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  • J: Hello, lovely people!

  • J: Welcome back to the Jessie and Claud Show.

  • C: Oh, there's a Jessie and Claud Show?

  • J: I made it into a show. Yeah, I don't know; that was a last-minute decision, but I'm running with it.

  • J: In today's episode...

  • J: See, it's a show. I did a thing.

  • J: We're gonna be answering your 'Would You Rather...?' questions.

  • [Both] Oo!

  • J: Which I asked you when I joined Instagram

  • but told you to make queer-flavoured.

  • J: So...these should be gay.

  • C: OK.

  • J: And we're gonna answer by putting our fingers up for one or two.

  • J: So no conferring. C: Ohh, OK.

  • J: Can we manage to not confer? C: No...

  • J: Probably not. C: No.

  • C: We'll do the one or two, but then we'll look at each other and be like...

  • J: Yeah, because we could confer in Sign Language, but down here where no one can see.

  • J: However, before we begin that, we have a big announcement!

  • C: Do we?!

  • J: I told you before we started filming!

  • J: Today, we are releasing...the limited edition 'Because: gay' merch

  • C: Oh, yeah!

  • J: My plan is at the end of every month to release a new merch design,

  • which will be very limited edition;

  • running for two or three months depending on popular demand.

  • C: Exciting. J: It's available in the merch shelf down below,

  • J: which you may be able to see,

  • but if you're a country that doesn't support the merch shelf or just today it's randomly not working because

  • YouTube, the link is in the description down below.

  • J: It comes in a range of items and colours, and I'm really excited about it

  • C: Yeah. J: And I'm gonna get a range of things.

  • C: And I justand I just realised I am not wearing the appropriate attire.

  • C: I should be wearing your merch and instead I'm just wearing a YouTube jumper.

  • J: You said you'd wear my merch! Ooh. C: I know!

  • C: I'm sorry!

  • J: Right. Pause! C: Let me just do the magic of editing.

  • [Both cheering]

  • C: Ta-da!

  • J: That was nicely done.

  • J: [Singing] Let's begin!

  • J: We had some really, really good questions.

  • C: The one I remember wasit was like: “Would you rather have three weeks without Walter and Tilly

  • or three days without each other?”

  • J: Did 'Missing Claudia' make people think that I'm the only one

  • J: who has issues with us being apart? C: Yeah, I just--I just don't care!

  • C: I do! I was being sarcastic. J: Such lies.

  • J: You're as obsessed with me as I am with you!

  • J: First question comes from Evelina and Clara!

  • J: Thanks, guys. C: Oh.

  • "Would you rather be without the other for a week

  • or Walter and Tilly for a year?"

  • J: I don't know that Claudia for a week and the dogs for a year...

  • J: is a sort of fair compromise. C: That's not--that's not... No.

  • C: Clearly, it would be like give up me for a week, wouldn't it?

  • [Both] Yeah! J: You can just go on a trip.

  • C: Exactly!

  • J: We haven't even done the one and two. C: Do you think they're trying to--?

  • C: Do you think they're trying to aim that slowly at the fact that they want Walter and Tilly for a year?

  • C: Well... J: That's what it is!

  • J: Evelina and Clara are trying to steal our dogs!

  • C: The three weeks or three days one -

  • I said I think I'd rather...

  • C: If you suddenly just disappeared with no explanation and I had no idea when you were coming back,

  • as was the same with the dogs,

  • I'd rather the dogs disappeared for three weeks but me not knowing when they were gonna be back,

  • because at least then I could be like, 'Where are the dogs, Jessie?!' with you.

  • But if you had gone for three days, what am I gonna do? The dogs and me would just go stir-crazy.

  • J: Yeah, I don't know that kidnapped...

  • C: I didn't say kidnapped! J: No, no!

  • J: I've mysteriously gone!

  • J: I feel like the police would worry a bit more about your wife

  • than the dogs,

  • C: Well, exactly. J: and that should give you an indication of how much you should worry.

  • C: They'd questioned me a lot first, though, wouldn't they?

  • J: Sure, you'd be a suspect. Is that the aim of this game, though?

  • Would you rather have a rainbow-coloured mustache for the rest of your life

  • or have to eat a dozen snails every time you said LGBTQIA+ wrong or stuttered?"

  • J: You're gonna have a rainbow-coloured moustache forever?!

  • C: Actually, I really answered that wrong.

  • C: I'm sure I could just learn to say it properly.

  • C: LGB... L, G, B--see?

  • J: It's unfair as well; you should have an exception. C: I have, like, lexicon...

  • C: I have SL...whatever it is.

  • J: SIL C: Yes.

  • C: So I think I'd rather just have a moustache.

  • J: Rainbow-coloured, friend. It's rainbow-coloured. C: You could shave it!

  • C: And it would just be like rainbow... J: Oh, it just grows back rainbow every day?

  • J: And then you shave... C: Oh, does it?

  • Would you rather see each other every day for a few minutes

  • or see each other once a month for a whole day?”

  • C: Yes. J: Yaaay!

  • C: You can keep in touch more.

  • C: You can catch up with your last...

  • J: "What happened today? What's happened in the last 24 hours?"

  • C: Yeah. The last 24 hours. J: "Oh, my gosh. I love you so much."

  • J: "Bye." C: Have a quickie.

  • J: ...Yeah!

  • "Would you rather Kate McKinnon or Ellen Page?"

  • C: Which one's Kate McKinnon?

  • J: I feel like that's an answer!

  • J: She's the blonde one that looks a bit like Evelina that was in 'Ghostbusters.'

  • C: YeahOh, my God, she looks so much like Evelina.

  • C: That's weird. Can't date Evelina.

  • J: Never mind. We can't choose #1, because she looks too much like Evelina.

  • C: No, no, no. No, it's fine, we have to answer the question.

  • J: I guess we're both going with Ellen Page.

  • C: No, I was actually gonna go with... J: You were actually going with Evelina?! OK.

  • C: No, it's not Evelina!

  • C: She smiles more.

  • J: Than Ellen Page? Most people smile more than Ellen Page.

  • C: I just don't fancy either of them.

  • C: Is that all right?

  • C: Is that why someone asked?

  • "Would you rather be a Disney Princess or date a Disney Princess?"

  • C: Yeah, obviously.

  • C: I do not wanna be a princess.

  • "Specifically for Jessica:

  • would you rather never wear dresses again

  • and be with Claudia

  • or wear dresses and be with a man?"

  • J: Ready? One... C: Yeah, what do you prefer - dresses or your wife?

  • C: Good. J: This is not really a question!

  • J: It's OK. C: It's like, your identity is more than how you outwardly express yourself.

  • J: Yeah! It'll be fine. I'll wear flannel.

  • "Would you rather adopt a baby or use a sperm donor?"

  • C: I mean, that's a bit harsh as well, because--

  • J: I want both, though. C: Yeah, I was gonna say, like...

  • C: It depends on the situation, again.

  • C: I'm really shit at this game, aren't I? J: Yes.

  • C: It's very vague. J: We wanna do #2 first and then #1 after.

  • "Would you rather kiss Belle or Ariel?"

  • J: Ooh, OK!

  • C: That's obvious. J: Yeah. She's got an obsession with red-heads.

  • C: Also, Ariel's, like, way more fun.

  • J: She is fun.

  • J: I just feel there would be consent issues.

  • J: Belle has some issues, yeah.

  • Fine. Ariel's not all there, though.

  • C: I don't know if any of the Disney princesses are all there, to be honest.

  • J: Hey, Mulan's got her head screwed on. C: Well, yeah, that's true.

  • J: You leave her be. C: Mulan's my favourite.

  • J: They all talk to animals. None of them are OK!

  • C: We talk to animals!

  • J: "Would you rather be in the closet your whole life but be dating

  • or be out but never meet each other?"

  • C: Aw, shit!

  • J: You would rather... C: Oh, sorry!

  • J: ...be out but never meet me?!

  • C: I misread the question!

  • C: I see "dating" as in, like, going on lots of dates with different people.

  • J: Right. C: I didn't think it meant with each other.

  • J: I see.

  • J: Well, the opposite was "be out but never meet ~each other~".

  • C: Yeah, because obviously you're my soulmate and-- J: Thus implying number one

  • J: includes me.

  • J: A lot of people asked this question.

  • C: If it was, 'would you rather be in the closet with each other...'

  • C: Like, do our parents not know?

  • C: Are we just "friends"? Are we just "flatmates"?

  • J: If we lived in the 1950s,

  • and had to be THAT in the closet.

  • J: Yeah, we'd just be two single ladies...

  • J: Spinsters who lived together.

  • C: I think people would know we were--weren't...

  • J: Everyone knew people were gay, Claudia; they just didn't talk about it.

  • "Would you rather make any character you want in any fictional universe gay,

  • even if they weren't before,

  • or make it so any existing gay characters get a happy ending?"

  • J: Ayy! We made the gays happy.

  • C: And also, that's a selfish reason, like...

  • C: It's basically just saying--it's a shallow answer; it's like, 'I really fancy this person, so I want them to be gay.'

  • C: Also, if all gay representation had happy endings...

  • C: that would do great, great... J: Yes, wonders for the world.

  • C: Exactly.

  • Would you rather go back in time to give a pep talk to your younger self

  • or travel into the future to have a conversation with your future self?"

  • [Both] Ooo.

  • J: I like this, though, because you'll know what happens to my future, too. C: Ah! Yeah.

  • [Triumphant laugh]

  • J: Yeah, I mean, I'm fine right now; I don't really need

  • to have a chat with my future self.

  • J: But I was probably quite sad.

  • J: To be fair, a lot of the time when I was quite young,

  • I used to have imaginary conversations with my older self

  • (who was doing great!)

  • C: But you're quite happy where you are now. J: Yeah, yeah.

  • C: So why do you need your self to tell yourself that in the past?

  • J: Because past me was really sad.

  • C: Yeah, but it made you who you are.

  • "Would you rather fall for a straight girl or fall for your best friend's ex?"

  • J: Correct answer.

  • J: Yeah. Don't hurt your best friend!

  • C: And I was like, 'What if the best friend's ex is also straight?'

  • C: What? Like, or it's a guy.

  • J: If I fall for the straight girl, it's only me that's getting hurt. C: Exactly, that's why I--how I answered it.

  • J: Exactly.

  • "Would you rather have a baby that looks like you

  • or like your wife?"

  • C: Because mine will look so cute! J: I know!

  • C: It will have Chinese genes.

  • C: Chinese babies; that's really, really cute.

  • C: Just sayin'.

  • "Would you rather be known as a famous YouTuber

  • or as a gay icon?"

  • J: What a question.

  • J: Why would you be like, 'Yeah, just a famous YouTuber?' No!

  • J: I wanna be a gay icon!

  • C: You are both, my love.

  • J: Aw, thank you. C: You are both a famous YouTuber and a gay icon.

  • J: That's very kind of you.

  • "Would you rather colour your hair in rainbow colours or get a rainbow tattoo?"

  • C: I know, that's quite obvious. You dye your hair.

  • C: And I have tattoos, so.

  • C: We'd more, like--we'd follow that...

  • J: Oh, damn, wait. I should've gone with rainbow tattoo because it didn't say where it was

  • or how big.

  • C: Exactly. J: It could be like this big and I've hidden it.

  • J: Oo, I quite like that. C: Ooo! It could be like the side of your finger, and then if you hold it up like this,

  • C: then I have my moustache!

  • C: Or you could have it and then you'd match me!

  • C: And then whenever I felt sad about my moustache, you could be like, 'Don't worry, darling...'

  • 'We match!'

  • "Would you girls rather play leading roles in LGBTQ+ movie

  • or write a book about an LGBTQ+ matter?

  • C: Is it, like, a successful movie?

  • C: Or is it a budget movie?

  • J: Is it one of those terrible movies where all the lesbians die in the end?!

  • C: Yes, is it a book that anyone will read?

  • J: Well, you've written it, shouldn't you have some confidence in your writing?

  • C: I feel like the book one could come true because I could just do that next week.

  • C: Doesn't mean anyone's gonna read it.

  • J: Doesn't mean it'll ever get published. C: But, you know, like, the movie, like...

  • C: Someone has to actually cast me in a movie.

  • Jessica, would you rather go back to eating only leeks forever

  • or have to only wear trousers for the rest of your life?"

  • C: Yeah. I was gonna answer two for you, as well. J: It was a tough one!

  • J: But the leeks really hurt.

  • "Say you have a child through sperm donation.

  • Would you rather have [the donor] be someone that you know personally that could be in the child's life