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  • We do a lot of segments on this show.

  • And today, I'm going to start a new one.

  • Normally, I do my segments sitting over there,

  • but this one cannot wait another minute.

  • I'm going to do it here, before I get to there.

  • Today's segment is called, Why and How Come?

  • [MUSIC PLAYING]

  • Wait.

  • What?

  • Why?

  • What?

  • Huh?

  • No.

  • What?

  • No.

  • [APPLAUSE, CHEERING]

  • You're excited about it.

  • That's great.

  • [LAUGHS]

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • In this segment, I'm going to talk about things

  • that don't make sense to me.

  • That's why it's called, Why and How Come?

  • Today, I'm going to talk about parking spikes.

  • You know those things?

  • The parking spikes?

  • Yeah, you do.

  • You've seen them.

  • Those.

  • Because someone just said, no.

  • But you do.

  • You've seen those.

  • They're spikes, and then you have

  • to drive over when you exit a parking structure.

  • And if you're in the right direction, no problem.

  • But if you're going in the wrong direction,

  • it's like a car got into a fight with a wolverine or something.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • So my question is, why and how come?

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • I think it's a little aggressive.

  • I mean, it's like, pay the $6 or we're

  • going to destroy your car with knives

  • that come out of the ground.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • It's a parking lot, not the Temple of Doom,

  • for crying out loud.

  • Even when you know you're going in the right direction,

  • sometimes you just get scared.

  • You get paranoid.

  • Oh, what if I roll over backwards, for some reason?

  • Like if the car is in neutral or something, and then I panic.

  • And then I'm late for work already.

  • One nail in the tire is going to--

  • then I've got all my tires just poked.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • It's like Wile E. Coyote set up a trap for your car,

  • or something like that, when you're driving to work.

  • They don't have these anywhere else.

  • They don't even have them in a hospital

  • where there are free babies.

  • And that, to me, is where--

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • --you should have them.

  • Although somebody would need to keep the babies away,

  • because they're spikes, and babies and spikes--

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • I'm not going to do it, but someone should.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • You know where we could use those spikes, though?

  • Because I tried to think of a reason.

  • Close talkers-- people that are too close to you,

  • because if you stay a reasonable distance,

  • then that's fine, nothing to worry about.

  • But if you're close enough that I

  • can count your eyebrow hairs--

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • Have you ever done that?

  • Have you ever been talking to someone,

  • and they were so close, you started

  • counting their eyebrow hairs?

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • I haven't.

  • I was just wondering if you had.

  • [LAUGHTER]

  • Anyway, this concludes my first segment of Why and How Come?

We do a lot of segments on this show.

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エレンは「なぜ? どうして? (Ellen Has a Lot of Questions in ‘Why? And How Come?')

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    林宜悉 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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