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  • Welcome to Buddha at the Gas Pump. My name is Rick Archer and my guest this week is Ellie Roozdar.

  • And Ellie lives on Long Island, but is originally from Iran, where I spent 3 interesting months,

  • back in, I guess, it was 1980's, leaving just a day or two before the Shah did. I was with a group of

  • TM teachers who were trying to demonstrate that large groups of people meditating could actually

  • create a peaceful influence on their surroundings and the society and I don't know if we did or not

  • but it was interesting meditating all day and then going up on the roof of our building to watch

  • the banks and liquor store burn. (Yes, yes amazing) Wild times, and we take walks out on the street

  • and people, you know, here we are these white guys walking around and people say :"you crazy? Get off the streets,

  • you will get yourselves killed", we felt safe but I am sure we were naive. It was interesting.

  • Thanks, I have been listening to several hours of your interviews and talks over the last week

  • and enjoyed those, and those listening to this will get a chance to catch up on what I heard

  • but one thing I didn't hear too much in all that and didn't even see in your website,

  • although I looked through it, was an account of how you got to turn to who you are,

  • in terms of your spiritual orientation, so tell us that story.

  • This is a long long story.

  • That is ok, we have time.

  • First of all, I just want to thank you for having me here.

  • Oh, you are welcome.

  • And the reason I accept this interview is because, this path was so long and hard,

  • was so difficult, and I didn't have any teacher, no teacher, no guru, no one to help.

  • So, that is why I want to share this story with the people, I am sure, there are so many people out there,

  • who are listening right now, and are in the same exact boat, but the message is:

  • "There is a light at the end of the tunnel".

  • And it is not an oncoming train.

  • No, it is not, there is an end to this path, so, if I want to start from the beginning, Rick,

  • I was born in a very middle class family in Iran, as you mentioned, I have been born and raised

  • till age 23. When I was a child, this is around age 5 or 6, when I was alone in the room, by myself,

  • especially when I was all by myself, just playing or doing whatever I was doing,

  • all of a sudden I see myself as this vision, it is just a vision, it is not a thing, I am just looking at this body,

  • especially in the hands, I was looking at my hands, I was absolutely not associated,

  • whatsoever to this body, and I was so petrified, I was just looking, and the only question I would ask is

  • in Persian "Mankia"- Who am I? It was scary, because I was not getting any answer,

  • and all I was feeling here is empty, there is nothing in here, nothing whatsoever,

  • but this looking at the body, this body does not feel at all belong to me, I am just looking at it,

  • but absolutely not as we see it at that time. This vision was so profound.

  • This is invisible vision I could call, invisible and I would be sweating,

  • all my face was so scared, I would run out of the room, I would go to a place,

  • that there are people there, and then, when there are people there, then I feel a little bit safe,

  • then I feel back, somehow I am going back again, I could not share this with any one

  • I knew this was not norm, I knew it, something from inside I knew it, this is not norm.

  • Did it happen over and over again?

  • Absolutely, any time I was quiet by myself the vision was coming out

  • I was not identifying with the body, this was not me.

  • Did you kind of fight it, because you didn't like it, you tried to stop it?

  • No, I was scared.

  • But, if it scared you so much, when you tried to kind of stop it from happening?

  • No, this stopping was getting up and leave, yeah, going out, but in this, "who am I" was there,

  • because I didn't get an answer there, I felt this emptiness, there was nothing here

  • and that "who am I", that was the question, just was there, I know it was in the back, always,

  • so, as I was growing up, till 8, 10 and 11, this was on and off there, until finally I think this eye,

  • this vision closed up and this body was totally accepted somehow, ok, I am this body

  • but I knew, something is not right in here, you know what I am saying, I knew.

  • So this was my question, as I was growing up like everybody else, I am going to bring a metaphor,

  • to show how I felt. It felt like, imagine you are a king, you are a king of this whole entire continent

  • and all of a sudden you wake up and they dress you as a beggar, and they give this begging bowl

  • and to go into this world and try to become that, so that was the feeling, I knew this was not me,

  • I just knew it, this doesn't feel comfortable, but it feels like this was giving,

  • I can not do anything about it, I have to accept this, so I accepted it, but I knew this was not it.

  • So, I took the begging bowl, and I went around the world, and I try to become, just become,

  • and become everything, become a good daughter for the family, become educated, a good student,

  • I happen to be a very very good high achiever, very good student, and finally be accepted in university

  • which is in Iran very difficult, for every 100000 people who apply for collage,

  • only 10% would be accepted, and I achieved that, went to collage in Iran, got my Bachelor's degree

  • and for continuing my education I decided to come to the United States, in 1979,

  • the day Shah left Iran we left Iran also, the next day.

  • Ah, we might have been in the same flight, almost, I think I left about 2 days before that.

  • Right, that is about that time, so I came to United States, to continue my education,

  • again to become, I was just becoming. So then here, I met my husband, I got married, he is Iranian

  • as you saw him today, and then I said, there is something missing here, like a huge hole.

  • And no matter how much I was becoming, this hole was getting bigger,

  • not smaller, it was just getting bigger.

  • Was it like a constant awareness of that or would just come up in your quite moments?

  • Pretty much all the time I was not at ease, I was not comfortable in this outfit, I was not.

  • This was not comfortable. And then I said ok, and maybe if I find the love of my life, love is the answer.

  • So this man, I met him, I fell in love, I mean I thought at that time this was love, this was really love

  • a person to a person, so we got married, that was not it, having the children,

  • same thing everybody else is doing, I don't want to take a lot of time on that, but it was not it,

  • in having two beautiful children, my daughter is now a grown up, my son is now in college.

  • Something didn't feet. After my Master's degree I went and start teaching in a katikati school

  • as a high school teacher of mathematics. I was very very good in that,

  • I am good in transferring the knowledge to this students, I was good, I loved that,

  • that was my passion, in class I was so myself, I feel so great. But again, that thing that was missing is always here.

  • Until at 1995, this body got very very sick, I have got breast cancer.

  • And I have to deal with that. That was one of the turning points, something hit here,

  • I had to take care of that, which I did, I went through whole entire thing, the surgery and everything.

  • And I put that behind myself. But that was something that it made me again go.

  • Not only to take care of the body now, I started to take care, watch the body a little bit more,

  • more exercise, better eating, all that, but then going now curve back in, that's the time that started.

  • About 2 years after I became a volunteer of American Cancer Society and ever since I am helping

  • all those people in Long Island, who had breast cancer. That was the time of my life.

  • Interacting with people, going to their homes, giving them hope, showing them that there is a light

  • at the end of the tunnel, this is a cancer survivor body, so it was just fun to do that as aside.

  • I thought that's good, that is it, serving people, it would be something that maybe I need

  • to, again, feel that gap, that hole. That was good, but that was not it, I mean in this becoming is not it.

  • I knew this becoming is not it. It is not the path of becoming, so after a while...

  • after the cancer, I decided to change my career. Because I was commuting a long long distance

  • and I said, so maybe that something close, that was...

  • The dog saying,"It's time for breakfast".

  • So you want to go and take care of him?

  • No, my wife will take care. We will keep going. People who listen to this shows,

  • are very well aware of our dogs and cats.

  • I love them, so dearly. So after all this I said, you know, this is something missing.

  • When I changed my career, I was in Information technology for few years, again, I became a manager.

  • Very good at what I was doing, dealing with the people, interacting. And then, at that point

  • I said, ok, I heard about energy, and healing and reiki. So, I found someone, some reiki master

  • in Long Island and she gave me attunement, so I learned reiki level 2, so she showed me how to do it

  • with hands and all that. One day I said, ok, now that I learned this, she showed me

  • that you can me give energy from the distance or to the picture of somebody or all that.

  • So here I am, I said, let me just give energy to my sister.

  • So I was sitting in my living room and I am holding my hands up like that on her picture

  • and all of a sudden my hands start bouncing up and down, and speed was phenomenal, out of control

  • it was like, I can't tell you, it was so fast that I feel that my shoulders now is going just to pull out.

  • Wow...

  • So I take my hands off, off the picture, so I just hold like this, and I just waited, and then I said, ok,

  • I am going to try again. So I put my hands back now this time my hands were going this way, like this.

  • For those listening on the audio, she is going back and forth, rather then up and down.

  • Right, it was like this, but the speed, I cannot describe that, this was so much

  • that it was so out of control, it was so painful, it was like my hands were falling off.

  • So I take my hands off, and all of a sudden I felt this energy was flowing from the bottom of my belly,

  • circling around like this and coming up and up and up, and going to my head, and my shoulders ...

  • it feels like you are in a rollercoaster, that how it was moving, and then my chest was just expanded so much,

  • and then it was just like moving and going on and on, and as I was looking at my hands,

  • all of a sudden my hands became like this, I felt like a football, soccer ball,

  • and this energy was moving in between my hands.

  • When you say like this, for the benefit of those just listening audio, she is holding her hands as though

  • she is holding a soccer ball in her hands.

  • Exactly, like this, and it was going in between my hands, so powerful, it was like a ball moving.

  • And I was looking at it, I just didn't know what to do with this ball, I just put it on my head,

  • I go like this. (Ah, put the ball on your head)

  • Yes, and I let go, and this was going on and on, I don't know how long, until it quiet down.

  • And then all of a sudden, as it quiet down, I raise my hand and I notice that this left hand is moving

  • as I am going towards any chakra in my body, if I hold my hand, it starts vibrating, very powerful.

  • So, ok I sat down, I don't know how long was it, what happened to me I really didn't have any experience

  • like this. This reiki master told me, that you can give energy to the loved ones, to the people

  • who are deceased, anybody. So, there are 2 people in my mind, so powerfully, so strongly

  • that I want to give energy. One was Mother Theresa. So, here I am, I raise my hands

  • and with a distance I start, giving her energy, and this 2 hands were going off the war,

  • they were going booo... like moving and moving, and shaking and moving and throughout this whole energy

  • it was like that, then it slow down, it quiets down and that was it. And the next one, I said

  • the person that I always... This was love of my heart was Jesus. I said.. And I am not even Christian,

  • but Jesus has a very special place in my heart, because of his messages, I start giving energy to

  • Jesus, again the same thing, again hands moving, and I said, I have to call my husband,

  • I have to show him what is going on with me, so I call, he was downstairs, in his office, he came up

  • he sat and I said look, "I want to give energy to your brother. His brother was deceased.

  • Very tragically deceased back in Iran.

  • He said ok, so as I was mentioning his name, and I was giving energy,

  • my hands were acting like that again. And I was watching, and he was watching,

  • we have no idea what was going on, so I remember when this energy was ended he just looked at me

  • he didn't say one word. He just walked away. I think he was very scared.

  • What did he say later on?

  • You will work it out? Are you ready? (Sure, I am ready) "Why can't you be like other people?"

  • Ah, he wanted you to be normal...

  • Exactly, I said, what do you mean by that? This is normal, like other people, like your friends.

  • Does anybody of your friends do anything like that? I said I have no answer, I don't know what to say

  • So I called the reiki master, I said, look I don't know what you did to me, it is atunement you gave me

  • or something, I had this kind of an experience. She says, "Oh, my Godness, that's kundalini awakening".

  • I said, "I have no idea of you mean by that". She says, "Ok, that is very powerful

  • and what I want you to do is you give me energy because I have this chronic pain in my back

  • that I want you to give energy". So, she came to my home, and she lay down, and I say,

  • "Look, somehow I know I don't have to touch you, I just do it from the distance".

  • She says, "I don't know where do you got this idea, whatever that is, go ahead do it".

  • So I gave energy to her from a distance. And she fell that it is very very strong.

  • She says, "The pain is gone, the pain is completely gone" She didn't feel anything at all.

  • She says, "This is fantastic, this kundalini opens up, has a lot to do with all this energy.

  • So you can do a lot with this energy, and healing. So come and join us and all that stuff".

  • So I said "ok", so I was reflecting upon that. I knew a woman...an Iranian woman, she is in California

  • She was also into energy, she wrote a lots of books about that, I contacted her, I said,

  • "Look this is something like this happening", I explained all that, she says,

  • "Ok, I want you to close your eyes and scan my body, and tell me which part of my body has a problem"

  • I said, " I have no idea what you are saying". She says, "Just follow what I just said, close your eyes,

  • picture my body, scan me from the head to toe, tell me which part has a problem.

  • I say ok, I just followed, I closed my eyes, and I am scanning her body, I am coming down

  • and as I am reaching her throat, I feel my energy, my hands start to shake with different kind of vibration,

  • felt different kind of thing. So, then I go down, all of a sudden in her stomach I felt something,

  • and then all the way down to her legs. So, she said, "What did you find?" I said, "Something in your throat

  • and something in your stomach". She says, "Absolutely right, they found a tumor in my throat".

  • She has this problem with the thyroid, and she says, "Last night me and my husband went out to dinner,

  • I don't know what we ate, we both have problem, with our stomach, give me energy to my stomach".

  • So I started giving energy to her stomach. She says,"Can I ask you a favor?" I said yes.

  • "Can you give energy to my husband, because he is sick also. So he comes in, and I am giving energy

  • to him. And that's how I started, she said, "You can do this, now you can scan people from distance.

  • After kundalini the only difference in me was just the hand, this my left arm was like that very sensitive,

  • and my ears became very very sensitive, very sharp with the noise and all, that's all, nothing else.

  • I never felt anything else changed, feelingwise. Then I start with my friends and people who know me

  • I start giving energy from the distance and also scanning people, saying I feel something

  • in your stomach, in your lower stomach, and they say, "Yes I had some problem with my intestinal

  • and I had surgery" and all that. You can feel the different vibration, even from the distance,

  • you can tell. So, this was going on and on, and I was giving energy from distance for a long time,

  • but I noticed that whenever I give energy to 2-3 people in a raw, somehow I feel such pain

  • and tiredness, if feels like you have two bricks all of a sudden on your chest.

  • It was draining you, or something...

  • Very much, it was not supposed to be like that, you are supposed to be channeling this energy,

  • not giving your own energy. So I was talking to my cousin back in Europe. She said, she knows a guru,

  • that is a monk. He is very familiar with this energies. So, he can help you on this.

  • Accidentally he was coming to NYC. So, I went to visit him, this monk, in the city.

  • Anyone I would have heard of?

  • I cannot... I don't want to mention his name, he is not that famous, I don't know if he wants his name

  • to be revealed. (No problem). But he was a Kairo practice doctor, which was also a monk.

  • So, as soon as they opened the door, I went to him, he was sitting there with this orange robe,

  • you know, the robes that they have (Sure). He looked at me and I said to him,

  • "I think I have this kundalini problem". He looked at me, he smiled and said, "I can see that".

  • He said, "The energy, the way it is supposed to come up, it has to go straight up and in a flow properly".

  • Somehow because of the way my spine is, this energy trapped in the middle and instead of the

  • color changes, the color instead of being light, like a yellowish white, it was like an orange red.

  • That is the color he was seeing.

  • So, is that why you were feeling drained, because your kundalini was blocked?

  • Something was blocked, it was not functioning, so he put me on the floor, and he