字幕表 動画を再生する 英語字幕をプリント -You just got back from traveling. Where were you? -I was all over the place, but for the last few months, few months leading up to the holidays, I was in India. -Yeah, you were in India. -Whoo! -What were you doing there? Can we say what you were doing? -I was -- I'm shooting a TV show, a new TV show for Apple. -Oh. -An adaptation of the novel "Shantaram." -Ah. And how -- It didn't really go -- I mean, the shooting went well, and the project is great, but you didn't have the best time in India. -No, there were some challenges. I had a series of pretty significant health issues that, as they went on, seemed like a series of assassination attempts. I got a -- I got a lung infection which turns into a sinus infection. And then I got conjunctivitis in both my eyes. [ Audience groans ] Then I got an ear infection. Then I got strep throat, then a bacterial gut infection. And then I got bitten by a mosquito and contracted dengue fever. [ Audience exclaims ] -It is -- [ Laughter ] -Thank you. [ Applause ] -They should have put you in a box, and I had to touch you. I mean, wow. -It was kind of confounding, 'cause I kind of pride myself on having impeccable personal hygiene, but I think some of those things sometimes go against you. I think my immune system was too delicate because I'm too clean. -You're too clean, so you got to get out there and just start -- -You got to roll around in the mud a little bit. -Yeah. -Yeah. -But you have a weird kind of history of almost dying. -I do. I do. This year particularly. It was a strange year. -Hopefully it's over with. -Well, we'll see. I mean, I had a mosquito in my room last night. -That doesn't count. That doesn't count. -But it's New York, and it's January, and I was on the eighth floor. -Think he's, like, a super mutant mosquito? -You know, I was worried, because I don't -- I don't know the ins and outs of dengue fever. You have it for a period of time, but then the antibodies stay in your body, obviously, 'cause you have to get tested, and that's the way antibodies work. And I wondered, if that mosquito bit me, does then that mosquito contract dengue fever, and then the next person who checks into that hotel -- These are the things you got to ask yourself. These are the things that I stay up late night worrying about. -You're trying to save lives out here. -I am. You know, I'm doing what I can for the people. -[ Laughs ] Wow. -It was a weird year. It started off getting a -- I went camping, and I got a deer tick that burrowed into my leg, and I did not contract Lyme disease, 'cause I once had gotten a deer tick in the highlands of Scotland, which I didn't even know had Lyme disease, and I got Lyme disease. But I didn't get Lyme disease. But a very strange thing happened to me when I went camping a few months later. I went out looking for firewood one day, and it was end of the season. It was kind of picked dry. And so I was pretty far from my camp. And I was just wearing some sweatpants and a t-shirt. And there were three trees fallen into a triangle, and in those trees was a mother lode of firewood. So I said, "Alright, here we go." And I got up, and I was... crouched down like this picking up firewood, and all of a sudden, wham, like, a snakebite in the perineum. -Where's -- The perineum, where is that? -The perineum is that sweet piece of no man's land between the anus and the scrotum. -Okay. [ Applause ] -Alright, so -- -That is a suboptimal place to get bitten by a snake. -Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, a snake jumped out and -- -So, I -- That's what it felt like. And I look down, and there was no snake. So I was trying to process what could have happened, and, bam, another shrill pain in my ass cheek. -Okay. -Then one in the back of my head, and then one under my armpit, and I realized I was under siege from yellow jackets. I'd kicked over a nest of yellow jackets. And as I was processing this angry swarm coming at me -- Sorry. I'm very bad at microphone etiquette. As I was processing this swarm coming at me, I got stung about another 10 times in about 5 seconds. So I took off running, as any, you know, heroic figure would. I took off sprinting through the forest and ran for about a minute and a half and stopped to see what was happening and immediately bam, bam, bam, got stung about another five times. Now I'm starting to get really worried, you know? I don't know much about yellow jackets. But I assume 20 bites is probably -- or stings is probably reaching the threshold. -[ Laughing ] Oh, my God. -So, I ripped all of my clothes off. I kicked my shoes off, and I took all my clothes off. -Yeah. -And then -- And then put my shoes back on and continued sprinting completely naked. [ Women cheering ] And this is all true. I realized at that moment I was actually inside a nightmare, a recurring nightmare. I for many years had had this recurring dream that I was -- a nightmare that I was sprinting for my life naked in a forest. In that moment, I was literally inside -- -Living -- -I was living my recurring nightmare. -Oh, my goodness. -And I haven't had that dream since. So it was something of a prophecy or something, right? So I'm going to start -- I'm going to start taking -- [ Cheers and applause ] I'm gonna start taking these dreams a little more seriously. -That is unbelievable. -Yeah. -So it was not a snake at all. -No. -But, gosh, that's awful. Did you have to go to the hospital? -I did, but I -- Well, you know, it's funny. I was very sick that day. And my -- I was with my girlfriend, and she went and got the park ranger. I mean, we were way out. And she went and got a ranger, and he came and looked at me. He said, "You're probably going to be okay." And I was sort of okay that day, and then two days later, I got very, very sick. And I spoke to my doctor, and he said, "You had probably so much venom in your system that your body starts to create antibodies to fight the venom." And then if I got stung again, because I have those antibodies in my system now, I could have a bad reaction. So I'm supposed to carry an EpiPen, but of course, I'm an idiot, and I don't. -Maybe you got superpowers for a day. -Maybe. -Like, maybe you -- -They didn't do me much good in India, let me tell you. -No, that's true. [ Laughs ] I forgot about India. Never mind. Yeah. -So it was a strange year, 20-- But we're in a new decade now. -Here we are. Yeah. -We'll see. -Oh, please. It's going to be the best year for you yet.