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  • good afternoon.

  • Better not bitter.

  • These were the words that ran through my mind 10 years ago.

  • My husband at that time ex husband.

  • Time had just left me, and I remember getting down on my knees and asking, God, how do I get out?

  • This better not bitter.

  • What does better look like?

  • Because I know Nelson, Mandela said.

  • Bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die.

  • My whole identity as a woman, as a mother, as a daughter, as an employee, everything suddenly was Shaka ble.

  • At that time, I had just joined the organization, and I just want to share with you a little bit off a strategy that I have in getting better, not bitter and not understanding the process of how that can actually help you.

  • I look at this, um, wheel of life, and this is something that I've known for the longest time but have never put into practice and the wheel lot off life talks about the various aspects of your life.

  • And I said, Let me compartmentalize things and see how I can be better in these various areas.

  • The first thing that I looked out, which was really, really important was my spiritual life.

  • Ah, you changed the photo.

  • Okay.

  • Um face.

  • Oh, my God, Is it well in my soul?

  • And there was something that I had I clung on to and just getting to know and getting a door deeper relationship with God because I cannot work within half empty cup.

  • I have a cup.

  • But it was empty and I wanted a cup that was full.

  • It's very difficult to give if your cup is empty and I have to focus on working on the inside, working on my anchor and understanding myself a little bit more on how I could continue.

  • Right and my feet had to be on solid ground.

  • And this is what people don't see on the inside.

  • And you've gotta work on the inside.

  • So that was the first thing I had to look at strengthening my face, taking the time to go to Sri Lanka, you know, Monday, Brighi Washington, you know, take a bath in the well and understanding how people lived and that was just getting to know me again through the eyes of God.

  • The second thing Waas taking care of my health.

  • We know about, um, and dolphins and dope amines and the natural high that we get from exercise.

  • And I remember then it was 10 years ago.

  • How the so pivotal, I decided, let me do something and I joined boot camp.

  • And just with people I didn't know is that I know it's a natural way to be happy.

  • There is the other option called the pub, which I didn't think was very healthy and s o and making your friends that I was saying and saying to myself, You know what?

  • I'm going to register for the my my my 1st 10 kilometer run.

  • This is something very big for me, for someone who did not move, who did not do any physical exercise.

  • So it's just a decision that I decided take and I'm I'm so glad I did it because that simple step in the last 10 years have taken me on various various journeys around the world.

  • And I'll share with that a little bit about, you know, running whether it's ah, I did my first full marathon in Australia 2015 5 years ago.

  • Along the way, I've ran in the street, so Spain, I go for running towards I go for running in Kazakhstan.

  • Running from Asia to Europe costs you cross that bridge and turkey rain running in Croatia in Avignon.

  • And so I'm so glad I made the journey 10 years ago.

  • And slowly surely, I think I got better.

  • Um, the other thing was family.

  • That's my son.

  • My death.

  • I grew up in a family where I had very oddly loving, parents loving Asian parents that showed affection to each other.

  • And so I never had a family that Hyuga family that held each other.

  • So I had to redefine who family Waas and, um and it was It is very disheartening to er to not give my son what I had.

  • Um And so how then do I redefine family?

  • Your family is anybody that you choose to have a life.

  • They don't have to be blood.

  • My spiritual family's important.

  • My exercise family, my family at work.

  • Yes, the son who has now 17 18 years old does not want to have anything to do with the mother.

  • Um, for the longest time, even after I was separated, my ex mother in law continued to live with me on because we had a great relationship and I needed stability for my son.

  • But these were things that I had to do.

  • And I had to say What?

  • It's my new family.

  • What can I do to extend myself?

  • I come from throw up.

  • I don't have any siblings here in West Malaysia.

  • So who is then?

  • My family.

  • So it takes up and you find that because you extend, you're different.

  • Expand your definition of family.

  • You have a larger family.

  • So yes, there he is.

  • Adorable, ever.

  • The next thing I did was to look at finance.

  • Right?

  • And this is This is when you talk about when I share the wheel of life.

  • This is something that's so important.

  • And it was now that I am a single mother, right?

  • How then do you look at your finances?

  • And even before then, if you're starting out in life to look at your finances and look at being financially independent, how do you expect So some of the things I did was to do other things to earn extra income.

  • As you know, I do emcee work.

  • I do other things.

  • I write books.

  • I do all these other things.

  • I looked at my e p f.

  • I looked at getting insurance properly insured because you know, women we have extra bits and bobs that need to be insured more than the men.

  • And, you know, and I have seen many, many stories off people who have been wiped out financially because of health, Right?

  • So I looked at managing my finances a little bit better if I talk about the wheel of life earlier.

  • This is something that I look at every year because I'm very mindful that these are all the things that are important in life.

  • Where the relationship broke down with the husband cannot be all his fault as much as I like to say that it is.

  • But it's also a case off.

  • Did I not pay attention to that relationship with him that lead to the breakdown?

  • So this is something that I look at and review every year.

  • Some things take more attention than the other, but I'm very mindful that all these things come into play and what is important for me now.

  • And I look back and I'm just sharing some photos here and look back at my life.

  • because I look at it every year.

  • I can see what has happened in the last 10 years.

  • And you know what?

  • 10 years blink of an eye is just gonna pass.

  • Okay.

  • Friendships.

  • This is just one of many, many friends.

  • I have peace of friends that when I first came out to Kuala Lumpur working for ah, public relations company and my friendships are very important after this, I'm meeting a friend and another friend later on their investments.

  • Friendships are investments.

  • Make time for friends, schedule time with friends, shuttle time of different people.

  • I don't need the big group.

  • I just need the one on ones and have real conversations.

  • Right?

  • And these are the people who have been with me during my most trying times because I've invested in these friendships.

  • And so an extension of my family as well.

  • So looking at being with friends is so crucial, we don't think you don't need to have a lot like I say.

  • You have a few good ones.

  • I'm very thankful, though, because of the work that I do.

  • I do have ah lot of friends in different areas of my life that talked to me about things and keeps me humble, Tells me as it is and tells me in my face.

  • And I and I need this.

  • So these are just friends from 2030 years ago.

  • I have friends from primary school where I grew up in Brunei.

  • I have friends and secondary school where I grew up in Sarava.

  • I have friends from when I was working in quitting for a short time.

  • It's a receptionist in the hotel.

  • I have friends from, uh, working in IBM before I joined BFM.

  • Um, so what?

  • I'm so glad that I could Could continued to connect with these friendships, right?

  • And also remove some friendships as well.

  • People who, uh, zapped your energy, right.

  • You can quietly extricate them of your life because if they don't deserve your head space, you might come out of it a little bit as well.

  • Okay, now Korea is something of I.

  • It is an important part on Guy.

  • Wouldn't talk about it from life stages when we look at life stages in life.

  • In my thirties, when my son was in his when he was younger, I took a job at IBM because it was a job a regional job, that not me to work from home.

  • And that was my priority when it came to family of the time.

  • My priority in Korea at that moment.

  • Waas keep job.

  • That was all my focus, Waas.

  • But I also know that Children are temporary guests in your household.

  • They will grow up and they will have their own lines.

  • And then I slowly look at how I can then evolve my career and you know, and know that I am not emotionally.

  • Ah, of course I emotion attached, but that, you know, he knows that mom's gonna be okay, all right with it without him, right?

  • So he needs to know that because he needs to move on in life.

  • So off late, my currents important.

  • I think like in the last couple of years of BFM, you know, interviewed many other people I've looked at.

  • I know that communication is my essence, but how that communication has evolved is into writing books into speaking into moderating into all these things.

  • So now the focus is on building my career, and I think this is something that's important at this point in my life.

  • This life stage in my life.

  • And maybe things will evolve every year.

  • I look at how things need to move differently.

  • Mindful that were mint leaves.

  • Okay, fun.

  • Uh, this is a This is simple.

  • We need to schedule fun, right?

  • Uh, and I'm saying this because I didn't schedule fun for the longest time.

  • It was more like one day when I need and and I understand.

  • Like I said, life stages where I needed to save money, too.

  • Pay for the house and buy the car.

  • And I am, But schedule fun.

  • Fun doesn't need to be expensive.

  • Fun can be a walk in the park.

  • Fun could be You're taking some time out now I like to look at my idea of fun is doing things that I've never done before.

  • I love going to concerts.

  • Uh, this is you two in Singapore.

  • I've gone around the world looking for, you know, favorite bands if you're traveling and if I'm traveling and I try to incorporate a couple of things in it, whether it is definitely running definitely music.

  • And this is how I have fun.

  • So my idea of fun, It's my next holiday and the next one actually is doing 100 kilometer walk over 56 days in Spain.

  • The Camino Santiago.

  • So that's the plan.

  • So you incorporate fun, you incorporate exercise, you know, and learn something in the process.

  • So make time for it.

  • Like I said, it doesn't have to be anything expensive, but carve out time for that because I think I missed our lot of good years.

  • Thinking fun will come later, right?

  • And then no time for fun.

  • Okay, Mental.

  • This is, uh, also something very important as you leave university.

  • I know For me, learning is such an important value in my life and that I continue to turn up.

  • I do things that they come completely out of my comfort zone and just to make sure that it's always working, I'm grateful that I'm in a job that allows me to learn things every day that I'm able to talk to people every day and learn something new.

  • So I get excited to this day after 11 years of BFM, I get excited off for Monday on Who am I going to speak to on Monday?

  • And that's a very it's a priceless thing.

  • So mental, I read.

  • I read a lot there always a couple of books with me at any one time.

  • I don't really spend time on novels.

  • I prefer biographies of people who have achieved great things and just a new new ideas.

  • Um, so reading and taking up strange courses like jewelry making because that is also not a natural gift.

  • But I want to learn about ghosts behind it, just like pole dancing.

  • Also, not a natural gift.

  • I'm currently doing a course and design thinking, Um, because I feel that that's the way of the future.

  • Uh, I are four point.

  • Oh, and what, what?

  • What is the process of creativity?

  • Right.

  • And that's something that's interesting for me And find something else and you know, s you grow in life.

  • We talk about up Skilling re skilling and all that.

  • You know, when you graduate, continue learning, you've got ted conferences.

  • You get Ted X, we can learn from just watching people and with ideas.

  • Okay, community.

  • Um, this also another part that I never spent much time on what I could give financially.

  • Waas 20 years ago, I started sponsoring kids Well, vision and I didn't realize this to 20 years on.

  • And I like the idea behind, um, well, vision, because it was something that help the community.

  • Although you say you sponsor a child, they're really helping the community.

  • So just last year, right?

  • Just last year I was asked to be this year.

  • I was asked me, an advocate for world vision under the Clean water and sanitary Hygiene Area, and it's really important when I didn't I didn't realize that the idea of collecting water clean water in some of the places in the world meant that the Children could not go to school because they have to travel a distance to collect water, usually girls.

  • And along the way the girls will also get attacked just because they have no access to clean water.

  • And here we are turning on the tap.

  • And here we are in our air conditioned hall, enjoying, you know, the rain outside were nicely, you know, cocoon in here.

  • So that's when I talk about the wheel of life.

  • I hope this is something that you look on.

  • It's never too late or too early to start with the wheel of life.

  • Look at all these various aspects of your life and depending on your life stage, you know whether you're in your will be twenties, thirties, forties, fifties.

  • Look at that and see how you can involve.

  • So I just want an end off with saying, You know, it's been a distance.

  • I am still striving to be better, not bitter.

  • There are moments when things still cheese me off.

  • But I think in the last 10 years this journey upon the wheel of life has definitely helped me.

  • And that was the reason why as well as we look at people around us, and we know that we have develop, we have talents, we have skills.

  • And there were all successful.

  • Ah, but all called to do different things right.

  • And to be to know that it is to be comfortable with what you're called to do.

  • Not everyone's called to do radio, and not everyone's called to be a doctor.

  • Um, you know eso not everyone's called to be a politician, right?

  • And to be comfortable in your skin.

  • And that was the reason why I wrote in my last book To be Comfortable in your skin were all called to do different things.

  • So You know, I hope this food for thought as the weekend.

  • It's almost over.

  • Thank you for your time.

  • And I hope you got something out of this.

  • Thank you.

good afternoon.

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