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  • (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) >> THANK YOU.

  • GOOD TO BE HERE.

  • I'VE COME HERE FROM ENGLAND BECAUSE I'M SICK OF ENGLAND,

  • EVERYBODY I DO I HAVE TO FOLLOW THIS ACT, LOTS OF PEOPLE FOR

  • AGES PRETENDING TO PUKE!

  • I'M SICK OF IT!

  • I COME TO AMERICA, WANT TO TREAT ME LIKE AN ARTIST AND LET ME

  • TELL YOU, I'M FURIOUS RIGHT NOW!

  • I CANNOT BELIEVE MY LUCK!

  • ANYWAY, RECENTLY, I HAD A POLICE OFFICER EXPLAIN WITNESS

  • PROTECTION TO ME.

  • YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW WHY.

  • (LAUGHTER) >> HE GOES JAMES, WHEN SOMEONE

  • IS INTO WITNESS PROTECTION HE OR SHE IS GIVEN A NEW LOCATION, AND

  • HE OR SHE IS RELOCATED AND HE OR SHE SPENDS THE REST OF THEIR

  • LIFE UNDER GOVERNMENT PROTECTION.

  • I DIDN'T LIKE THE WAY HE PUT IT.

  • HE OR SHE, BECAUSE HE OR SHE IS ONLY SAID BY MEN WHO FULLY

  • INTENDED TO SAY HE, AND THE VERY LAST SECOND RECOGNIZED THAT SHE

  • EXISTS.

  • PRETTY COOL.

  • EVERY TIME.

  • ALWAYS SAID HE OR SHE, LIKE JUST POPPED INTO THEIR HEAD, THEY

  • CAN'T BELIEVE IT, THEY'RE SO DEFENSIVE, OR SHE, FROM THE LAST

  • WORD, GOT NOTHING ON ME, OR SHE!

  • (APPLAUSE) >> THAT'S RIGHT!

  • WOMEN NEVER SAY HE OR SHE, MAN.

  • THEY USE A DIFFERENT WORD, MEN DON'T USE THIS WORD, CONFUSING

  • OR DIFFICULT TO PRONOUNCE, WOMEN SAY, I HOPE I'M PRONOUNCING THIS

  • RIGHT -- THEY.

  • (APPLAUSE) >> FINAL% OF MEN DON'T KNOW WHAT

  • THEY MEANS, 1% THINK IT'S HE.

  • IT'S A CONFUSING WORD.

  • THIS MAN, NEVER HEARD THEY BEFORE?

  • IT'S LIKE OH, FINE!

  • SORRY!

  • SOMEONE INTO WITNESS PROTECTION THEY, OR SHE -- WHAT A SNEAKY

  • COP!

  • WHAT A SNEAKY COP THAT GUY WAS!

  • I'M GOING TO GO TO ITALY PERSONALLY, LEANING TOWER OF

  • PISA IS MY FAVORITE OF THE WORLD.

  • THE POSE, THE PERSPECTIVE TRICK, LINE IT UP.

  • IT MAKES IT LOOK LIKE YOU'RE HOLDING UP THE TOWER FROM A

  • DISTANCE, VERY CLEVER, VERY FUNNY.

  • ALL DOING IT.

  • BAR NONE!

  • EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM, FILLED WITH PEOPLE DOING THAT AND ALL

  • OF THEM WHEN THEY HAVE THEIR PHOTO TAKEN HAVE A SMUG LOOK IN

  • THEIR EYE AS IF TO SAY, I CAME UP WITH THIS.

  • IT'S MY IDEA.

  • IT IS NOT THEIR IDEA!

  • SOMEONE CAME UP WITH THAT ONCE BACK IN THE DAY.

  • SOMEONE INVENTED THAT AND HE OR SHE WAS THE ONLY -- COULD HAVE

  • BEEN A WOMAN, YOU MISOGYNIST.

  • HE OR SHE INVENTED IT.

  • ONE PERSON DOING THAT, A FIELD FULL OF PEOPLE NOT DOING IT.

  • SOME OF THE OLD ONES, BIT BIT OF THAT, THAT ONE.

  • THAT'S A CLASSIC ISN'T IT?

  • THAT STILL GOES STRONG TO THIS DAY, ACTUALLY.

  • WELL, THAT'S RIGHT, YEAH YEAH YEAH!

  • (APPLAUSE) >> THERE IT IS.

  • WE ALL LOVE A BIT OF THERE IT IS, DON'T WE?

  • THE HAND SAYS THERE IT IS.

  • BUT THE EYES SAY, HERE I AM!

  • (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) >> I WENT TO PISA HAD MY PHOTO

  • TAKEN.

  • I DIDN'T DO THAT, I DIDN'T EVEN DO THAT.

  • I REFUSED.

  • FLAT OUT REFUSED.

  • WHEN MY PHOTO TAKEN GOT EVEN FURTHER AWAY, THE TOWER WAS EVEN

  • SMALLER, THOSE PEOPLE WERE REALLY TINY AS WELL.

  • THEN I LINED IT UP SO I HAD ABOUT THREE LITTLE GUYS ALL

  • CALLING ME UP -- THANK YOU VERY MUCH, EVERYBODY I'M IN ENGLAND,

  • VERY NICE TO SEE YOU!

  • ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> James: JAMES ACASTER,

  • EVERYONE!

  • CHECK OUT "REPERTOIRE" ON NETFLIX NOW!

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) >> THANK YOU.

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A2 初級

ジェームズ・エイカスター スタンドアップ (James Acaster Stand-up)

  • 36 0
    827535785 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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