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  • WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," ALREADY IN PROGRESS IN YOUR

  • LOCAL CBS STATIONS.

  • FOLKS, MY FIRST GUEST IS A SIX-TIME EMMY AWARD-WINNING

  • ACTOR YOU KNOW FROM "THE SIMPSONS," "THE BIRDCAGE," AND

  • "ALONG CAME POLLY."

  • HE NOW STARS IN THE FOURTH AND FINAL SEASON OF "BROCKMIRE."

  • PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," HANK AZARIA!

  • ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )

  • >> NO, NO, NO, NO.

  • HELLO!

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: IT'S FINE.

  • IT'S FINE.

  • >> IS IT OKAY?

  • >> Stephen: WE FUME-- WE FUMIGATE BETWEEN GUESTS.

  • >> YOU WIPE IT DOWN?

  • >> Stephen: WE DO, HONEST TO GOD, THE CHAIRS, THE AUDIENCE,

  • EVERYTHING IS STERILIZED BETWEEN SHOWS.

  • I'M NOT KIDDING.

  • YOU DON'T WANT TO TOUCH THE ELBOWS.

  • >> NO FIST S.

  • >> Stephen: THIS IS WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO.

  • >> NO FISTS, NO ELBOWS, NO NOTHING.

  • WHICH IS ALSO MY POLICY WHEN I SHOOT ADULT FILMS BY THE WAY--

  • NO FISTS, NO ELBOWS, AND HAS BEEN FOR YEARS.

  • >> Stephen: YOU HAVE TO HAVE YOUR LIMIT.

  • >> NOBODY-- NOBODY TOUCH ME.

  • DON'T EVEN LOOK AT ME.

  • LOOK AT THE MONITOR.

  • AND THAT GOES FOR YOU, TOO.

  • >> Stephen: OKAY, I WON'T MAKE EYE CONTACT.

  • I UNDERSTAND, NO, I UNDERSTAND.

  • BUT HAS IT AFFECTED YOUR WAY-- HAS IT AFFECTED YOUR LIFE IN ANY

  • OTHER WAYS THAN, LIKE, BEING ON TALK SHES?

  • >> WELL, YES.

  • >> Stephen: HOW ABOUT IN THE WORLD?

  • >> I'M A CELEBRITY, STEPHEN, AS YOU WELL KNOW.

  • >> Stephen: I AM AWARE.

  • >> AND APPARENTLY I'M ONE OF THEM "APPROACHABLE TYPE"

  • CELEBRITY S.

  • >> Stephen: THOSE ARE THE WORST KIND.

  • >> YOU DON'T WANT TO BE THAT.

  • >> Stephen: NO.

  • >> ESPECIALLY NOW.

  • BECAUSE I GET APPROACHED A LOT.

  • >> Stephen: WHAT HAPPENS ON THE APPROACH?

  • >> WELL, THE OTHER DAY, YOU KNOW, BIG DUDE STRIDED-- "HEY, I

  • LOVE YOUR WORK.

  • I GOTTA SHAKE YOUR HAND."

  • HE SAID, "I GOTTA SHAKE YOUR HAND."

  • >> Stephen: AND YOU SAID-- >> I HANDLED IT WELL.

  • >> Stephen: OH, DID YOU?

  • >> YI WENT LIKE THIS,, CORONA!

  • CORONA!

  • CORONA!

  • AND MY VOICE WENT UP LIKE NINE OCTAVES.

  • I SOUNDED LIKE SUNNY COCOA PUFFS.

  • I'M CUCKOO FOR CORONAVIRUS.

  • >> Stephen: ONE OF THE FIRST EFFECTS.

  • >> I ALMOST WENT FULL JACK NICKEL SON FROM "AS GOOD AS IT

  • GETS" ON HIM.

  • YOU ALSO CAN'T INJECT ME WITH THE PLAGUE, IN CASE YOU WERE

  • WONDERING.

  • THANKS A LOT.

  • THANKS!

  • ( APPLAUSE ).

  • >> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.

  • >> I GOT A MILLION OF THESE VOICES!

  • >> Stephen: I KNOW.

  • SO FINAL SEASON-- I HATE TO SAY IT.

  • I HATE TO BE-- THE FINAL SEASON OF "BROCKMIRE."

  • HOW MANY OF THE FINAL?

  • HOW MANY IS THIS NOW?

  • >> THIS WAS OUR FOURTH SEASON.

  • >> Stephen: THAT'S A GOOD RIN.

  • FOUR YEARS IS A GOOD RUN.

  • >> GOOD RUN BY SHOW BUSINESS STANDARDS, YES, SURE.

  • >> Stephen: SURE WHAT OTHER-- >> COLLEGE, THAT'S WHAT YOU

  • WANT.

  • >> Stephen: SURE, SURE, FOUR YEARS.

  • >> Stephen: YEAH,.

  • >> SAD TO SEE IT GO.

  • BUT WE'RE A CULT HIT.

  • YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS "CULT HIT?"

  • >> Stephen: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

  • >>--T MEANS IT'S A GREAT SHOW THAT NOBODY WATCH S.

  • >> Stephen: PEOPLE SHOULD DEFINITELY WATCH THIS SHOW.

  • >> THEY SHOULD.

  • CURIOSITY IT'S LIKE, YOU KNOW, WE HAVE, LIKE, 98% RATING ON

  • "ROTTEN TOMATOES."

  • AND THAT MEANS-- WHO'S COUNT AGO THAT MEANS 35 OUT OF 36 GOOD

  • REVIEWS.

  • >> Stephen: YES?

  • >> NOT THAT I PAY ATTENTION TO THAT KIND OF THING.

  • >> Stephen: YES, YES...

  • >> I THINK THE PROBLEM IS THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO HAVE SEEN THE

  • SHOW ARE ME AND THE 36 "ROTTEN TOMATOES PEOPLE.

  • GENERAL CURIOSITY-- MAY I ADDRESS YOUR AUDIENCE.

  • >> Stephen: YES.

  • >> I DON'T NEED HOUSE LIGHTS UP.

  • I ACTUALLY DON'T WANT-- NOBODY LOOK AT ME STILL.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) BECAUSE THAT'S DANGEROUS.

  • BUT BE HONEST.

  • DON'T MAKE ME FEEL GOOD.

  • JUST BE PURELY HONEST.

  • APPLAUD IF YOU HAVE SEEN THE SHOW "BROCKMIRE."

  • ( LIGHT APPLAUSE ).

  • >> THAT'S LIKE A SMATTERING.

  • THAT'S WHAT WE CALL A SMATTERING OF-- YEAH.

  • YOU KNOW WHAT, ACTUALLY-- NOW, DON'T BE HONEST.

  • MAKE ME FEEL GOOD.

  • WHO'S SEEN THE SHOW?

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: I LOVE IT.

  • I NEVER MISS AN EPISODE.

  • >> THANK YOU.

  • ALL RIGHT, DON'T OVERDO IT!

  • THAT'S INSINCERE.

  • YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT BELIEVABLE.

  • THAT'S A "LIED CLAP."

  • BY THE WAY.

  • I APPRECIATE THAT.

  • >> Stephen: I'M GOOD WITH THOSE.

  • I'M GOING TO MISS THOSE NEXT WEEK WHEN I DON'T HAVE THE

  • AUDIENCE.

  • WHO IS GOING TO CHANT MY NAME, HANK AZARIA?

  • >> I'LL SIT OUT THERE, IF YOU'D LIKE.

  • I'M A VOICEOVER SO I CAN RECORD IT FOR YOU.

  • >> Stephen: YOU'LL RECORD ALL 400 DIFFERENT VOICES.

  • >> IT WILL SEEM LIKE A BIG CROWD OF PEOPLE.

  • >> Stephen: FANTASTIC.

  • FANTASTIC.

  • I'M A BIG FAN OF THIS JACKET THAT YOU WEAR ON "BROCKMIRE."

  • >> ON THE SHOW NONE OF YOU HAVE SEEN.

  • >> Stephen: YOU BROUGHT IT ON BEFORE.

  • YOU BROUGHT IT ON BEFORE.

  • AND THAT REMINDS ME OF A JACKET MY DAD WOULD HAVE WORN IN THE

  • 1960 PPS I UNDERSTAND-- THERE'S A BACKISTIC YOU BELIEVE, TO THIS

  • JACKET, AND IT GOES WITH THIS PHOTO.

  • WHY DON'T YOU TELL US WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

  • >> IT'S GOT A THREAD LOOSE, STEPHEN.

  • >> Stephen: I'M SURPRISED.

  • A JACKET OF THAT QUALITY HAS A THREAD LOOSE.

  • >> THIS IS 100% POLYESTER.

  • >> Stephen: THAT WAS THE ORIGINAL DUMONT TEST PATTERN,

  • WASN'T IT?

  • >> I BELIEVE IT WAS.

  • >> Stephen: THAT'S HOW OLD OF A REFERENCE THAT IS.

  • NOT EVEN A CBS AUDIENCE KNOWS A DUMONT REFERENCE.

  • >> THAT EVEN WENT OVER MY HEAD.

  • >> Stephen: WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH THIS?

  • >> I'M AN INSOMNIAC.

  • I HAVE NO TROUBLE GOING TO SLEEP BUT I'M ALWAYS UP BETWEEN 12:00

  • AND 3:00.

  • >> Stephen: GOTCHA.

  • >> AND I ALWAYS WATCHO MOVIES.

  • I WAS WATCHING I BELIEVE IT WAS 1978'S "HEAV KEN WAIT," WHICH

  • MOST OF YOU PROBABLY HAVEN'T SEEN, BUT PROBABLY MORE THAN

  • HAVE SEEN "BROCKMIRE."

  • >> Stephen: HOW MANY HAVE SEEN "HEAVEN CAN WAIT."

  • ( APPLAUSE ).

  • >> SO I'M WATCHING IT ON THE COMPUTER.

  • I'M LYING ON MY SIDE TRYING TO GO BACK-- WITH THE EAR BUD IN.

  • >> AND SEE A BIG WIDE SHOT.

  • I'M LIKE, "I KNOW"-- EVEN INTEREST A DISTANCE, I KNOW THAT

  • JACKET.

  • AND THEN IN THE CLOSE TIGHT SHOT, THE GREAT JACK WARDEN

  • THERE WITH BUCK HENRY AND BARREN BEATTY, THERE IS-- THAT'S THE

  • JACKET!

  • THAT'S THE-- AND, LISTEN, I BOUGHT THIS JACKET MYSELF AT A

  • THRIFT SHOP IN L.A. FOR $18.

  • AN AMERICAN RAG.

  • AND THEY RAID HOLLYWOOD WARDROBE, COSTUME DEPARTMENTS.

  • THIS IS DEFINITELY THE SAME JACKET.

  • >> Stephen: IT'S A COLLECTOR'S ITEM NOW.

  • >> SO, WHEN "BROCKMIRE" IS OVER-- WHICH IT WILL BE AT THE

  • END OF THIS SEASON.

  • >> Stephen: YES.

  • >> I'M NOT GOING TO RETIGHTER JACKET.

  • I'M GOING TO PASS IT ALONG TO ANOTHER-- ANOTHER UP-AND-COMING

  • YOUNG ACTOR.

  • >> Stephen: I ONCE WAS IN A PLAY IN WHICH I HAD TO WEAR,

  • LIKE, ROMAN ARMOR.

  • >> OKAY.

  • >> Stephen: AND ON THE INSIDE IT SAID USTENOF.

  • I THINK I WAS WEARING PETER USTENOV'S ARMOR.

  • >> THAT BEATS MY JACK BARDEN.

  • >> Stephen: NO, IT DOES NOT.

  • UN WHY?

  • BECAUSE YOU'RE A GUEST.

  • >> YES, CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT.

  • I WANT TO GIVE THIS TO THAT TIMOTHY SH CHALAMETTE.

  • >> Stephen: HE IS SO DASHING THAT HE'LL MAKE THAT LOOK GOOD.

  • >> WE'LL HAVE TO TAKE IT IN FOR HIM.

  • >> Stephen: SURE.

  • OR SOMEBODY ELSE CAN GET IN THERE WITH HIM.

  • >> EITHER WAY.

  • >> Stephen: YOU'RE-- YOU'RE-- YOU'RE, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE A FUNNY

  • GUY.

  • >> THANK YOU.

  • >> Stephen: YEAH.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) YEAH.

  • >> Stephen: DID YOU COME FROM A FUNNY FAMILY?

  • BECAUSE MY FAMILY IS KIND OF A MIKOROCRACY.

  • THE FUNNIEST PERSON IN THE ROOM WAS KING.

  • DID YOUR FAMILY TELL JOKES TO EACH OTHER?

  • >> YES, BUT THEY WERE NOT FUN GLE WHAT DO YOU-- WHAT DO YOU

  • MEAN?

  • >> MY MOTHER IN PARTICULAR LOVES-- SHE LOVES A GOOD JOKE,

  • STEVE.

  • AND THEY'RE NOT FUNNY.

  • AND I REALLY-- AS A RESULT, I'VE COME TO HATE JOKES.

  • I REALLY DON'T LIKE -- >> Stephen: YOU DON'T TELL

  • JOKES?

  • YOU DON'T KNOW A JOKE?

  • >> I DON'T LIKE THAT, "I HAVE A GREAT ONE FOR YOU.

  • LISTEN TO THIS ONE."

  • I HATE THAT.

  • >> Stephen: I DON'T LIKE IT WHEN YOU SAY THAT, EITHER.

  • >> LIKE I'M SOME COMMON SALESMAN YOU.

  • >> Stephen: HAVE NO JOKES?

  • >> WELL, MY MOTHER'S JOKES ARE SO BAD, THERE ARE, LIKE, TWO

  • JOKES THAT I'VE EVER HEARD IN YOUR LIFE.

  • >> Stephen: THESE ARE YOUR MOTHER'S JOKE?

  • >> NO NO.

  • I'LL GIVE YOU AN EXAMPLE OF MY MOTHER'S JOKE.

  • "SO THERE'S THIS OLD WOMAN AT A NURSING HOME" THIS IS THE WAY MY

  • MOTHER TALKS.

  • AND IT'S VERY ON BRAND FOR MY MOTHER BECAUSE SHE'S 92 AND

  • LIVES IN MIAMI.

  • "OLD LADY IN A NURSING HOME.

  • SHE STANDS UP WITH HER HANDS LIKE THIS AND SAYS 'WHOEVER CAN

  • GUESS WHAT'S IN MY HANDS CAN HAVE SEX WITH ME'.

  • NOBODY SAYS ANYTHING.

  • AND SHE SAYS LOUDER,' WHOEVER CAN GUESS WHAT'S IN MY HANDS CAN

  • HAVE SEX WITH ME.

  • ' AND SOME OLD GUY TURNS AROUND AND SAYS 'AN ELEPHANT'?

  • AND SHE SAYS WE HAVE A WINNER."

  • >> Stephen: HANK, MY PLEASURE--

  • >> COME ON!

  • YOU ALMOST GOT ME.

  • >> Stephen: FORCE OF HABIT, BABY, FORCE OF HAS BEEN THE.

  • THE FINAL SEASON OF "BROCKMIRE--" WHICH IS GOING TO

  • BREAK THESE PEOPLE'S HEARTS-- PREMIERES NEXT WEDNESDAY NIGHT

  • ON IFC.

  • HANK AZARIA, EVERYBODY!

  • WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH "AVENUE 5's" SUZY NAKAMURA.

WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," ALREADY IN PROGRESS IN YOUR

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A2 初級

ハンク・アザリア:母は恐ろしいジョークを言う (Hank Azaria: My Mother Tells Terrible Jokes)

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    林宜悉 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日