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  • Alright, it's the last day of school, before summer break.

    夏休み前、学校での最後の 1 日です。

  • Everybody's screwing off for the last few hours of the school year.


  • Your teacher's sitting there and smoking a cigarette.


  • She's pissed off, she's gonna lose the paycheck for the next three months.

    怒っていますね。3 ヶ月分の給料がなくなるんですから。

  • "Yeah, I hope you little assholes have a good vacation!"


  • "Now I have to supplement my income by being a waitress at a goddamn Applebee's all summer long."


  • But you didn't care about her problems.


  • All you cared about was freedom.


  • "Oh my God! We're gonna do so much stuff!"


  • "Think about all the stuff that we're gonna do!"


  • I got a huge list of stuff and things that we're gonna do all summer long.


  • And at the start of your summer vacation, it's pretty sweet.


  • You're throwing your vortex footballs around.


  • Drinking your Capri Suns.


  • But then like three days go by, all of a sudden you're bored as hell!


  • You did all that stuff that you had planned!


  • And you did all the things as well.


  • Now you don't know what to do with yourself.


  • You're just standing there in your front yard, staring at each other.


  • The hot-ass summer sun's burning your pale skin.


  • "Jesus Christ, Michael, I am so sick of looking at your stupid fucking face, you know that?"


  • "With your dumb haircut and your stupid Scotty Pippen jersey!"


  • "We're done playing all your Nintendo games."


  • "And we broke all your wrestling action figures, so now what the hell are we supposed to do?"


  • So you get a little desperate, you start making up games to play.


  • And those games aren't even really games.


  • It's just things that you throw together, off the cuff.


  • There's not even a point to them.


  • "Hey, you guys wanna play 'dodge the cars on the busy intersection'?"


  • "Yeah, okay, let's do it!"


  • Just games that were a little dangerous, you know, games you couldn't win, but you could sure as shit lose, that's for sure.


  • "Alright, Tommy, we're gonna see how many times you can hit that beehive over there with this hockey stick."


  • "Let's see if you can break the record--the record is... zero!"

    「記録更新できるかな?今の記録は…0 だからな!」

  • "Alright, you ready?"


  • "Okay, let's do it!"


  • "Ah, man, he's like Macaulay Culkin in My Girl!"


  • "His glasses--he can't see without his glasses!"


  • Sometimes we'd go out and we'd play in the rain.


  • That was an activity to us, something that we looked forward to doing.


  • "Ah, sweet, it's raining!"


  • "Let's go get our swimsuits on and see how sick we can get!"


  • "I bet I can get sicker than you!"


  • "You're on!"


  • David's already got his shirt off.


  • Michael's somewhere drinking out of the gutter.


  • Michael was a weird kid.


  • He'd do this thing, where he'd collect water in a garbage can lid.


  • And he'd just dump it all over himself.


  • "It's a waterfall!"


  • "Michael, you sick animal, what are you doing?!"


  • "You're gonna get typhus, or some shit!"


  • "You backwards idiot, what the hell is the matter with you?!"


  • There'd be like a tornado warning on TV.


  • Somebody's parents would be like: "Hey, you guys being careful out there?"


  • "Yeah, we're being careful!"


  • Sometimes, when it was raining really hard, we would play a game, called "twister."


  • No, not the game with the spinner and the dots!


  • That your uncle would try to make you play naked, not that one!


  • Twister, like the movie, 1996, Bill Paxton, God rest his soul, did some of his worst acting ever.

    1996 年の映画です。ビル・パクストン―ご冥福をお祈りします―が、彼史上最悪とも言える演技をした映画です。

  • "Oh no, Helen Hunt, it's an F5 tornado, I'm super scared right now."

    「ああ、ヘレン・ハント、F5 トルネードだよ。怖すぎるよ。」

  • We'd all fight over what characters we were gonna be.


  • "I'm gonna be Bill Paxton!"


  • Well, shit, okay, I'm gonna be Philip Seymour Hoffman.


  • "Well, who the hell am I supposed to be now?!"


  • "I don't know, Michael, I guess you're Helen Hunt, okay--sorry, you are a girl."


  • "Go put a mop on your head or some shit, I could really give a shit."


  • "Oh, hell no, I'm not being a girl, how about I be..."


  • "The cow that gets sucked up by the tornado?"


  • "A cow? You're gonna be a cow, Michael--are you serious?!"


  • "Michael, you're not being a fucking cow, alright?!"


  • "Alright, I guess I'll be..."


  • "...the tornado!"


  • "How the hell are you gonna be a tornado, Michael, are you serious?"


  • "You know what, to hell with it, be the tornado, I could care less."


  • In this movie they would chase tornadoes around in a convoy of vans.


  • But since we were children, we didn't have a convoy of vans.


  • We had to use a wagon.


  • And we don't have any tornadoes to chase.


  • So we had to use...


  • Well, we used Michael!


  • "I am a tornado!"


  • "What the hell is that? What are you doing?"


  • "Is that what a tornado sounds like to you?"


  • "I am an F5 tornado!"

    「F5 の竜巻だぞ!」

  • Our parents would be watching us from the window, wondering, where the hell they went wrong with raising us.


  • "I'm gonna get you, I'm gonna suck you silly!"


  • We'd just run around the neighborhood, like a bunch of drunken idiots.


  • You'd come back in your house, late at night, sopping wet.


  • "Jesus Christ, you look like a soggy turd, you know that?"


  • "Did you have fun out there?"


  • "Uh ... well ... almost some, I guess."


  • You go to your friend's house the next day, their parents answer the door.


  • "Can Michael come out and play?"


  • "No, he caught pneumonia last night, he's dead, thanks a lot!"


  • And that was summer vacation.


  • Sometimes you got hurt ...


  • Sometimes you ended up dead.


  • You go back to school in the fall.


  • And the teacher is asking everybody if they had a good summer.


  • "Yeah, we went to Mount Rushmore, and we got a puppy!"


  • I'm over there, I got my arm in a sling with a black eye, looking like Mankind after a Hell in a Cell match.


  • "Well, for my summer, let's see... I got hit by a Volkswagen."


  • "I got stung 47 times by a bunch of bees."

    ハチの大群に 47 回刺されて、

  • "And three of my friends died from exposure."

    友達の 3 人が、体温低下で死んだよ。」

  • "So no, not quite as good, as 'Mrs. Mount Rushmore puppies' over there."


  • [Special thanks to: These wonderful people & All the other patrons!]


Alright, it's the last day of school, before summer break.

夏休み前、学校での最後の 1 日です。

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夏休みあるある(Brewstew - Summer Vacation)

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    lauren.huang に公開 2020 年 08 月 07 日