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Hello, my name is Dave and I am an anorexic.
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I have been recovering from anorexia for the past eight or nine years;
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everyone needs a hobby.
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(Laughter)
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That is what this is all about.
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Before we kick off, I am very comfortable talking about this.
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I do not want anyone to be awkward or kind of cringing.
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You can see me, I am not butch or tough.
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I will be honest; I do not even have a strong bladder.
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(Laughter)
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That is what this is for. It is just a massive TENA pad.
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(Laughter)
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If you saw me in the street, you are not going to think,
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"Phwoa! There is an alpha male."
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Much more likely, "Oh, vegetarian!"
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(Laughter)
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You would be right because I have been veggie for a while now.
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There are certain things that I miss.
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A lot of respect.
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(Laughter)
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There is a really good reason that I bring it up.
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There are 1.6 million people in the UK that suffer with eating disorders.
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Probably more, because a lot of people feel embarrassed to talk about it.
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A lot of people do not realise that they are suffering,
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and that was exactly the same for me.
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A lot of my friends, when I slipped into all of this,
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asked me how I was losing so much weight so quickly,
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and I guess I was embarrassed.
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I used to tell them it was a combination
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of the Atkins diet, coupled with being vegetarian.
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(Laughter)
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Just sounds much nicer, right?
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By trade, I am a stand-up comic
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and I love the unique ability that comedy has to reach people.
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I really wanted to use that in order to help,
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and in order to change how we see mental health.
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It was a difficult show to write.
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It was a really tricky one because I had to be funny,
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but I had to be informative as well.
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Obviously I wanted to be sensitive.
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We did not always get the balance right.
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When we took it on tour to the Leicester Comedy Festival,
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one of the first reviews said that the bit I did on bulimia was too, "Gag-heavy".
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(Laughter)
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It is like saying a show on domestic violence lacks punchlines.
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But it is absolutely true.
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I want to promote change, especially towards mental health,
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because we have not changed our attitude in the UK to mental health
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since the Victorian era, really.
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Then we would have freak shows, now we have reality TV.
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We just have not come that far, and I wanted to use that.
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I will never forget the first time that I ever tried this in a show.
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It was awkward. It was horrible, it was awkward, everyone was really...
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and it wasn't ready.
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After the show, a woman came up to me, and she stood there, and she said,
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"You were not really anorexic, were you?"
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I could not help but think, "Are you calling me fat?"
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(Laughter)
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I said, "It is all absolutely true."
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She just turned around, and she walked off.
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I thought, "I have offended this woman," and that is the last thing I want to do.
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Then five minutes later, she came back, and she stood there, and she said,
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"I can help you. I can help you get over this."
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Then from behind her back, she produced a packet of crisps.
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Like the answer to this neurological, psychological, mental health disorder
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was a packet of Monster Munch.
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It was only then that I realised
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how little people actually know about this.
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So I decided to start telling my story.
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For me, this all began when I was 17,
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and I had just got the lead role in a play.
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It was a play called, "Sparkleshark".
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(Laughter)
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I am not even gay.
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(Laughter)
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I am as surprised as you.
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(Laughter)
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So is my boyfriend.
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(Laughter)
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I am not homophobic either.
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Some of my best friends enjoy musicals.
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(Laughter)
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I am of course kidding.
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I am a very left-wing person, I am very liberal.
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The only thing I cannot tolerate is gluten.
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I got this role in this play, and I had to appear topless.
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I guess it was the first time that I have ever had to think about my body.
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I decided to lose a little bit of weight.
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I just did the usual thing; cut out snacking.
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I just had three meals, and I lost a bit of weight.
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Wanted to lose more, so I cut out breakfast,
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just had two meals, lost a bit of weight.
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Wanted to lose a bit more,
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and then cut out breakfast and dinner and just had tea,
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and lost a bit more.
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It was a great way to save money on food bills.
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Although what I did lose in weight, I also lost in Nectar points.
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(Laughter)
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It is not all happy families.
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As I lost the weight, something incredible happened,
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and I got noticed by this one amazing, beautiful, wonderful, awesome girl.
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For legal reasons, I am not going to name her.
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I am not going to get within 50 feet of her after this goes online.
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All you need to know is she was amazing, we started dating, and I fell in love.
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She became my heroine.
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By which I mean, she was addictive, exciting, and blooming expensive.
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But like heroine, she also became a cause for me to lose weight;
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she became an inspiration to draw me on, to lose more of my fat.
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Not that she ever made me. I really want to get that across as well.
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She actually never actively made me lost weight.
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She hated that I was skinnier than her.
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I will never forget one conversation.
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"Does my bum look big in this"
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"No, Dave."
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(Laughter)
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"I am over this."
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You have to understand that in my mind,
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I correlated getting skinny with getting this incredible girl.
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In my mind, I correlated getting skinny with being good-looking,
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skinny meant success.
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I know that is mental now.
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I understand no girl has ever been asked, "What do you look for in the ideal bloke?"
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"Ooh, rickets!"
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(Laughter)
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In my mind, that made sense.
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Inevitably when we broke up and she broke my heart,
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that was when it spiraled out of control.
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If we are talking about change, one of the things that I want to change
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is that anorexia is not to do with vanity, and it is very little to do with weight.
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It is about addiction, obsession, and control.
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For example, I became absolutely obsessed with exercising.
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Anytime I had eaten anything, no matter how much,
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I would run upstairs to my room, I would do 50 push-ups,
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I would do 50 sit-ups and I would do 20 squats.
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It was then that my mum and dad realised that something was up.
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They never approached me. They never said anything to me about this.
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I did not know the reason until I asked them recently.
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I said to my mum, "Why, when you knew something was up with the exercise,
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why didn't you say anything to me?"
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She gave the most beautiful answer.
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She said, "Dave, when your teenage son keeps on running up to his room,
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and all you can hear is rhythmical banging, followed by repeated grunting,
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you tend not to ask questions."
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I thought it was really sweet until my dad put his hand on her shoulder and said,
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"I thought you were a sex pest".
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(Laughter)
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"Sex pest". You never expected those words at TEDx.
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Also, I became obsessed with weighing myself, on a neurological level.
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I started weighing myself in the morning,
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then I started weighing myself in the evening,
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to see how much my weight fluctuated.
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Then mid-day to inspire me to eat less.
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On average, about five times a day,
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I used to run upstairs, lock my door, and weigh myself.
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Five times a day, I used to lock myself away.
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Dad thought I converted to Islam.
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When he found out what was going on,
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he said, "Oh, I thought I was going to have to buy you a Qur'an."
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I said, "Dad, we have been over this. I am vegetarian.
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It is pronounced 'Quorn'."
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(Laughter)
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Side-note on that: when we did The Birmingham Comedy Festival,
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a lovely Muslim fellow came up to me after the show, and he said,
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"I really enjoyed the show, it was absolutely lovely.
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But you are a very weak person.
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Because what you call, "anorexia", us Islamists just call Ramadan."
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(Laughter)
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Really nice.
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I also became obsessed with calories as well.
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Obsessed with calorie counting.
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To reduce calories, I reduced portion sizes,
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so what I called, "Sunday lunch", everyone else just called "tapas".
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It was weird for my mum and dad at this point in time;
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I am cheaper to feed than the cat was.
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They did not know what to do.
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They went and sought help in the church, they tried to drag me along.
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I was going nowhere near that place.
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Bread and wine? Talk about empty calories.
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I heard stories of miracles and was entirely unimpressed.
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Five loaves, two fishes, 5,000 people.
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That is plenty to go around, you know?
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Because I did not realise I had a problem, until I ended up in hospital.
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I ended up in hospital due to coffee-loading.
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Side-note on that: in case you do not know what that is,
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"coffee-loading" is where you substitute food for coffee.
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Coffee gives you all of the energy, but none of the calories of food.
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Something you might not realise about coffee
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is that coffee reduces your pulse rate when you do not eat.
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Because you have got no fuel in your body, that reduces your pulse too.
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Mine got down to about 46 beats a minute.
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If you get anywhere below 40,
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it is what is medically known as 'heart block'.
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And unfortunately, it is incompatible with life.
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I got rushed to the hospital, and as I sat there,
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I got talking to this building, builder.
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(Laughter)
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It was going so well!
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Do not worry. They will fix that in the edit!
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Just to ruin it, I am going to do it on this side now.
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The editor is going to have a massive field day.
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Where were we? Serious point, thank you very much.
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I was there, I was talking to this builder, a lovely bloke.
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It turns out he was there because he had circular sawed though his femur.
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After a while, we got talking, and he said,
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"Anyway, enough about me, what about you? Why are you here?"
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Let me tell you, nothing is more embarrassing in life,
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than when you look at a bloke
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who is bleeding through the lower part of his body and you go,
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"Why am I here? Oh, too much coffee!"
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(Laughter)
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You look like a bit of a 'word that I am not allowed to say'.
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It is bizarre.
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Anorexia is a big problem.
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It affects people like Kelly Clarkson, Lily Allen, Victoria Beckham.
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It is a huge problem.
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It is responsible for a lot of rubbish music.
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(Laughter)
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Those are famous female anorexics.
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I asked my housemate if he could name any famous male anorexics,
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and he just went, "Gandhi?"
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I said, "No!"
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There is a gap in the market for the first famous male anorexic.
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It is not a very big gap.
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(Laughter)
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That is not why I am doing this.
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I do not want fame or glory. I am not doing it for that.
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I do not want to be on television;
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the camera adds ten pounds, you can go away.
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Men are much more likely to get bulimia as well, that is something I meant to say.
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Only about 90% of anorexics that we know of are female.
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Anywhere between 10% and 25% are male, and that is on the increase.
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Men are much more likely to get bulimia
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so there are a lot of famous examples of male bulimics;
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people like Elton John was bulimic.
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So 'Rocket Man'? It is all about salad.
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It is an incredibly big problem in the UK,
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and I know that because I am lucky and honored to work with
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an incredible charity called, "Beat", the UK's largest eating disorder charity.
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They gave me an award for the show and the tour last year,
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which was wonderful.
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I have a women there that manages me called Rebecca,
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and when we went to the Edinburgh Fringe,
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I realised as I got on the train, I needed to send Rebecca at Beat an email.
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I pulled a pen out of my pocket and wrote on the back of my hand, "Beat, Rebecca".
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You can imagine what the bloke next to me thought.