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  • -I want to wish everyone a happy new year.

  • I saw that, for 2020, a lot of people

  • are making the resolution to drink more water.

  • That's why for the last six days, college kids have woken up

  • next to a pile of empty Coors Lights.

  • -Oh. -This is fun.

  • I saw that people are participating

  • in the 2020 tipping challenge.

  • Have you heard about this? It's where you tip waiters

  • $20.20 in honor of the new year.

  • Waiters heard that, and they're like,

  • "That's great, except your bill was $500, so..."

  • Let's get to some news.

  • The big stories. Everything going on with Iran.

  • A little scary.

  • But on the bright side, it's the first time Trump's

  • ever said "I" and "ran" in the same sentence.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • That's right. There's so much going on right now.

  • Tensions with Iran are high.

  • People are worried about World War III.

  • Tom Brady and the New England Patriots

  • got knocked out of the NFL playoffs in the first round.

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • [ Steve laughs ]

  • Justin Bieber just released a new song.

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • Called "Yummy."

  • -Mmm.

  • -And Papa John's founder John Schnatter says

  • his New Year's resolution is to eat 50 pizzas in 30 days.

  • These are all big stories. A lot to go over.

  • Let's just jump in and cover it all at once.

  • It's time for a "News Smash."

  • ♪♪

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • First up, since President Trump ordered a strike

  • on Iran's top general, people have been warning

  • that World War III could break out.

  • A lot of experts say the strike was a bad idea.

  • Almost as bad as...

  • eating 50 pizzas in 30 days.

  • Papa John says he's doing it to test the quality of the pizza.

  • But that's a pretty unhealthy diet.

  • You know who definitely doesn't eat like that?

  • Tom Brady.

  • Saturday, his Patriots got knocked out of the playoffs.

  • Football fans still call him the greatest of all time,

  • while every woman in Boston still calls him...

  • Yummy.

  • Justin Bieber's new song just dropped, and in the music video,

  • he eats cake, Jell-o, and lobster.

  • Which is still better for you than eating...

  • 50 pizzas in 30 days.

  • Seriously, eating like that

  • is like looking at your stomach and...

  • declaring war.

  • If he wants to avoid a bigger conflict,

  • Trump needs to talk things out with Iran.

  • Earlier today, he was like...

  • "Is it too late now to say sorry?"

  • Justin Bieber's back with another single.

  • He's young. He's on top of his game.

  • He's pretty much the opposite of...Tom Brady.

  • He had a solid year, but just like that, it's over.

  • You could tell Brady's depressed because ever since he lost,

  • all he's been eating is... Papa John's.

  • Listen. 50 pizzas in 30 days isn't a New Year's resolution.

  • It's a death wish. It's all over.

  • Kind of like.... the Patriots season.

  • Still, Brady says he'll play until he's 45.

  • Either he's serious or he's totally full of...

  • Papa John's.

  • So, in conclusion, have a safe new year.

  • Have a Yummy new year.

  • Have an intervention this year.

  • Maybe next year.

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • Listen to this. Before the Iran strike,

  • Trump told some guests at Mar-a-Lago that something huge

  • was coming, but he never told Congress.

  • Which means there's a really good chance

  • that Sugar Ray's Mark McGrath heard about the strike

  • before Nancy Pelosi.

  • Past presidents including George W. Bush

  • declined taking out Iran's top commander

  • because it could lead to war.

  • You know things are bad when even George W. Bush was like,

  • "This could really mess things up in the Middle East."

  • After the attack, Iran said

  • it was pulling out of the 2015 nuclear deal.

  • So this morning, Trump tweeted,

  • "Iran will never have a nuclear weapon."

  • Because nothing calms tensions

  • quite like an all-caps threat on social media.

  • According to a new poll, Republicans' top choices

  • for president in 2024 include Ivanka and Donald Trump Jr.

  • Meanwhile, Eric just got his tongue unstuck

  • from a pole he licked on Christmas.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • That's good. That's good. -Maybe Senate.

  • -Some 2020 news -- I saw that Bernie Sanders is now

  • in a three-way tie for first place in New Hampshire.

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • And if one of your New Year's resolutions was to "eat less,"

  • just remember the phrase

  • "Bernie Sanders is now in a three-way."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Well, last night was the Golden Globe Awards,

  • and Russell Crowe won for his role

  • in the mini series "The Loudest Voice."

  • When he heard that, Bernie Sanders was like,

  • "How the hell did I not win that?!"

  • Tonight was the season premiere of "The Bachelor."

  • We love that show.

  • I love "The Bachelor."

  • I'm excited. The new bachelor is Peter.

  • He's actually a pilot for Delta.

  • When he's sitting by the fire on the date

  • and the girl asks for a blanket, he'll be like,

  • "That'll be nine dollars."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Police in Pennsylvania are investigating after someone

  • intentionally released bedbugs in a Walmart changing room.

  • -What? -Luckily, no one was affected

  • mostly because everyone at Walmart just tries on pants

  • right in the aisles.

  • No rules there. -"Fit!"

  • -And, finally, listen to this. I read about some

  • high-school students in Michigan

  • who built the world's tallest toilet-paper pyramid.

  • Take a look at this. Yeah.

  • If you want to see that toilet-paper pyramid in person,

  • it's currently right outside Papa John's bathroom.

  • We have a great show.

-I want to wish everyone a happy new year.

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ニューススマッシュ:イランストライク、トム・ブレイディ、ジャスティン・ビーバーの「おいしい」、パパ・ジョンのピザチャレンジ (News Smash: Iran Strike, Tom Brady, Justin Bieber's "Yummy," Papa John's Pizza Challenge)

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    林宜悉 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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