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Hi, lovely people Meet Claudia. She is beautiful. You know. You're a little bit biased
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yeah, well, it's still true
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Let's not talk about me too much. Should talk about me instead.
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Yeah, you like talk about itself. That's good
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When did you first become interested in me?
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Oh, right!
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I think that's a good question. Yeah, okay fair enough.
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I saw some photos of you
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Which I thought wow she's really really pretty. Outgoing kind of person. Vintage-y style. Nice hair
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It's all about the hair
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*singing* It's all about the hair, about the hair
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um
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Yeah, and I like your photos. She hit like. Like oh my God she likes my photos!
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But I thought that you were way too cool for me because you had the whole like outdoorsy
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vibe and the plat. And your hair was much longer; you had hair that was like down to
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I'm not just showing you my boobs, your had hair that was really long is my point.
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You look gorgeous and you looked a bit like Pocahontas
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Yeah. You spent like three days drafting...
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*talking over each other* Yeah, drafting out that perfect note. Perfect message. But obviously I beat her to it
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I just sat down one evening after work. Quite chatty, it wasn't like quick short ones like I think you're hot
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which you sometimes get it. How do you reply? Yeah, I don't know how to respond. Did you have any other
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Communication? And I was so excited because I really fancied you. And you're like ah, thank God I don't have to draft this bloody thing anymore
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I'd never sent a first message, but you were the one person that I was going to do it for
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You still didn't actually get around to it, so good thing I did. I was like oh
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So do you know any nice pubs that we could meet in but somewhere we can go after work and watch the sunset?
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She said yeah, I know some pubs. She had to contact to all her friends Cause she doesn't frequent the pubs.
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Cause I don't drink alcohol.
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So I didn't know, but I googled
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Sunset Pub Brighton and guess where we went! To the Setting Sun Pub which actually you know?
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It's not just one of those weird names and it's actually some pub down in the middle of the Valley where never sees the light
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Of day here. We actually did watch the sunset. It was quite romantic. Yeah
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But before I got there, I was running late from work. I was like. I'm really sorry, I'm running late
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I'm running a bit more late, running bit bit more right?
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Which was quite typical for me, then she sent me a text saying well
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I've got to go at nine o'clock because my housemate needs a key to get in.
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So I was like, alright she's already given me an excuse
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I've obviously blown it already from being late. And then I got there
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Hot and sweaty because I had walked up this hill for the Setting Sun Pub.
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Where I had been for an hour and a half sitting.
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Sorry. And then I went in I let my hair down and I saw her sitting on the table
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With her like little iPad she had a little earpiece in at the time
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I didn't know Jessica's deaf, so I just thought to her place like you know businesswoman Bluetooth things which is kind of dated
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But I maybe she's like really busy like media woman. Fashion. Yeah, and then I walked over like oh, hi, it's um. It's Jessica
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Isn't it anyway I?
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Remember I looked up
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And I saw you and I felt the inside I knew you would change my life forever
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And then we sat and we chatted yeah that we made like lots of chat
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And then suddenly like the whole bar had shut and the woman was so I stuck it up the chairs on the tables around us
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She was ready to leave. Oh shit? Yeah, it's like 10 to 11. What about your friends? Oh, yeah?
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I hadn't actually checked my phone. Cause you're having such a fantastic first date with me
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And then Jessica was like
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Oh, you want to go for a little walk, and I was like yeah, sure let's for a little walk
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I said you want to go for a walk up this road, I live at the top
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No you didn't! You just said do you want to go for a walk, and I was like. Yeah, okay
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So I thought it's gonna be like a little walk and maybe we'd have a kiss and then we're walking
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Walking at this point further and further away from my house
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Which is on the other side of the Valley and then it's like, "Oh, this is my house"
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And I was like right, so I basically just walked you home like not realizing it
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And then Jessica's like "Do you wanna come in and meet my dog." I was like okay
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This is like maybe some strange lesbian euphemism I've not come across before 'cause I don't want to pet your dog right now
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I mean, I do, but I don't think we should
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You so wanted to pet my dog. I did but I mean like it, like your actual dog
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What is your not actual dog!?
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And I was just making up some weird like *laughs*
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I do actually have a dog, I meant my dog, but she thought because I have been a lesbian my whole life
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I thought she was really attractive and she lived in Brighton for seven years
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no, so we sat outside her house for another hour and continued chatting and then I said let's go to dinner next week
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'Cause that's what you should do if you like someone you should ask for a second date before you finish the first date.
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Yeah, which took me quite like double the time to get home because I was like twice as far away
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But I didn't mind cuz I was filled like wow I had so much fun
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It was a really nice day
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And I really liked her, really feel excited about this one. And the minute I got inside my house. I texted everyone that I know
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Everyone that I just had the most amazing date with this girl, think that she's the one and then the rest is history
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Now we're getting married, so if you see a girl that you fancy she likes your photos
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Then you should like them back and ask her to go on a date and also the moral of this story
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Is that girls that you think are way too cool for you, are actually big dorks? [haha]. I am.
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We are both *whispers* a little bit silly.
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That's all folks
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*Jessica's theme tune plays*