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  • It's funny the things you forget.


  • I went to see my mother the other day, and she told me this story

    この前 母に会いに行った時に 昔のことを 話してくれたんですよ

  • that I'd completely forgotten about


  • how, when we were driving together, she would pull the car over,

    一緒にドライブしていた時のこと 母が車を停めて

  • and by the time she had gotten out of the car,

    車を降り 僕を降ろしに

  • and gone around the car to let me out of the car,


  • I would have already gotten out of the car


  • and pretended to have died.


  • (Laughter)


  • (Applause)


  • Because that's how you die.

    人は こうやって死ぬものですから

  • (Laughter)


  • And I remember, that was a game I used to play with myself

    退屈したりイライラした時の 暇つぶしに

  • to entertain myself whenever I was bored or frustrated.

    昔 そうやって遊んでたんです

  • (Laughter)


  • Settle down.

    皆さん 落ち着いて?

  • (Laughter)


  • People say we live in an age of information overload. Right?


  • I don't know about that,


  • but I just know that I get too many marketing emails.

    でも僕には大量の広告メールが 送られてきます

  • I got a marketing email from a supermarket firm,


  • which will remain nameless


  • for predominantly legal reasons,


  • but which I'm going to call "SafeMart."


  • (Laughter)


  • I got an email from them, and it went like this, it said:


  • "Just three weeks until SafeMart at King's Cross opens!!!"

    「キングス・クロス通りのセーフマート 開店までたった3週間!!」

  • And I resented this,


  • because not only do I not remember signing up to that,

    だって メーリングリストに 登録した覚えもないし

  • but I resent the fact that they appear to think


  • that I should be excited about a shop opening.

    僕が新規開店を喜ぶはずだ と思ってるらしい

  • So what I did was I scrolled down to the bottom of the email,

    それでメールの下まで 画面をスクロールして

  • and I pressed, "Unsubscribe."

    「購読解除」 ボタンを押しました

  • And I thought that'd be the end of it.


  • But a week later, I got another one that said,

    でも1週間後 また別のメールが来ました

  • "Just two weeks

    「キングス・クロス通りのセーフマート 開店までたった2週間!!」

  • until SafeMart at King's Cross opens!!!"


  • And I thought, obviously, I haven't clicked hard enough.

    もう一度 購読解除しようとするでしょ?

  • So I tried it again. Right?

    すると あら不思議 1週間後 ご想像のとおり

  • Lo and behold, a week passes, you guessed it,

    「キングス・クロス通りのセーフマート 開店までたった1週間!!」

  • "Just one week until SafeMart at King's Cross opens!!!"


  • And here's the problem:

    インターネットは何にでも アクセスさせてくれますが

  • The internet gave us access to everything;

    同時に 何にでも僕たちへの アクセスを与えてるんです

  • but it also gave everything access to us.


  • It's hard enough to discriminate


  • between the things that genuinely matter in this world


  • and the minutiae of life,

    もう 何が本当に大事なことで 何が些細なことだか

  • without having emails about supermarket chains


  • and Candy Crush Saga.


  • And I was really annoyed with them,

    よし キツーい口調の 苦情メールを書こうと思いました

  • and I thought, OK, I was about to write a strongly worded email,

    僕 得意なんですよね

  • which I can do quite well.


  • (Laughter)


  • And I thought, no --

    これを楽しんでやろう そう思って

  • I'm going to find the game.

    代わりに こう返信してみました

  • So I replied to it, and I said,


  • "I literally cannot wait!!!!"


  • (Laughter)


  • "What do you need from me?"

    ダンという人から 返信がきました

  • They got back to me; a guy called Dan said,

    「お客様のお問い合わせについて 社内で相談中です」

  • "Hi James. I've asked a colleague to help me with your query."


  • (Laughter)


  • Like it needs help.

    僕「ダン それでどんな計画を?

  • And I said, "What's the plan, Dan?

    花火とか お城形トランポリンとか どうかな」

  • I'm thinking fireworks, bouncy castle ..."


  • (Laughter)


  • "I'm not sure what you mean."


  • (Laughter)


  • I said, "I'm just tremendously excited about the opening!"


  • (Laughter)

    「お城形トランポリンは 僕が手配しようか?」

  • "Do you want to book the bouncy castle or shall I?"

    「お客様 誤解をなさっているようです」

  • He said, "I think you have misunderstood."


  • (Laughter)

    「新店舗は開店いたしますが 開店祝いは予定しておりません」

  • "A new store is opening, but there is no celebration planned."

    「じゃあ『あと三週間!』『あと二週間!』 のメールは一体何だったんですか?

  • I said, "But what was all the 'Three weeks until,' 'Two weeks until' emails?


  • I was getting excited."


  • (Laughter)


  • "I'm sorry you're disappointed."


  • (Laughter)

    「いや 大丈夫です

  • I said, "Not to worry.

    いいから とにかく祝いましょう!

  • Let's do something anyway!

    どうせお城型トランポリンも キャンセルできないんだし」

  • Besides, the deposit on the bouncy castle was non-refundable."


  • (Laughter)

    「使わないと 数百ポンド損することになるよ ダン」

  • "If we don't use it, we're out a few hundred quid, Dan."


  • (Laughter)

    「ヴィーチさん お客様の 手配なさったものへの責任は負いかねます」

  • He said, "Mr. Veitch, I'm not responsible for anything you have ordered."

    「誰が何をした なんていう 言い合いは もう止めよう

  • I said, "Let's not get into who did what.


  • Bottom line: you and I are in this together."


  • (Laughter)


  • (Applause)

    「確認だけど 君はお客さんが ちゃんと靴を脱ぐように見ててくれる?」

  • "Question: Will you be there to make sure people take their shoes off?"


  • (Laughter)

    本当のところ 僕のダンとの関係は 少し悪化してしまいました

  • I'll be honest, then my relationship with Dan deteriorated somewhat,


  • because the next email I got was this:

    「ありがとうございます お問合せ番号は99609105です」

  • "Thanks for your email - your Case Number is ..."


  • (Laughter)


  • That's outrageous.


  • I said, "Dan?"


  • (Laughter)

    僕は…なんていうか...こんなの… [お問合せ番号は39009371です]

  • And I got -- and I was just like, this is ... -- and I, I ....

    「…ダニー?」 [お問合せ番号は01591320です]

  • And I said, "Danny?"


  • And I thought, this is terrible. All I'm doing is collecting case numbers.


  • I said, "D-Dog?"


  • (Laughter)

    「店はもう開店しました —ダン」

  • "The store is now open."


  • (Laughter)

    「でもダン お城型トランポリンがないのを 皆 不思議に思ってたんじゃないかな :(」

  • I said, "But Dan, they must have wondered why there was no bouncy castle."

    それでこれに逆戻りです [お問合せ番号は3398382です]

  • And then we were back to this.


  • And that might have been the end of the story,

    僕は 何でも— 車を降りるようなつまらないことさえ

  • but I remembered that anything -- everything --

    楽しもうと思えばゲームになる ということを

  • even something as mundane as getting out of a car,


  • can be fun if you find the right game.


  • So,


  • this is what I replied:

    「ありがとうございます お問合せ番号は0000001です」

  • [Thanks for your email - your Case Number is #0000001.]


  • (Laughter)


  • (Applause)


  • And we just, uh ...

    [お問合せ番号は1682988です] (笑)

  • (Laughter)

    まるでそれは二人のダンス [お問合せ番号は0000002です]

  • It was like we were dancing.

    美しい関係 [お問合せ番号は3382982です]

  • It was just a beautiful relationship.

    それが続きました [お問合せ番号は0000003です]

  • We just kept going.

    素敵でした [お問合せ番号は3782745です]

  • It was lovely.

    でも本音を言うと 結構大変だったんですよ

  • But to be honest, guys, it was quite labor-intensive,

    僕にだって 他にもやることあったし

  • and I had other stuff to do,


  • believe it or not.

    それでメールの 自動返信プログラムを使って

  • So what I did is I have a little email auto-replier program.

    セーフマートからのメールが来るたび 自動的に返信するようにしました

  • And I set it up so every time it receives an email from SafeMart,


  • it just pings one back.

    「ありがとうございます お問合せ番号は…」

  • So I set it up, and it says,

    お問合せ番号も 毎回順番に付与されます

  • "Thanks for your email - your Case Number is ..."


  • Then it has a little formula that I wrote to up the case number every time.


  • And I put it on the server


  • and set it running.


  • (Laughter)


  • I'll be honest, guys --


  • then I forgot about it.

    ある日 確認してみると

  • (Laughter)


  • I checked back on it the other day,

    僕からの返信は 21,439番まで行っていました

  • and it appears there have been a number of emails going back and forth.


  • We're on 21,439.


  • (Applause)

    永遠にお互いにメッセージを 送り合い続けると考えると

  • It gives me an immense sense of satisfaction to know


  • that these computer programs are just going to be pinging one another

    先例を作ったってことで まあ悪くないなと思ってます

  • for eternity.

    だから 覚えていてください

  • And as legacies go, I don't think that's bad.

    もし 煩わしい手続きに げんなりしたり

  • So guys, just remember:

    現代生活の単調さに うんざりした時

  • if ever you feel weighed down by the bureaucracy


  • and often mundanity of modern life,


  • don't fight the frustration.


  • Let it be the catalyst


  • for whimsy.


  • (Laughter)


  • Thank you.

  • (Applause)

It's funny the things you forget.



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A2 初級 日本語 TED 番号 開店 ダン メール 返信

TED】ジェームズ・ヴェイッチ。配信停止しようとする苦悩 (配信停止しようとする苦悩|ジェームズ・ヴェイッチ) (【TED】James Veitch: The agony of trying to unsubscribe (The agony of trying to unsubscribe | James Veitch))

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    yucyan に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日