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SPEAKING OF DEEP SHAME, THE 2016 ELECTION.
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( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) LAST NIGHT, THE PEOPLE OF
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WISCONSIN REJECTED THE FRONTRUNNERS.
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ON THE DEMOCRATIC SIDE, THE THE WINNER WAS-- AND JUST HOLD
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ON, LET ME BRACE MIEDZ FOR YOUR REACTION.
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BERNIE SANDERS.
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( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I'LL KEEP THOSE HANDY IN CASE
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THERE'S A STORY ABOUT ONE DIRECTION REUNITING TO GIVE OUT
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FREE POT.
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AND LAST NIGHT, BERNIE FIRED UP THE CROWD WITH HIS VICTORY
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SPEECH.
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>> I THINK THE PEOPLE OF THIS COUNTRY ARE READY FOR A
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POLITICAL REVOLUTION.
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YES, WE CAN.
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YES, WE CAN.
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>> Stephen: YES WE CAN... STEAL SLOGANS FROM BARACK OBAMA.
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( LAUGHTER ) UNLESS THAT ACTUALLY IS BARACK
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OBAMA AND HE'S AGED EVEN MORE THAN I THOUGHT.
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( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
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BUT THE BIG NEWS-- THE BIG NEWS LAST NIGHT WAS ON THE REPUBLICAN
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SIDE.
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TED CRUZ WON.
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IT WAS A HUGE UPSET, BECAUSE EVEN IF YOU VOTED FOR TED CRUZ,
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YOU'RE STILL PRETTY UPSET ABOUT IT.
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OF COURSE, THE EVEN BIGGER NEWS DONALD TRUMP LOST.
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( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ANALYSTS SAY HE LOST BECAUSE
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OF...
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THINGS HE'S SAID AND DONE.
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( LAUGHTER ) ALSO-- AND THIS IS JUST AS
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IMPORTANT-- THINGS HE HASN'T SAID.
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MANY PEOPLE OUT THERE COMPLAIN THAT TRUMP TENDS TO TALK BIG BUT
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NEVER COMES UP WITH SPECIFIC PROPOSALS.
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WELL, ON MONDAY, TRUMP PUT THAT CRITICISM TO BED BY FINALLY
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GIVING REPUBLICAN VOTERS CONCRETE EXAMPLES OF GOVERNMENT
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AGENCIES HE WOULD ELIMINATE.
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>> WOULD YOU ELIMINATE ANY DEPARTMENTS?
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>> OH, ABSOLUTELY.
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DEPARTMENT OF ENVIRONMENTAL.
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I MEAN, THE DEP IS KILLING US ENVIRONMENTALLY.
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IT'S JUST KILLING OUR BUSINESSES.
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>> Stephen: YES, ABSOLUTELY.
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TRUMP PROMISED TO KILL THE WASTEFUL DEPARTMENT OF
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ENVIRONMENTAL, THE D.E.P.
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EVEN THE ABBREVIATION IS WASTEFUL.
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BECAUSE THAT "P" DOESN'T STAND FOR ANYTHING.
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( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
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NOW, WE LOOKED IT UP, AND THE DEPARTMENT OF ENVIRONMENTAL DOES
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NOT EXIST, MEANING TRUMP IS EITHER TALKING OUT OF HIS ASS,
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OR HE'S ALREADY ELIMINATED IT.
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THAT'S VERY IMPRESSIVE.
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AND YOU KNOW IT'S JUST A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE TRUMP ELIMINATES
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ALL THE OTHER WASTEFUL DEPARTMENTS WE DON'T NEED
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BECAUSE THEY DON'T EXIST, BIG GOVERNMENT PROGRAMS LIKE THE
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FEDERAL BUREAU OF MONEYING.
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THE DEPARTMENT FOR THE FARMS.
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THE BUREAU OF BIRDS AND FOXES.
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THE ENVIRONMENTAL ERECTION AGENCY.
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( LAUGHTER ) THE U.S. STEAK DEPARTMENT.
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THE DEPARTMENT OF THE INFERIOR.
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THE U.S. GHOST GUARD.
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THE DEPARTMENT OF JUSTINS.
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THE UNITED STATES MINT CHOCOLATE CHIP.
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AND THE DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH AND HUMAN CENTIPEDES.