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  • [theme music]

  • [ominous pipe organ music]

  • [music continues]

  • -Poison.

  • Poison.

  • -Feels good, doesn't it?

  • Allow me to be the first to bow before the new Count Dracula.

  • -Keep a lookout.

  • The shapeshifter could be anyone.

  • -You think she'll come back after us?

  • -No, she's after me.

  • Get his legs.

  • -No, no!

  • No!

  • No!

  • If I go in there, I'm never coming out.

  • Put me down. Put me down.

  • Down.

  • Down.

  • How long have I got?

  • How long?

  • -Oh, sir, it's a slow-acting poison.

  • You've got about six hours, tops.

  • First you get muscle paralysis.

  • Then your veins go black.

  • Then you start hallucinating as the poison kicks in.

  • And the pain-- cor, it's excruciating as you burn up

  • from the inside before exploding into a massive fireball.

  • Forget I said anything.

  • -He's dead then?

  • -The poison'll keep him alive long enough

  • to see his loved ones wiped out.

  • -Shame, really.

  • I was starting to like having a brother and sister.

  • ELIZABETA: Don't get sentimental.

  • While Vlad lives, he's still a threat to your bloodline.

  • -Fair enough.

  • I suppose it's two less birthday cards to write anyway.

  • [hiss]

  • [music stops]

  • -Make that three.

  • -Ah, ah, ah.

  • She's on our side now.

  • [hisses]

  • [hiss]

  • -She still loves him.

  • It's written all over her fangs.

  • -You're not the only one who can change.

  • -If you want to prove that you love my son, kiss Vlad.

  • Let father and son share the same fate.

  • -He'll know it's a trap.

  • -Not if you dump me first.

  • -Careful.

  • The poison's strong.

  • Apply it at the last possible moment.

  • And don't lick your lips.

  • -Killed with a kiss.

  • [laughs]

  • [footsteps]

  • What a pathetic way to die after--

  • -Sh!

  • Someone's coming.

  • [footsteps]

  • [knock]

  • -Who-- who is it?

  • INGRID: Ingrid.

  • Dad, are you OK?

  • Can I come in?

  • -Since when did Ingrid ever ask if you were OK?

  • -She's a shapeshifter!

  • THE COUNT: Run.

  • Run!

  • It's your only chance.

  • INGRID: What are you doing in there?

  • -Enter.

  • INGRID: You idiot.

  • You should have known the real McCoy would never kiss you.

  • You're a disgusting, pale, skinny antique.

  • -Yep, that's Ingrid.

  • -Your track record of picking girlfriends is appalling.

  • -Oh, what can I say?

  • Love is blind.

  • RENFIELD: Oh, which reminds me-- after you hallucinate

  • but before you explode, you go blind.

  • Forget I said that.

  • -Vladdy, I need to see Miss McCauley one last time.

  • Bring her to me.

  • -We need an antidote.

  • RENFIELD: That's impossible!

  • One antidote, coming right up.

  • -Bring Miss McCauley, the real one.

  • Watch your backs.

  • Be vigilant, Ingrid.

  • Come on, Dad.

  • -Thank you, thank you, thank you.

  • Ooh!

  • -Here we go.

  • OK.

  • -No.

  • No, no, no, no.

  • No, no, it can't be!

  • Arta?

  • [breathing heavily]

  • But-- but you're dead!

  • -You don't kill me that easily.

  • I will always be alive in here, watching

  • you live the life that should have been mine.

  • THE COUNT: It was an accident!

  • You knew the rules.

  • You take my title, you take my wife--

  • now it's my turn to watch you die.

  • [laughs]

  • -Do you see him?

  • Do you see him?

  • Do-- do-- do you see my brother?

  • -Dad.

  • -What?

  • VLAD: There's no one there.

  • [school bell ringing]

  • -Ah, Cody.

  • Off you go, Sally.

  • This doesn't concern you.

  • If you're going to graffiti "McCauley

  • is a moron" in the toilets, I suggest

  • you don't post a photo online saying,

  • "Look what I just done."

  • It's "did," not "done."

  • -Yes, Miss.

  • MISS MCCAULEY: Detention for a week.

  • [spritz]

  • CODY: Yes, Miss.

  • [sniffs]

  • -Do you smell garlic?

  • -No.

  • Dad's not well.

  • He wants to see you.

  • -Oh, nothing serious, I hope.

  • -It's better if he tells you himself.

  • -No running, Eve.

  • [girl screaming]

  • -Abbie, let go of her hair this instant!

  • -No, wait!

  • -Girls!

  • Girls, stop that!

  • It's totally unacceptable.

  • What on Earth do you think you're doing?

  • -Relax, Ingrid.

  • I've no reason to harm you.

  • I only want to harm the people the Count loves.

  • Think what you could do with this power.

  • I'll teach you.

  • -When do we begin?

  • -After you've bitten that little blood blister of a teacher.

  • [small hiss]

  • -He's hallucinating.

  • We don't have much time.

  • Will this antidote work?

  • -Yes, Master.

  • -Well, hurry up.

  • -Yes, Master.

  • -You should kiss your mother goodbye.

  • She won't be around for much longer.

  • -Get out now, while you still can, and take Erin with you.

  • -I thought she was with you.

  • -I don't need your castoffs.

  • Now I'm Count Dracula, I can take my pick.

  • [hiss]

  • [scoffs]

  • -You and Malik going somewhere nice?

  • I hear Paris is very romantic this time of the year.

  • -Don't push it.

  • Still haven't packed these yet.

  • -Hey, for what it's worth, I thought you

  • and Malik were perfect for each other.

  • What happened?

  • Did his mother not approve?

  • -Do you know what I liked about Malik?

  • He saw something he wanted, he just took it.

  • -Poison lipstick.

  • You're Elizabeta.

  • -Nope, it's really me.

  • You should have let me die when you had the chance.

  • -This will be my-- my finest scientific discovery.

  • Yeah.

  • Oh, yes, they'll build statues of me.

  • They'll put my face on banknotes!

  • Yes.

  • They'll rename the Nobel Peace Prize the Renfield Award.

  • Yeah!

  • Ho, ho!

  • Oh, will this work?

  • You betcha!

  • [boom]

  • If at first you don't succeed, try, try, again.

  • -Well, it looked like Abbie was trying to bite the other girl.

  • It was barbaric, actually.

  • I mean, that's not normal, is it?

  • -Can't imagine who'd do such a thing.

  • -Vlad, how's your dad?

  • -Uh, man flu, you know.

  • Protect McCauley, and be careful.

  • -Uh, no, Miss McCauley, the other door.

  • -Master Vlad!

  • Master Vlad, I think I've cracked it.

  • But I need your help.

  • It's at a very delicate stage.

  • -Oh, you're a genius.

  • [gleeful giggle]

  • -Mr. Count?

  • You don't look very well.

  • Let me call a doctor.

  • -I don't need your help, and you're fired.

  • -What?

  • -You're a useless headmistress.

  • -I am not.

  • Look at the Ofsted Report.

  • THE COUNT: Right.

  • And I firing you for wearing too much blue.

  • I want you off the premises in five minutes.

  • -I love this job.

  • THE COUNT: Well, the job doesn't love you. (SHOUTING)

  • Now get out!

  • [sobs]

  • -You really have a great way of talking to women.

  • I'll go check on her.

  • -In-- Ingrid.

  • Ingrid.

  • -What?

  • -I have something for you.

  • -It's at that tricky stage of distillation

  • where four hands are better than two.

  • -How much longer?

  • -How about six hands?

  • That's not me.

  • That's Elizabeta.

  • She's behind you!

  • -Yes, thank you, I've worked that out.

  • -Yeah, I--

  • -From the slimy, hairy caterpillar

  • to the beautiful butterfly.

  • -Slimy?

  • -Finish the antidote.

  • Go.

  • ELIZABETA: [laughs] You are so like your father.

  • Easily tricked.

  • [high-pitched shriek]

  • [glass shattering]

  • [shriek stops]

  • [jaw cracks]

  • [breathing jaggedly]

  • -(SATISFIED) Hm!

  • -I want you to have this.

  • You were five when you drew that.

  • Said you couldn't wait to have your own coffin, just like me.

  • Come, come.

  • Look, you drew your fangs bigger than mine.

  • [laughs]

  • -You always were more ambitious than Vlad.

  • -I thought you only kept Vlad's drawings.

  • You said you threw all mine away.

  • -I've never said this before, but I do love you, Ingrid.

  • -You don't mean that.

  • It's just the poison pickling your brain.

  • -I mean it with all my dying heart.

  • Aaah!