>> VOICEOVER: In my life I have a tendency to make very bad decisions.

>> EMMA: David, I don't want a boyfriend who just disappears because he's too busy.

>> EMMA: You're unreliable. You have... brought me such beautiful flowers?

>> DAVID: Yes I did.

>> VOICEOVER: ... Maybe that's why I've been stuck in the same job for so long.

>> ALEKSY: You're three hours late, man.

>> DAVID'S DAD: You know David, I love you like a son.

>> DAVID: I am your son.

>> VOICEOVER: ... Everyone has a purpose in life. I guess I just haven't found mine yet.

>> LAWYER: David Wozniak, in 1994 you donated to a fertility clinic, anonymously. Apparently

there was a mix up at the clinic.

>> DAVID: What?

>> LAWYER: You're the biological father of five hundred and thirty three children.

>> DAVID: What?

>> DAVID: It is impossible to be the father of five hundred and thirty three children.

>> BRETT: It is impossible to be the father of four children.

>> DAVID: How would a normal person handle a situation like this?

>> DAVID'S FATHER: A normal person would not be in this situation.

>> BRETT: We're in trouble, David. The kids are sewing to find out who their biological

father is.

>> DAVID: What do we do now?

>> BRETT: This envelope contains the profiles of your children. DO NOT OPEN IT!

>> DAVID: I know I shouldn't have, but I picked out one of the profiles. I just picked one.

>> BRETT: Worst idea ever.

>> JOSH: I'm an actor missing the audition of a lifetime right now!

>> DAVID: I'll take care of the coffee shop.

>> JOSH: Who are you, man?

>> DAVID: I can make a cup of coffee.

[yelling]

>> JOSH: I lost my job?

>> DAVID: You lost your job.

>> JOSH: I got the part.

>> DAVID: You got the part?!

>> DAVID: This could be the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me.

>> DAVID: These kids need someone to lookout for them.

>> DAVID: YA!

>> DAVID: They need a guardian angel.

>> CONSTRUCTION WORKER: Hey, sexy!

>> DAVID: What are you doing? You never seen a girl before?

>> BRETT: When you're looking out for these kids will you be wearing some kind of... cape?

[yelling]

[sound of diving board]

>> DAVID: I didn't say superhero. I said guardian angel.

>> BRETT: You do not want to reveal yourself.

>> BRETT: You do not want to be known as the guy with five hundred kids!

>> DAVID: For the first time in my life I'm doing the right thing.

>> DAVID: Taxi!

>> YOUNG BOOZER: TAXI!

>> DAVID: I officially set out to try and have a life.

>> DAVID: Nice!

>> DAVID: It maybe strange and a bit oversized, but it's my life.

>> BRETT: You don't have the skills to be a father.

[Slapping noise]

>> BRETT'S DAUGHTER: Daddy

>> BRETT: Ok. Stop that.

>> DAVID: I need order.

[Slapping noise]

>> BRETT: And this is order?

[Slapping noise]

>> BRETT'S DAUGHTER: Daddy!