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  • Tom Cruise is known as one of the most charismatic celebrities in Hollywood.

  • When Rolling Stone writer and author Neil Strauss met him, he described him as

  • the perfect specimen who has a natural ability to remain dominant

  • in any social situation without seeming to exert any effort.

  • And as amazing as that sounds, that kind of superhuman charisma does have a dangerous downside

  • and it's both of those things that we're going to explore in this video

  • the specific behaviors that make Tom Cruise such a dominant social force

  • and the potential cost of being so charismatic.

  • Let's begin with the charismatic habits.

  • First off, Tom Cruise commands the physical space around him.

  • He spreads out over podiums, and kicks his feet up on couches

  • and he's got no problem touching objects

  • that most people feel belong to someone else.

  • ...coming back from the airplane and it was also cold in the airplane.

  • So it's freezing up there when I was doing it and I'm wearing a suit

  • like, you know, Cary Grant, North by Northwest.

  • So you're not wearing... like, not wearing your North Face Jacket.

  • No, I'm not wearing my North Face Jacket and everything and I said, "Man, it's cold."

  • Tom is also very comfortable touching the people around him.

  • How are you?

  • Good. How are you?

  • Good to see you.

  • Good to see you.

  • You look real good.

  • So do you.

  • I got a little crush on you.

  • You don't mind it, do you?

  • No.

  • It was worth the trip.

  • Thank you.

  • This was worth the trip. Ah, my god.

  • This kind of touching can be called physical expansion and it's a subtle way of claiming territory.

  • When we touch something, we sub-communicate, "I have implicit permission to do this."

  • It's why you might feel uncomfortable when entering someone else's house for the first time

  • or even on a first dateyou're not yet sure if touching is appropriate.

  • Tom Cruise, though, quickly sorts that out by touching the people and the objects around him

  • though it's important to note that he does it in a non-aggressive way.

  • He's not taking your desk or manhandling you

  • he's simply resting his hand on the desk or giving you a hug.

  • And he does it with a huge genuine smile on his face

  • which is more likely to be perceived as a friendly kind of dominance.

  • In fact, he smiles hugely all the time.

  • You played hockey, right?

  • Right. I used to live in Canada for a little bit so I played Ice hockey. You got canadians here?

  • Yeah. Yeah, they've got it.

  • Tom has all the hallmarks of a genuine smile and this is key

  • because if he simply showed his teeth while touching as often as he does,

  • it would feel very aggressive.

  • Now, I've reviewed this in other videos but in terms of those signs of a genuine smile,

  • there are three key pointsfirst, he has that wide grin that goes back instead of up;

  • second, a relaxed lower jaw that creates space between his teeth;

  • and third, tension that creates a narrowing of the eyes.

  • All three of these line up to make us feel that genuine smile which becomes infectious.

  • I'm going to link to the other video that discusses this at length if you're interested.

  • But if you combine all of this with the physical expansion,

  • you get someone who is taking command of a room

  • but in a way that doesn't create resistanceit's a very powerful combo.

  • But it's not just the smile that makes Tom come across as so likable.

  • When he's speaking to someone, he's very likely to refer to them by name, repeatedly. Just watch.

  • Matt...

  • I'm living my life. I'm just living my life, Matt.

  • I have never worried, Matt, about what other people think.

  • In life, when... it just happens, Matt.

  • Isn't that enough?

  • Matt, you have to understand this.

  • I previously mentioned repeating someone's name as a good tool to remember that name

  • but saying someone's name in conversation also personalizes what you're saying to them.

  • It grabs their attention because when we hear our own name, we immediately perk up.

  • You can use this when telling longer stories to keep people hooked the whole time

  • and also to let them know that you've taken the time to remember their name

  • in the first place which is not all that common nowadays.

  • But it's not just those names that keep people hooked on what Tom is saying.

  • He has a very particular way of engaging people with his eye contact.

  • Watch how he pauses what he says but does not pause the eye contact.

  • ...so it is and he does seem like a different guy.

  • Yeah but it's still... they'll still write.

  • But you got to understand, all that stuff would... they'd still write it

  • they'd still talk about it.

  • ...not even your own faith. I find that appalling when people who don't know what they're talking about... say things like that.

  • These little pauses are times when most people would normally check out from listening to what you're saying.

  • After all, you stop speaking and basically let them go. But Tom Cruise doesn't let go.

  • He keeps you paying rapt attention with the intensity of his gaze

  • and because you're paying rapt attention to, essentially, silence,

  • you get more drawn into what he says next.

  • He'll also lean in when he's speaking which creates the same effect of demanding your attention non-verbally.

  • ...these are films that I... I tease him because I say, you know, "I know your movies better than you."

  • ...you know, you're a father, I'm a father, I always wanted to be a father.

  • ...you know, when you first held your child's, you're like, "Wow."

  • ...and psychiatric abuses of electric-shocking people...

  • okay? ...against their will, of drugging children with them not knowing the effects of these drugs...

  • Do you know what Adderall is? Do you know Ritalin?

  • This highlights a key charisma point that permeates everything Tom Cruise doesstrong sub-communication.

  • Now, sub-communication is basically what the nonverbal cues and any interaction are saying

  • and oftentimes the sub-communication is weak and will betray a person's true feelings

  • the same way a nervous speaker undercuts their message with a quivering voice

  • essentially, they're saying, "I don't feel comfortable."

  • But in Tom's case every single sub-communication is saying, "This is important for you to hear."

  • This allows him to slow down a speaking cadence and really get people drawn into what he's saying.

  • Another important sub-communication has to do with voice tonality.

  • Tom has a very decisive tone when he speaks.

  • Listen to the downward inflection as he speaks about his feelings in this next clip.

  • I think it's... I feel... you know how I feel? I feel privileged

  • that's how I feel. I feel I live a privileged life.

  • Note that he doesn't say, "I live a privileged life,"

  • which has a more humble and less commanding connotation.

  • Now, there are certainly times where you're going to want to use that upward inflection

  • for instance, questionsbut I'll leave all of that discussion for another video because they can get kind of complex.

  • Suffice to say, Tom Cruise's heavy use of that downward inflection at the end of his sentences

  • makes him sound committed to the things that he says.

  • And again, his sub-communication is, "I stand behind what I am saying 100% regardless of what you may think."

  • His word choice reflects that same idea.

  • In fact, "absolutely" appears to be one of his favorite words.

  • Is there a belief in God or a higher power?

  • Yeah, absolutely.

  • Would you say that this is the script that changed the trajectory of your life?

  • Oh, absolutely. Abolutely, without a doubt.

  • Add all of this up and you have one of the most congruent charismatic personalities that I've ever covered on this channel.

  • Tom Cruise appears to have no self-doubthe is convinced that he is right.

  • And that is his power but also the dangerous side

  • because when you're convinced that you're right, you forfeit the ability to change your views.

  • Sure, it helps you with ignoring the haters and the naysayers but it also makes you ignore valuable negative feedback.

  • And I struggled with how to present this because as someone who loves philosophy,

  • one of the tenets is always being open to revising and changing your beliefs.

  • But when it comes to charisma, being convinced of your beliefs is what creates power.

  • In fact, rather than gather factual evidence, many people just make up their mind

  • about an issue by judging which side has the most conviction

  • and Tom Cruise certainly has conviction. Just listen.

  • I think it's, uh... I think it's appalling.

  • I think it's appalling that they're still burning synagogues in France.

  • I think it's appalling how certain Muslims are being treated.

  • I think it's absolutely appalling when we talk about freedom of speech and human rights.

  • I think it's appalling that they electric-shock people.

  • I think it's appalling that they drug children.

  • So what do you do?

  • On the one hand, you want to be open to revising your beliefs so you need to have some doubt.

  • On the other hand, steadfast conviction is a huge piece of being charismatic and a persuasive individual.

  • Now I'll be honest, I don't have a short answer for resolving this contradiction.

  • For the purposes of this video though, two things are clear.

  • First, Tom Cruise's conviction and charisma have been massive contributors to his success.

  • And second, they were also a massive contributor to his public implosion a few years ago

  • as he seemingly lost the ability to consider how he was appearing from other people's perspective.

  • ...being a scientologist, when you drive past an accident, it's not like anyone else.

  • As your drive past, you know you have to do something about it

  • because you know you're the only one that can really help.

  • Have you ever felt this way before?

  • (audience cheers)

  • ...once told Seventeen magazine. Yes! (Oprah laughs)

  • (audience cheers)

  • Here's the problemyou don't know the history of psychiatry. I do.

  • That said, in his recent interviews, Tom seems to have mellowed quite a bit

  • while retaining a different kind of charisma

  • and if you want, I can make another video about that

  • and dive further into the problem of philosophical self-doubt versus charismatic conviction.

  • For now, though play with those sub-communications.

  • See how adjusting your body language, your eye contact, and your tonality

  • affects the responses from the people around you.

  • It can be alarming to see just how much of communication is occurring under the surface.

  • Also, I've got some very cool stuff to mention before closing this out.

  • First is that with the release of Game of Thrones season 7 which I cannot wait,

  • I'm going to be doing more character breakdowns so let me know in the comments

  • if there's a character that you would like to see covered.

  • Second is that after being inspired by Gary Vaynerchuk's account,

  • I am going to be posting some behind the scenes content to Instagram

  • so if you're interested in that, go ahead and follow me on my personal account

  • or on the Charisma on Command account and I'll have links to both of those on the screen and in the description.

  • And by far the biggest news is that I've decided to start a Patreon.

  • Now this is something that I resisted for a long time

  • because I didn't feel like I need it personally but

  • I want to make more videos and I want to make better videos

  • and in order to do that, the biggest thing that I am missing is a team.

  • Now I've been extremely lucky up until now — I've had great volunteers,

  • people who have literally volunteered their time for free to do video editing

  • and animations but what happens is that they always have to defer to their real jobs

  • and that's what's created some delays in releasing videos in the past.

  • So if I want to get back to twice and even three times a week with new videos,

  • I'm going to have to hire my editor full-time, Andre. You're amazing. I love you.

  • I would love to hire an animator and ideally, I could get a cameraman

  • so we can do some more in-person charisma demonstrations.

  • In order to do that, I'm going to need to pay these people.

  • So whether or not you decide to support us on Patreon,

  • I just have to say thank you so much for watching our videos

  • it's the sheer fact that you do that that allows Charisma on Command to exist

  • in the first place and if you would like to continue to support us through Patreon,

  • I've set up a link where you can help us to grow our team.

  • I've also tried to make some very interesting exclusive cool perks

  • including private Q&A sessions where I can answer all your questions

  • as well as private in-person meetups so if your justed in that and a bunch more,

  • go ahead and click that Patreon link.

  • Anyways, thank you so much for the support, I hope that you enjoyed this video,

  • and I will see you in the next one.

Tom Cruise is known as one of the most charismatic celebrities in Hollywood.

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The Dangerous Side Of Tom Cruise’s Charisma

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    luca3466   に公開 2017 年 06 月 20 日
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