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  • Hey, Ed.

  • What's happening?

  • It's a little early birthday gift for you.

  • Oh, wow.

  • Just what effort you went to.

  • That's from right on the lot, Pequito Mas.

  • [LAUGHS]

  • It was easy.

  • Thank you so much.

  • That's so nice of you.

  • You're welcome.

  • This is my birthday gift?

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • It is, from me.

  • Yeah.

  • I hope you get something else.

  • Yeah.

  • [LAUGHS] OK.

  • I couldn't give you the house.

  • Yeah, I'm waiting for your house.

  • I wanted to--

  • Ellen wanted to buy my house a few years ago for Porsche.

  • Yes.

  • So her birthday is next week.

  • So maybe--

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • My wife would kill me.

  • Really?

  • You don't even use it!

  • You're not even there.

  • I do.

  • I use it a little bit.

  • It's a tiny little house, and it's a great house.

  • And I'm envious.

  • I'm not envious that often, but I'm envious of this house.

  • Well, I was going through your book backstage on your homes.

  • Yeah.

  • You're doing OK.

  • Yeah.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • That's a beautiful book.

  • Yes.

  • And that home, if I owned it, would be in that book.

  • Can you imagine?

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • Yes.

  • I would add it to my book.

  • So thank you for the birthday gift.

  • And--

  • I have to say, I'm a little insecure today,

  • because normally--

  • I've been on the show a number of times,

  • and I've always had some funny things

  • that happened to me that were said in a way, but funny.

  • Do you know-- OK.

  • If you didn't know this-- so Brittany Spears goes up

  • to him in an airport and says, "Can I get a picture?"

  • And he just thinks she's some girl that wants a picture.

  • [LAUGHTER] So he takes the picture, and this goes viral.

  • It goes-- and he has no idea who she is.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • [APPLAUSE]

  • I mean, look at--

  • he's thrilled.

  • Look at his face.

  • He is absolutely--

  • And so the next day, my manager sent me this and said,

  • "There's 53,000 likes."

  • I said, "Who is it?"

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • First of all, I didn't even know what likes was.

  • He had to tell me what it was.

  • He said, "That's Brittany Spears."

  • I said, "Oh my God."

  • But anyway, there was--

  • I have a similar story.

  • OK.

  • And that was some years ago, I went

  • to my favorite Italian restaurant in the evening,

  • and it was getting dark.

  • And I recognized a friend of mine

  • who was sitting out front with his wife,

  • and there was a kid sitting next to him with his wife,

  • I assumed.

  • But I couldn't see them well.

  • It was getting dark, and I sat down.

  • And the kid that I thought I knew, but wasn't sure,

  • it was a black kid, and he was talking on a cell phone.

  • So I'm now talking to my other friend, and he says, "Ed,

  • would you say hello to my brother?

  • He's a huge fan, and he wants to say--"

  • now I hate this, because you don't

  • know who you're talking to.

  • And I said, "Yeah, sure.

  • I'll say hello."

  • So I get the phone, I said, "Hi."

  • "Hi, Mr. O'Neill.

  • Oh my God, I love your work."

  • And I said, "Thank you, thank you very much."

  • "Yes, and I hope you're successful in everything

  • you try to do.

  • And I really watch."

  • I said, "Thank you very much, thank you.

  • Listen, I got to go now.

  • See you."

  • And I hand the phone back to the kid.

  • And he gives me kind of a funny look like, "That was weird."

  • And my friend says, "So, Randy, what are you going to do--

  • you're going out of town next week?"

  • And I go, "Randy?

  • Randy Jackson."

  • It was Michael Jackson.

  • [AUDIENCE GROANS]

  • Yeah, got to go, Michael.

  • Don't--

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • Not, "I love your work."

  • Not "Geez, haven't you had a wonderful career?"

  • Just, "Yeah, hey, you know, I got to go."

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • Wow.

  • That was--

  • Yeah, no, that's sad.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • That's a sad story.

  • I mean, it is-- you're right.

  • You have sad and funny stories.

  • It's a mixture.

  • Yeah.

  • And then I had another one too.

  • Who?

  • I went to Sarah Hyland's birthday party,

  • and this beautiful young woman came up to me.

  • Now when I go to these things, I don't look at people closely.

  • It's sort of-- it's a bit overwhelming

  • if there's a lot of people there you don't know.

  • Some celebrities.

  • And so this woman came up to me and said, "Hi," again.

  • "Nice to meet you."

  • And I would say, "Hi, yes.

  • Nice to meet you."

  • And I know she's famous, but I can't place her.

  • It's "You want a selfie?

  • Let's do a selfie."

  • I said, "Sure."

  • So I do, and then I text my daughter Sophia,

  • because she tells me--

  • Who that was.

  • --who that was.

  • And I said, "I desperately need to know a name,

  • so that when I leave and say the name."

  • Yeah.

  • "Wonderful to meet you."

  • And so I don't know if you have the picture.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • And she said, "I'm having you committed."

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • So you really didn't recognize Taylor Swift?

  • No.

  • No.

  • I mean, again, I only see them when they're performing,

  • you know?

  • Yes.

  • So when you see them in the backyard--

  • Yeah.

  • I wasn't-- I thought it's a pretty girl, but I--

  • Yeah.

  • You see, I'm-- and again, it's old.

  • I'm getting old.

  • No, it's not old.

  • I do-- no.

  • And I think it's just we meet a lot of people,

  • and I'm sure you get the same thing.

  • Like people go, "Ellen!"

  • And I don't know if they're, "Ellen!" because they know me,

  • or "Ellen!" because they're fans.

  • And so I go, "Oh, hey!"

  • And I don't know that balance of how to say, "Hey, I know you,"

  • or "I don't."

  • Well, I did say "Nice to meet you, Taylor," when I--

  • Yes.

  • --left the party.

  • Well, that's-- so you knew the name?

  • That's good.

  • [APPLAUSE]

  • All right.

  • You've celebrated your 200th show of "Modern Family."

  • It's a consistently great show.

  • [APPLAUSE]

  • Is this-- I hear that this is going

  • to be-- next year is going to be the last season.

  • We're contracted through 10, and then it's open ended,

  • but the feeling is that's probably going to be it.

  • Really?

  • Yeah.

  • From everybody?

  • Does anybody want to keep going?

  • No, no.

  • I mean, I don't know how they feel about going on, if we--

  • I just-- you know?

  • We're contracted through 10, and then we'll see.

  • But I don't know.

  • Through 10 this year, or 10 next year?

  • No, this is our ninth year.

  • We're finishing our ninth--

  • Right, right.

  • --in March.

  • And then I think--

  • and then we're going one more.

  • Right.

  • So that would be 10.

  • Yes.

  • I see what you mean.

  • I thought you meant 10 episodes.

  • And I did 11 on "Married With Children."

  • Yes.

  • That's a lot of--

  • You've picked a lot of good shows.

  • Well, I mean, it was complete luck.

  • And then what will you do next?

  • Will you keep working?

  • This is the question I've been getting.

  • And I tell people I've never made a plan in my life.

  • I've never-- I just don't make plans. .

  • You know?

  • It's like we'll see what happens.

  • Yeah.

  • Wow.

  • I mean, plans don't usually--

  • my plans don't usually work out.

  • Well, the plans that did work out were good.

  • I mean, like the fact that you didn't have plans,

  • and you did "Married With Children" for 11 seasons,

  • and now you're doing this for 10 seasons.

  • Yeah.

  • That's-- we should follow your path of no plans.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • Well, when I read this--

  • when I went and met the producers, I said--

  • Lloyd and Levitan.

  • I said, "Look.

  • You know, guys, this is a courtesy meeting."

  • Now you know, you're not supposed to say that.

  • But I didn't know that.

  • And I said, "Because I did the sitcom already, I did 11 years,

  • I don't want to do another one."

  • Yeah.

  • And they just laughed.

  • And they said, "Well, would you read it when we write it?

  • It'll be about a year from now."

  • And I said, "Of course, I'll read it."

  • Because their reputations were great.

  • "Frasier" and "Golden Girls," just shoot me.

  • And so a year later, I get this script,

  • and I thought, "Oh, this is that show."

  • So I read it, and I said, "I got to do it!"

  • This is why they have courtesy meetings.

  • Yes.

  • So anyway, I called my manager, and I said, "I

  • think I have to do this