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  • Hello lovely people!

  • I'm Jessica and I'm strangely nervous to make this video.

  • If you're new here: hello, I make amusing educational videos about chronic illness,

  • disability and LGBTQ+ things but at the start of the year my first video is always a predictions

  • or goals video where I look back at last year's video, see what I have achieved and what I

  • failed atand then set my goals for the year ahead.

  • I think 2020 is going to be a big year for me, it's going to be the year that everything

  • changesand that's both

  • WONDERFUL and TERRIFYING.

  • That should be capitalised in

  • the closed captions, by the way, so you get the full extent of my FEELINGS.

  • - also capitalised, because I have a lot of them.

  • But you'll find out all about that in a few minutes… I feel it's important to

  • preface this video with my yearly disclaimer:

  • [2019: Over the last few months I've been struggling quite a lot with my health. It's

  • felt a lot like one thing after another just piling on top of me.

  • You know when you get five colds in a row so it all just merges into one big cold?

  • That's me.]

  • Aw, that was my old house!

  • But yes, January has got me. This is the first time this decade I've been able to put clothes

  • on and do my hair. Go me.

  • So let's take a look at my goals for 2019 before we start on 2020-

  • - which has a lot of big goals...

  • Those of you who have been subscribed during the last year will probably have seen some

  • of these come true (or not) but if you're just joining the channel or you've been

  • watching for a few videos but haven't yet subscribed then go ahead and do so to watch

  • me impressively achieve or catastrophically fail in 2020.

  • Which is a date I really like saying: 2020, 2020, 2020. It just feels socomplete!

  • [2017: hi future me, 2018: hi past me, 2019: hi past mes]

  • hello again!

  • If you've been playing along with my 'Goals and Wishes' videos then go back to last

  • year and see if the predictions you left in the comments about your own future came true

  • [1. MOVE HOUSE

  • Yep! Kellgren-Fozard Club Members already know this as I mentioned it in our Christmas

  • livestream (it was so fun) but we're planning to move house this year.

  • Ah!

  • Currently we live in a two bedroom house in the city and our only bathroom is upstairs.

  • We're paying for the benefit of being able to walk into the centre of town but I can't

  • walk more than three minutes without needing a sit-down so we have to drive anyway.

  • We would also like a bigger garden for the dogs so when I'm unwell I can just open

  • the door and they can go play by themselves.]

  • And it happened! I'll put our house tour video of the old house in the card above so

  • you can get a feel for it and a better understanding of why we had to move

  • - mainly the complete lack of accessibility

  • Our new house has a toilet on every floor! And we're going to be making a fully wheelchair

  • accessible downstairs! Ha, in your face old house!

  • [beat]

  • To be honest, part of my stress about 2020 is that for a large part of it we're going

  • to be living without a kitchen or washing machine orfridge… I guess

  • - Our fridge currently lives in the garage because the old owners apparently didn't

  • have a fridge in the kitchen so there isn't the space for one. Which isodd but fine.

  • And the garage will be part of the building site but also the fridge is too big to fit

  • through any of our internal doors and as I say this I realise we need to buy a new mini

  • fridge because that would make more sense.

  • Adulting is very stressful

  • - said every adult ever.

  • But it's also quite exciting to be able to make the house full ours and do it up just

  • the way we want. If you're a fan of house renovations and vintage interiors and want

  • more videos about my house then let me know in the comments. It could definitely be really

  • fun to film the process and I have so many ideas!

  • [2. FIX YOUR EYEBROWS JESSICA

  • Fun fact: I don't have eyebrows.]

  • Uh oh.

  • [If you were wondering why my eyebrows look different in this video to the one last year

  • and the one before thatit's because they are fake. I started loosing hairs on

  • the outside of my eyebrows a few years and they've been shrinking inwards ever since.

  • Yeah.

  • So I draw them on.

  • Apparently differently every year.

  • Tune in next year to see what the hell my 2020 eyebrows look like]

  • Hi.

  • Today I used two different colours of eyebrow pencil in an attempt to make my eyebrows look

  • more natural.

  • - Did it work?

  • My plan was to get them microbladed (that's a semi-permanent incredibly fine tattoo of

  • individual hairs on your face) and I contacted a number of people who do microblading but

  • they all wanted a letter from my doctor before they would dare do anythingand when I

  • asked my doctor he said:

  • - “I would never put my name on something cosmetic!”

  • So no letter from him. And the eyebrow people won't let me do it without a letter from

  • him.

  • Soo… I can't get eyebrows because of gatekeeping? Even though there are other people with EDS

  • who have tattoos...?

  • I just want eyebrows when I wake up

  • If you have a recommendation for someone in London or the surrounding area who understands

  • that doctors can be stupid sometimes and that not having eyebrows is annoying then please

  • send me a DM on Instagram @jessicaoutofthecloset. Thank you so much.

  • I just want eyebrows.

  • [3. GET A TALENT AGENT

  • There comes a point in one's career where you realise that waking up daily to 40 demanding

  • new emails is perhaps a bit much and that potentially being without any legal training

  • can't actually deal with multinational corporations contacts and not come out on the losing end…]

  • High five past me! Mission completed!

  • [Also, I have big plans for the future: I want to publish books about queer disabled

  • people having adventure, I want to design a clothing line of huge skirt dresses, I want

  • to present historical documentaries in period costume, I want to rule the world!]

  • [beat]

  • That bit is still a work in progress.

  • [4. RELEASE MERCH THAT PEOPLE LIKE

  • Well, this one is for you to answer rather than me!

  • So this year I released my first professional

  • merch line- ie, not done at my kitchen table. And I really hope that you've liked it.

  • The line includes include t-shirts, hoodies, phone cases, a mug, a pillow, even stickers!

  • It ships worldwide and there are different price points so hopefully something for everyone.

  • - Unfortunately, working with the TeeSpring platform means that I have been limited when

  • it comes to sizes and I'm working to find a way of doing things that is more inclusive

  • in that regard.

  • You can find a whole range of things in the merch shelf under this video or in the top

  • link in the description and I even made a video using my t-shirts about how to make

  • modern pieces look vintage. It's not quite where I want it to be...

  • Buuuut more on that in the 'Goals' section

  • [wink]

  • [5. SUBSCRIBER PREDICTION

  • On to the big one.. What do I hope to gain in subscriber numbers this year? Just how

  • large can we grow our community?

  • The first year I hoped for a gain of 17,000 and got 197,000

  • The second year I aimed for 150 more but instead doubled so this year

  • Another 100k?

  • Will we make it to half a million?

  • Ooohhere's hoping!]

  • [Ta-Da sfx]

  • Oh. My. Gosh.

  • I'm so happy that our family has grown this year! It really touches me heart whenever

  • I see a comment that says “i just started watching you and now I feel less alone

  • because that is EXACTLY what I started this channel for. Chronic illness isolated me for

  • a very long time and in many ways it still does. But to know that there are other people

  • out there like me, who can take something positive from my hard-lived life lessons means

  • a lot to me. My favourite thing in the world is connections and connecting to other people

  • so thank you for taking the time to be here with me.

  • I hope you enjoy the videos I make in 2020 and that we can continue on this fun little

  • journey together for years to come, wherever that takes us.

  • And where will that take us in 2020? What will our goals be…?

  • [2019: I would love to say 'not get sick', 'have more energy' and 'finally wake

  • up with naturally curly hair' but I'm going to be reasonably realistic…]

  • And by 'more realistic' I mean:

  • 1. WORK THE WORKING WEEK

  • I do YouTube full-time and Instagrampart-time? I guess... And as a self-employed person who

  • technically has no boss other than herself I find it really, really hard to stop working,

  • to relax and to actually give myself time where I don't feel like I should be writing,

  • filming, editing, creating, planning, scheduling, learning, arranging, having meetings or

  • whatever. I really, really enjoy my job: it's creative, it's in the field I've always

  • wanted to work in

  • - video creation and storytelling, not 'the internet'- that wasn't really much of

  • a thing when I was a child in terms of jobs.

  • But because it's such a fun and sometimes all encompassing thing to be doing… I tend

  • to do too much of it. And since I live with a disability and have illnesses that I can't

  • control I tend to count my sick days as my days off. Whichis silly. Because that's

  • not looking after myself, which is what I'm always telling all of you to do!

  • The most organised person in my life is Hannah Witton and I've decided that in 2020 I'm

  • going to be more Hannah.

  • Oh. Conveniently the name of her new side channel where she talks about organisation

  • and life things.

  • 'More Hannah': be it.

  • So my first goal for 2020 is to only work 6 days a week, not 7, and take 30 days off

  • in the year. Actual days off. ACTUAL ONES. Not sick days. Not 'ooh we're going on

  • holiday, let's film every day and make a video about it', do you hear me, future

  • Jessica?! Did you do it…?

  • - Hopefully inserting future me saying 'yes' here.

  • Maybe I just need Hannah Witton to come and sort my life out, I don't know...

  • 2. GET A BOOK DEAL

  • Because I mentioned that I'll now be working 6 days a week and I want one of those days

  • to be full on writing!

  • Cause look… I've been really torn about exactly what kind of book I want to finish

  • first-

  • - I say 'finish' because I have six half-written books because I'm that kind of person: the

  • highly dyslexic writer. She can talk until the cows come home but can she then translate

  • that into the written word?

  • Debatable.

  • I love writing fiction but I also want to make something that is a bit moreme? That

  • sort of shares a little more of my story with you, I suppose. In ways that mean you can

  • take something positive from every chapter, even if the story itself isn't necessarily

  • happy. Because like I said earlier, sometimes the best thing in the world is just to feel

  • seen and to not be alone. Even now, having been ill for 13 years, I still get over excited

  • learning about a historical figure or someone who also battled illness- and yes I do too

  • with fictional characters but perhaps less because they'renot really struggling.

  • Not really achieving. Or alive.

  • Sometimes I think it's easier for people to relate to a story that isn't real if

  • they're not living through those situations than it is to relate to real life. Or is that

  • just me?

  • Sowhich should I focus on more? The fictional worlds I love (which also include themes of

  • illness and gayness obviously), or the more raw but potentially helpful actual life stuff?

  • 3. GET MY WIFE PREGNANT

  • Do I have space in my heart for a gorgeous tiny human? Yes.

  • Do I have time in my life for a squidgy little human?

  • I'll darn well make some!

  • Not much to add here. It's a goal. Good luck future me, you're going to be fine.

  • But current me is terrified.

  • 4. MAKE MERCH THAT IS MORE VINTAGE

  • Sightly divergence there, sure.

  • I really like my current merch items but I'd like to create some other pieces that fit

  • just a little more with my thing. Like stationary or kitchenwear-

  • OH MY GOD I SHOULD MAKE APRONS!

  • I didn't mean to yell that but I went to see Little Women and I'm now obsessed with

  • Amy's painting apron and I want to make that but in different styles and colours and

  • wow if that isn't the most neiche thing ever but I don't care I love it.

  • I'd love to design dresses too. And little pins. It'd be so cute.

  • I have so many ideas!

  • Calm down, Jessica, one thing at a time, let's try and wrap up this really long video first!

  • 5. SUBSCRIBER PREDICTION

  • As I film this, I'm on 627,000 subscribers which isamazing. Leave your own predictions

  • for this in the comments below and we'll come back next year to see if they're right

  • but I would like to hithmm

  • 8… 800,000 subscribers for 2021?

  • 800,000 subscribers

  • for 2021? Is that silly?

  • Well, I guess we'll see! Good luck future me and congratulations on whatever the hell

  • happened to you in 2020!

  • I hope you calm down about all of the big things that will be happening in 2020. And

  • eventually you'll learn to stop saying 2020.

  • And good luck to you in 2020 with all the wonderful things you want to do! If you've

  • made it this far into the video leave a goal for 2020 in the comments along with a heart

  • because, the more of them I see the calmer I get.

  • Everything is going to be fine. It's a big year with a lot of changes but it will look

  • amazing by the end and if all of my goals happen thenthat's pretty darn cool.

  • Deep sigh.

  • Love you.

  • [kiss]

  • J: Do I have lipstick on my teeth?

  • Clara: [coughs violently] I'm glad you addressed me, I was dying.

  • [Jessica laughs, Clara continues to cough]

  • J: I'm sorry I'm not actually laughing at the fact that you are dying.

  • Clara: I was just keeping it in.

  • J: It's alright deep breaths, deep breaths. You are ok. My teeth are ok.

  • [lively music]

Hello lovely people!

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怖いよ // 目標と願い2020 [CC] (I'm Scared // Goals & Wishes 2020 [CC])

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    林宜悉 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日