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  • AND THAT'S WHY YOU SHOULD BE... CAREFUL!

  • I'M SHOT.

  • AND I'M SCOTT.

  • AND I'LL SEE YOU ON MONDAY.

  • DON'T YOU MEAN "WE'LL SEE YOU ON MONDAY"?

  • Man: CUT.

  • I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING, SHOTTY.

  • IT'S NOT GONNA BE EASY.

  • HEY, SCOTT. PRODUCER SENT US DOWN TO DEACTIVATE SHOTBOT.

  • JUST A MINUTE, DAMN YOU!

  • I DON'T UNDERSTAND. DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG?

  • DON'T YOU READ THE USER COMMENTS?

  • THE AUDIENCE THINKS YOU'RE WEIRD. THEY HATE YOU.

  • SCOTT, YOU DON'T HATE ME, DO YOU?

  • Security Guard: COME ON, TIME'S UP.

  • CAN WE GET THIS OVER WITH, HUH?

  • WELL, SCOTT, IT WAS FUN WORKING WITH YOU.

  • ( stuttering ) VGHS...

  • ...WINS!

  • SCOTT, I LOVE YOU.

  • WE'LL SEE YOU...

  • ...ON MONDAY.

  • BUNCH O' BRUNCH CRUNCH. BUNCH O' BUNCH CRUNCH.

  • ( distorted voice )

  • AAH!

  • GO, SHOTTY, RUN LIKE THE WIND!

  • BUT WHERE DO I GO? WHAT DO I DO?

  • FIND A SCOOP SO HOT, THOSE DOPES UPSTAIRS WILL BE FORCED TO KEEP YOU!

  • BY GUM, I'LL DO IT!

  • GOODBYE, SCOTT!

  • REMEMBER, MAKE IT A HEARTWARMER,

  • A TEARJERKER,

  • A HUMAN STORY, YOU BEAUTIFUL BOT!

  • A HUMAN STORY!

  • YOU'RE NOT WEARING GREEN!

  • MERRY LEETMAS, LOSER!

  • WHAT THE--?

  • GAMES? GAMES, GET BACK HERE AND CLEAN THIS UP!

  • "WELL, SCREW YOU, CALHOUN,"

  • THE STUDENTS DID SAY,

  • "WE'LL JUST COME UP WITH OUR OWN HOLIDAY,

  • WITH THE BEST PARTS OF CHRISTMAS,

  • EARTH DAY, HALLOWEEN,

  • CINCO DE MAYO AND ALL IN BETWEEN..."

  • - NOT ON MY DAY OFF. - "WE'LL CAROL TILL SUNDOWN..."

  • NOPE.

  • "...AND WITH A JUG OF SWEET NOOB NOG, LEETMAS WAS BORN."

  • AND THAT'S THE STORY OF LEETMAS...!

  • TED! JUST THE GUY I WANTED TO SEE.

  • MERRY LEETMAS, BUDDY.

  • WHOA, THANKS. IT'S A...

  • IT'S A FRIENDSHIP BADGE. ( chuckles )

  • YEAH, THEY LIGHT UP WHEN THEY GET CLOSE, SEE?

  • UM, AWESOME! DUDE!

  • OH, I ACCIDENTALLY ATE YOUR PRESENT.

  • OH, BUT I'VE GOT AN IDEA!

  • YOU ARE INVITED TO MY SUPER SWEET EGG RACE!

  • OH, THANKS, MAN, BUT I'M ACTUALLY PRETTY BUSY

  • GETTING READY FOR DINNER.

  • IT'S MY PRESENT. YOU HAVE TO COME.

  • WELL, I--

  • COME ON. YOU'RE ALWAYS SO BUSY WITH FPS STUFF,

  • WE NEVER GET TO HANG ANYMORE.

  • PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE.

  • ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

  • WHAT TIME-- WHAT TIME IS THE RACE?

  • - THREE. - DUDE, DINNER'S AT THREE.

  • YEAH, I'M GONNA BE LATE FOR THAT.

  • OH! YOU'RE STILL MAKING 'TATER SALAD, THOUGH, RIGHT?

  • YES.

  • UM... ALL RIGHT, YEAH.

  • I GUESS WE CAN PUSH TO 3:30.

  • - WHAT'S AT 3:30? - DINNER. BRIAN'S COMING TO MY RACE!

  • WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT ABOUT MY PIE?

  • THIS IS PI DAY PIE. IF WE DON'T EAT IT AT 3:14, IT'S RUINED.

  • BRING IT TO THE RACE.

  • IT'LL BE VICTORY PIE!

  • NO, IT'S PI DAY PIE.

  • THREE-POINT-ONE-FOUR.

  • UM... YOU KNOW WHAT? YEAH, SURE.

  • WHY DON'T WE GO AHEAD AND EAT DESSERT BEFORE DINNER?

  • YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE, UH...

  • WELL, IT'S PROBABLY OPPOSITE DAY ANYWAY, RIGHT?

  • IT ISN'T!

  • THANKS FOR NOT REMINDING ME!

  • UM, YEAH. SO, I'VE GOT GO TO PUT THIS BIRD IN THE OVEN,

  • BUT, UH, I'LL SEE YOU GUYS AT THE RACE.

  • NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO IT!

  • THANKS FOR NOTHING. YOU'RE TERRIBLE!

  • OH, I GOT ONE! HELLO, BRIAN, I LOVE YOU!

  • - YOU JUST COMPLIMENTED HIM. - I KNOW.

  • OH, WAIT. I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW.

  • I MEAN, YES, BRIAN, I HATE YOU!

  • I DIDN'T MEAN IT! I MEAN, I DIDN'T--!

  • BRIAN, DON'T GO AWAY!

  • I MEAN DON'T COME BACK! BRIAN!

  • HELP ME, KI.

  • I WON'T.

  • CARY, STOP PLAYING BABY'S FIRST EXTORTION.

  • NAME A REAL PRICE.

  • THREE HUNDRED? YOU SAID 200 TEN SECONDS AGO!

  • CARY, BABY, WHY YOU GOTTA PLAY YOUR FOURTH COUSIN LIKE THAT?

  • YES, I KNOW THAT THE EVIDENCE WOULD EXONERATE THE LAW.

  • I'M THE ONE ON VIDEO FRAMING HIM!

  • YEAH, I KNOW, I WAS SLOPPY. FINE.

  • TWO-FIFTY.

  • JUST BRING THE DRIVER TO THE USUAL PLACE,

  • I'LL HAND YOU A SACK OF KOOL-EZE.

  • OH, YEAH, NO PROBLEM. HE'S RIGHT HERE. LET ME TALK TO HIM.

  • - HELLO. - GOD!

  • OHH! AAH! NO! NO!

  • AAAH!

  • MY, MY, MY.

  • LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S GETTING A LUMP OF COAL

  • IN THEIR LEETMAS TURKEY THIS YEAR.

  • OKAY, GUYS. HERE'S HOW THIS IS GONNA SHAKE OUT.

  • GIGGLES, YOU'RE UP FIRST.

  • I'M GONNA WRAP MY POWERFUL THIGHS

  • AROUND YOUR NECK AND SQUEEZE.

  • WON'T BE GIGGLING THEN, WILL YOU?

  • I DON'T GIGGLE.

  • - I DON'T GIGGLE, RIGHT? - NO. GUYS, JUST BEAT HIM UP.

  • NO, NO, NO! UNCLE!

  • ALOHA, HUMAN STUDENTS!

  • I AM A FEMALE TEEN FROM VGHS.

  • IS THERE A HUMAN STORY HERE?

  • IT'S A GIRL! SHE'S GONNA TELL THE OTHER GIRLS!

  • OH, WE'RE NOT GONNA GET ANY KISSES? RUN!

  • UM...

  • THIS... THIS ISN'T OVER.

  • GREETINGS! DO YOU REQUIRE ASSISTANCE?

  • LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU STUPID...

  • GIRL.

  • I DON'T NEED ANYTHING FROM ANYBODY.

  • I'M THE LAW.

  • I'M PRETTIER THAN EVEN YOU!

  • BRIAN, HOLD UP!

  • ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED-- 20 APPLES BOBBED.

  • HA HA HA! YEAH, IN YOUR FACE, DUCHESS!

  • ( angry growl )

  • HOW'S THE ACHIEVEMENT HUNT GOING?

  • TERRIBLE. DUCHESS IS CREAMING ME,

  • AND I LOST MY DANCE PARTNER.

  • APPARENTLY I'M TOO INTENSE.

  • SPEAKING OF WHICH...

  • JENNY, NO, NO, NO!

  • - I GOTTA GET THIS BIRD IN THE OVEN. - BRIAN!

  • WHAT TIME'S THE DANCE?

  • TWO O'CLOCK. WEAR BLACK AND SATIN SPATS.

  • AND FIX YOUR HAIR.

  • PICK UP THE PHONE MUCH?

  • JEEZ!

  • LOOK, CALHOUN, IT'S MY DAY OFF, ALL RIGHT?

  • SPARE ME YOUR SOB STORY.

  • I'VE GOT YOUR LEETMAS BONUS.

  • I GET A BONUS?

  • MM-HMM.

  • YEAH. BONUS HOURS.

  • THAT YOU WORK NOW. MANDATORY.

  • SO GET YOUR ASS TO THE NOOB NOG BOOTH.

  • YOU KNOW, CALHOUN, I'VE BEEN READING UP ON SOME CHILD LABOR LAWS,

  • AND I DON'T THINK THAT--

  • DO I SMELL AN UNAUTHORIZED TURKEY

  • BEING COOKED ON SCHOOL GROUNDS?

  • GRINCH.

  • FREELOADER.

  • YOU'RE A GIRL.

  • YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE IN HERE.

  • THAT'S TOO BAD! I LIKE BEING HERE, WITH YOU!

  • GOLLY, YOU'RE SHAKING.

  • ALLOW ME.

  • - ( whirring ) - WHOA.

  • HEAT FUNCTIONALITY.

  • KILLER SHOTBOT COSTUME.

  • ARE YOU GONNA ENTER THIS IN THE HALLOWEEN COSTUME CONTEST OR...?

  • ( cheerfully ) NO!

  • TELL ME ABOUT WHAT WENT DOWN IN THAT ALLEYWAY.

  • OH, IT'S QUITE A STORY ALL RIGHT.

  • IT'S THE STORY OF AN FPS WUNDERKIND,

  • FRAMED FOR A CRIME HE DIDN'T COMMIT

  • BY A SNIVELING RTS CARPETBAGGER.

  • IT'S THE STORY OF A SCHOOL THAT TURNED THEIR BACKS ON ME

  • WHEN THE CHIPS WERE DOWN.

  • AND ONCE I GET MY HANDS ON THAT EVIDENCE,

  • IT'S GONNA BE THE STORY OF MY REDEMPTION.

  • REDEMPTION, EH?

  • THAT SOUNDS LIKE A STORY THE REAL SHOTBOT

  • WOULD BE INTERESTED IN!

  • NEED A PARTNER?

  • PARTNER?

  • FAT CHANCE, DOLL FACE. THE LAW RIDES ALONE.

  • I SEE. THAT SOUNDS VERY LONELY.

  • WHY DO YOU WANT TO HELP ME, ANYWAY?

  • BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE LOOKING FOR A SECOND CHANCE.

  • NAME'S LAW.

  • BARBARA. REBECCA BARBARA.

  • WELL, REBECCA BARBARA,

  • LET'S GO CLEAR MY NAME,

  • PUT SHANE BEHIND BEHIND BARS,

  • MAYBE... MAKE OUT AND TOUCH A BUNCH AFTERWARDS.

  • WHO KNOWS? LET'S SEE WHERE THE WIND BLOWS.

  • THE WIND IS CURRENTLY BLOWING SOUTH BY SOUTHWEST

  • AT A SPEED OF 1.2 KNOTS.

  • YEAH, RIGHT.

  • AMAZING. LET'S GO.

  • ( powerful concussion )

  • AAAHHH!

  • STRONG GIRL!

  • AND WE'RE BACK!

  • RESIDENT HEARTTHROB GAMES DEAN

  • HERE LIVE AT THE NOOB NOG BOOTH.

  • HEY, GET BACK TO WORK, BRIAN.

  • OH.

  • AH, SORRY, GUYS.

  • EXTRA WHIP ON ME! ALL RIGHT! YEAH! WHOO!

  • UM, HEY, GAMES, I GOTTA PEE. CAN YOU COVER ME?

  • UH, YEAH, YOU GOT FIVE MINUTES TILL COMMERCIAL BREAK.

  • AWESOME, MAN, THANKS.

  • I'LL BE RIGHT BACK, I PROMISE.

  • YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR MINDS IF YOU THINK I WOULD SKIP THAT.

  • ACCORDING TO THOSE NERDS I JUST PUMPED FOR INFO,

  • SHANE WILL BE MEETING HIS COUSIN AT ABOUT 4:00.

  • WHAT YOU GOT?

  • WELL, ACCORDING TO THIS INTERVIEW,

  • SHANE ENJOYS CHILLAXING WITH A CUCUMBER SCRUB

  • BY HIS USUAL PLACE, THE DRINKING FOUNTAINS.

  • PERHAPS THIS IS THE USUAL PLACE HE SPOKE OF ON THE PHONE.

  • GREAT WORK, BABE. ALL RIGHT, HERE'S THE PLAN.

  • I'M GON' BLAST 400 REPS ON THIS THING,

  • AND THEN I'M GONNA GO MEET SHANE AND SQUEEZE HIM UP.

  • THAT WILL NOT WORK. YOU ARE FLABBY AND SAD.

  • SHANE WILL BEAT YOU UP.

  • FLABBY AND SAD?

  • I'LL SHOW YOU.

  • ( chuckling )

  • ( audibly struggling )

  • AAH! YOU KNOW WHAT?

  • I KNEW HAVING A PARTNER WAS A BAD IDEA.

  • JUST GET LOST.

  • SHANE HAS BIG MUSCLES AND A BLACK BELT,

  • BUT HIS COUSIN CARY HAS AN I.T. DEGREE AND CANKLES.

  • THE LAW I KNOW PLAYS IT SMART

  • AND BEATS UP ON THE LITTLE GUY.

  • DAMN. YOU DO GET ME.

  • HEY, BECKS,

  • ABOUT THAT WHOLE "GET LOST" THING,

  • IT'S WATER UNDER THE BRIDGE, RIGHT?

  • WATER IS COMPOSED OF HYDROGEN AND OXYGEN.

  • GOD, YOU'RE SO SMART.

  • LET'S GO!

  • ( song ends )

  • WOW. THAT WAS INCREDIBLE.

  • I KNOW, RIGHT? HEY, CAN YOU BRING CIDER TONIGHT?

  • - YEAH. - OKAY.

  • ( both laughing )

  • YEAH! MORE THINGS IN YOUR FACE, DUCHESS!

  • OH, CRAP! DEAN'S GONNA KILL ME!

  • AH, GAMES, I'M SORRY.