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Hi!
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So the other day I was listening to music with a friend who asked,
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"How tall do you think Taylor Swift is?"
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Uh, like two meters?
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You think?
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She looks pretty tall. Maybe three meters?
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What? Nobody is 3 meters. That's like over 9 feet.
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I take it back. Two meters. I wanna go back to two meters.
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How tall is Taylor Swift?
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Taylor Swift is 1.78 meters tall.
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Aye, that's kind of what I thought.
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Who the fuck measured Taylor Swift?!
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I don't know. They have the heights of a whole bunch of people. See?
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Ariana Grande, Calvin Harris, Karlie Kloss...
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Give me that!
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How tall is George Clooney?
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George Clooney is 1.8 meters tall
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How tall is Oprah?
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Oprah Winfrey is 1.69 meters tall
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How tall is Adele?
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Adele is 1.75 meters tall.
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WHO ARE YOU? WHO MEASURES PEOPLE?
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Hyacinth Cook is a professional height data collector.
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From her studio apartment, she runs a small business "Height Helpers".
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Providing celebrity heights to clients, such as Google, the National Security Agency, Interpol, and Grant.
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I just like knowing people's heights.
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I guess I knew from the first moment, that I asked myself, "how tall is Brad Pitt?"
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Like if we would ever date, would I be too tall next to him if I wore high heels to like a premiere?
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And I thought to myself, this is a question that other people must be asking.
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So I started to collect heights. His was my first.
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He would always be my first.
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When I first started, it was very old school.
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I would wait outside the stage door,
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and I would pretend to ask them for an autograph.
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And while they were signing, I'd be measuring them and, you know, that's how I first started.
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And in my first year, I collected 1,473 celebrity heights.
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And that was great.
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I started to develop more advanced skills
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Oh shit, wrong person.
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- Oh my god! Are you okay? -There.
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Good.
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Okay. Alright.
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And all of that aside, it felt sort of normal just to be asking Google, "How tall people were."
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That's not normal. Just because they're celebrities, that's not okay.
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I mean imagine if I collected heights of my friends.
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Hey Nat, can I borrow a piece of paper of this? I just wanna write stuff down. My phone's outta battery.
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Well, you're already writing in it, so it's not really asking...
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And you can't return it if you're... it's not really borrowing if you can't return it.
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It's awkward. I wasn't thinking about it anyways.
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What is this?
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Oh, that's everyone's height. Don't write on that page. That's important.
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What do you mean? WHAT?
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It's everyone's height! I write down everyone's height, so I know.
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But what is this for? Like what are you going to use this for?
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It's just so I know! So if you're like, "Hey, how tall do you think Amanda is?"
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I'll be like "Amanda is 5'1' when she's lying down in her bed."
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How would you know...? You know, Amanda said you're a weirdo and I'm starting to believe her.
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Amanda said that?!
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Yah. She said you're weird.
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What is that?
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This is another list.
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(IT'S TIME FOR: AMANDA)
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You don't need to know about it.
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But now that you do...
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(SUSPICIOUS LIST: KRISTIN)
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Well what's that list?
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Stop making lists!
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The only time I think you really need to know height, is in a crime situation.
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Hi Natalie, I understand you've had a home invasion here today,
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and you saw the man leaving the building.
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Okay, I'm Sergeant Merralis, you can call me Judy.
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And that's constable Jacobson, you can call him Jeff.
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Hey Jeff!
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Hi Judy.
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Hey!
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Hey.
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How are you?
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Good! How are you?
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I'm good.
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Okay, I'm sorry I didn't bring my pad of papers, so I'm just gonna borrow a sheet from here if that's okay.
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Yah, I mean, it's not really asking if you're already writing; it's not really borrowing if you can't return... I wasn't thinking about it.
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Alright, so, tell me, did you see the face of the man at all?
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Uh, no.
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And what did he take?
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He took some cash that was in my key box, and some earrings from my jewelry box.
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They didn't take my DVD/VCR combo thing, which is kind of crazy.
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Maybe they thought it was just a VCR or just a DVD?
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But it's DVD AND VCR. Like it does both.
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Um, but that was it, really.
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Okay. And did you get his height?
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It's funny cuz you keep referring to them as a "he", but it could've been a she. I mean, burglars can be shes'.
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I'm sorry. Was it a she?
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Oh no. Like it was a guy anyway. So it doesn't matter.
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Um, maybe like two meters?
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You think?
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He was pretty tall. Maybe three?
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Nobody is 3 meters, that's over 9 feet tall.
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Two. I take it back. Let's go back to two. Two meters.
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Anyways. This video isn't very relatable, is it?
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Nope.
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Oh well. What's the internet for if not to steal your time and make you angry.
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Smart people like "there's a lot of other uses for information.'
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SHUT UP smart people!
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Anyway, I apologize for not making a video last week.
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Oh, I didn't even notice.
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I seriously have other things to do. I can't just sit around waiting for you to upload a video.
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Oh, you didn't notice? Yah, I didn't notice either.
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I only mentioned it because like, I thought you mentioned it.
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But you brought it up...
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SHUT YOUR FACE! You should shut your face right now!!
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Alright! It's porno music / comment time.
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I'm gonna make these much shorter now, and dedicate more time to comments in separate videos.
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But I'm very sad to hear so many of you kill flies.
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I've talked to you guys about this. You can't kill bugs and insects.
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Their families will see you and they will come and murder you in your sleep.
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I know this cuz I speak to bugs. And no you will never get your four minutes back.
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Because I ate them all.
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I ate all your minutes. HAHAHAHA.