-Now fly into my arms.

Come on, fly!

Fly like a bat!

-Dad, this is stupid.

-It's not stupid, it's fun.

Now come on, every young vampire must learn how to fly.

-So why haven't you taught me yet?

-Oh, Ingrid, I've told you.

It's because you're a girl.

-Look, I've got to get to school.

-You did it.

You flew.

-Yeah, from the table to the ground.

-Oh, my son and heir.

Where's my money bag?

-Dad, for the last time, I can't-- believe it.

I can fly.

-You're not seriously giving him 10 pounds for that?

That's so unfair.

-Oh, Ingrid, darling.

I shall never understand this irrational jealousy

of my favorite child.

Now Vlad, let's see you flying from up there.

-What-- um--

-Yeah, come on.

Let's see you in action.

-I'd love to, but-- I better not be late for school.

Bye.

-I wouldn't be treated like this if mum was here.

-Well, she isn't, is she?

So tough peasants.

-Dad, what are you doing?

-Shh.

Vampire surveillance.

-Can't we give slaying a rest?

-No, we can't.

I know Vlad's a vampire.

I just need to prove it.

-No, what you need is help.

ERIC: Ow!

-Thank you, boys.

Just down here will be fine.

Not you, the bag!

Go on, scram!

-Oh, someone got out their coffin the wrong side.

-Ingrid, you're sulking.

Because I can fly, and she can't.

-You'll be flying out the window if you carry on.

-Oh, and, uh, by the way, mum says hello.

-Mum?

You've spoken to mum?

-Yeah, I've asked her to stay for a couple of days.

-You did what?

-Don't you want to see her?

-I'm sorry, which mum we talking about here?

Because I'm thinking of the back stabbing witch from hell one.

-Cool!

At least she sounds like a proper vampire.

I mean, you two haven't got a fang between you.

-Just you wait until I'm 16, Branaugh.

-Are you OK, Vlad?

-Why, shy shouldn't I be?

-Got you.

[crash]

Oh!

-So I carry the one and add up the columns, which makes 3,921.

-Correct.

-Wow.

I never realized doing homework could be so much fun.

-You're joking.

-I'd rather have my tongue pulled out.

-Oh, don't say that when mum gets here, Robin.

Wouldn't want to give her ideas.

-You really believe she's going to turn up

after all the times she's let us down?

Mum doesn't care about us.

She ran off with the a werewolf.

Get over it.

-Werewolf?

This gets better and better.

Is he coming too?

-Ignore her.

My mum is not coming to stay.

[door opens]

[wind blowing]

-Hello, darlings.

-Oh, is that the time?

Come on, Robin.

-Oh, mum, I've missed you.

I hate living with dad.

-There, there, don't cry.

No, really.

Don't.

It's a Sach.

And how's my little Vladdy?

Goodness.

Haven't you changed?

-Not that much, I haven't.

-Oh, Vlad.

I didn't recognize you.

-[coughing]

Who let the skunks out?

Oh, it's you, Mistress Magda.

-So you're still around, are you?

Take my case up to the spare coffin, serf.

I'll see you all at dinner.

Or for dinner, even.

-Your mum's awesome.

-Yeah, isn't she?

-Dad's going to be so pleased to see her.

COUNT DRACULA: Out!

-But Bunbun--

-And don't call me Bunbun.

Now go on!

Back to that manky dog you left me for!

-Well, Patrick and I have been having some problems.

-You just thought you'd come crawling back to me, eh?

-I thought I'd pop in for a drink and a chat.

I brought our favorite tipple.

-French Aristocratic, 1792.

Oh!

There's a spare towel in the airing cupboard.

But if I catch hide or hair of that werewolf,

you're straight out the door!

Psycho!

INGRID: Wow, that's beautiful, just seeing the two of you

back together.

-I am so over her!

Did you think there was a bit of chemistry there?

[organ playing]

-Is this your idea of a sick joke?

INGRID: They're mum's favorite.

-You know what I mean.

Dad's just going to end up getting hurt again.

-Dad, the cold hearted Prince of Darkness?

-Oh!

Ah!

These trousers are pinching a bit.

-What are you wearing?

-Hot stuff, eh?

If Patrick can pull it off, so can I. Ow!

-Dad!

You don't need to dress up.

Just be yourself.

You and mum were meant to be together.

-Yeah, until she left us.

-Stop being so negative.

Don't you want us to be a family?

-Not if she's going to leave us again.

And she will.

The last thing we need is another full grown vampire

roaming around trying to bite people's heads off.

-Oh, come on.

How many people have I attacked since we got here?

-Dad, we've had 11 different postmen.

-Master Vlad does have a point.

Hey, let's get rid of her.

I put garlic in her soup.

-Renfield.

Do you want these worms in your face?

-I-- I'd rather eat them.

Yaaaa!

Ahhhh!

-You hear that, Jonno?

Another innocent victim of the evil Count Dracula.

-You actually saw him bite someone?

-Yes.

Sort of.

No.

-Well, sharpen the wooden stakes.

The guy's clearly a vampire.

They're all vampires, Jonno.

There's even a mother vampire.

I heard it with my own ears.

-Dad, trust me.

I spend all day with Vlad.

I think Id know if--

-That's it.

JONNO: What is?

-Well, here's me doing all this secret surveillance

stuff when you're in his class.

Jonno, you are going to be my mole.

-Mole?

I'm not being anyone's mole.

I'll be your special agent.

-Hey, that's my boy.

Special agent, code name-- Mole.

-So, how do I look, Vladdy?

-Desperate?

-Fantastic.

-Mum's never going to come back and live here.

And why would you want the world's worst mum back anyway?

She's selfish, manipulative, and totally evil.

Hi, mum.

-Vlad, darling.

Why do you hate me?

-I don't hate you.

I just don't want us all to get hurt again.

I mean, how long are you going to stay this time?

-Well, that's down to your father, isn't it?

[organ playing]

-I know I've been a bad mother, but we all make mistakes.

I just wish we could be a family again.

-Well, dad's not falling for it this time.

Are you, dad?

-Oh, Magda!

-Oh, Bunbun.

-Welcome home.

[music stops]

-Right.

Now mum's back, I want Vlad's room.

-I think that sounds fair.

-Hang on!

Dad gave me that room.

Didn't you, dad?

-Oh, Vlad, just do as your mother says.

-But dad, it's me, your son and heir.

Vladdy!

You're not going to let them take away my room, are you?

I'm going to trash you next week.

It's called "My Mum's A Two-Timing, Blood Sucking

Vampire, And My Dimwit Sister's Asked To Live With Us."

-Vlad, get over it.

Mum's back.

-Yeah, course she is, until the next full moon

when she runs off with another werewolf.

-OK, firstly, that's not going to happen.

And secondly, I've got your room now.

Sucker.

-Right, that's it. I've got to get rid of her.

-Are Issue serious?

-Yeah, she'll ruin everything.

Dad's already thrown me out of my room.

-There are worse things that could happen.

-It's not just that.

She's done this ever since we were little.

Turns up, promises the world, then leaves.

I can't go through it again.

-OK.

It's a bit radical, but there is one

way you could get rid of her.

Remember what your dad was saying?

That if he found hide or hair of that werewolf,

Magda would be straight out the door.

-Mmm.

Nice idea, Chloe, but where we going to find werewolf hair?

-Uh-- uh-- I'm just going for a, uh, no!

-And then, of course we'll need a bigger coffin.

-Magda please.

I'm trying to sleep.

[howling]

What was that?

It sounded like a--

-Werewolf hair, all over the upstairs bathroom.

-What!

-I mean, I don't mind you sneaking your boyfriend in,

mum, but tell him to keep out of the plug hole, yeah.

COUNT DRACULA: Out!

-But Bunbun--

-Out!

Witch!

INGRID: Dad, please, just give her one more chance!