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  • [theme music]

  • [snoring]

  • -Morning, Zoltan.

  • -Indeed, it is, Master Vlad.

  • And in case you've forgotten, you don't do mornings.

  • You're a vampire.

  • -Not before I'm 16, I'm not.

  • Until then, I'm just a normal kid.

  • I could do all the other normal kids do.

  • -Turn me upside down and look for the batteries?

  • -No.

  • I'm going to school.

  • -But Master Vlad, it's not safe.

  • -Look, the only person who knows I'm a vampire is Robin.

  • And he's promised he won't tell a single soul.

  • -Well, don't come running in my direction

  • when you're named and shamed as the spawn of Dracula.

  • -Zoltan, relax.

  • It's going to be chilly.

  • I mean "cool."

  • That's what kids say around here, isn't it?

  • -Yeah, as in "isn't it cool we slayed the vampire?"

  • [bell tolls]

  • [thud]

  • COUNT: Ugh!

  • Flaming torches!

  • Aah!

  • Renfield!

  • -Isn't it-- uh, OK, Master!

  • Ugh!

  • -Good morning, Renfield.

  • Hello, Robin.

  • You see?

  • Perfect fit.

  • -Yeah, those trousers really show off your ankles.

  • -So we all set?

  • -Yeah, just one problem--

  • -Hello, I'm Robin's mom, Elizabeth.

  • Ahh, nice.

  • -That's Mom's quiet way of saying "it needs a clean."

  • -Vlad, my man, is, uh, Ingrid around?

  • -(WHISPERS) Robin, are we expecting anyone else?

  • -(WHISPERS) It's not my fault.

  • They just followed me up here.

  • -(WHISPERS) Get them out of here quick before Dad hears them.

  • COUNT: Renfield!

  • Who's there?

  • -Um, might as well move along, shall we, folks?

  • -Going somewhere, Vlad?

  • -Yo, Ingrid.

  • -Aha, so you must be the famous Ingrid.

  • You've certainly made some fans in our house.

  • BOYS: Mom!

  • -Now, come on.

  • You better get dressed for school.

  • I've--

  • -You can't seriously think that I'm going to school.

  • -You don't have to go, but I want to.

  • Just don't tell Dad, OK?

  • -Sure, don't worry.

  • Dad!

  • COUNT: Beelzebub's bunk brush!

  • I am trying to sleep!

  • What peasant dares knock at my palace of doom?

  • -Hello.

  • You must be Mister, uh--

  • -Count.

  • -Mr. Count.

  • -I'm Elizabeth Branagh, your neighbor.

  • Welcome to our country.

  • It's wonderful to meet you. [sniffs] Oh,

  • my goodness, what is that smell?

  • I think it's coming from--

  • -Uh, the slime pit.

  • -Ooh, I think you may have a problem with your drains.

  • -My Graham's a plumber. I'll send him up to have a look.

  • Will send him with Vlad and Ingrid after school.

  • -School?

  • What school?

  • -Stokely Grammar.

  • -My children do not go to school.

  • -Oh, please, let me go, Dad.

  • How else am I going to make friends?

  • -Our kind don't need friends.

  • -Well, uh, now, come on, you lot, or we'll be late.

  • Nice to meet you, Mr. Count.

  • -Bye.

  • -See you.

  • -Well, thanks.

  • Thanks a lot.

  • -Here we are, son.

  • Stokely Grammar.

  • Fresh start for both of us.

  • -Dad, you are going to behave yourself at this school,

  • aren't you?

  • It's going to be really nice just

  • to stay in one place for more than a few months.

  • -Jono, I promised, didn't I?

  • And a Van Helsing never breaks his promise.

  • Blood and garlic!

  • It's a vampire.

  • JONATHAN: Dad, it's a boy in a cape.

  • -Morning, Mr. Van Helsing.

  • -Whew, morning, Headmistress.

  • Just doing my morning squats.

  • -Congratulations.

  • 15 seconds into a brand-new school, and you've

  • already spotted the vampire.

  • -It's instinct, son.

  • I'm a vampire slayer.

  • -No, Dad.

  • You're a woodwork teacher.

  • COUNT: Vlad, it's a quarter past midnight.

  • Come on.

  • Get up.

  • -What do you mean?

  • I've been up all day.

  • -Then tough neck, sonny.

  • That's your choice, not mine.

  • Come, come.

  • Come look at this beautiful when, moonshine.

  • You can't just laze around in bed all night.

  • VLAD: You do realize I'm not yet a vampire, don't you?

  • I sleep at night.

  • I like garlic bread.

  • I want to go to school.

  • Just deal with it.

  • -Is this about the "friends" thing, hm?

  • Because I've been thinking about what you said earlier.

  • -You mean, you've changed your mind?

  • I can go to school?

  • -No, even better.

  • I'll be your friend.

  • -Thanks, Dad.

  • But I'd like some friends of my own age.

  • -I could teach all my wicked ways.

  • -I don't want to be an evil vampire.

  • I want to be an ordinary boy.

  • [thunder rumbling]

  • -You disappoint me.

  • -I'm sorry.

  • [snores]

  • [bell tolls]

  • [thump]

  • [groans]

  • -If that's that Branagh woman again!

  • [boom]

  • RENFIELD: Master!

  • Master!

  • It's a breather!

  • With a metal horse!

  • -So you must be Vladimir and Ingrid.

  • -And you must be wearing that for charity.

  • -Oh, a freethinker.

  • Splendid stuff.

  • I'm Ms. Harker, your new headmistress.

  • -Ahh.

  • -Good morning.

  • It's Mister--

  • -[grunts] Count.

  • -Mr. Count, that's right.

  • Now, I've had reports that children

  • haven't been placed in a school.

  • -Reports?

  • From whom?

  • -I'm afraid I can't say.

  • -Well, whoever it is, I shall crush them.

  • -(WHISPERS) Dad.

  • -Now, look.

  • I don't know where you hail from, Mr. Count.

  • But in our country, children are required to go to school.

  • And if you refuse to cooperate, well, they'll be taken away.

  • -Really?

  • And how much would this service cost?

  • -Cost?

  • It wouldn't cost anything.

  • -Splendid.

  • -Well, you can have her for a start.

  • I still have some hopes for the boy.

  • -Yeah, me, too.

  • I hope he'll get lost.

  • -Now, look, Mr. Count, it's quite simple.

  • Either you send the children to school,

  • or you will be taken to court.

  • -Ooh.

  • "Taken to court."

  • I'm aquiver with fear.

  • [snickers]

  • And what, pray tell, is this so-called "court"?

  • -Oh, just the local equivalent of an angry peasant mob.

  • -What?

  • [mob yelling]

  • [gasp]

  • Right.

  • Vlad, Ingrid, get ready for school.

  • -(WHISPERS) Well, yes!

  • This is so embarrassing.

  • My first day at school, and I look like a freak.

  • So much for keeping a low profile.

  • -No, wait.

  • I have a little good luck present.

  • Now, these are a pair of ancient brooches

  • with the legendary Dracula coat of arms.

  • -Aw, wicked!

  • -So, Vladdy, my boy, this one's for you.

  • And Ingrid, it's such a shame you weren't a boy.

  • -You're a heartless, spiteful, self-centered bully.

  • And so am I, but you just can't see it!

  • -(WHISPERS) Shut the door!

  • That girl will be the death of me.

  • -I'll see you later, Dad.

  • -Ah, don't forget your cape!

  • -Dad, only a weirdo would wear a cape to school.

  • -Hi, Vlad.

  • -My boy is growing up, Renfield.

  • -Yoo-hoo, Mr. Count!

  • -Oh, please.

  • [growls]

  • -I knew you'd change your mind about school.

  • Can't wait to get rid of them, eh?

  • I know the feeling.

  • Must dash.

  • See you soon.

  • -It's her, isn't it?

  • She must be the one who denounced me to the school.

  • -She must be punished, Master.

  • -Renfield, home.

  • We have work to do.

  • -Wow.

  • So this is school.

  • -Yeah.

  • It's a bit like a prison, only sometimes people

  • escape from prison.

  • -Hey, cool.

  • Look at this.

  • Huh, my own private locker.

  • -Yeah, it's really not that exciting.

  • Just somewhere you can stash your games kit.

  • And in your case, of course, the blood of innocent victims.

  • -(WHISPERS) Robin.

  • -I'm only having a laugh.

  • -Please just keep your mouth shut, all right?

  • Remember, you're the only one who knows we're vampires.

  • I kind of like it to stay that way.

  • -Sure.

  • -Oh, hello.

  • I guess, Batman and Batman.

  • Hey, nice badge.

  • -Oh, um, it's nothing special.

  • It's--

  • -Absolutely nothing to do with vampires.

  • -Robin.

  • -Ignore him.

  • He thinks he's a vampire.

  • Robin actually believes that bloodsucking humans exist.

  • Sad, isn't it?

  • -[sighs]

  • So what part of "keeping your mouth shut"

  • don't you understand?

  • [bangs locker]

  • -Vlad, your locker.

  • -So remember, no more getting distracted, all right?

  • -What do you mean "distracted"?

  • All right, I won't get distracted.

  • -Dad!

  • I was just going to tail him, Jono.

  • See where his locker is.

  • -For goodness sake, he's in my class!

  • His name is Robin Branagh.

  • And he's not a vampire.

  • -Ah, but how do you know?

  • -Because there's no such things as vamp--

  • KIDS: Ingrid, we love you!

  • Ingrid--

  • [kids chatter]