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  • - Boy, it is crazy.

  • There are only seven more days until Christmas.

  • That's-- [cheers and applause]

  • [cheers and applause]

  • How many of you started your holiday shopping already?

  • Okay. [cheers and applause]

  • And how many of you are gonna wait for, like, six more days?

  • [cheers and applause]

  • Holiday shopping can be expensive,

  • so I thought I would share some tips

  • for holiday shopping on a budget.

  • Tip \\#1: Everyone's talking about the new "Star Wars" movie,

  • and a lot of kids and full-grown men

  • want lightsabers for Christmas. [audience laughter]

  • And they ain't cheap, I'll tell you that.

  • So, look what I made right here.

  • [imitates lightsaber hum] [audience laughter]

  • [cheers and applause]

  • Yeah, all you need is a pool noodle,

  • and some black tape, and-- [audience laughter]

  • For $2.00, you got yourself a lightsaber right there.

  • And it's waterproof.

  • That's using your noodle, I'll tell you that.

  • [audience laughter]

  • Tip \\#2: If you're shopping for your Jewish friends,

  • remember, Hanukkah ended last week.

  • All you need to get them is this:

  • Nothing!

  • [laughter and applause]

  • Too late! [cheers and applause]

  • [cheers and applause]

  • Boom! Just saved you some money right there.

  • [audience laughter]

  • Tip \\#3: A great gift for Dad

  • is Johnny Walker Blue Label Scotch,

  • which costs about 200 bucks,

  • but you can buy Johnny Walker Red for $20.

  • So you get yourself a blue marker,

  • and you buy yourself-- [audience laughter]

  • The blue label, and then you just color it.

  • [audience laughter]

  • And now you got blue.

  • [cheers and applause]

  • The red-- [cheers and applause]

  • [cheers and applause]

  • Tip \\#4: Lingerie is a great gift

  • for that special someone in your life,

  • or your mailman.

  • [audience laughter]

  • Did you know that regular underwear

  • is cheaper than lingerie?

  • Which makes sense.

  • [audience laughter]

  • No, it makes no sense.

  • [audience laughter]

  • Wait, no, regular underwear--

  • I said it wrong: regular underwear is actually

  • more expensive than lingerie,

  • and lingerie has less fabric,

  • so it seems ridiculous, so what you do, here, is--

  • [audience laughter]

  • Lingerie is more expensive.

  • [audience laughter]

  • Yeah, I know. I know.

  • The joke's still gonna work.

  • [audience laughter]

  • Did you know--

  • [laughter and applause]

  • Wait till you hear this, guys.

  • Lingerie's more expensive...

  • [audience laughter] than regular underwear,

  • which is crazy, because it's less fabric.

  • So what you do is you buy yourself

  • just a regular pair of underwear, like that.

  • You get yourself some scissors, and then--

  • [audience laughter]

  • [audience laughter]

  • And look what you got.

  • [cheers and applause]

  • Now, Tip \\#5: You can just give someone the perfect gift

  • without spending any money at all,

  • and that is the gift of dance.

- Boy, it is crazy.

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Budget-Friendly Holiday Gifts

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