字幕表 動画を再生する 英語字幕をプリント [theme music playing] RENFIELD: Master, no! N-n-n-- sorry, Master! -How many times have I told you, Renfield? You feed me one more cup of tomato juice and I will throw it in your face. -Master, I-- -I don't want excuses! I want fresh blood. -I am sorry, Master, but the paper boy got wise to my traps. -Dad, you promised to be careful. Do I need to spell it out for you? M-O-B. -I am Count Dracula, not Spell Dracula. -M-O-B spells angry peasant mob howling for your dust. -I know that, but I'm bored. Vladey, tomorrow you shall stay home from school and entertain me. Invite your village friends over. We'll play murder in the dark. -For the last time, no. If you need entertaining, get a TV. -You want me to stare at a glass box all day? I'd rather be dead-- and I am. And I love it. No television and that's final. -If we get to do evil stuff, I'll stay home with you. -Well, it's settled. I shall buy a television. You, go barter with the peasants for their finest television. And you, clear up this mess. -Why can't Vlad do it? It's because he's a boy, isn't it? -No. It's because he's my son. He's my future, my hopes, my dreams. He is-- -Going round to Robin's. -Then I'm going, too, and you can't stop me. -Fine. Fine! Just remember to polish my coffin when you get home. -I can't believe you talked me into another vampire stake-out. -We're slayers. It's our duty to fight the forces of darkness-- -Shh! They're coming out. SLAYER: Off to commit evil deeds, no doubt. -Or maybe they're just going to hang out with mates. -What a great idea. -Oh, no. -You're in Vlad's class. You must befriend him, gain his trust. One day, the mask will slip and then it's out with the garlic and stakes. -You want me to invite him around for dinner? -Sometimes, I think your heart just isn't in the slaying business. -O-of course it is, dad. It's just that, well, what if I was to try and get close to Ingrid, instead? -I knew you were a chip off the old stake. -Hey, Robin, do you want to smell my flower? -Do I look stupid? -Just play along. We're trying to win "You've Been Shamed." You could be on telly. -Great. I'm gagging to embarrass myself in front of my friends. -How many times? You haven't got any friends. -Robin? Your friends are here. -Ingrid! Knew you couldn't keep away. -Ignore the freak. we're going to make you a star. -What do you mean "make"? -You know the TV show "You've Been Shamed?" -No. -Uh, well, people make funny movies and send them in. -The top prize is 1,000 pound. -And we're going to win it with you as our leading lady. -Have either of you two clowns ever made a movie before? -We've been creating movies for years. -Yeah? -They mean they filmed our family holidays on dad's crapped out old camcorder. -Cinematic masterpieces. -10 years of Branaugh holidays. Merthyr Tydfil, [inaudible], oh, I forgot about this one. Transylvania. What? -1994, holiday in Bistritz, Transylvania. -That's just a few miles from our old castle. -I don't remember going to Transylvania. -Ah, it was years ago. -Put it on. Put it on. CHILD (ON VIDEO): Dad said I could play with this, not you! CHILD 2 (ON VIDEO): Yes, I can! [inaudible] FATHER (ON VIDEO): Silly lads, it's not a toy. CHILD 2 (ON VIDEO): Give me the camera, back, smelly-- MOTHER (ON VIDEO): Come on, boys, don't fight. INGRID: Spielberg must be panicking so much right now. -I can't believe I'd been to Transylvania and never knew. You're so lucky to have lived there. I'd give anything to switch lives with you. That's it. VLAD: What? -You don't fit in to your family. I don't fit in to mine. I was in your village with I was a baby. What if me and you were like accidentally swapped around? -Look, I know you think you don't fit in, but that's just because you're individual, not because you're a vam-- a Vlad. -It would explain a lot, though. -Well, I'm convinced. -When you moving out? -Master, why don't you let me entertain you? -Because I don't think I could survive yet another hour of your Transylvanian twist. -Hmm, are you sure? Huh? I've made a new sparkly leotard. -Now, let's see what mindless trash passes for entertainment these days. Up a bit. Left a bit. Just right. -Master, I think you should know that I am in agonizing pain. -Perfect. Hold it there. -Fantastic. You got the TV. We're finally normal. -No son of mine is normal. Vlad, you're banned from watching this thing. It'll turn you int a weak-willed, sheep-like native. Ingrid, you can watch it if you like. -I hope you get hooked on that breather box. -It'll have no effect on me. I am incorruptible. Watch this. Boring, boring, boring. Hmm. VLAD: Morning, dad. Dad? Good old blood-free toast, the perfect breakfast. -Has he been watching TV all night? -Looks like it. OK, dad, I'm off to school. Bye, dad. Bye, Vlad. See ya. -I thought you were incorruptible. -Shh! Quiet. Sheila is about to find out if Edna is really her daughter. -Well doesn't she know? -Of course not, you foolish girl. She has amnesia. DOCTOR (ON TV): Here are the results of your DNA test, Mrs. Scott. I'm sorry to tell you Edna is not your daughter. -[gasp] DOCTOR (ON TV): However, I am your son! -Oh. -Oh! -Well, I didn't see that one coming. -Of course not, because it's really far-fetched and stupid. -Oh just go to school, Ingrid! -I don't believe this. You love that TV more than your children. -Of course I don't. I just love TV more than my daughter. -[sigh] -Have you eaten plenty of garlic? -Yes, dad. -Good. And what do you say if she invites you up to see her coffin? -[inaudible] Can I go now? -Wait, wait. I, uh, I got you these. You're a slayer now, my son. -Yeah. Thanks. -OK, how about this? Bistritz beer festival, 1994. My parents drink too much ale and push away the wrong pram. That's possible, right? -Umm. -Just think about it, that's all. -OK. Can I stop now? I'm starting to worry about you. -Worry about yourself, snot. -What have I done now? -You made dad buy that TV. Thanks to you, I'm now his third favorite. -Oh come on, sis. You know that's not true. You forgot about Renfield. That makes you fourth favorite. [laughing] IAN: Ingrid! -What! -Uh, don't you want your homework? -Oh. Yeah, thanks. I'm sorry I snapped. It's just my brother. He really bugs me. -Uh, don't worry about it. -Yeah, we understand. -You do? -Yeah. -You have met Robin? He's delusional. He keeps going on about how he was swapped at birth. -Shame he wasn't. That'd solve all our problems. -Yes. Yes, it would, wouldn't it? It really would. Thank you. I owe you. IAN: In that case-- PAUL: Will you be in our movie? -Yeah, whatever. -Safe. -We'll see you later, then. -Ingrid, um, uh, I couldn't help overhearing that you let the twins do your homework for you. -So tell the Head Mistress. See if I care. -Oh, no, th-that's not what I meant. If you ever want something done probably, just ask. -As if. Actually, there is something you can do for me. Meet me in the library after school. Oh, come on! You could have written The Lord of the Rings by now. -What's the rush? It's only homework, isn't it? -It's kind of more like an evil plot to destroy my brother. -Oh, OK. Um, why? -Well you see, with Vlad gone, I get the lot. The castle, the coffins, my father's love. -See? You're not evil at all. You just want your dad to understand you. -How did you know? -Believe me, I know what it's like. -You know, I'm sensing a real connection here. So it's a shame I've got to kill you. -Wha? Kill-kill me? Why? -It's a vampire thing. Kind of what we do. -You're a vampire?