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  • hello there IELTs students this episode is all about band 9 essays I found an

  • ex-ielts examiner and I said hey could you write out a couple of band 9

  • essays please and then write some commentary as to why these are so good

  • why these would receive band 9 so what I'll do is I'll just walk you through it

  • ok we're going to cover all four areas that's task response cohesion and

  • coherence lexical resource grammatical range and accuracy

  • we're going to look at all of them and I'll give you the question and I would

  • strongly recommend you just write down your thoughts

  • write down your plan and even maybe just write up the whole essay and see if you

  • can find any similarities or even better you could go through and start adding

  • the elements I'm talking about start adding these elements to your essay and

  • then maybe you won't even just send it in for correction so let's have a look

  • now the first question is there is less communication between family members of

  • late do you agree or disagree to what extent do you agree okay so as normal

  • slightly confusing question so as I said before the best way is to don't jump

  • into the introduction the best way is make a plan make your positions get get your

  • positions clear in your mind maybe think of some examples map it all out and then

  • transfer your map into your essay and if you're worried about that path and if you

  • don't know how to do that then you might want to have a look at ieltspodcast.com

  • and the Sentence Guide is the online course we've developed which helps you

  • and guides you through this exact problem because a lot of students just like ah

  • my mind goes blank it's empty I don't know what to do that's so common so this

  • is exactly why the course has a full chapter designed to deal with that

  • problem so let's go there is less communication between family members of

  • late do you agree or disagree to what extent do you agree okay so I will say I

  • completely disagree for example our I'd say item for this reason for this reason

  • this example this example okay you take maybe take a different path but

  • basically you just gotta get your position straight so let's go into it

  • let's do the introduction first as electronic devices play an increasingly

  • more central role in our lives it has been suggested that there has been an

  • unprecedented decline in interpersonal communication not only with colleagues

  • business associates and close friends but also with our immediate family so

  • there are about 1 2 3 4 5 6 points there hopefully you wrote that introduction

  • out and then you can identify so let's go for that let's go through it

  • first let's go through it as electronic devices play an increasingly more

  • central role in our lives increasingly ok lexical resource so what we did by

  • using increasingly is we avoided saying a much more central role in our lives

  • that's kind of basic we used increasingly ok

  • also the examiner said we could have used it significantly there next point

  • it has been suggested that what's this so grammatical range and what we're

  • doing here is using the passive we're going to pick up points for using a

  • different structure ok and this is it's kind of a useful structure

  • to limit it though in my opinion my personal opinion because it's a bit

  • clunky and it's not the clearest way to communicate

  • however we are doing academic we are writing act for academic English

  • purposes so in that respect it's it's good so there has been an unprecedented

  • decline okay so once again we're making our sentences richer instead of saying

  • there has been a decline in interpersonal communication we say there

  • has been an unprecedented decline okay it's more complex this kind of language

  • unprecedented basically means never seen before let's move on interpersonal to

  • decline in interpersonal communication hmm so by inter- interpersonal

  • communication okay but boosting our lexical resource because we're not

  • saying communication all the time we're using interpersonal communication we are

  • varying it and we're just showing the examiner that we've got extensive

  • an extensive vocabulary resource okay we could have also used social that as a

  • decline in social communication then it goes on not only with colleagues

  • business associates and close friends lists this is what I've been saying for

  • a long time list and this is from the excerpt I also examiner she said lists

  • are a good way to get in lots of good vocabulary to impress the examiner

  • I and I usually teach a good way to put in topic-specific vocabulary as well

  • okay but also with our immediate family once again and instead of just saying

  • family we're going to say immediate family and once again we're going to use

  • sort of like an elaboration like instead of just using family and repeating it

  • all the time we're gonna say immediate family who said immediate we could have

  • said close one's loved ones okay so variation and avoiding

  • repetition okay okay good so this just makes it

  • sounds more complex as well more sophisticated I completely agree

  • with this assertion okay cohesion and coherence here by using by

  • saying we completely agree with this assertion we're linking back we are

  • referring back to the idea about less communication nowadays which is what

  • we've been saying in a previous sentences and what the question is

  • asking about okay and more over okay moreover discussed markers to signpost

  • to the reader what is coming next and moreover this is a worrying trend

  • lexical resource collocation okay a worrying trend okay

  • and the examiner says here it is vital that the IELTS candidates know collocations

  • such as this one okay and because it can be used in lots of different tasks a

  • worrying trend okay that looks set to continue okay that might sound very

  • germane and normal but looks set to continue we'll help you with your

  • lexical resource because just using set as an adjective

  • okay and in this sense it means likely okay and was it that looks likely to

  • continue that looks set to continue okay so it's less commonly used language here

  • let's move on to the first paragraph I'll go through the first sentence

  • hopefully you'll be writing this down and maybe you want to identify the the

  • parts you want to identify the parts that you think would be scoring points

  • so let's go even though face-to-face interactions are possibly at their

  • lowest ever it would be foolish not to recognize the valuable role that

  • advanced technology plays hmm let's go through it even though

  • communic and communication cohesion and coherence here okay so the examiner said

  • although and even though they have similar meanings but even though it's slightly

  • stronger and is less commonly used by IELTS candidates it's good to know

  • face-to-face interactions so what would face-to-face interactions help with

  • lexical resource grammatical range well lexical resource and the reason is is

  • because it's a substitution for communication and as I've said a million

  • times before is that the IELTS examiner's do not like repetition okay

  • show the examiner you've got extensive vocabulary okay even though face to face

  • interactions are possibly at their lowest level ever it would be foolish not to

  • recognize the valuable role that advanced technology plays okay foolish

  • yeah it would be foolish not to recognize so lexical resource point and

  • this would help you with and you'd get points here because it's complex

  • language and it means stupid basically okay it would be stupid not to recognize

  • but obviously because this is formal academic English we do not use words

  • like stupid all right not to recognize the valuable role once

  • again lexical resource okay and again it's a useful collocation the valuable

  • role that advanced technology plays let's move on okay so I'll just

  • summarize again even though instead of although face to face were avoiding

  • repetition and foolish we're using slightly more advanced vocabulary

  • valuable role we're using collocations to help boost with the vocab so yeah

  • three four important points there that's continued thanks to it okay this

  • basically means because of as a result of unless common and this is less

  • comment and because okay so thanks to it we can

  • instantly get in touch with any individual or I can our organization at

  • the touch of a button okay hopefully you would have recognized that there is an

  • idiomatic phrase there okay and at the touch of a button means extremely

  • quickly the examiner here says that idioms

  • should be used with caution in IELTS writing but this one is acceptable is

  • that it but this one is an acceptable one to use and is acceptable because

  • it's used in the correct and appropriate situation it's not fast okay we got so

  • mad that regardless of times they're on a location so let's go through thanks to

  • it we can instantly get in touch with any individual or organization of the

  • touch of a button regardless of timezone or location good for example we can

  • follow what our friends have been doing through social media platforms such as

  • Facebook or Instagram therefore the rise in communication by

  • search methods cannot be underestimated good let's go for example we can follow

  • what our friends have been doing okay the present perfect have been doing so

  • that's going to help in a grammatical range its car okay because it's a tense

  • not commonly used by non-native speakers and you could also use it in your write

  • in your speaking okay and the examiner says here that it would impress the

  • examiner so take note through social media platforms such as Facebook or

  • Instagram good therefore now what would therefore help with so cohesion and

  • coherence again discuss markers are required throughout to organize the text

  • okay so therefore the rising communication

  • via such methods let's see such methods okay

  • the such method is referring to the social media platforms which we

  • mentioned before so can you see like parts of the

  • sentence are referring to other parts of the paragraph and this helps you build

  • your essay this helps you with your make sure essay cohesive and coherent and the

  • examiner picked up on that and duly noted that it's an important point to

  • pay attention to then at the end via such methods cannot be underestimated

  • how would that help your score in which criteria well it will help you with

  • grammatical range and accuracy because you're using modal passives okay help to

  • which help to impress the examiner let's move on next paragraph can you see how

  • this is all building okay we've got the signpost language we've got it all

  • connecting we've got examples there I've got the signpost language sorry we've

  • got the I said that already but we've got the collocation you've got the

  • lexical resource okay I'm using different tenses of range of tenses so

  • it's really helping to write to support the examiners grading process let's move

  • on nevertheless what would that help with

  • okay so here the examiner said to regional coherence starting the

  • paragraph with this word indicates that something different is going to follow

  • that contrasts with the previous idea so again linking it to the previous

  • ideas building this essay building your argument building your position

  • nevertheless this reduced contact with our own family is a disturbing byproduct

  • of electronic communication could be attributed to the changes to the change

  • in lifestyles for the current generation mm-hmm let's go into this with more

  • detail this reduced contact with our own family is a disturbing okay

  • Lexical resource means complex language meaning worrying okay by-product okay a

  • very useful and complex word meaning that something happens as a result of

  • another thing happening okay the crime is a byproduct of rising levels of

  • unemployment okay useful useful word again okay a

  • byproduct of electronic communication and could be attributed to the change in

  • lifestyles now in that fragment what was the point that the examiner noted could

  • be attributed use of modal passive to expand grammatical range okay for the

  • current generation once again lexical resource now he's a very valuable tip

  • okay in IELTS writing it is highly likely that you're going to talk about

  • people so knowing lots of ways to refer to them

  • is essential as examiner's do not like repetition so it's important to avoid it

  • to get a high grade in lexical resource

  • fantastic now for my own experience I knew this and this is why in my online

  • class there's whole chapters about how to avoid repetition how to use signpost

  • language and how to build an essay that's going to score you points so

  • let's carry on for instance the previous generation

  • once again very late I would just said that yep once again referring to people

  • so for instance the previous generation worked in 9 to 5 jobs 9 to 5 jobs

  • grammatical range cohesion and coherence no lexical resource another

  • idiomatic phrase ok and this means a job with regular working hours okay so for

  • instance the previous generation works in 9 to 5 jobs and went

  • home everyday to eat and chat about the day with their families good

  • talking out repetitions got day that twice but they the ex-examiner wrote

  • this I reckon it complain okay so the Millennials now listen to the sentence

  • because there's like one two three four five six points where you can get six

  • fragments which pick up points so let's go

  • the Millennials in stark contrast are frequently employed as digital nomads

  • working irregular hours and this lack of routine results in errors in the results

  • okay and this lack of routine results in a different way of life to our ancestors

  • okay so small typo ver if you get hold of the PDF of bank's nine essays but

  • anyway let's carry on so the Millennials lexical resource

  • okay and basically it means a person who became an adult around the year 2000 in

  • stark contrast it's in stack contrast right so not also is this fairly complex

  • okay and but it's just a show contrast okay and it's even more complex because

  • we put stark instead of saying in contrast we're saying in stark contrast

  • okay and they were contrasting this idea with the previous idea shows that this

  • is that this paragraph is a collection of sentences that all linked to each

  • other and the arguments are related and this is what makes the essay much more

  • coherent and easier to follow okay Millennials and stack contrast are

  • frequently employed okay let's see so our frequently void frequently employed

  • the passive but using the passive once again and as digital nomads

  • okay another new word in English meaning someone who uses technology especially a

  • laptop and a wireless network to work remotely from anywhere in the world

  • genius no okay working irregular hours and this lack of routine results in a

  • different way of life to our ancestors good so now hopefully you spotted that

  • there's another word another fragment and of the two fragments that picked up

  • points here we go working irregular hours and this lack of routine results

  • in a different way of life to our ancestors

  • so working reduced relative clause the full clause would be who are working

  • okay point and this lack of routine results in a different way of life to

  • our ancestors once again a different way of saying people okay to say different

  • way of life to other people that wouldn't have got you many points our

  • ancestors however boost helps you score high okay let's move on let's see so

  • we're going to the conclusion let's go despite communication being at its

  • highest level in terms of quantity the quality of this communication is

  • debatable two points there despite communications being so here

  • instead it's for cohesion and coherence again because we're kind of contrasting

  • the ideas despite this and basically we're saying although so if you're using

  • although we're immediately showing a different point of view to what we were

  • saying before and despite does the same task

  • okay and also the sentence has been made more complex because we're saying

  • despite communication being so here the structure is despite + verb + ing ok so

  • we could say despite Americans being fairly active they are however bla bla

  • bla ok are they are renowned for being

  • slightly overweight whatever that's probably false I don't know

  • I'm not criticizing Americans let's move on so despite communication being at its

  • highest level in terms of quantity the quality of this communication is

  • debatable so points here for the final word which is debatable complex language

  • meaning questionable lexical resource again moving on social media updates

  • complex language that isn't that is relevant to the topic social media

  • updates should not replace personal contact with close family members and

  • interactions should be encouraged by senior family members ok I'll go through

  • the whole sentence again at the end because is slightly longer so let's go

  • and so here the next point is interactions once again a substitution

  • for communication yeah and we're avoiding repetition again ok should be

  • encouraged modal passives what would the modal passage help us with grammatical

  • range and accuracy ok so we're showing the examiner that we