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LOTS OF BIG NEWS OUT OF WASHINGTON TODAY.
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THE NEW YORK TIMES IS REPORTING THAT DONALD TRUMP IS
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EXPECTED TO FIRE HIS SECRETARY OF STATE REX TILLERSON IN THE
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COMING WEEKS.
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OR AS REX TILLERSON IS CALLING IT, A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE.
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(LAUGHTER) >> James: HONESTLY, TILLERSON
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SAYS HE'S NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO THE RUMORS.
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AND AS THE FORMER HEAD OF EXXON-MOBIL, HE'S USED TO
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IGNORING LOTS OF LEAKS.
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(APPLAUSE) >> James: HE CAN'T STOP THEM
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I'M SORRY!
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(APPLAUSE) >> James: IT'S NOT REALLY
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SURPRISING THAT TRUMP WOULD FIRE TILLERSON.
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IF YOU REMEMBER, REX TILLERSON, OVER THE SUMMER, REPORTEDLY
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CALLED TRUMP A, AND I QUOTE, A (BLEEP) MORON.
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I DON'T HAVE A JOKE HERE, I JUST WANTED TO RELIVE THAT FOND
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MEMORY.
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MEANWHILE, THE CO-AUTHOR OF DONALD TRUMP'S BOOK, "THE ART OF
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THE DEAL," SAYS THAT ACCORDING TO TWO SECRET SOURCES, WHITE
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HOUSE STAFFERS ARE STARTING TO EXPRESS CONCERN OVER THE
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PRESIDENT'S MENTAL HEALTH.
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WOW, THAT'S SOME GREAT INVESTIGATIVE JOURNALISM RIGHT
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THERE.
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OR HE COULD HAVE JUST CHECKED TWITTER!
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(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) >> James: HERE'S THE THING.
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THEY'RE NOT ONLY WORRIED ABOUT TRUMP'S MENTAL
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HEALTH, BUT THERE'S ALSO CONCERN ABOUT DONALD TRUMP'S PHYSICAL
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HEALTH.
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[ Laughter ] >> James: I DON'T HAVE A
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BETTER PUNCH LINE FOR THAT JOKE.
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THAT SOMEONE SAYING THEY'RE WORRIED ABOUT HIS PHYSICAL SELF.
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YEAH, THEY'RE WORRIED HE MIGHT LAST A FULL TERM!
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(LAUGHTER) >> James: I WISH I COULD HAVE
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SEEN THE FACE TRUMP MADE WHEN HE HEARD
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PEOPLE WERE SAYING HE'S CRAZY.
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IT WAS PROBABLY SOMETHING LIKE THIS:
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YEAH, COMPLETELY SANE, COMPLETELY SANE.
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MOVING ON.
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ANYONE HERE HAVE PLANS TO TRAVEL OVER THE HOLIDAYS?
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(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) >> James: WELL, YOU MIGHT
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HAVE TO CHECK YOUR FLIGHTS BECAUSE AMERICAN
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AIRLINES JUST EXPERIENCED A COMPUTER GLITCH THAT HAS ALLOWED
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ALL THEIR PILOTS TO TAKE VACATION AT THE SAME TIME,
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MEANING THAT THOUSANDS OF FLIGHTS IN DECEMBER HAVE NO ONE
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TO FLY THEM.
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THIS IS ALL PART OF AMERICAN AIRLINES' NEW CAMPAIGN TO MAKE
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THE REST OF THEIR SERVICES SEEM LESS AWFUL.
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"OKAY, FINE.
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I'LL PAY EXTRA FOR MY BAGS, BUT ONLY IF I GET A PILOT."
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THIS COMPUTER GLITCH COULD REALLY SCREW THINGS UP FOR
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PEOPLE FLYING ON CHRISTMAS.
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IT LIST GAVE TIME OFF TO 15,000 PILOTS AND EIGHT TINY REINDEER.
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(APPLAUSE) >> James: COME ON!
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EVEN IF THEY DO FIX THIS, WHO WANTS A PILOT THAT JUST GOT
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THEIR VACATION FORCIBLY TAKEN AWAY?
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"THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SPEAKING.
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STRAP IN, BITCHES.
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IT'S GONNA BE A BUMPY RIDE!" AND FINALLY, THIS WAS AN
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INTERESTING STORY OUT OF THE WORLD OF SCIENCE.
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HAVE YOU GUYS HEARD ABOUT THIS ROBOT SOPHIA?
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HAVE YOU SEEN THIS ROBOT?
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SHE'S ONE OF THE WORLD'S MOST ADVANCED ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE
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ANDROIDS.
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WELL, RECENTLY SHE ANNOUNCED, ON HER OWN, THAT SHE WANTS TO HAVE
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A BABY.
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THAT MAY SEEM WEIRD, BUT I BET SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE'S TALKING
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ABOUT.
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HER BIOLOGICAL CLOCK IS AN ACTUAL CLOCK.
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IF THIS HAPPENS, IT'S GONNA BE A HUGE BLOW TO SINGLE WOMEN WITH
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OVERBEARING MOTHERS OUT THERE.
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"SO, I SEE ROBOTS ARE HAVING BABIES BEFORE YOU."
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CAN WE SEE A PICTURE OF SOPHIA AGAIN?
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SHE WANTS TO HAVE A BABY?
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I DON'T KNOW.
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I THINK SHE SHOULD WANT THE BACK OF HER HEAD TO BE FINISHED
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FIRST.
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LET'S COMPLETE THE ADULT ROBOTS BEFORE WE START MAKING BABY
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ROBOTS.
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NOW THAT THIS NEWS HAS BROKEN, I UNDERSTAND SOPHIA ALREADY HAS
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SEVERAL POTENTIAL DONORS LINING UP.