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  • I grew up to study the brain


  • because I have a brother who has been diagnosed with a brain disorder:


  • schizophrenia. And as a sister


  • and later, as a scientist, I wanted to understand why

    後には科学者として 知りたかったのです

  • is it that I can take my dreams, I can connect


  • them to my reality, and I can make my dreams come true.


  • What is it about my brother's brain and


  • his schizophrenia that he cannot connect his

    夢を みんなと同じ普通の現実に

  • dreams to a common and shared reality, so they


  • instead become delusion?


  • So I dedicated my career to research into the


  • severe mental illnesses. And I moved from my home state

    重い精神疾患の研究に 身を捧げることになりました

  • of Indiana to Boston, where I was working in


  • the lab of Dr. Francine Benes, in the Harvard

    ハーバード大学精神科の フランシーン ベネスの

  • Department of Psychiatry. And in the lab, we were asking the question,

    研究室に入り 1つの問への答えを 追い求めました

  • "What are the biological differences between the brains of individuals

    “正常と診断される人の脳と 統合失調症や―”

  • who would be diagnosed as normal control,


  • as compared with the brains of individuals diagnosed with


  • schizophrenia, schizoaffective or bipolar disorder?"


  • So we were essentially mapping the microcircuitry

    私たちは 脳の回路のマッピングをして

  • of the brain: which cells are communicating with

    どの細胞と どの細胞が

  • which cells, with which chemicals, and then in

    どんな化学物質を どれだけ使って

  • what quantities of those chemicals?


  • So there was a lot of meaning in my life because I was performing


  • this type of research during the day.


  • But then in the evenings and on the weekends,


  • I traveled as an advocate for NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness.

    精神障害者家族会であるNAMIの活動で あちこち飛び回っていました

  • But on the morning of December 10, 1996, I woke up

    ところが 1996年12月10日の朝 目を覚ますと

  • to discover that I had a brain disorder of my own.


  • A blood vessel exploded in the left half of my brain.


  • And in the course of four hours,


  • I watched my brain completely deteriorate in its ability to


  • process all information. On the morning of the hemorrhage,

    大出血を起こしたその朝 私は 歩けず 話せず

  • I could not walk, talk, read, write or recall any of my life.

    読み書きも 自分の生活について思い出すこともできませんでした

  • I essentially became an infant in a woman's body.

    私は要するに 大人の体をした赤ん坊になったのです

  • If you've ever seen a human brain,


  • it's obvious that the two hemispheres are completely separate from one another.

    2つの脳半球は 完全に分離されているのをご存じでしょう

  • And I have brought for you a real human brain.


  • So this is a real human brain.


  • This is the front of the brain,


  • the back of brain with the spinal cord hanging down,


  • and this is how it would be positioned inside of my head.

    こういう状態で 頭の中に納まっています

  • And when you look at the brain, it's obvious that


  • the two cerebral cortices are completely separate from one another.

    2つの大脳皮質は 完全に分離しています

  • For those of you who understand computers,


  • our right hemisphere functions like a parallel processor,

    右脳は 並列プロセッサのように機能し

  • while our left hemisphere functions like a serial processor.

    左脳は 単一プロセッサのように機能します

  • The two hemispheres do communicate with one another


  • through the corpus collosum,


  • which is made up of some 300 million axonal fibers.

    2つの脳半球は 通信し合っています

  • But other than that,


  • the two hemispheres are completely separate.

    2つの脳半球は 完全に分かれています

  • Because they process information differently,


  • each of our hemispheres think about different things,

    それぞれの脳半球は 考えることが違い

  • they care about different things, and, dare I say,

    別なことに関心を持ち あえて言うなら

  • they have very different personalities.

    それぞれ 別な人格を持っています

  • Excuse me. Thank you. It's been a joy. (Assistant: It has been.)

    もういいわ ありがとう 楽しかったわ (助手: 私はやりませんよ) (笑)

  • Our right hemisphere is all about this present moment.


  • It's all about "right here, right now."

    “この場所 この瞬間”がすべてです

  • Our right hemisphere, it thinks in pictures

    右脳は 映像で考え

  • and it learns kinesthetically through the movement of our bodies.

    自分の体の動きから 運動感覚で学びます

  • Information, in the form of energy, streams in simultaneously

    情報は エネルギーの形をとって すべての感覚システムから

  • through all of our sensory systems


  • and then it explodes into this enormous collage

    この現在の瞬間が どのように見え

  • of what this present moment looks like,

    どのように臭い どういう味がし

  • what this present moment smells like and tastes like,

    どんな感触がし どう聞こえるかが

  • what it feels like and what it sounds like.


  • I am an energy-being connected to the energy all around me

    右脳の意識を通して見ると 私という存在は

  • through the consciousness of my right hemisphere.


  • We are energy-beings connected to one another


  • through the consciousness of our right hemispheres as one human family.

    1つの家族として互いにつながっている エネルギー的存在です

  • And right here,

    今 この場所

  • right now, we are brothers and sisters on this planet,

    この瞬間 私たちはこの地球上で

  • here to make the world a better place.


  • And in this moment we are perfect, we are whole and we are beautiful.

    この瞬間に 私たちは完璧であり 完全あり 美しいのです

  • My left hemisphere -- our left hemisphere -- is a very different place.


  • Our left hemisphere thinks linearly and methodically.

    私たちの左脳は直線的 系統的に 考えます

  • Our left hemisphere


  • is all about the past and it's all about the future.


  • Our left hemisphere is designed to take that

    左脳は 現在の瞬間を表す 巨大なコラージュから

  • enormous collage of the present moment and start

    詳細を拾い出し その詳細の中から

  • picking out details, details and more details about those details.

    さらに 詳細についての詳細を拾い出すようにできています

  • It then categorizes and

    そして それらを分類し

  • organizes all that information, associates it

    全ての情報を整理し これまで覚えてきた

  • with everything in the past we've ever learned, and


  • projects into the future all of our possibilities.

    将来の全ての可能性へと 投影します

  • And our left hemisphere thinks in language.

    そして左脳は 言語で考えます

  • It's that ongoing brain chatter that connects me and my


  • internal world to my external world.

    内面の世界と外の世界とを つないでいます

  • It's that little voice that says to me, "Hey, you gotta remember

    その小さな声が 私に囁きます“帰る途中で―”

  • to pick up bananas on your way home.


  • I need them in the morning."


  • It's that calculating intelligence that reminds me

    計算的な知能が 洗濯をするよう

  • when I have to do my laundry. But perhaps most important,


  • it's that little voice that says to me,

    しかし 最も重要なのは その小さな声が 私に

  • "I am. I am." And as soon as my left hemisphere says to me "I am,"

    “私がある”と言うことです そして左脳が“私がある”と言った途端

  • I become separate.

    私は 切り離されるのです

  • I become a single solid individual, separate from the energy flow

    私は 1人の確固たる個人となり 周りのエネルギーの流れから離れ

  • around me and separate from you.


  • And this was the portion of my brain that I lost

    そしてその部分が 脳卒中の朝に

  • on the morning of my stroke.


  • On the morning of the stroke, I woke up to a

    脳卒中の朝 私は左目の裏にひどい痛みを感じ

  • pounding pain behind my left eye. And it was the kind of pain --

    目を覚ましました その痛みは

  • caustic pain -- that you get when you


  • bite into ice cream. And it just gripped me --

    鋭い痛みです それは 私を捕らえて

  • and then it released me. And then it just gripped me --

    解放し それからまた捕らえ

  • and then it released me. And it was very unusual

    解放しました 私にとっては

  • for me to ever experience any kind of pain,


  • so I thought, OK, I'll just start my normal routine.


  • So I got up and I jumped onto my cardio glider,

    起き上がって 全身有酸素運動用の

  • which is a full-body, full-exercise machine.


  • And I'm jamming away on this thing, and I'm realizing

    一生懸命こうやっていたのですが バーを握っている自分の手が

  • that my hands look like primitive claws grasping


  • onto the bar. And I thought, "That's very peculiar."


  • And I looked down at my body and I thought, "Whoa,

    そして 自分の体を見下ろすと

  • I'm a weird-looking thing." And it was as though

    “うわ 私奇妙な格好してる”と思いました

  • my consciousness had shifted away from my normal

    私の意識は マシンの上にいるという

  • perception of reality, where I'm the person on the


  • machine having the experience, to some esoteric space


  • where I'm witnessing myself having this experience.


  • And it was all very peculiar, and my headache was

    全てがとても奇妙で 頭痛がひどくなり

  • just getting worse. So I get off the machine,


  • and I'm walking across my living room floor, and I


  • realize that everything inside of my body has

    体の中のすべてが 速度を

  • slowed way down. And every step is very rigid and

    落としたように感じました 一歩一歩がとても硬直し

  • very deliberate. There's no fluidity to my pace,

    とても意識的なのです 歩みはぎこちなく

  • and there's this constriction in my area of perceptions,


  • so I'm just focused on internal systems.


  • And I'm standing in my bathroom getting ready to

    浴室に入って シャワーを

  • step into the shower, and I could actually hear the

    浴びようとしていると 体の中で

  • dialogue inside of my body. I heard a little voice

    会話する声が 聞こえてきました

  • saying, "OK. You muscles, you gotta contract.

    小さな声が“そこの筋肉 縮んで”

  • You muscles, you relax."


  • And then I lost my balance, and I'm propped up against the wall.

    私はバランスを崩し 壁にもたれました

  • And I look down at my arm and I realize

    そして腕を見ると もはや自分の体の境界が

  • that I can no longer define the boundaries of my body.


  • I can't define where I begin and where I end,

    自分がどこから始まり どこで終わるのか

  • because the atoms and the molecules of my arm

    その境界が分かりませんでした 腕の原子分子が

  • blended with the atoms and molecules of the wall.

    壁の原子分子と混じり合って 一緒になっているのです

  • And all I could detect was this energy -- energy.

    唯一感じ取れるのは エネルギーだけでした

  • And I'm asking myself, "What is wrong with me?

    そして 自分に問いかけました

  • What is going on?" And in that moment, my brain chatter --

    “私はどうしちゃったの? 何が起きているの?” その瞬間―

  • my left hemisphere brain chatter -- went totally silent.

    左脳のささやきが 完全に途絶えました

  • Just like someone took a remote control

    まるで誰かが テレビのリモコンを取り

  • and pushed the mute button. Total silence.

    ミュートボタンを押したかのように 全くの静寂になりました

  • And at first I was shocked to find myself

    最初 頭の中の静寂に

  • inside of a silent mind. But then I was immediately

    ショックを受けていましたが それからすぐに

  • captivated by the magnificence of the energy around me.


  • And because I could no longer identify

    もはや 体の境界が分からない私は

  • the boundaries of my body, I felt enormous and expansive.


  • I felt at one with all the energy that was,


  • and it was beautiful there.

    それは 素晴らしいものでした

  • Then all of a sudden my left hemisphere comes back

    突然 左脳が復帰して

  • online, and it says to me, "Hey! We got a problem!

    言いました “おい トラブルだ!”

  • We got a problem! We gotta get some help."

    “トラブルだ! 助けを呼ばなきゃ!”

  • And I'm going, "Ahh! I got a problem.

    “大変 大変!”と繰り返します

  • I got a problem." So it's like, "OK. OK. I got a problem."

    それで私は“そうか トラブルなのか”と

  • But then I immediately drifted right back

    しかしすぐ さっきの意識の中へと押し戻されます

  • out into the consciousness -- and I affectionately


  • refer to this space as La La Land.

    親しみを込め ラ ラ ランド(陶酔の世界)と呼んでいます

  • But it was beautiful there. Imagine what it would


  • be like to be totally disconnected from your brain

    外の世界と自分をつなぐ 脳のしゃべり声から

  • chatter that connects you to the external world.

    完全に 切り離されているのです

  • So here I am in this space, and my job -- and any

    この空間の中では 仕事に関わる

  • stress related to my job -- it was gone.

    ストレスが 全て消えました

  • And I felt lighter in my body. And imagine:


  • all of the relationships in the external world and any

    外界全ての関係と それにかかわる

  • stressors related to any of those -- they were gone.

    ストレスの元が すべてなくなったのです

  • And I felt this sense of peacefulness.


  • And imagine what it would feel like to lose 37 years of emotional baggage!

    想像して下さい 37年間の感情の重荷から解放されるのが どんなものか!

  • (Laughter) Oh! I felt euphoria.

    (笑) ああ! なんという幸福

  • Euphoria. It was beautiful.

    幸福 とても素敵でした

  • And then, again, my left hemisphere comes online and it says,


  • "Hey! You've got to pay attention.

    “おい! ちゃんと注意を払え!”

  • We've got to get help." And I'm thinking, "I got to get help.

    “助けを呼ばないと!” それで私も

  • I gotta focus."


  • So I get out of the shower and I mechanically

    シャワーから出て 無意識に

  • dress and I'm walking around my apartment,

    服を着て アパートの中を歩き回り

  • and I'm thinking, "I gotta get to work. I gotta get to work


  • Can I drive? Can I drive?"


  • And in that moment my right arm went totally

    そしてその瞬間 右腕が完全に

  • paralyzed by my side. Then I realized,

    麻痺し 私は気付きました

  • "Oh my gosh! I'm having a stroke! I'm having a stroke!"

    “信じられない! 私 脳卒中を起こしたんだわ!”

  • And the next thing my brain says to me is, "Wow!


  • This is so cool." (Laughter) "This is so cool!

    “わあ! すごい! すごいぞ!”

  • How many brain scientists have the opportunity


  • to study their own brain from the inside out?"

    “チャンスに恵まれる脳科学者なんて そうはいない”

  • (Laughter)


  • And then it crosses my mind: "But I'm a very busy woman!"

    それから思いました “でも私すごく忙しいんだった!” (笑)

  • (Laughter) "I don't have time for a stroke!"


  • So I'm like, "OK, I can't stop the stroke from happening,


  • so I'll do this for a week or two, and


  • then I'll get back to my routine. OK.

    “それから また通常に戻せばいいわ”

  • So I gotta call help. I gotta call work."


  • I couldn't remember the number at work,


  • so I remembered, in my office I had a business card


  • with my number on it. So I go into my business room,

    書いてあるのを思い出し 書斎に行って

  • I pull out a three-inch stack of business cards.


  • And I'm looking at the card on top and even though

    一番上の名刺を見て 心の中ではちゃんと

  • I could see clearly in my mind's eye what my business card looked like,


  • I couldn't tell if this

    それが 自分の名刺なのか分からず

  • was my card or not because all I could see were pixels.


  • And the pixels of the words blended


  • with the pixels of the background and the pixels of the symbols,

    背景の画素や 記号の画素と混じり合って

  • and I just couldn't tell.


  • And then I would wait for what I call a wave of clarity.


  • And in that moment, I would be able to

    その波が訪れると 普段の現実に

  • reattach to normal reality and I could tell

    再び結びつくことができて これは違う

  • that's not the card ... that's not the card ... that's not the card.

    これは違う と振り分けられたのです

  • It took me 45 minutes to get one inch down

    45分かかってやっと 名刺の山を

  • inside of that stack of cards.


  • In the meantime, for 45 minutes, the hemorrhage is

    その45分の間に 出血は

  • getting bigger in my left hemisphere.

    脳の左側で さらに広がっていました

  • I do not understand numbers. I do not understand the telephone,

    数字も電話も 理解できなくなりましたが

  • but it's the only plan I have.


  • So I take the phone pad and I put it right here. I take the business card,

    それで 電話機をこちらに置き

  • I put it right here, and


  • I'm matching the shape of the squiggles on the card

    名刺に書かれた くねった線の形と 電話のボタンにある

  • to the shape of the squiggles on the phone pad.

    くねった線の形を 照らし合わせていきました

  • But then I would drift back out into La La Land,

    しかし またラ ラ ランドへ 押し流されてしまい

  • and not remember when I came back if I'd already

    我に返ると 番号をどこまで押したか

  • dialed those numbers.


  • So I had to wield my paralyzed arm like a stump

    だから 切り株のように麻痺した腕で

  • and cover the numbers as I went along and pushed


  • them, so that as I would come back to normal


  • reality, I'd be able to tell, "Yes, I've already dialed that number."


  • Eventually, the whole number gets dialed

    最終的に 全ての番号を押して

  • and I'm listening to the phone, and


  • my colleague picks up the phone and he says to me,


  • "Woo woo woo woo." (Laughter) And I think to myself,

    “ワン ワン ワン ワン” (笑) 私は思いました

  • "Oh my gosh, he sounds like a Golden Retriever!"

    “ゴールデン レトリバーみたいだわ!”

  • And so I say to him -- clear in my mind, I say to him:

    それで自分としては はっきり言ったんです