Placeholder Image

字幕表 動画を再生する

  • Seven o'clock in the evening

  • Watchin' somethin' stupid on TV

  • I'm zoned out on the sofa

  • When my wife comes in the room and sees me

  • And she says, “Is this 'Behind the Music'

  • With Lynyrd Skynyrd?"

  • And I say, "I don't know, say, it's gettin' late

  • What cha wanna do for dinner?”

  • She says, "I kinda had a big lunch

  • So I'm not super hungry"

  • I said, "Well you know, baby

  • I'm not starvin' either but I could eat"

  • She said, "So what do you have in mind?"

  • I said, "I don't know, what about you?"

  • She says, "I don't care, if you're hungry let's eat"

  • I said, "That's what we're gonna do!"

  • "But first you gotta tell me

  • What it is you're hungry for!"

  • And she says, "Let me think

  • What's left in our refrigerator?"

  • I said, "Well, there's tuna, I know"

  • She said, "That went bad a week ago!"

  • I said, "Is the chili okay?"

  • She said, "You finished that yesterday!"

  • I hopped up and I said, "I don't know

  • Do you want to get something delivered?"

  • She's like, "Why would I want to eat liver?

  • I don't even like liver!"

  • I'm like, "No, I said 'delivered' "

  • She's like, "I heard you say liver!"

  • I'm like, "I should know what I said"

  • She's like, "Whatever, I just don't want any liver!"

  • Well, I was gonna say something

  • But my cell phone started to ring

  • Now who could be callin' me?

  • Well I checked my caller ID

  • It was just cousin Larry callin'

  • For the third time today

  • My wife said, "Let it go to voicemail"

  • I said, "Okay"

  • "Where were we? Oh, dinner, right

  • So what do you wanna do?"

  • She said, "Why don't you whip up somethin' in the kitchen?"

  • "Yeah?" I said, "Why don't you?"

  • And then she says

  • "Baby, can't we just go out to dinner, please?"

  • I says no, she says yes, I says no, she says yes

  • I says no, she says yes, oh, here's your keys"

  • I step a little bit closer

  • Say, "Okay, where ya wanna go?"

  • She says, "How about The Ivy?"

  • I said, "Yeah, well I don't know"

  • “I don't feel like, gettin' all dressed up

  • And eatin' expensive food

  • She's says, "Olive Garden?"

  • I say, "Nah, I'm not in the mood

  • And Burrito King would make me gassy

  • There's no doubt"

  • She says, "Just forget about it"

  • I said, "No, I swear I'm gonna take you out!"

  • Then I get an idea

  • I say, "I know what we'll do!"

  • She says, "What?" I say, "Guess"

  • She says, "What?" I say, "We're goin' to the drive-thru!"

  • So we head out the front door

  • Open the garage door

  • Then I open the car doors

  • And we get in those car doors

  • Put my key in the ignition

  • And then I turn it sideways

  • Then we fasten our seat belts

  • As we pull out the driveway

  • Then we drive to the drive-thru

  • Heading off to the drive-thru

  • We're approaching the drive-thru

  • Getting close to the drive-thru

  • Almost there at the drive-thru

  • Now we're here at the drive thru

  • Here in line at the drive-thru

  • Did I mention the drive-thru?

  • Well, here we are in the drive-thru line

  • Me and her

  • Cars in front of us, cars in back of us

  • All just waiting to order

  • There's some idiot in a Volvo

  • With his brights on behind me

  • I lean out the window and scream

  • "Hey, what cha tryin' to do, blind me?"

  • My wife says, "Maybe we should park

  • We could just go eat inside"

  • I said, "I'm wearin' bunny slippers

  • So I ain't leavin' this ride"

  • Now a woman on a speaker box

  • Is sayin', "Can I take your order, please?"

  • I said, "Yes indeed, you certainly can

  • We'd like two hamburgers with onions and cheese"

  • Then my wife says

  • "Baby, hold on, I've changed my mind!

  • I think I'm gonna have a chicken sandwich

  • Instead this time"

  • I said, "You always get a cheeseburger!"

  • She says, "That's not what I'm hungry for"

  • I put my head in my hands and scream

  • "I don't know who you are anymore!"

  • The voice on the speaker says

  • "I don't have all day!"

  • I said, "Then take our order

  • And we'll be on our way!

  • "I wanna get a chicken sandwich

  • And I want a cheeseburger too"

  • She's like, "You want onions on that?"

  • I'm like, "Yeah, I already said that I do

  • Plus we need curly fries

  • And don't you dare forget it

  • And two medium root beers

  • No, just one, we'll split it"

  • Then I said, "I'm guessin' that

  • You're probably not too bright

  • So read me back my order

  • Let's make sure you got it right"

  • She says, "One, you want a chicken sandwich

  • Two, you want a cheeseburger

  • Three, curly fries and a large root beer"

  • "Stop, don't go no further!"

  • "I never ordered a large root beer

  • I said medium, not large!"

  • Then she says, "We're havin' a special

  • I super-sized you at no charge"

  • "Oh"

  • And that's all I could say was "oh"

  • And she says, "Now there's somethin' else

  • That I really think you should know

  • You can have unlimited refills

  • For just a quarter more"

  • I say, "Great, except we're in the drive-thru

  • So what would I want that for?"

  • Then she says, "Wait a minute

  • Your voice sounds so familiar, hey, is this Paul?

  • And my wife is all like, "No, that ain't Paul

  • Now tell me, who's this Paul?”

  • She says, "Oh, he's just some guy

  • Who goes to school with me

  • I sat behind him last year

  • And I copied off of him in Geometry

  • I said, "I know a guy named Paul

  • He used to be my plumber

  • He was prematurely bald

  • And he moved to Pittsburgh last summer

  • He also had bladder problems

  • And a really bad infection on his toe"

  • And she says, "Mister, please, you can stop right there

  • That's way more than I needed to know!"

  • And then we both were quiet

  • And things got real intense

  • And then she says, "Next window please

  • That'll be five dollars and eighty two cents"

  • So we inched ahead in line

  • Movin' painfully slow

  • I got a little bored

  • So I turned on the radio

  • Click, turned it off

  • Because my wife was getting a headache

  • So we both just sat there quietly

  • For her sake

  • Then I looked at her

  • And she looked back at me

  • And I said, "Um

  • I think you have somethin' in your teeth"

  • She turned away from me

  • And then turned back and said, "Did I get it?"

  • I said, "Yeah, well, I mean, most of it

  • But hey, ya know, don't sweat it"

  • Then she said, "How about now?"

  • I said, "Yeah, almost

  • There's still a little bit there but don't worry

  • It's probably just a piece of toast"

  • Now we're at the pay window

  • Or whatever you call it

  • Put my hand in my pocket

  • I can't believe there's no wallet!

  • And the lady at the window's like

  • "Well well well, that'll be five eighty-two"

  • I turn around to my wife and say

  • "How much have you got on you?"

  • She just rolls her eyes and says

  • "I'll pay for this I guess"

  • So she reaches into her purse

  • And busts out the American Express

  • I hand it to the lady

  • And she says, "Oh dear

  • It's gotta be cash only

  • We don't take credit cards here"

  • I took back the card and said

  • "Gee, really? Well that sucks!"

  • And that's when I found out

  • My wife was only carryin' three bucks

  • I said, "I thought you were

  • Going to hit the ATM today"

  • She says, "I never got around to it

  • So where's your wallet anyway?”

  • And I said, "Nevermind

  • Just help me to find some change"

  • Now the lady at the window

  • Is looking at me kinda strange

  • And she says, "Mister, please

  • We gotta move this line along"

  • I said, "Now hold your stinkin' horses lady

  • We won't be long"

  • So I looked around inside the glove box

  • And checked the mat beneath my feet

  • I found a nickel in an ashtray

  • And a couple pennies and a dime in the space between the seats

  • Before long I had a little pile

  • Of coins of every sort

  • The lady counts it up and says

  • "You're still about a dollar short"

  • And now my woman's got this weird look

  • Frozen on her face

  • She screams, "You know

  • I wasn't even really hungry in the first place"

  • And so I turned around

  • To the cashier again

  • I shrugged and said, "Okay

  • Forget the chicken sandwich then"

  • So I pick up my change

  • Pick up my receipt

  • And I drive to the pickup window

  • Man, I just can't wait to eat

  • And now we see this acne ridden

  • Kid about sixteen

  • Wearin' a dorky nametag that says

  • "Hello, my name is Eugene"

  • And he hands me a paper bag

  • I look him in the eyes

  • And I say to him "Hey, Eugene

  • Could I get some ketchup for my fries?"

  • Well he looks at me

  • And I look at him

  • And he looks at me

  • And I look at him

  • And he looks at me

  • And I look at him

  • And he says, "I'm sorry

  • What did you want again?"

  • I say, "Ketchup!"

  • And he says, "Oh yeah, that's right

  • I just spaced out there for a second

  • I'm really kind of burnt tonight"

  • And then he hands me the ketchup

  • And then we're finally drivin' away

  • And the food is drivin' me mad

  • With its intoxicating bouquet

  • I'm starvin' to death

  • By the time we pull up at the traffic light

  • I say, "Baby, gimme that burger

  • I just gotta have a bite!"

  • So she reaches in the bag

  • And pulls out the burger

  • And she hands me the burger

  • And I pick up the burger

  • And then I unwrap the paper

  • I bite into those buns

  • And I just can't believe it

  • They forgot the onions!

Seven o'clock in the evening