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- I know in the Western world
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sometimes people can think Asian last names are funny.
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You got names like Phuc, Dung, and of course, Ho,
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but these names aren't actually funny, right,
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they're just traditional Asian names
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that sounds like a different word in English.
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So I think if you're an Asian person
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who lives in the Western world,
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you gotta learn your mother tongue at least a little bit
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so you'll know what your name actually means.
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I have a friend whose name was Long Wang.
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He was so distraught by that,
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but if he spoke Mandarin,
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he would've known Long Wang, Long Wang,
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means dragon king in Mandarin,
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a beautiful, majestic name,
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but in English, it means porn star.
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So if you're Asian and you're self-conscious
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that your last name is kinda weird,
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don't worry about it because white people's names are weird,
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too, just nobody talks about it because they are viewed
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as a default race in the Western world.
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You ever notice how white names tend to be jobs
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their ancestors used to have?
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Miller, Mason, Cook, so you'd get a job
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as a cook and you're like,
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"I want all future generations to be named Cook."
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I met a person whose last name was Hooker
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and I was like, Hooker?
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Why did your ancestors want everybody
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to know that they were a hooker?
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Surely it can't mean prostitute, right?
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Let's see where the name Hooker comes from.
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All right, Hooker, the name was taken on
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by someone who worked as a person
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who made hooks, now that is unfortunate, right?
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That the word has a double meaning?
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If I made hooks and I had to come up with a name
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to describe my job, I would say Hookmaker, not a hooker.
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In the old days, that family must have gotten
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so many confused visitors.
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"Excuse me, sir, we make hooks here.
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"Now put your dick away."
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And if your name is what job you had at the time,
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what happens before you got the job?
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"Oh, his name is Jack Baker,
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"but two days ago, he was Jack Unemployed."
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I'm glad in Asia, we don't name people
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based on what jobs their ancestors used to have,
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otherwise, we'd be seeing people go,
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"Oh, nice to meet you.
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"My name's Soo Min Rickshawdriver."
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Other common last names
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for white people are based on colors.
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I know Green, Blue, and White.
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Those are common last names.
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Green, Blue, and White, what,
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you just saw like the Windows XP wallpaper
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and go, "Yeah, that is our naming sorted."
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I met a white person once whose last name was Rice.
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That should be my last name. (laughs)
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My name is all messed up, too.
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I'm from Malaysia and my name's Nigel Ng
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and people get confused by that.
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"But Nigel is such a British name."
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Yeah, Malaysia used to be a British colony.
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They stole our land, so we stole their names.
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And my last name is Ng.
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The amount of confusion that's caused white people
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has been staggering.
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"Oh no, there're no vowels in there!
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How do I do this?
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Nigel Ng, Ng.
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I'll just go with Nigel N-G.
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If you're watching this video,
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let me know in the comments below:
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has anyone ever made fun of your name before?
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Be proud of your own name.
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It's what your parents gave you.
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It's part of your culture and heritage.
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Unless your name's Batman Bin Suparman.
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That's just your parents fucking with you
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and it's hilarious. (laughs)