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  • >>Russell Peters: This happens to me, more often, than not, now, at my age.

  • I'm 45. I'll be 46 this year, and--

  • You know, after 40, it's a completely different life.

  • [To audience member] How old are you Omar?

  • 33, yeah, you don't know, yet.

  • [Laughter]

  • Let me tell you something, Omar.

  • Like, say you're 39, today,

  • and then 40, tomorrow--

  • it's a completely different life, you'll lead.

  • It's-- It's like a warranty, on a car.

  • [Laughter]

  • The minute you hit a hundred thousand,

  • the transmission falls out. Just--

  • [Laughter]

  • That's what happens. The minute you hit 40, shit breaks, out of nowhere.

  • [Low laughter]

  • Like, you-- you have to listen to your body, after 40. You can't just ignore,

  • what your body tells you.

  • When you're young, 33, if I was like, "Yeah, I'm gonna jump off the stage!"

  • If I was 33, I'd be like, "Uh, don't do it!"

  • But then I'd jump, and then my body would be like,

  • "Alright, fine."

  • "You're 33. You can jump off the stage."

  • [Low laughter]

  • But at 45? Fuck that! If I was like, "I'm gonna jump off the stage," my legs would break,

  • before I hit the ground.

  • [Laughter]

  • Your body goes, "Fuck you, asshole!"

  • [Mimicks breaking sound]

  • [Laughter]

  • After 40, man-- I'll tell you what,

  • [Old southern man voice] "I'll tell ya hwat!"

  • When I, uh--

  • [Low laughter]

  • When I turned 40, this guy came up to me, and he goes,

  • [Raspy voice] "Hey Russell, now that you're 40, remember this. Two things;

  • After 40, never waste a hard-on,

  • and never, trust a fart.

  • [Laughter]

  • And the "trusting a fart" thing, is so much more important, than you think!

  • [Laughter]

  • Now, trusting a fa-- Like tr-- Like--

  • When you're young, you can fart-- You're 33! You can just walk around,

  • [fromp fromp fromp-- fromp fromp fromp fromp fromp]

  • Hey guys, did you hear about the [FROMP]

  • and then you just, keep it--

  • [fromp fromp fromp frompfromp fromp]

  • You could have, little fart games, if you want.

  • "Pull my-- [FROMP] and then--

  • [Laughter]

  • After 40, you don't have the "fart freedom," that you had before that.

  • After 40, you fart, in sections. Just--

  • [bip bip bip bip bipbip]

  • [Laughter]

  • You let little bits out, at a time.

  • [bip bip bip bip bipbip bip bipbip bipbip bip bip bip]

  • 'Cause you wanna make sure, its air. You wanna feel it, the whole way.

  • Air. Air. Air. Air. Air. Air. Air.

  • The minute you feel too much heat,

  • Abort!

  • [Yelling] ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION! This is not a test!

  • [Laughter and Applause]

  • ♪ ♪

>>Russell Peters: This happens to me, more often, than not, now, at my age.

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"Turning 40" | Russell Peters - Almost Famous Outtake

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    luca3466   に公開 2017 年 06 月 19 日
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