字幕表 動画を再生する 英語字幕をプリント - Joe Biden has surged to a huge lead in the Democratic Party and in second place is Bernie Sanders. Over the past few weeks, Warren has shot to the top of the polls, the rise of Pete Buttigieg and New Hampshire has an outbreak of Klomydia. (upbeat country music) Here's something you only hear every four years, everyone is talking about Iowa. (audience laughing) Yeah, because last night was the Iowa caucuses, right? The first vote of the Democratic primary campaign and normally we would know by now who'd won, in fact, normally we would have known last night, but this year, Democrats decided to use a new app to help count the votes and it has not gone as planned. (audience laughing) - The only results from the Iowa caucus at this hour are chaos and confusion, - Chaos, confusion, meltdown, pick your adjective to describe Iowa caucuses. - What a mess, this is not the finish that anyone expected. - It certainly was a mess and some here are calling it a disaster. - Organizers in the state site, a domino effect of problems for the delay, several issues with a new app where results were to be inputted. - They had a really crummy app that screwed up the entire thing. - Right now, no idea when we are going to know the results. - So everyone really is just waiting for these official results. - So we wait and at the moment, we have nothing. (audience laughing) - So because of this app, the whole night was thrown into utter chaos, nobody knew what the problem was, nobody knew who won and eventually the candidates got tired of waiting and they came out to try and spin the non-results in the best way they could, "Oh, we're happy, things are great, "this is gonna be good for us." But one candidate in particular took that to the next level. - So we're still waiting for any results from last night's Iowa Democratic caucuses, but that hasn't stopped candidates from spinning the non-existent results. For mayor of South Bend Pete Buttigieg declared victory overnight. - We know by the time it's all said and done, Iowa, you have shocked the nation. By all indications, we are going on to New Hampshire victorious. (audience cheering) (audience laughing) - Okay Pete, you just gonna come out and claim victory, even though no results were in at that point. That's a pretty bold move. I mean, maybe that's just his thing, maybe Pete does that. Anytime anything's ambiguous, no one knows, he just jumps in. You know like, "Now, nobody knows who built Stonehenge." He's like, "Oh, it was me, I did it." Only about three quarters of the ballots are in. So we still don't know who officially won. But as it stands, it's a close race between Bernie Sanders, the world's youngest old man (audience laughing) and Pete Buttigieg, the world's oldest young man. (audience laughing) But regardless of how it ends, no one is around to give a victory speech because the candidates have already moved on. - For some reason in Iowa, they're having a little bit of trouble counting votes. But I am confident that here in New Hampshire, I know they'll be able to count your votes on election night. (audience cheering) - Man this is what I love about Bernie Sanders, he does not give a damn. (audience laughing) Because he spent a year sucking up to Iowa and then five minutes after he's left, he's already roasting their ass. (audience laughing) Yeah, he's just like, "I want to talk about the 99% of people in Iowa "who have no idea what the (bleep) they're doing." I hope Bernie does this for every state. As soon as he's on to the next primary, he's in Nevada next week like, "Great to be out of New Hampshire or as I call it, "dirty Massachusetts." (audience laughing) (upbeat country music) Coming out of the Iowa primary, the big winners were Bernie Sanders, Pete Buttigieg and anyone who didn't build that shitty app. And last night in New Hampshire, those top two kept the momentum going. - [Reporter] With a win in New Hampshire, Senator Bernie Sanders taking control as the democratic front runner, but not too far behind him, Pete Buttigieg. Despite winning the popular vote in both Iowa and New Hampshire, Sanders is behind in the overall delegate race by two. - [Reporter] One of the night's other big winners, Senator Amy Klobuchar, who took third place. She capitalized on the moment by reintroducing herself to the country. - Hello America, I'm Amy Klobuchar and I will beat Donald Trump. - Yes, last night may have been the best night for Bernie Sanders since he won that free cruise on Noah's Ark but... (audience laughing) New Hampshire's biggest surprise was Amy Klobuchar, who burst into the national spotlight with a third place finish and the timing couldn't be better for Klobuchar because in many ways, you see the presidential campaigns are like getting drunk at a party, right? You want to peak at the right time. See the other candidates they had their surge last year, which was too early, it's like getting wasted at 6pm. (audience laughing) Because by the time the party is really going you puking in the bushes. (mimicking puking) "I'm so sorry, I didn't pace myself, "I promise I'll do better in South Carolina." (audience laughing) So there's no denying that New Hampshire was great for Amy Klobuchar campaign and it was also a great night for news people who love wordplay. - Senator Amy Klobuchar rode the Klomentum. - Are you feeling Klomentum. - Klomentum is real and she has it. - A Klobu-surge. - [Reporter] Klomentum. - Klomentum. - Klomentum, Klobu-charged, Klobu-surge. - They call it Klo-motion. - Is there Klomentum. (audience laughing) - Oh, this fun, I wanna try. It's Klobbering time. Yeah, she gave them the old Klope-a-dope. Yeah, New Hampshire has an outbreak of Klomydia. (audience laughing and applauding) All right, I'm done. She killed it like Klo J. Simpson. Okay, I'm done, no more. (audience shouting) (audience laughing) So for Bernie, Buttigieg and Klobuchar, New Hampshire was a dream, but unfortunately for some other big name candidates, it turned into a nightmare. - [Reporter] Another major New Hampshire headline, the candidates who fell far behind, including longtime national front runner Joe Biden and Senator Elizabeth Warren both failed to get enough votes to earn any delegates. Before the race was called Biden, who placed fifth was on a plane to South Carolina, which will hold the nation's next primary. - [Reporter] Biden saw the writing on the wall, he had left even before the polls had closed, live streaming into his campaigns New Hampshire watch party. - Oh, Joe Biden left New Hampshire before the polls were even closed. I mean, I've heard of fans leaving the game early, but you know, it's bad when the team leaves early (audience laughing) to beat the traffic. The coach is just like, "All right guys, "screw the fourth quarter, let's just start the bus." (audience laughing) - The race is getting smaller as of last night's results, we did see the suspension or termination of presidential campaigns by Andrew Yang and Senator Michael Bennett - Tonight is not going to be our night, but let me say this to New Hampshire. You may see me once again. - You know, I am the math guy and it is clear tonight from the numbers that we are not going to win this race. (audience laughing) We'll be back soon, in the meantime though, thank you all, God bless you and God bless the United States of America. - I'm not gonna lie I don't get why candidates always say they'll be back when they know they won't. No, I know they don't want to seem like a loser, but why not just be honest, why not just be like, "New Hampshire you guys are never gonna see me ever again." Like it's the same problem with movie villains, even when they're falling off a cliff or building at the end, they're like, "I'll be back." No you won't, like it would be nice if they were honest, just like, "You and your family are safe forever." (audience laughing) (upbeat country music) This weekend, Las Vegas saw two of the craziest knockouts of all time, Wilder versus fury, and Bernie versus everyone. - [Reporter] This morning feeling the burn, Bernie Sanders dominating in Nevada. Sanders not only taking the Silver state, but besting his rivals among Latinos winning both men and women, college and non-college graduates and even scoring votes from moderates. (audience cheering) I am a US senator and I got a big ego and I appreciate the Bernie, but it ain't Bernie, it is us. (audience cheering) - Damn, Bernie is really committed to socialism, right? (audience laughing) Even when the crowd is tryna cheer for him, he wants to share it back with them. I wonder if he's always like this, like on his birthday, are they like, "Happy Birthday to..." He's like, "No, to you, Happy birthday to you." "Happy, but no to all of us, it's all of our birthday. "In fact, you should make a wish, "my wish already came true, I got socks." (audience laughing) But yes, Bernie Sanders won big in Vegas and I'm not surprised. If anyone needs free college and free health care, it's a city full of people who lost all their money playing slots. (audience laughing) And Bernie won big with all the big Nevada demographics, that's what made this so impressive. Young people, old people white, Latino, blue, bent, feathered, everybody, which bolstered his electability arguments. But there's still one sizable demographic that Bernie hasn't won over and it's the other Democrats in the race. - [Reporter] With the rise of Sanders, his opponents are beginning to take 'em on. Senator Sanders believes in an inflexible ideological revolution that leaves out most democrats, not to mention most Americans. Some believe that the way to beat Donald Trump is to be just as polarizing. - Biden with Casey hunt, dismissing Sanders efforts to tie himself to former President Obama. - The way he talks about it, you'd think he and Barack were close buddies - And you think they were not.