and we have a lovely special guest today.

(laughing)

- Oh, hello.

- I know you want us to hug...

- I'm back. - but that's not really..

- We don't... - That's not our vibe.

(laughing)

- [Instructor] Work. Work.

Superstar, where ya from? How's it going?

Hi, I'm Trixie Mattel - And I'm Katya.

And we are two Queens who like to watch.

- That's right we certainly do love to do that,

and together at last.

- Mmmm. (laughing)

For today's episode we have the

distinct pleasure of watching:

'I Care a Lot'. Which features Rosamund Pike

as a grifter who preys upon the elderly

until she meets her match in Dianne Wiest.

- Let me tell you about the old,

- Okay. - they're not just for (beep)

(laughing)

(dramatic music)

- Spoiler alert ahead,

- Because there are so many riveting plot twists.

Watch the movie, then come back to us.

You don't want to get this spoiled.

And also, we're here to spoil your sexuality.

Cause once you get a load of these two hot babes.

- Ahhh!

- Nut city.

- Just nut city.

- I heard there's lesbian things in this, so I'm ready.

- I'm ready, let's do it.

- Bring on the Lesbianism.

(chimes)

- Okay. Let's meet Rosamund Pike as Marla Grayson.

- You need that wig.

- Let's talk hair.

This is a person who should not be trusted

under any circumstances.

- Mm hmm.

- (male actor) Ms. Grayson forced my mother into the home.

When she made it very clear that she didn't want to go.

- [Katya] Now, right here, we have Ron Swanson.

- (laughing) Yes.

- She has kidnapped my mother.

- [Trixxie] This is about Brittany.

- You can't care for her by doing what she wants.

You have to do what she needs.

- That's me representing myself.

- And that is why I can care better...

(laughing)

- I'm gonna to call up my first witness, me

and then you walk behind that - Wig change.

And then you cross examine yourself.

Where were you on the night of February 57th.

- I'm so glad you asked.

- Well.

- Duh duh duh. (laughing)

(movie in background)

- This is what I do all day, every day I care.

- [Ron] I care a lot.

- This is me after picking up my boyfriend's mail once.

- Yes. (laughing)

- All I do is care.

All I do and him being emotional in court

and her being analytical and looking mostly at the judge.

It's very planned.

It reminds me of when I won back my daughter.

(laughing)

(movie dialogue) - I agree, order upheld.

(inhales) Fierce!

[Upbeat Music]

- Lezzie, Lezzie, McGuire.

- You won?

I did.

- (host) Love that hair cut.

- She is hot.

- I love a shag.

She's a maniac, maniac...

- Uh, Jennifer... - Yes.

- (beep) you! I hope you get murdered,

and I hope you get killed (beep) (beep).

(spitting)

- Oh!

- (beep) no, mother (beep).

- Did I write this?

(laughing) - I know!

- I mean...

- He really is...

- Damn! He's mad.

- [Trixxie] Yeah, he is angry

- If you ever threaten, touch or spit on me again

I will grab your (beep) and (beep)

and I will rip them clean off.

You understand?

(laughing)

- I will grab your-- (beep) (beep) and (beep).

- I will grab your (beep), (beep), and titties.

(movie in background)

- And I'll all grabbed the breast, boobs, titties (beep) and

balls and also, your (beep).

- And I'll grab, the (beep), wiener,

- And the (beep)

- And the (beep).

(laughing) And I will break them off.

And he's plucked, he's plucked.

Marla Grayson and her partner here

are stocking their next victim.

And I have to say, I don't just want inclusion

in movies.

Show gay people, for the often, awful people they are.

- No debt, no criminal record.

- [Katya] That's me with you and your daily activities.

Just taking pictures. (laughing)

- And she is sitting on a pile of cash. - Hmm.

- [Trixxie] Day drinking

- [Katya] Day drinking and E-Cigs.

- [Trixxie] People really vape.

- They do, smoking is embarrassing.

Vaping is humiliating.

- But drag, totally dignified.

- Absolutely.

(laughing)

- Karen.

- I'm sorry. Is it Kahrin?

- Pull the trigger on Jennifer Peterson.

- [Katya] Shoot her.

Just shoot her.

- Pull the trigger on her. Are you sure?

- I love day drinking.

- [Trixxie] You will never catch me before

(beep) 5:00 PM drinking.

- Really? - No, it just makes me tired.

- Interesting because I have these photographs

of you drinking and you're--

- It's me crouched naked with a flask.

(laughing)

- [Male Voice] Do you think you can take her on

as one of your wards?

I know you have a lot in your fold already.

- [Trixxie] Let me think about it.

- [Katya] I'll find a rib in my heart.

- Yes. If you need me to take care of her,

I can take care of her.

- I love this woman so far.

I know she's supposed to be a villain, whatever.

- Whatever, I don't care.

- Take the elderly, ring them out

like rags (beep) and get your hair cut every six days.

(chimes)

- Question for you? - Sure.

You are, um, entering the Twilight of your life.

Okay? Physical functions are, uh.

- Failing.

- Failing, ceasing.

Perhaps there's Alzheimer's on the horizon.

- Mm hmm.

What's your palliative care plan?

What's the, what's the goal?

What's the--

- Well my goal is to just keep saving money.

So that later on in life, I can pay people

to take care of me.

- And who are these people?

- Strangers. - Okay.

Young gay nurses would be great.

What do you think?

- Hmm, my family...

- You're not gonna make it.

- Mar, it's...

(laughing)

So I'm old-fashioned.

Once we get a real clear indication

that, it's, it's a wrap.

- It's a wrap.

You just roll me right off the edge of the cliff.

- Midsommer. - Yes.

Literally Midsommer.

- I'm talking. I want real height.

- Yeah.

- You're not going to whack me with a mallet,

cause it's gonna work the first time.

- Yeah, you should go big.

I want you to do like Sears Tower.

- Blow me up. Bam! (inaudible)

- Hell yeah, hell yeah.

Here's where they're going to arrive

at the home of Jennifer Peterson.

- Mm hmm.

Take her to a care facility.

I believe Dianne Wiest has an Oscar.

- She's got to have one.

- Let's get her one, if she doesn't have one.

(knocking)

- [Trixxie] Is that my hooker?

Is this about my Goop membership. (laughing)

- May I show you this?

- Oh, I'm going to need my reading glasses,

I'll be right back.

- See, can't take care of herself,

a danger to herself and to others. Blind.

- When we cease to be able to take

adequate care of ourselves, the state steps in to help.

- I'm not struggling.

- [Trixxie] I'm having the best sex of my life.

- You have to come with me.

- I'm not going anywhere.

- This is a court order and if you don't comply with it,

I'm afraid you may be in some trouble.

- [Trixxie] Are there cops there?

- The cops.

- Oh my God!

- Oh my God.

- Does this happen?

Is every movie based on real?

- The Titanic

- The Titanic, Corpse Bride.

(laughing)

- [Katya] Here's your blanket.

I don't want you to die of hypothermia.

- I would put an airline pillow around their neck

and two air pods in their nose for fake oxygen.

- Tape their head to the back of the headrest.

- Tape. (laughing)

This is horrible.

- Brittle bones.

- But it is funny. - Here's some vitamin D.

- [Katya] Me walking into Folsom.

- Yeah. (laughing)

- Wow. I'd forgotten how big they are.

- [Katya] Okay. A child's bed.

- It's kinda nice though.

A child's bed.

- Do you have a cell phone?

Unlock it.

I'll store my number.

- Oh my G-- No, no.

- Ooh, my own boyfriend of five years.

What's your passcode?

Wouldn't you like to (beep) know?

(laughing)

Like I'm not telling anybody that.

- He doesn't know your middle name.

- My Postmates, what's the door code?

I'm like, I live here,

not you. Unless you're delivering

and you live here. We're (beep) in the street.

I can't have you in here, my chotzkies.

- My water for Crystal.

- Uhh! My Faberge eggs.

(laughing)

- Take care of Ms. Peterson.

- [Trixxie] She was in her house vibing a couple hours ago.

Yeah. Now look, get your laws off my granny.

(techno music)

- eBay, here we come.