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  • - Hi, I'm Trixie Mattel

  • and we have a lovely special guest today.

  • (laughing)

  • - Oh, hello.

  • - I know you want us to hug...

  • - I'm back. - but that's not really..

  • - We don't... - That's not our vibe.

  • (laughing)

  • - [Instructor] Work. Work.

  • Superstar, where ya from? How's it going?

  • Hi, I'm Trixie Mattel - And I'm Katya.

  • And we are two Queens who like to watch.

  • - That's right we certainly do love to do that,

  • and together at last.

  • - Mmmm. (laughing)

  • For today's episode we have the

  • distinct pleasure of watching:

  • 'I Care a Lot'. Which features Rosamund Pike

  • as a grifter who preys upon the elderly

  • until she meets her match in Dianne Wiest.

  • - Let me tell you about the old,

  • - Okay. - they're not just for (beep)

  • (laughing)

  • (dramatic music)

  • - Spoiler alert ahead,

  • - Because there are so many riveting plot twists.

  • Watch the movie, then come back to us.

  • You don't want to get this spoiled.

  • And also, we're here to spoil your sexuality.

  • Cause once you get a load of these two hot babes.

  • - Ahhh!

  • - Nut city.

  • - Just nut city.

  • - I heard there's lesbian things in this, so I'm ready.

  • - I'm ready, let's do it.

  • - Bring on the Lesbianism.

  • (chimes)

  • - Okay. Let's meet Rosamund Pike as Marla Grayson.

  • - You need that wig.

  • - Let's talk hair.

  • This is a person who should not be trusted

  • under any circumstances.

  • - Mm hmm.

  • - (male actor) Ms. Grayson forced my mother into the home.

  • When she made it very clear that she didn't want to go.

  • - [Katya] Now, right here, we have Ron Swanson.

  • - (laughing) Yes.

  • - She has kidnapped my mother.

  • - [Trixxie] This is about Brittany.

  • - You can't care for her by doing what she wants.

  • You have to do what she needs.

  • - That's me representing myself.

  • - And that is why I can care better...

  • (laughing)

  • - I'm gonna to call up my first witness, me

  • and then you walk behind that - Wig change.

  • And then you cross examine yourself.

  • Where were you on the night of February 57th.

  • - I'm so glad you asked.

  • - Well.

  • - Duh duh duh. (laughing)

  • (movie in background)

  • - This is what I do all day, every day I care.

  • - [Ron] I care a lot.

  • - This is me after picking up my boyfriend's mail once.

  • - Yes. (laughing)

  • - All I do is care.

  • All I do and him being emotional in court

  • and her being analytical and looking mostly at the judge.

  • It's very planned.

  • It reminds me of when I won back my daughter.

  • (laughing)

  • (movie dialogue) - I agree, order upheld.

  • (inhales) Fierce!

  • [Upbeat Music]

  • - Lezzie, Lezzie, McGuire.

  • - You won?

  • I did.

  • - (host) Love that hair cut.

  • - She is hot.

  • - I love a shag.

  • She's a maniac, maniac...

  • - Uh, Jennifer... - Yes.

  • - (beep) you! I hope you get murdered,

  • and I hope you get killed (beep) (beep).

  • (spitting)

  • - Oh!

  • - (beep) no, mother (beep).

  • - Did I write this?

  • (laughing) - I know!

  • - I mean...

  • - He really is...

  • - Damn! He's mad.

  • - [Trixxie] Yeah, he is angry

  • - If you ever threaten, touch or spit on me again

  • I will grab your (beep) and (beep)

  • and I will rip them clean off.

  • You understand?

  • (laughing)

  • - I will grab your-- (beep) (beep) and (beep).

  • - I will grab your (beep), (beep), and titties.

  • (movie in background)

  • - And I'll all grabbed the breast, boobs, titties (beep) and

  • balls and also, your (beep).

  • - And I'll grab, the (beep), wiener,

  • - And the (beep)

  • - And the (beep).

  • (laughing) And I will break them off.

  • And he's plucked, he's plucked.

  • Marla Grayson and her partner here

  • are stocking their next victim.

  • And I have to say, I don't just want inclusion

  • in movies.

  • Show gay people, for the often, awful people they are.

  • - No debt, no criminal record.

  • - [Katya] That's me with you and your daily activities.

  • Just taking pictures. (laughing)

  • - And she is sitting on a pile of cash. - Hmm.

  • - [Trixxie] Day drinking

  • - [Katya] Day drinking and E-Cigs.

  • - [Trixxie] People really vape.

  • - They do, smoking is embarrassing.

  • Vaping is humiliating.

  • - But drag, totally dignified.

  • - Absolutely.

  • (laughing)

  • - Karen.

  • - I'm sorry. Is it Kahrin?

  • - Pull the trigger on Jennifer Peterson.

  • - [Katya] Shoot her.

  • Just shoot her.

  • - Pull the trigger on her. Are you sure?

  • - I love day drinking.

  • - [Trixxie] You will never catch me before

  • (beep) 5:00 PM drinking.

  • - Really? - No, it just makes me tired.

  • - Interesting because I have these photographs

  • of you drinking and you're--

  • - It's me crouched naked with a flask.

  • (laughing)

  • - [Male Voice] Do you think you can take her on

  • as one of your wards?

  • I know you have a lot in your fold already.

  • - [Trixxie] Let me think about it.

  • - [Katya] I'll find a rib in my heart.

  • - Yes. If you need me to take care of her,

  • I can take care of her.

  • - I love this woman so far.

  • I know she's supposed to be a villain, whatever.

  • - Whatever, I don't care.

  • - Take the elderly, ring them out

  • like rags (beep) and get your hair cut every six days.

  • (chimes)

  • - Question for you? - Sure.

  • You are, um, entering the Twilight of your life.

  • Okay? Physical functions are, uh.

  • - Failing.

  • - Failing, ceasing.

  • Perhaps there's Alzheimer's on the horizon.

  • - Mm hmm.

  • What's your palliative care plan?

  • What's the, what's the goal?

  • What's the--

  • - Well my goal is to just keep saving money.

  • So that later on in life, I can pay people

  • to take care of me.

  • - And who are these people?

  • - Strangers. - Okay.

  • Young gay nurses would be great.

  • What do you think?

  • - Hmm, my family...

  • - You're not gonna make it.

  • - Mar, it's...

  • (laughing)

  • So I'm old-fashioned.

  • Once we get a real clear indication

  • that, it's, it's a wrap.

  • - It's a wrap.

  • You just roll me right off the edge of the cliff.

  • - Midsommer. - Yes.

  • Literally Midsommer.

  • - I'm talking. I want real height.

  • - Yeah.

  • - You're not going to whack me with a mallet,

  • cause it's gonna work the first time.

  • - Yeah, you should go big.

  • I want you to do like Sears Tower.

  • - Blow me up. Bam! (inaudible)

  • - Hell yeah, hell yeah.

  • Here's where they're going to arrive

  • at the home of Jennifer Peterson.

  • - Mm hmm.

  • Take her to a care facility.

  • I believe Dianne Wiest has an Oscar.

  • - She's got to have one.

  • - Let's get her one, if she doesn't have one.

  • (knocking)

  • - [Trixxie] Is that my hooker?

  • Is this about my Goop membership. (laughing)

  • - May I show you this?

  • - Oh, I'm going to need my reading glasses,

  • I'll be right back.

  • - See, can't take care of herself,

  • a danger to herself and to others. Blind.

  • - When we cease to be able to take

  • adequate care of ourselves, the state steps in to help.

  • - I'm not struggling.

  • - [Trixxie] I'm having the best sex of my life.

  • - You have to come with me.

  • - I'm not going anywhere.

  • - This is a court order and if you don't comply with it,

  • I'm afraid you may be in some trouble.

  • - [Trixxie] Are there cops there?

  • - The cops.

  • - Oh my God!

  • - Oh my God.

  • - Does this happen?

  • Is every movie based on real?

  • - The Titanic

  • - The Titanic, Corpse Bride.

  • (laughing)

  • - [Katya] Here's your blanket.

  • I don't want you to die of hypothermia.

  • - I would put an airline pillow around their neck

  • and two air pods in their nose for fake oxygen.

  • - Tape their head to the back of the headrest.

  • - Tape. (laughing)

  • This is horrible.

  • - Brittle bones.

  • - But it is funny. - Here's some vitamin D.

  • - [Katya] Me walking into Folsom.

  • - Yeah. (laughing)

  • - Wow. I'd forgotten how big they are.

  • - [Katya] Okay. A child's bed.

  • - It's kinda nice though.

  • A child's bed.

  • - Do you have a cell phone?

  • Unlock it.

  • I'll store my number.

  • - Oh my G-- No, no.

  • - Ooh, my own boyfriend of five years.

  • What's your passcode?

  • Wouldn't you like to (beep) know?

  • (laughing)

  • Like I'm not telling anybody that.

  • - He doesn't know your middle name.

  • - My Postmates, what's the door code?

  • I'm like, I live here,

  • not you. Unless you're delivering

  • and you live here. We're (beep) in the street.

  • I can't have you in here, my chotzkies.

  • - My water for Crystal.

  • - Uhh! My Faberge eggs.

  • (laughing)

  • - Take care of Ms. Peterson.

  • - [Trixxie] She was in her house vibing a couple hours ago.

  • Yeah. Now look, get your laws off my granny.

  • (techno music)

  • - eBay, here we come.