I'M SHOT.

AND I'M SCOTT.

AND I'LL SEE YOU ON MONDAY.

DON'T YOU MEAN "WE'LL SEE YOU ON MONDAY"?

Man: CUT.

I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING, SHOTTY.

IT'S NOT GONNA BE EASY.

HEY, SCOTT. PRODUCER SENT US DOWN TO DEACTIVATE SHOTBOT.

JUST A MINUTE, DAMN YOU!

I DON'T UNDERSTAND. DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG?

DON'T YOU READ THE USER COMMENTS?

THE AUDIENCE THINKS YOU'RE WEIRD. THEY HATE YOU.

SCOTT, YOU DON'T HATE ME, DO YOU?

Security Guard: COME ON, TIME'S UP.

CAN WE GET THIS OVER WITH, HUH?

WELL, SCOTT, IT WAS FUN WORKING WITH YOU.

( stuttering ) VGHS...

...WINS!

SCOTT, I LOVE YOU.

WE'LL SEE YOU...

...ON MONDAY.

BUNCH O' BRUNCH CRUNCH. BUNCH O' BUNCH CRUNCH.

( distorted voice )

AAH!

GO, SHOTTY, RUN LIKE THE WIND!

BUT WHERE DO I GO? WHAT DO I DO?

FIND A SCOOP SO HOT, THOSE DOPES UPSTAIRS WILL BE FORCED TO KEEP YOU!

BY GUM, I'LL DO IT!

GOODBYE, SCOTT!

REMEMBER, MAKE IT A HEARTWARMER,

A TEARJERKER,

A HUMAN STORY, YOU BEAUTIFUL BOT!

A HUMAN STORY!

YOU'RE NOT WEARING GREEN!

MERRY LEETMAS, LOSER!

WHAT THE--?

GAMES? GAMES, GET BACK HERE AND CLEAN THIS UP!

"WELL, SCREW YOU, CALHOUN,"

THE STUDENTS DID SAY,

"WE'LL JUST COME UP WITH OUR OWN HOLIDAY,

WITH THE BEST PARTS OF CHRISTMAS,

EARTH DAY, HALLOWEEN,

CINCO DE MAYO AND ALL IN BETWEEN..."

- NOT ON MY DAY OFF. - "WE'LL CAROL TILL SUNDOWN..."

NOPE.

"...AND WITH A JUG OF SWEET NOOB NOG, LEETMAS WAS BORN."

AND THAT'S THE STORY OF LEETMAS...!

TED! JUST THE GUY I WANTED TO SEE.

MERRY LEETMAS, BUDDY.

WHOA, THANKS. IT'S A...

IT'S A FRIENDSHIP BADGE. ( chuckles )

YEAH, THEY LIGHT UP WHEN THEY GET CLOSE, SEE?

UM, AWESOME! DUDE!

OH, I ACCIDENTALLY ATE YOUR PRESENT.

OH, BUT I'VE GOT AN IDEA!

YOU ARE INVITED TO MY SUPER SWEET EGG RACE!

OH, THANKS, MAN, BUT I'M ACTUALLY PRETTY BUSY

GETTING READY FOR DINNER.

IT'S MY PRESENT. YOU HAVE TO COME.

WELL, I--

COME ON. YOU'RE ALWAYS SO BUSY WITH FPS STUFF,

WE NEVER GET TO HANG ANYMORE.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

WHAT TIME-- WHAT TIME IS THE RACE?

- THREE. - DUDE, DINNER'S AT THREE.

YEAH, I'M GONNA BE LATE FOR THAT.

OH! YOU'RE STILL MAKING 'TATER SALAD, THOUGH, RIGHT?

YES.

UM... ALL RIGHT, YEAH.

I GUESS WE CAN PUSH TO 3:30.

- WHAT'S AT 3:30? - DINNER. BRIAN'S COMING TO MY RACE!

WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT ABOUT MY PIE?

THIS IS PI DAY PIE. IF WE DON'T EAT IT AT 3:14, IT'S RUINED.

BRING IT TO THE RACE.

IT'LL BE VICTORY PIE!

NO, IT'S PI DAY PIE.

THREE-POINT-ONE-FOUR.

UM... YOU KNOW WHAT? YEAH, SURE.

WHY DON'T WE GO AHEAD AND EAT DESSERT BEFORE DINNER?

YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE, UH...

WELL, IT'S PROBABLY OPPOSITE DAY ANYWAY, RIGHT?

IT ISN'T!

THANKS FOR NOT REMINDING ME!

UM, YEAH. SO, I'VE GOT GO TO PUT THIS BIRD IN THE OVEN,

BUT, UH, I'LL SEE YOU GUYS AT THE RACE.

NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO IT!

THANKS FOR NOTHING. YOU'RE TERRIBLE!

OH, I GOT ONE! HELLO, BRIAN, I LOVE YOU!

- YOU JUST COMPLIMENTED HIM. - I KNOW.

OH, WAIT. I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW.

I MEAN, YES, BRIAN, I HATE YOU!

I DIDN'T MEAN IT! I MEAN, I DIDN'T--!

BRIAN, DON'T GO AWAY!

I MEAN DON'T COME BACK! BRIAN!

HELP ME, KI.

I WON'T.

CARY, STOP PLAYING BABY'S FIRST EXTORTION.

NAME A REAL PRICE.

THREE HUNDRED? YOU SAID 200 TEN SECONDS AGO!

CARY, BABY, WHY YOU GOTTA PLAY YOUR FOURTH COUSIN LIKE THAT?

YES, I KNOW THAT THE EVIDENCE WOULD EXONERATE THE LAW.

I'M THE ONE ON VIDEO FRAMING HIM!

YEAH, I KNOW, I WAS SLOPPY. FINE.

TWO-FIFTY.

JUST BRING THE DRIVER TO THE USUAL PLACE,

I'LL HAND YOU A SACK OF KOOL-EZE.

OH, YEAH, NO PROBLEM. HE'S RIGHT HERE. LET ME TALK TO HIM.

- HELLO. - GOD!

OHH! AAH! NO! NO!

AAAH!

MY, MY, MY.

LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S GETTING A LUMP OF COAL

IN THEIR LEETMAS TURKEY THIS YEAR.

OKAY, GUYS. HERE'S HOW THIS IS GONNA SHAKE OUT.

GIGGLES, YOU'RE UP FIRST.

I'M GONNA WRAP MY POWERFUL THIGHS

AROUND YOUR NECK AND SQUEEZE.

WON'T BE GIGGLING THEN, WILL YOU?

I DON'T GIGGLE.

- I DON'T GIGGLE, RIGHT? - NO. GUYS, JUST BEAT HIM UP.

NO, NO, NO! UNCLE!

ALOHA, HUMAN STUDENTS!

I AM A FEMALE TEEN FROM VGHS.

IS THERE A HUMAN STORY HERE?

IT'S A GIRL! SHE'S GONNA TELL THE OTHER GIRLS!

OH, WE'RE NOT GONNA GET ANY KISSES? RUN!

UM...

THIS... THIS ISN'T OVER.

GREETINGS! DO YOU REQUIRE ASSISTANCE?

LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU STUPID...

GIRL.

I DON'T NEED ANYTHING FROM ANYBODY.

I'M THE LAW.

I'M PRETTIER THAN EVEN YOU!

BRIAN, HOLD UP!

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED-- 20 APPLES BOBBED.

HA HA HA! YEAH, IN YOUR FACE, DUCHESS!

( angry growl )

HOW'S THE ACHIEVEMENT HUNT GOING?

TERRIBLE. DUCHESS IS CREAMING ME,

AND I LOST MY DANCE PARTNER.

APPARENTLY I'M TOO INTENSE.

SPEAKING OF WHICH...

JENNY, NO, NO, NO!

- I GOTTA GET THIS BIRD IN THE OVEN. - BRIAN!

WHAT TIME'S THE DANCE?

TWO O'CLOCK. WEAR BLACK AND SATIN SPATS.

AND FIX YOUR HAIR.

PICK UP THE PHONE MUCH?

JEEZ!

LOOK, CALHOUN, IT'S MY DAY OFF, ALL RIGHT?

SPARE ME YOUR SOB STORY.

I'VE GOT YOUR LEETMAS BONUS.

I GET A BONUS?

MM-HMM.

YEAH. BONUS HOURS.

THAT YOU WORK NOW. MANDATORY.

SO GET YOUR ASS TO THE NOOB NOG BOOTH.

YOU KNOW, CALHOUN, I'VE BEEN READING UP ON SOME CHILD LABOR LAWS,

AND I DON'T THINK THAT--

DO I SMELL AN UNAUTHORIZED TURKEY

BEING COOKED ON SCHOOL GROUNDS?

GRINCH.

FREELOADER.

YOU'RE A GIRL.

YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE IN HERE.

THAT'S TOO BAD! I LIKE BEING HERE, WITH YOU!

GOLLY, YOU'RE SHAKING.

ALLOW ME.

- ( whirring ) - WHOA.

HEAT FUNCTIONALITY.

KILLER SHOTBOT COSTUME.

ARE YOU GONNA ENTER THIS IN THE HALLOWEEN COSTUME CONTEST OR...?

( cheerfully ) NO!

TELL ME ABOUT WHAT WENT DOWN IN THAT ALLEYWAY.

OH, IT'S QUITE A STORY ALL RIGHT.

IT'S THE STORY OF AN FPS WUNDERKIND,

FRAMED FOR A CRIME HE DIDN'T COMMIT

BY A SNIVELING RTS CARPETBAGGER.

IT'S THE STORY OF A SCHOOL THAT TURNED THEIR BACKS ON ME

WHEN THE CHIPS WERE DOWN.

AND ONCE I GET MY HANDS ON THAT EVIDENCE,

IT'S GONNA BE THE STORY OF MY REDEMPTION.

REDEMPTION, EH?

THAT SOUNDS LIKE A STORY THE REAL SHOTBOT

WOULD BE INTERESTED IN!

NEED A PARTNER?

PARTNER?

FAT CHANCE, DOLL FACE. THE LAW RIDES ALONE.

I SEE. THAT SOUNDS VERY LONELY.

WHY DO YOU WANT TO HELP ME, ANYWAY?

BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE LOOKING FOR A SECOND CHANCE.

NAME'S LAW.

BARBARA. REBECCA BARBARA.

WELL, REBECCA BARBARA,

LET'S GO CLEAR MY NAME,

PUT SHANE BEHIND BEHIND BARS,

MAYBE... MAKE OUT AND TOUCH A BUNCH AFTERWARDS.

WHO KNOWS? LET'S SEE WHERE THE WIND BLOWS.

THE WIND IS CURRENTLY BLOWING SOUTH BY SOUTHWEST

AT A SPEED OF 1.2 KNOTS.

YEAH, RIGHT.

AMAZING. LET'S GO.

( powerful concussion )

AAAHHH!

STRONG GIRL!

AND WE'RE BACK!

RESIDENT HEARTTHROB GAMES DEAN

HERE LIVE AT THE NOOB NOG BOOTH.

HEY, GET BACK TO WORK, BRIAN.

OH.

AH, SORRY, GUYS.

EXTRA WHIP ON ME! ALL RIGHT! YEAH! WHOO!

UM, HEY, GAMES, I GOTTA PEE. CAN YOU COVER ME?

UH, YEAH, YOU GOT FIVE MINUTES TILL COMMERCIAL BREAK.

AWESOME, MAN, THANKS.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK, I PROMISE.

YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR MINDS IF YOU THINK I WOULD SKIP THAT.

ACCORDING TO THOSE NERDS I JUST PUMPED FOR INFO,

SHANE WILL BE MEETING HIS COUSIN AT ABOUT 4:00.

WHAT YOU GOT?

WELL, ACCORDING TO THIS INTERVIEW,

SHANE ENJOYS CHILLAXING WITH A CUCUMBER SCRUB

BY HIS USUAL PLACE, THE DRINKING FOUNTAINS.

PERHAPS THIS IS THE USUAL PLACE HE SPOKE OF ON THE PHONE.

GREAT WORK, BABE. ALL RIGHT, HERE'S THE PLAN.

I'M GON' BLAST 400 REPS ON THIS THING,

AND THEN I'M GONNA GO MEET SHANE AND SQUEEZE HIM UP.

THAT WILL NOT WORK. YOU ARE FLABBY AND SAD.

SHANE WILL BEAT YOU UP.

FLABBY AND SAD?

I'LL SHOW YOU.

( chuckling )

( audibly struggling )

AAH! YOU KNOW WHAT?

I KNEW HAVING A PARTNER WAS A BAD IDEA.

JUST GET LOST.

SHANE HAS BIG MUSCLES AND A BLACK BELT,

BUT HIS COUSIN CARY HAS AN I.T. DEGREE AND CANKLES.

THE LAW I KNOW PLAYS IT SMART

AND BEATS UP ON THE LITTLE GUY.

DAMN. YOU DO GET ME.

HEY, BECKS,

ABOUT THAT WHOLE "GET LOST" THING,

IT'S WATER UNDER THE BRIDGE, RIGHT?

WATER IS COMPOSED OF HYDROGEN AND OXYGEN.

GOD, YOU'RE SO SMART.

LET'S GO!

( song ends )

WOW. THAT WAS INCREDIBLE.

I KNOW, RIGHT? HEY, CAN YOU BRING CIDER TONIGHT?

- YEAH. - OKAY.

( both laughing )

YEAH! MORE THINGS IN YOUR FACE, DUCHESS!

OH, CRAP! DEAN'S GONNA KILL ME!

AH, GAMES, I'M SORRY.