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  • - Joe Biden has surged to a huge lead

  • in the Democratic Party

  • and in second place is Bernie Sanders.

  • Over the past few weeks,

  • Warren has shot to the top of the polls,

  • the rise of Pete Buttigieg

  • and New Hampshire has an outbreak of Klomydia.

  • (upbeat country music)

  • Here's something you only hear every four years,

  • everyone is talking about Iowa.

  • (audience laughing) Yeah,

  • because last night was the Iowa caucuses, right?

  • The first vote of the Democratic primary campaign

  • and normally we would know by now who'd won,

  • in fact, normally we would have known last night,

  • but this year, Democrats decided to use a new app

  • to help count the votes and it has not gone as planned.

  • (audience laughing)

  • - The only results from the Iowa caucus

  • at this hour are chaos and confusion,

  • - Chaos, confusion, meltdown,

  • pick your adjective to describe Iowa caucuses.

  • - What a mess, this is not the finish

  • that anyone expected.

  • - It certainly was a mess and some here

  • are calling it a disaster.

  • - Organizers in the state site,

  • a domino effect of problems for the delay,

  • several issues with a new app

  • where results were to be inputted.

  • - They had a really crummy app

  • that screwed up the entire thing.

  • - Right now, no idea when we are going to know the results.

  • - So everyone really is just waiting

  • for these official results.

  • - So we wait and at the moment, we have nothing.

  • (audience laughing)

  • - So because of this app, the whole night was thrown

  • into utter chaos, nobody knew what the problem was,

  • nobody knew who won and eventually the candidates

  • got tired of waiting and they came out to try

  • and spin the non-results in the best way they could,

  • "Oh, we're happy, things are great,

  • "this is gonna be good for us."

  • But one candidate in particular took that to the next level.

  • - So we're still waiting for any results

  • from last night's Iowa Democratic caucuses,

  • but that hasn't stopped candidates

  • from spinning the non-existent results.

  • For mayor of South Bend Pete Buttigieg

  • declared victory overnight.

  • - We know by the time it's all said and done,

  • Iowa, you have shocked the nation.

  • By all indications,

  • we are going on to New Hampshire victorious.

  • (audience cheering)

  • (audience laughing)

  • - Okay Pete, you just gonna come out and claim victory,

  • even though no results were in at that point.

  • That's a pretty bold move.

  • I mean, maybe that's just his thing, maybe Pete does that.

  • Anytime anything's ambiguous, no one knows,

  • he just jumps in.

  • You know like, "Now, nobody knows who built Stonehenge."

  • He's like, "Oh, it was me, I did it."

  • Only about three quarters of the ballots are in.

  • So we still don't know who officially won.

  • But as it stands, it's a close race between Bernie Sanders,

  • the world's youngest old man

  • (audience laughing) and Pete Buttigieg,

  • the world's oldest young man.

  • (audience laughing)

  • But regardless of how it ends,

  • no one is around to give a victory speech

  • because the candidates have already moved on.

  • - For some reason in Iowa,

  • they're having a little bit of trouble counting votes.

  • But I am confident that here in New Hampshire,

  • I know they'll be able to count your votes

  • on election night.

  • (audience cheering)

  • - Man this is what I love about Bernie Sanders,

  • he does not give a damn.

  • (audience laughing)

  • Because he spent a year sucking up to Iowa

  • and then five minutes after he's left,

  • he's already roasting their ass.

  • (audience laughing) Yeah, he's just like,

  • "I want to talk about the 99% of people in Iowa

  • "who have no idea what the (bleep) they're doing."

  • I hope Bernie does this for every state.

  • As soon as he's on to the next primary,

  • he's in Nevada next week like,

  • "Great to be out of New Hampshire or as I call it,

  • "dirty Massachusetts." (audience laughing)

  • (upbeat country music)

  • Coming out of the Iowa primary,

  • the big winners were Bernie Sanders,

  • Pete Buttigieg and anyone who didn't build that shitty app.

  • And last night in New Hampshire,

  • those top two kept the momentum going.

  • - [Reporter] With a win in New Hampshire,

  • Senator Bernie Sanders

  • taking control as the democratic front runner,

  • but not too far behind him, Pete Buttigieg.

  • Despite winning the popular vote in both Iowa

  • and New Hampshire,

  • Sanders is behind in the overall delegate race by two.

  • - [Reporter] One of the night's other big winners,

  • Senator Amy Klobuchar, who took third place.

  • She capitalized on the moment by reintroducing herself

  • to the country.

  • - Hello America, I'm Amy Klobuchar

  • and I will beat Donald Trump.

  • - Yes, last night may have been the best night

  • for Bernie Sanders since he won that free cruise

  • on Noah's Ark but... (audience laughing)

  • New Hampshire's biggest surprise was Amy Klobuchar,

  • who burst into the national spotlight

  • with a third place finish and the timing couldn't be better

  • for Klobuchar because in many ways,

  • you see the presidential campaigns are like getting drunk

  • at a party, right?

  • You want to peak at the right time.

  • See the other candidates they had their surge last year,

  • which was too early, it's like getting wasted at 6pm.

  • (audience laughing)

  • Because by the time the party is really going you puking

  • in the bushes. (mimicking puking)

  • "I'm so sorry, I didn't pace myself,

  • "I promise I'll do better in South Carolina."

  • (audience laughing)

  • So there's no denying that New Hampshire was great

  • for Amy Klobuchar campaign and it was also a great night

  • for news people who love wordplay.

  • - Senator Amy Klobuchar rode the Klomentum.

  • - Are you feeling Klomentum.

  • - Klomentum is real and she has it.

  • - A Klobu-surge.

  • - [Reporter] Klomentum.

  • - Klomentum.

  • - Klomentum, Klobu-charged, Klobu-surge.

  • - They call it Klo-motion.

  • - Is there Klomentum. (audience laughing)

  • - Oh, this fun, I wanna try.

  • It's Klobbering time.

  • Yeah, she gave them the old Klope-a-dope.

  • Yeah, New Hampshire has an outbreak of Klomydia.

  • (audience laughing and applauding)

  • All right, I'm done.

  • She killed it like Klo J. Simpson.

  • Okay, I'm done, no more. (audience shouting)

  • (audience laughing)

  • So for Bernie, Buttigieg and Klobuchar,

  • New Hampshire was a dream,

  • but unfortunately for some other big name candidates,

  • it turned into a nightmare.

  • - [Reporter] Another major New Hampshire headline,

  • the candidates who fell far behind,

  • including longtime national front runner Joe Biden

  • and Senator Elizabeth Warren both failed to get enough votes

  • to earn any delegates.

  • Before the race was called Biden,

  • who placed fifth was on a plane to South Carolina,

  • which will hold the nation's next primary.

  • - [Reporter] Biden saw the writing on the wall,

  • he had left even before the polls had closed,

  • live streaming into his campaigns New Hampshire watch party.

  • - Oh, Joe Biden left New Hampshire

  • before the polls were even closed.

  • I mean, I've heard of fans leaving the game early,

  • but you know, it's bad when the team leaves early

  • (audience laughing) to beat the traffic.

  • The coach is just like, "All right guys,

  • "screw the fourth quarter, let's just start the bus."

  • (audience laughing)

  • - The race is getting smaller as of last night's results,

  • we did see the suspension or termination

  • of presidential campaigns by Andrew Yang

  • and Senator Michael Bennett

  • - Tonight is not going to be our night,

  • but let me say this to New Hampshire.

  • You may see me once again.

  • - You know, I am the math guy and it is clear tonight

  • from the numbers that we are not going to win this race.

  • (audience laughing)

  • We'll be back soon, in the meantime though, thank you all,

  • God bless you and God bless the United States of America.

  • - I'm not gonna lie I don't get why candidates always say

  • they'll be back when they know they won't.

  • No, I know they don't want to seem like a loser,

  • but why not just be honest, why not just be like,

  • "New Hampshire you guys are never gonna see me ever again."

  • Like it's the same problem with movie villains,

  • even when they're falling off a cliff

  • or building at the end, they're like, "I'll be back."

  • No you won't, like it would be nice if they were honest,

  • just like, "You and your family are safe forever."

  • (audience laughing)

  • (upbeat country music)

  • This weekend, Las Vegas saw two of the craziest knockouts

  • of all time, Wilder versus fury, and Bernie versus everyone.

  • - [Reporter] This morning feeling the burn,

  • Bernie Sanders dominating in Nevada.

  • Sanders not only taking the Silver state,

  • but besting his rivals among Latinos winning both men

  • and women, college and non-college graduates

  • and even scoring votes from moderates.

  • (audience cheering)

  • I am a US senator and I got a big ego

  • and I appreciate the Bernie,

  • but it ain't Bernie, it is us.

  • (audience cheering)

  • - Damn, Bernie is really committed to socialism, right?

  • (audience laughing)

  • Even when the crowd is tryna cheer for him,

  • he wants to share it back with them.

  • I wonder if he's always like this,

  • like on his birthday, are they like, "Happy Birthday to..."

  • He's like, "No, to you, Happy birthday to you."

  • "Happy, but no to all of us, it's all of our birthday.

  • "In fact, you should make a wish,

  • "my wish already came true, I got socks."

  • (audience laughing)

  • But yes, Bernie Sanders won big in Vegas

  • and I'm not surprised.

  • If anyone needs free college and free health care,

  • it's a city full of people who lost all their money

  • playing slots. (audience laughing)

  • And Bernie won big with all the big Nevada demographics,

  • that's what made this so impressive.

  • Young people, old people white, Latino,

  • blue, bent, feathered, everybody,

  • which bolstered his electability arguments.

  • But there's still one sizable demographic

  • that Bernie hasn't won over

  • and it's the other Democrats in the race.

  • - [Reporter] With the rise of Sanders,

  • his opponents are beginning to take 'em on.

  • Senator Sanders believes in an inflexible

  • ideological revolution that leaves out most democrats,

  • not to mention most Americans.

  • Some believe that the way to beat Donald Trump

  • is to be just as polarizing.

  • - Biden with Casey hunt, dismissing Sanders efforts

  • to tie himself to former President Obama.

  • - The way he talks about it,

  • you'd think he and Barack were close buddies

  • - And you think they were not.