repeatedly!

  • but the second they see that four-legged P90x body coming down the street

  • everybody scatters

  • The greatest dog you could ever have is a pit bull. it's like having a gun you can pet!

  • It's tremendous! I'm out of time! You guys were a lot of fun! Thank you very much!

yeah... please welcome back the very funny Bill Burr

字幕と単語

B1 中級

Stand Up Comedian Bill Burr English Subtitles for ESL students.

  • 461 2
    abovelight   に公開 2019 年 03 月 07 日
動画の中の単語

前のバージョンに戻す