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  • -You guys, this is fun.

  • "Shark Week" is officially here. -Yeah.

  • [ Cheers ]

  • -And if you're excited about that,

  • you're either a marine biologist or really high.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • I read that "Shark Week" started back in 1988.

  • Yeah. It's been around for over 30 years.

  • Even crazier, they've just been airing the same ten shows

  • and nobody's noticed. [ Laughter ]

  • Get this, every year there are

  • about 80 unprovoked shark attacks.

  • Yeah, 80 unprovoked attacks.

  • Or as President Trump calls that, a weekend.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -Yeah!

  • [ Laughter and cheering ]

  • -Actually, Trump loves "Shark Week."

  • It's the one time he can tweet "I love great whites"

  • without being called a racist. [ Audience "oh"s ]

  • -Really?

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • -Speaking of the President, the other day he invited

  • some reporters in to talk about how he might put a tax

  • on French wine.

  • Even though he doesn't drink, he still weighed in

  • on what he thinks about French wine versus American wine.

  • Listen to this.

  • -I've always liked American wines better than French wines.

  • Even though I don't drink wine. [ Laughter ]

  • I just like the way they look.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -After that, his staffers were like

  • everyone on "Family Feud"

  • after a teammate gives a weird response.

  • They're like, "Good answer. Good --"

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Show me "Like the way they look"!

  • [ Imitates buzzer ] Oh, sorry.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • It looks -- yeah.

  • Some more political news.

  • This week, there are two more Democratic debates

  • and tomorrow's airs at the same time

  • as "The Bachelorette" finale. -Ooh.

  • -So no matter which one you watch,

  • you'll see a bunch of sad guys going home in a limo.

  • It's just -- [ Laughter ]

  • No matter what.

  • But everyone's getting ready for the next round

  • of Democratic debates, which are this Tuesday and Wednesday.

  • -Oh, man, that's great.

  • I can't wait to see my favorite candidate, Eric Swalwell.

  • [ Light laughter ]

  • -You didn't hear, Tariq?

  • Eric Swalwell dropped out of the race.

  • He's actually the only candidate not returning

  • to this round of debates.

  • -Are you kidding me right now?

  • -No, I'm -- I'm not kidding.

  • [ Light laughter ]

  • You liked Eric Swalwell? -Duh.

  • Why else would I get all these shirts made

  • that say "You can't --" [ Laughter ]

  • "You can't spell 'America' without 'Eric'"?

  • [ Laughter ] -I had no idea that --

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • I had no idea that you liked him so much.

  • I -- I --

  • -I thought everyone did. [ Light laughter ]

  • Why else would I get all these shirts made...

  • [ Laughter ]

  • ...that say "We don't need a wall, we need a Swal"?

  • -Yeah, yeah -- Well, I -- [ Laughter and applause ]

  • I understand...

  • it must be upsetting, but I'm sorry

  • I had to break it to you like this.

  • I mean... -Man, this is the worst.

  • Now what am I going to do with all these shirts...

  • [ Laughter ] ...that say...

  • "All's swell that ends Swell"? [ Laughter ]

  • -"All's well that's Swalwell"?

  • -Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean.

  • -Well, these shirts are getting worse and worse.

  • Tariq, how many shirts did you get made?

  • -I mean, who cares? It doesn't matter anyway.

  • I mean, who's even replacing him in the debate?

  • -A guy named Steve Bullock.

  • -Oh, man, really? I love Steve Bullock.

  • He was my second pick. [ Light laughter ]

  • -Please don't tell me that you --

  • -Which is why I got all these shirts made...

  • [ Laughter ]

  • ...that say, "Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got.

  • I'm still Steve from the -- Steve from the Bullock."

  • [ Laughter and applause ] -All right, thank you very much.

  • That's a pretty good one. Thank you.

  • Tariq Trotter, everybody. Tariq, thank you very much.

  • [ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪

  • [ Cheering continues ]

  • "I'm still Steve from the Bullock."

  • -Yeah. "From the Bullock." "From the Bullock."

  • -"I'm still Steve from the Bullock."

  • -Yeah.

  • And he's got a bunch of rocks. -Some --

  • Some news from overseas.

  • There are rumors that Prince Harry and Meghan Markle

  • have banned their neighbors from talking to them.

  • -Ooh. [ Audience "ooh"s ]

  • -Apparently the neighbors aren't even allowed

  • to say "Good morning." -Oh.

  • -Right now you're thinking that's rude,

  • but you're also a little jealous.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Check this out. I heard that soon Teslas

  • will be able to stream Netflix on the car's center display.

  • It's all part of Tesla's plan to cut down on emissions

  • and pedestrians. -Oh.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -Here's some good news from Washington.

  • Democrats and Republicans just worked together to pass a bill

  • that would block robocalls.

  • I think it's the one thing --

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • It's the one thing we can agree on,

  • that robocalls are the worst.

  • -You know what, it's funny, because I never get robocalls.

  • -Well, you're one of the lucky ones,

  • because they can be pretty awful.

  • [ Phone vibrating ] -Oops, sorry.

  • Getting a phone call right now. [ Laughter ]

  • That's weird. It's my area code,

  • but I don't recognize the number.

  • -No, Higgins, that is a robocall.

  • -No, clearly it's a local call.

  • -No, no, Higgins, that's what they do now. That's --

  • -Probably one of my relatives from a random line

  • because their phone broke, you know.

  • -No, no, no. That's what they want you to think.

  • -No, no, no. Here, I'll put it on speaker.

  • You got the Steve.

  • -Hello, this is a call regarding your computer's security.

  • This is an emergency.

  • -Whoa, good thing I answered. Huh, smart guy?

  • -No, no, no -- No, Higgins --

  • -You must update

  • your Social Security information immediately.

  • -Well, of course. My Social Security is 9-8-7 --

  • -No, no. Higgins, Higgins, Higgins!

  • -This'll just take a second. -No, don't --

  • It's 9 -- -Don't give them or America

  • your Social Security number right now.

  • That's crazy. -Dude, it's totally cool.

  • That's why they call it "Social" Security.

  • [ Laughter ] It's meant to be social.

  • It's meant to be shared. -No, that's not --

  • That is not what it means, actually.

  • That's not what it -- -No, that's what it means.

  • No, you got a pen? It's 9-8-7 --

  • -Oh, my goodness.

  • -...6-5-4-3-2-6.

  • And thank you for looking out for me.

  • -I can't believe you just did that.

  • That -- it's a total scam.

  • I mean, if you're not careful with these calls,

  • someone's going to steal your identity.

  • -[ Laughs ] Don't worry about it.

  • Everything is fine.

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • You just -- just do your monologue.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • [ Laughter continues ]

  • -What -- what are you swiping?

  • -I'm on Tinder. -Ah, get out of here.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Oh, this isn't good here, guys.

  • A woman in Tennessee was staying at a Hampton Inn

  • and she woke up when a snake slithered across her body.

  • [ Audience "ooh"s ]

  • Hampton Inn is defending itself.

  • They were like, "Well, did our wake-up call work or not?"

  • I mean -- [ Laughter ]

  • And finally, you guys, I'm excited about this.

  • Tonight on the show we have the winner

  • of the "Fortnite" World Cup Championship...

  • [ Cheers and applause ] ...Kyle "Bugha" Giersdorf.

  • He's just 16 years old and he won $3 million.

  • [ Cheers, gasping ]

  • Right now parents everywhere are going, "All right,

  • put down your homework and go play video games."

-You guys, this is fun.

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B1 中級

トランプ氏はシャークウィークが大好きで、フランスワインに重きを置いています。 (Trump Loves Shark Week and Weighs In on French Wine)

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    林宜悉 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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