字幕表 動画を再生する 英語字幕をプリント -Listen to this. A new coffee shop just opened in Seattle called DreamBoyz Espresso, where all the baristas are buff, shirtless guys. [ Cheers and applause ] Best part is you can order your coffee tall, grande, or Magic Mike XXL. It's great. -Oh, oh, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy. [ Cheers and applause ] -Colin, Michael Che. -Jimmy. -What's up? -Jimmy. -What's going on? -A coffee shop with shirtless baristas and that's the best you got, really? -Tell him, Che. [ Laughter ] -Jost, Che, what? You guys you think you can do better than that? -Oh, we know we can. Probably. -Well, you know what that means? It is time for a good old-fashioned "Tonight Show" joke-off. [ Cheers and applause ] I think we all know the rules. One more time, a new coffee shop just opened in Seattle called DreamBoyz Espresso, where all the baristas are buff, shirtless guys. And go. -Beep, beep, beep. It's 3 bucks for a coffee and 50 bucks for them to grind your bean. -Alright, that's good, that's good. Meep. Shirtless baristas -- This is great news for everyone who wishes the strip club played more Norah Jones. Sorry. [ Laughter ] -Beep, beep, beep! Trust me. You don't want to see how they draw a heart in your foam. [ Laughter ] -Eh! Every customer was like, "I'll take one cup of Joe-y." -Beep. -All the baristas are buff, shirtless guys? "I can't wait to check it out," said the health inspector. [ Laughter ] -Beep, beep, beep! -Said Colin, "Please don't tell Scarlett you saw me here." [ Laughter ] -Eh! The Wi-Fi password is bow-chicka-wow-wow underscore 69. -Beep! But I don't recommend this place if you have a nut allergy. -Oh! Stop, stop, stop, stop. [ Cheers and applause ] -Alright, alright, alright, alright. -Kids are watching this. -I'll give you that one. I'll give you that one. Alright, here's the next story. Several big alcohol companies say they're working on developing drinkable marijuana. And go. -Oh, beep! And somehow it still gives you cotton mouth. -Beep, beep, beep. Of course, all marijuana is drinkable when the cops pull you over. -Eh! Meanwhile, Natural Ice said they're still trying to develop drinkable beer. -Beep, beep! They even got a catchy name for it -- Snoop Dogg's Urine. [ Laughter ] -Beep, beep, beep. If you want to know what drinkable marijuana tastes like, just take a sip out of Che's mug right now. -Yes. [ Cheers and applause ] I'll give him that one. -It's for my glaucoma. -Oh, you have glaucoma? -Glaucoma, yeah, yeah, yeah. Helps him read, yeah. -Alright, Jost, you got that one. Alright, last story here. Iggy Azalea says her upcoming shows will have a twerk pit. Go. -Beep, beep. As in "I entered the twerk pit and nine months later, you were born." -Beep, beep, beep! That's insane. Iggy Azalea has upcoming shows? [ Laughter, audience groans ] -Wow. -Alright, well, it's a twerk pit, twerk pit, alright. Eh! Fans were like, "Of course, the person with the tallest ass is right in front of me." -Beep, beep! A twerk pit sounds cool, but I bet it smells terrible. [ Laughter ] -Beep, beep, beep. Okay, sure, right. But when I started twerk pit, I'm banned from Chuck E' Cheese. -Yeah. Eh! So, if you hear people clapping, that's not hands. There you are, everybody! -Colin Jost, Michael Che, everybody! Thank you, guys.