字幕表 動画を再生する 英語字幕をプリント -Well, let's get to some news. It just came out that Donald Trump Jr.'s new book is now number 1 on the "New York Times" bestseller list. When he heard that, President Trump was like, "You lost me at 'New York Times' and lost me again at Don Jr." [ Laughter ] I'm just kidding. Trump was actually pretty excited for Don Jr. He even tweeted, "Wow, was just told my son's book 'Triggered' is number 1 on the 'New York Times' bestseller list. Congratulations, Don." That's a pretty special moment for Don Jr. Until a few minutes later when Trump tweeted, "Just got hacked. Ignore last tweet." -Wow. [ Laughter ] Come on. Why? Why? -Well, tomorrow the impeachment hearings continue, and we're going to hear from Marie Yovanovitch, the ambassador to Ukraine that Trump fired. I'm a little worried, because if every person Trump's ever fired is going to testify, the impeachment's going to last forever. It's like -- "Lil Jon, please raise your right hand." "What?!" Yeah. "Do you swear to tell the truth?" "Okay!" [ Laughter ] Tomorrow, all the regular daytime TV shows will be preempted again for the impeachment hearings. But to keep viewers happy, they are getting "The Price Is Right" announcer to tell the witnesses to, "Come on down! You're the next witness in the Trump impeachment." But after tomorrow's testimony, another eight witnesses are going to testify next week. Just a word of advice for the Democrats. If you preempt another five episodes of "The Kelly Clarkson Show," no one is going to support you. Okay? Come on. Don't do that. Some entertainment news. I saw that Netflix and Nickelodeon are teaming up to make movies and TV shows for kids. Yeah, right now, Netflix is competing with Disney to make sure your kids never go outside again. -Oh. [ Laughter ] -Everyone's still talking about Disney+. It launched this week. It features almost 500 different movies. -Wow. -Yeah, I was looking through it this afternoon. And, sure, it has all the classics, but there are some pretty obscure movies that I didn't even know existed. For instance -- I'm not too sure about this one -- "Lady and the Tramp Stamp." -Wow. [ Laughter ] I've never heard of that. -You never -- No, it's real. I didn't. Also, I had no idea that they made "Herbie: Fully Loaded on Bath Salts." [ Laughter ] -What? Is Buddy Hackett in it? I mean, that's crazy. -This next one is unfortunate. "Sleeping Beauty Takes Ambien and Tweets Something Racist." -Oh, my gosh. [ Laughter ] They made that as a movie? -I mean, you have a lot of options on Disney+. [ Laughter ] The next movie will ruin anyone's dinner. "Pluto Can't Stop Scooting." -Okay. [ Laughter ] Why would they make that as a movie? -I don't know. I don't even know why I watched it twice. -You watched it twice? -Yeah, I loved it. There's also this very unnecessary sequel -- "The Sound of Music from the Nazis' Perspective." [ Audience laughs, groans ] Why would they do that? -Why? Why would you need that? -I don't know. -How was it? -I didn't see that one. -Okay. [ Laughter ] This movie's depressing. "Honey, We're the Right Size, But I Think We've Grown Apart." -Wow. [ Laughter ] Wow, that's a downer. -There's no twists or nothing. -Disney+? -Yeah. And finally, check this one out. "Frying Dory." I mean -- -Oh, my -- [ Audience laughs, groans ] The omega -- The omega-3s alone. -Yeah, yeah. It's good -- It's heart health. It's heart health. -Some tech news, though. Apple just announced that they're launching their most powerful laptop ever, the new MacBook Pro, at a cost of $6,000. -Ooh. -Yeah, $6,000 for something hot to sit on your lap. Or as most guys call that, a bachelor party. Hey. And this is cool. The world's largest Starbucks opens tomorrow in Chicago. Check this out. Look at that. [ Audience murmurs ] The place is huge. It's 35,000 square feet. Five stories high. Best of all, it has two outlets. -Oh. [ Laughter ] "You gonna be done with that outlet?" -That's right. It's a Starbucks that's five stories high. I think I know how this happened. When the builders said, "What size do you want?" the Starbucks people were all like, "Tall." [ Laughter ] Seriously, the Starbucks is massive. I'll give you an idea. When you ask for the bathroom key, it's attached to a car door. -Wow. [ Laughter ] -I saw that food brands Post and Hostess -- [ Laughter ] That's how -- That's how big it is. -That's how big it is. That's a pretty big thing. Cars are pretty big. -Yeah. I always love that they embarrass you with those keys to the bathroom. Like, "Can I have the key to the bathroom?" They're like, "Sure," and they give you like a hub cap or something. -Or a cinder block. -A giant espresso machine. "I'll take it. Don't embarrass me." I saw that food brands Post and Hostess are teaming up to make a Twinkies cereal. That story again -- Post and Hostess are teaming up to give stoners diabetes. [ Laughter ] And, you guys, finally, I'm very excited about this. Alex Rodriguez is my guest tonight. [ Cheers and applause ] He's here promoting his show called "Back in the Game," which is about helping athletes manage their finances. A-Rod has some really good financial advice. He tells people it helps to save, it helps to invest, and it helps to marry an actress worth half a billion dollars. We have a great show.