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  • - IAN: Mmm, oh yeah, that's good.

  • That's a very good Christmas tree.

  • - ANTHONY: Shut up!

  • - NARRATOR: Previously on Food Battle...

  • - [whispering] I feel like we're forgetting something.

  • - I'm unemployed.

  • - Oh my God, we forgot Food Battle!

  • (man screaming, car crashing)

  • - My new favorite food, pink frosted sprinkled donut.

  • - (screams)

  • (dramatic music playing)

  • - You can't have the same food as me!

  • - Uh-uh-uh-uh! Mine's vegan.

  • - (gasps) Wait, what's the difference?

  • - Oh, if you listen closely,

  • you can hear the screams of suffering animals.

  • (faint cries of animals, gun firing)

  • - So you're gonna do this or what?

  • - Yeah.

  • - Well if you think your pink frosted sprinkled donut

  • can do more everyday tasks than my

  • pink frosted sprinkled donut, then you're going down,

  • dookie-brown! (eating donut)

  • (heavy metal music plays) Food Battle 2016

  • - Let's see your stupid donut be...

  • ...the child you just found out you had

  • with your high school girlfriend that you now have

  • visitation rights with!

  • - You're just a little baby donut?

  • Yes you are. (baby crying)

  • It works. (ding!)

  • Okay, now Daddy needs his peace and quiet.

  • (window breaks, cars crash)

  • (alarms wailing, people screaming, flames crackling)

  • - REPORTER: Marine biologist Emerson Dibley

  • has discovered a new breed of octopus,

  • which has two more tentacles than a

  • normal octopus, and is being

  • called by specialists in the field...

  • - Uh, oh no! - REPORTER: ...a squid.

  • - (gags) My baby boy!

  • My baby boy-- (ding!)

  • - Let's do a...

  • ...clone--wait, a clone?

  • - What the hell kind of catalogue have we been using? (Cream Cheese And Other Things)

  • - Huh. - Makes sense.

  • - Okay, donut, time for you to become my clone.

  • (whoosh!)

  • Whoa. I look just like me.

  • - I do. (punches real Ian)

  • (ding!)

  • Oh, Anthony? I'm ready for the Food Battles.

  • (laughs sinisterly)

  • - All right, donut, double as my clone.

  • (electricity zaps)

  • - [weakly] Kill me...

  • - (screams)

  • (buzzer)

  • Are you gonna choose something or what?

  • - Okay.

  • - Are you okay?

  • - It feel good to be Ian. (real Ian yells,

  • punches fake Ian)

  • - Hooh, all right.

  • Let's do, um... glue?

  • - What?

  • - Let's do glue! - Okay.

  • - Okay, donut, I need to find something

  • to break so I can put it back together.

  • Oh, that'll work.

  • - No!

  • Not my limited edition finger telecaster deluxe

  • signed by world-renowned singer, song writer

  • and very handsome man Brendon Urie

  • from the band Panic! at the Dis--

  • (heavy metal music plays, guitar breaking)

  • (heavy metal music continues)

  • - It worked! (buzzer)

  • - All right, donut, please be the glue

  • that holds my family together.

  • - Why are the dishes never done when I get home?

  • This place is a God-damn pigsty!

  • - My body is a pigsty because you never satisfy me, sexually.

  • - Oh, really... - Please fix this, donut.

  • - Oh, God damn it, Anthony. Stop it.

  • - Stop it. - And I told you,

  • I am tired from a long day of work at the office,

  • and, my penis don't work sometimes.

  • - And that is why I'm sleeping

  • with Robert from the Jeep!

  • - Are you kidding me? Robert?

  • (distant arguing)

  • - Oh well. Guess I'm getting

  • double Christmas presents next year.

  • (buzzer)

  • Let's do... (scrunches paper)

  • (dominoes clicking, Ian and Anthony singing)

  • (bucket clanking, ball rolling, Ian and Anthony continue)

  • (flames whooshing, rope breaks)

  • (both singing)

  • A dabbing Harambe!

  • - Okay!

  • All right, donut, I know you can be a dabbing Harambe.

  • - Stop!

  • (music plays)

  • - IAN: Meme police!

  • - You're under arrest for referencing

  • two outdated memes multiple times!

  • - Damn, Daniel! What are those?

  • That boy's back at it again with the white vans.

  • (suspenseful music building up)

  • - You're free to Pokémon GO.

  • (music plays) - IAN: Meme police!

  • Hah, it worked!

  • (buzzer)

  • (muffled grunting)

  • That hurt.

  • - C'mon, donut, I know you can be a--

  • (buzzer)

  • What? I didn't even get to say any--

  • (buzzer) Come on, I didn't even--

  • (buzzer) What?

  • (buzzer) No, I--

  • (buzzer)

  • Let's see your stupid pink turd be a...

  • - Christmas tree topper!

  • (car crashes, people screaming, alarm wailing)

  • Come on, donut. Let's make this day magical.

  • (heavy metal music plays)

  • (boxes clattering) Sh*t!

  • (boxes clattering)

  • (grunting)

  • (screams) (baubles clattering)

  • (grunting)

  • (panting)

  • Hah! (ding!)

  • What's the matter, man?

  • Why aren't you making your donut

  • be a Christmas tree topper?

  • You should've seen mine. It was so close, like

  • (imitates grunting) and then I died and I freakin' loved it.

  • What's wrong, man?

  • - Ian, do you ever think about...

  • ...getting older, and... you know...changing?

  • - Like...becoming a butterfly?

  • 'Cause I'm still working on that.

  • By the way, do you know where I could buy a cocoon?

  • - No. Why are we still doing Food Battle?

  • How many times can one person die?

  • - So far, nine.

  • And then there's that time we swapped brains

  • which kinda felt like dying on the inside.

  • - Okay, but seriously,

  • do you still even wanna do Food Battle?

  • - (sighs)

  • I don't know. I don't know, man.

  • - Yeah... I don't know either.

  • - Hey. We did have some good times though.

  • - Yeah.

  • - IAN: ♪ I will remember Food

  • Battle through all the years

  • We died so many times

  • But are somehow inexplicably still alive

  • Don't try to make sense of any of itttttttt... ♪

  • (singing)

  • - Okay, the montage is over.

  • Ian! - Sorry.

  • So...do you really wanna end Food Battle...

  • ...forever?

  • - Yeah. I think so.

  • What do you say we...

  • ...toss these donuts and move onto newer things?

  • - Yeah... like Food War 2017!

  • - No. - Sorry.

  • Well... what do you say we...

  • ...get out of here, sport?

  • - All right, champ. Let's do it.

  • - Good-bye, donut. - Good-bye, Food Battle.

  • (dramatic music playing)

  • (heavy metal music plays)

  • - Ian! Ian! Anthony!

  • You just ended Food Battle and I'm out of a job.

  • What are you gonna do now?

  • - We're gonna live, damn it.

  • We're gonna live.

  • - Oh boy, you're gonna live! Can I come?

  • - Sure. buddy.

  • - Get in here. - Oh...

  • Wait...does this mean I'm fully unemployed now?

  • - IAN & ANTHONY: Yep. - ANNOUNCER: F*ck!

  • What am I supposed to do?

  • - IAN: Foot greaser? - ANNOUNCER: No!

  • - ANTHONY: Clean windows?

  • - ANNOUNCER: I don't do windows.

  • - IAN: Plumbing? - ANNOUNCER: No!

  • - ANTHONY: Paint rocks? - ANNOUNCER: For money?

  • - ANTHONY: Yeah. - ANNOUNCER: No.

  • - IAN: Taint tickler?

  • - ANNOUNCER: I already do that for free.

  • - IAN: Well, you should start charging.

  • - ANTHONY: Hey guys. Thank you so much for watching

  • and supporting Food Battle over all these years.

  • - IAN: Yeah, and we can not wait

  • to show you guys what we have--

  • - BARNEY: Hey there, kids! It's Barney!

  • You thought you could end Food Battle without me?

  • I don't think so. (chainsaw whirring)

  • I'm gonna cut off your scrotes and wear them as jewelry!

  • (Ian and Anthony screaming) (laughs maniacally)

  • So much blood! (Ian and Anthony scream)

  • Oh, these are wonderful scrotes.

  • (suspenseful music plays)

  • THE END?

- IAN: Mmm, oh yeah, that's good.

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FOOD BATTLE 2016 (FOOD BATTLE 2016)

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    Steven に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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