字幕表 動画を再生する 英語字幕をプリント [crowd cheering] Nice. That was most of you. Some of you got nervous. Like, this chick looks Mormon. Okay, ha ha. It's fine. I know what it is. I got a real bad case of I'll raise your baby face. Just very wholesome. Round and white like a chore wheel. With eyes. Men don't even picture me naked. They picture me helping their mom on Easter. Not that I think I'm ugly. I think I'm pretty cute. But in an accessible way. Like when you see a shower curtain at Target. -You're like: ''I could afford that.'' -[crowd laughing] That is coming home with me. I got a gift card. Hey. I'm what they call subjectively hot. Not everybody's cup of tea. But somebody's gonna slurp from this hose. Know what I'm saying? Like, we are fine. With the right lighting and bible verse on E-Harmony. Please. We're good. We are fine. But, I've never been a hot chick. I have a lot of resentment towards women that have been hot their whole lives. They get too much handed to them. I watch horror movies because they're the only place hot chicks are treated poorly. Run for your life, Jenny. Should've invited us to the pool party. His name's not Jason it's Karma. Run. [crowd laughing] It's not even her fault. It's my own insecurity cause I was not cute growing up. I was a fat kid which is so much harder than being a fat adult cause you don't have a car to eat in. -You just gotta do it... -[crowd laughing] in the road, you know? You gotta work for it, aha. I was an old soul. Which is what adults call you when they don't wanna say loser -in front of your parents. -[crowd laughing] That's what that means. If you don't know if you were a loser in middle school, let me help. You can tell if you were based on how you react to one key phrase. That phrase is: ''Okay, for the next exercise we're gonna partner up.'' Wow, a couple of people felt it. Yeah, did your heart skip a beat? And your stomach tightened. Maybe you peed a little bit. You were a loser and I'm sorry you had to build your volcano alone. [crowd laughing] If you're thinking I don't know what you're talking about, I have beautiful, perfect Polly Pocket hair. Congratulation, prom queen. We all hate you. [crowd laughing] I don't know why I'm picking on you.