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  • every minute 10 people get married and that's in the U.

  • S.

  • Alone.

  • Marriage is so prevalent that we have TV shows, movies, magazines, blog's all dedicated to that one special day.

  • But how much work goes into what comes next, right?

  • We fixate on every detail of the wedding day and then go into the unknown of marriage with love in our eyes and hope in our hearts and no plan.

  • Why don't we think about getting married?

  • It's important to get a sense of what comes next.

  • The traditional wedding vows do give us some clues in sickness and in health, for richer or for poor.

  • It's that letter part that I want to focus on today.

  • Marriage has a huge impact on your finances.

  • Some people anticipate this and they think as I get married, things will get better.

  • Maybe we'll have two incomes in one household, or at least I'll have more help around the house.

  • So is that the end of the story?

  • Get married.

  • You'll have lots of money.

  • Everything will be great.

  • We know the reality for all of those married couples.

  • Not every one of them will stay married.

  • The current divorce rate is 40% according to the CDC, and a 40% isn't staggering enough.

  • Look at the real number.

  • That's almost 800,000 people.

  • And when those people have broken hearts, they also have broken bank accounts.

  • The average divorcee experiences a 77% decrease and, well, think about that.

  • All that love all that money lost over What?

  • What's one of the number one reasons for divorce money.

  • We lose money because of money.

  • It's crazy.

  • Excuse me.

  • I'm sorry.

  • I know we're not supposed to talk about money.

  • It's awkward.

  • In fact, most people would rather talk about their sex lives than about money.

  • And look where that's gotten us.

  • Maybe we could do things differently.

  • Maybe if we talked about money, we could do better.

  • I know that will be tough at first, so I'm gonna make it super easy on you, right?

  • We're going to start by just knowing yourself and knowing your partner, right?

  • The easiest way to know your personality type when it comes to money is also one of the most fun with a personality test.

  • Imagine each of you had $100 under your seat.

  • Don't look.

  • There is not $100 under your seat.

  • I'm not Oprah yet, but imagine you did.

  • What would you do with that money?

  • I have some ideas for you, but you probably already knew exactly what you do with that $100.

  • Do you know what your partner would?

  • D'oh!

  • Would you do the same thing?

  • Is that $100?

  • Even all yours if you're married, right, These are some really important questions and you'll find them out by talking about it.

  • Right?

  • So you can say I found this really cool personality test.

  • Let's take it together that will open up the dialogue.

  • If you want some suggestions, I have some for you.

  • Feel free to take a picture of the screen or you can email me.

  • I will happily send this to you, right.

  • However you get started.

  • This is a good way to get your toes wet and start that conversation about money.

  • It's important to do this because even though people might seem similar, you might be surprised how different they are.

  • Let's consider our first case study right in this situation we have two people, recent graduates, bright, beautiful people living together for the first time, right, starting their careers.

  • On paper, they look like they're in the same place in life.

  • But in reality they came from really different places, and that's what makes them who they are.

  • She grew up in a situation of scarcity, right?

  • Not of love.

  • Her parents loved her so much, right, but her mom stayed home and took care of her.

  • Her dad tended to move from job to job.

  • Whenever there was money, they saved it.

  • She's a natural saver because she grew up in scarcity.

  • He grew up in a situation of upper middle class, right to white collar jobs, money always coming in.

  • When they had money, they spent it.

  • I could enjoy your wealth, show your wealth, invest your well.

  • He's a natural spender, an investor.

  • I nothing.

  • No, that about each other.

  • That could be a great combination.

  • He can help her enjoy a little bit more.

  • She can help him save a little bit more if they talk about it.

  • But if they don't talk about it, you can see how naturally they'd move on to really different paths.

  • So while it's fun to take a personality test, it's also really important to get a sense of.

  • Who are you?

  • Who is your partner and how will that work together?

  • That brings me to my next point.

  • It's important to determine your goals, not just your individual goals, but your goals together.

  • Remember, when you get married, you go from me and mine.

  • Tow us an hour, and that's a really important difference.

  • So you might be able to quickly lest out all of your goals.

  • I have some common goals behind me, but you want to know what your spouse's goals are, too, so that you can work on them together together.

  • There's nothing you can't dio if you put your minds to it.

  • But if you're working in opposite directions, that's obviously going to lead to some trouble.

  • And that's our second case right where we started our last case at the beginning, we're going to start this one at the end, right in this case, I had a gentleman come up to me one day, and he asked a simple but humbling question.

  • Am I responsible for my spouse's death?

  • If we get divorced?

  • Think of the depth of that question.

  • And as we dive deeper into the story, you'll see how truly satis he was.

  • A newlywed.

  • They had been together for just one year, and he was already considering divorce because of money.

  • The story is much more complex than that.

  • He married the love of his life.

  • Ah, beautiful woman who is very generous.

  • And she married the love of her life.

  • Ah, hardworking, responsible man.

  • And when they got married, their goal was to make their spells happy.

  • So they kept doing what they always did.

  • He built towards their future by saving, trying to get a deposit for their home.

  • In that first year of marriage, he managed to save $10,000 which would have been a really good start for their life.

  • But during that same time, she was doing what she always did.

  • She was looking good and being generous and spending, and in that same period of time she had built up $10,000 of credit card debt.

  • And he didn't know that until that moment, when it was too much, she was in over her head It imagine working so hard for your family thinking you're on the same page on Lee to find out that all of your efforts of that year have been washed away by someone else's and that someone else was the person you love more than anyone else in the world secretly working against two lately, obviously, that's gonna lead to some troubles, right?

  • So it's important to get a sense of what your goals are and to make sure that you're working towards them together.

  • Right?

  • This brings me to our final point.

  • But you need to have open communication for this to work, and you need a system that works for you.

  • Now there will be people out there that will tell you that there is one way to do it.

  • That is the only way.

  • And if you don't do it, you are doomed to failure.

  • I'm not one of those people, right?

  • If you find a system that works for you, that works for me, right?

  • I'll give you some common examples of systems that work.

  • But just know, as long as it's a system and you communicate often, it should be a good system, right?

  • The 1st 1 is all in.

  • This is really popular with Dave Ramsey.

  • Maybe you've heard of him.

  • It's also really popular with a lot of religious groups.

  • The idea is, the best way to trust each other is to have perfect information, have everything shared, shared bank accounts, shared credit cards.

  • We know everything that way.

  • We're sure we're making those decisions together for that.

  • For that system, you know, you have to have a lot of trust, and you need to be comfortable with it.

  • If that doesn't work for you, you can do the opposite.

  • You can say what's mine is mine.

  • What's yours is yours will talk about each decision as it comes up, or you can find that perfect middle ground.

  • This one's popular with Suzie Orman, right?

  • I've got my money.

  • You've got your money.

  • But we also have a joint account for joint expenses like mortgage and utilities and Netflix, right?

  • All those things we share, right, they're all good systems.

  • So whatever works for you, make it work by talking about it.

  • Talk about your finances and your money.

  • As often as you talk about your weekend plans, get a sense of what's happening because you are the next case.

  • Study whatever you choose.

  • Whatever you dio is what you will get right.

  • We can continue doing what we've always done.

  • We can not talk about money and hope for the best.

  • Right?

  • 60% is still more likely than 50 50.

  • Or we can try to do better before you say I D'oh!

  • I hope you do have a plan, right?

  • Identify your personality type.

  • Determine your goals and make sure you have open communication in the last 10 minutes Ah, 100 people got married.

  • I don't know if they had a plan.

  • I don't know if they will be successful.

  • I do have a plan and I hope you do too.

  • Thank you.

every minute 10 people get married and that's in the U.

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ジェニファー・サハディ|TEDxBryantU (I do? | Jennifer Sahady | TEDxBryantU)

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    林宜悉 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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