Placeholder Image

字幕表 動画を再生する

  • Perhaps some nights you lie awake next to your partner.

  • Probably they're not awful.

  • But they are almost certainly a bit boring.

  • After all it's been a long time.

  • Sex with them is ok

  • but not great in every possible way.

  • There's something so special about undressing someone for the first time

  • feeling their excitement in your hands

  • and hearing them say rude words to you in lust.

  • But you don't want to give up the relationship you're already in

  • which is pretty good in some key ways.

  • Maybe you've got children or a joint home you've put a lot of work into.

  • You don't want to lose everything.

  • You just want to enjoy a few new scenarios.

  • At such points, like many people you think:

  • "What about polyamory"?

  • And you feel quite brave and adventurous for going this far.

  • Part of the problem is that polyamory sounds so plausible.

  • An ideal way out of our societies' collective hypocrisy around sexual desire.

  • Maybe you know someone from the tennis club who said to be into polyamory.

  • They seem normal, very sane and extremely cheerful.

  • There was an article in a magasine describing how polyamory is becoming fashionable in Paris

  • and is gaining popularity in Vancouver.

  • Apparently, plenty of others manage it. Why shouldn't you?

  • Polyamory looks like it could be, as its advocates suggest, the future of relationships in general.

  • And, more urgently, of yours in particular.

  • Like many aspects of existence, polyamory is convincing in principle.

  • Big, general ideas, usually are.

  • To take another exemple:

  • In principle, many people feel it would be nicer to give up on the rat-race in the city and relocate to the countryside.

  • It's healthier, housing costs are lower.

  • You'll be able to grow vegetables and reconnect with nature.

  • Or, to take an exemple from politics:

  • In principle, many people feel that direct democracy with referendum every weekend

  • to determine every decision sounds like a great idea.

  • We'd finally get the kind of government we want.

  • It happens in Switzerland so it's obviously possible.

  • And technology has made it much more possible to organise.

  • But the problem with principles is that they are perilously prone to leave out the details.

  • Which is where the problems are located

  • They encourage us to forget that if we move to the country, we'll be hampered in our plans to order sushi at short notice.

  • The neighbor's tractor will wake us up at 5:30.

  • Things will be surprisingly expensive.

  • And we'll have a terrible sense of being left out of the party.

  • Or when it comes to direct democracy we forget the whimsical and terrifying nature of mass public opinion

  • along with our own disinterest in the details of policy

  • and the entirely exceptional nature of Swiss society and public life.

  • Things are no different with polyamory.

  • When at certain times the general principle of polyamory strikes us as a mature and viable option for organising our sex lives

  • we'd be advised to hold a few details in mind:

  • - We should picture how challenging it can be

  • when at, an orgy, a partner gives us a wink as they disappear

  • into a softly lit bedroom with two other people.

  • We make a sign to join them but are politely, yet firmly

  • rebuffed by one of the strangers who asks gruffly who the weirdo with the strange underwear might be.

  • Hearing a partner orgasm at the hands of another is a complex experience.

  • - We may forget too that once we sign up to polyamory

  • it won't be entirely straightforward to locate other people who excite us deeply.

  • Of course, we may have offers from types we don't much fancy

  • except it will now be agony to explain why we don't want them.

  • However, even if we do find someone we favor, it may turn out their sexual tastes don't quite match our own.

  • They may share our love of spanking, but it could be harder or softer that we would ideally prefer.

  • Or, they'll love dressing as a pirate, but they might refuse to wear an eyepatch

  • which is a deal breaker for us.

  • Or, they might indeed shout obscenities but their repertoire risks being sadly unimaginative

  • and their accent grating.

  • Our partner, on the other hand

  • might all the while be having no trouble at all locating some pretty amazing new friends.

  • We had assumed we'd be in demand, but that's not how it could turn out.

  • We also tend to forget how nice it is when something is fully ours.

  • As children, we never actually liked sharing our toys much

  • though borrowing them was pretty nice.

  • When we were five

  • we deeply resented if other children took the fire engine

  • or started a cooking game with the miniature kitchen.

  • A disavowed possessive streak runs quite deep in many of us.

  • Furthermore, we've got a busy life

  • and polyamory takes a lot of time to organise.

  • Our prospective partners may be busy just that night we're free or more inclined

  • exactly when we had a slot

  • to hook up with that dentist who is slightly repugnant in our eyes.

  • Despite the freewheeling atmosphere

  • even in polyamory

  • there will be some surprisingly tricky and intractable emotions to deal with.

  • There will be splits, painful endings, feelings of abandonment and moments of rage.

  • We'll be exposed to the inner tribulations of a great many people

  • rather than just those of a single well-charted spouse.

  • Certain partners will burst into uncontrollable sobs and talk urgently of their mothers

  • when all we were looking for was a rapid sexual thrill.

  • Others will, as we stand at the bedside with a whip or a mask, accuse us of selfishness

  • pretend to read a magazine and refuse to explain what's wrong.

  • There's no dispute at all that polyamory will work very well for some people

  • but like many alluring ideas, that doesn't mean it will work for us.

  • Mostly likely, if we become polyamorous

  • we will once again encounter almost all of the problems we'd once known so well in monogamy

  • only far more often

  • more chaotically

  • and with a greater sense of violated expectation.

Perhaps some nights you lie awake next to your partner.

字幕と単語

動画の操作 ここで「動画」の調整と「字幕」の表示を設定することができます

B1 中級

なぜポリアモリーは(悲しいかな)すべての人のためにすることはできません (Why Polyamory (sadly) can't be for Everyone)

  • 181 8
    Samuel に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
動画の中の単語